Turin Turambar

I can't believe I'm even having this conversation. (I find myself using more and more emojis. They're horribly pervasive, like an infestation of Terry Pratchett novels. You enjoy them enough, but can't seem to stop reading them.)

Oh dear. As for the descriptions, this was supposed to take place in downtown Baltimore. I've been there a couple of times, though I had to use google maps to track her walk. As for the blue box things, I had no idea what they were either, other than they were everywhere. She's really careful about her word. I'm trying to slowly work out why she works with R. I wanted to point out that she's an inherently good person and doesn't want other people to fall prey. there's a WTC in downtown baltiomore. Ditto for Stratford. Going to the concert. She tried to keep her info from everyone but her father. She cut off ties with her husband and daughter, and only calls her sister occasionally. It's either a plot point or something cool. Or something on the chopping block, I haven't yet figured that out. Some clarification. Demons - harassing her and her family. Demon - R. Again, sorry about the ambiguity. I have a rough idea of her motives for R, but I'm not entirely sure.

Hi All, Ch. 1 - N and R go out for lunch. N gets held up. Ch. 2 (now) - Concert. L calls and invites herself over. Ch. 3 (then) - Car crash? Thanks!

I don't suppose I could snag a spot tomorrow, Aug. 3, also?

Wrong Genre. I have no idea about the style.

Thanks @kais for the comments. Most of your comments I addressed earlier. I'm afraid I have no idea what this is. Can you tell me?

Read it. You cannot be a true fantasy fan without reading it. INSERT PRETENTIOUS, STUCK UP FANTASY ELITIST GATEKEEPER RANT HERE. No seriously, read it.

Erm...Thanks? {I got this from my notifications. This was rather surprising.}

Sure! Contact me then.

Hi, 1) I's eyes, growing wide, - too many commas. 1) didn't she see him when the restaurant burnt down? Why is she having this reaction. EDIT: I thought you mentioned this earlier. 3) "Decay" ? 6) Why doesn't he replace a servant? That seems much easier for the BK. 6) Was that some kind of compulsion or telepathy? 9) P actually understands her hatred for the job? I'm really confused why she needs to be a musician. That seems a bit of a stretch, rather than replacing one in a small army of servants.

Hey, @kais, I'm just wondering what happened to the RP? Or did you say something about it that I just missed. Not that I'm rushing you, or anything.

No, R's being brutally honest about why he's helping N. I'm aiming for something kind of like Good Omens, but something a bit grimmer, I think. That's an idiom. Yep. My brain is still working in first person present tense.

The more opinions, the merrier. I'm trying to figure this out so I can figure out the motivation of N from my submission on Monday, as some pointed out.

TBH, I wasn't individually separating you from a group. When I said you, I meant any given human being, but not the population as a whole. But any given human being could be any decent human being who isn't premeditated to it (Not a criminal, and not someone predisposed to violence like someone who is trained for it such as military or law enforcement). Though I'm sure that you're a wonderful person.

I meant you you. Or, any decent normal human being carrying out premeditated murder. Not general human population.

Hello everyone. I realized that I need to figure out the motivation of my new MC. She's in a real complex position, so: What would it take for you to murder someone (what would the circumstances need to be.) What would it take to work hand in hand with a terrorist organisation (accountant, mole, etc.) If this question is too dark or disturbing for you, I completely understand. The more answers the better, though.

Hello everyone. I realized that I need to figure out the motivation of my new MC. She's in a real complex position, so: What would it take for you to murder someone (what would the circumstances need to be.) What would it take to work hand in hand with a terrorist organisation (accountant, mole, etc.) If this question is too dark or disturbing for you, I completely understand. The more answers the better, though. EDIT: sorry about the multiple posts - my computer claimed that it didn't register so I resubmitted it.

@Mandamon 1) She does know what she's doing. I have an idea as to why it's not literal evil. 2) The why and how is going to be the focus of the story. On the other hand, I have no idea her motives. Which is a problem, obviously. That may also help with your character issue. Also, I did a bit of research about why decent people do horrible things. Think like Nazis. Also look up Milgram's experiment. Etc. I'm not saying that they apply here, but it's possible to occur. 3) She is normal. You know, other than her situation. 1) I originally wrote this in present then tried to convert it to past tense. I guess I missed a bunch of instances. Thanks. 2) Personal details. She tries. No one ever said that she's any good at it. I'm still trying to find the balance there. Remnant of an earlier version. Fair. Again, I'm still trying to figure out why she's doing this which may or may not change how horrible she is. That was a poor attempt at a distraction. Late in, out early. I guess that didn't work.

Hi I'm going to jump to the new bits. 8) this is a bit late for a new POV, especially one that I've never met before. 8) why's they interviewing her family? 9) remind me what a cupidine is? 10) "and only cheat a little" lol. That says so much about their character. 11) "returning from spying" - well, that explains a bit. Maybe it would help if this was dropped a bit earlier. 12) the BK doesn't know who his chief spy really is. And he trusts them? 12) I though I called the BK by his real name. So what's all this about a moniker? 13) I know I'm not supposed to know about these crystal things, but if they're important, isn't it a bit late to be "name dropping?" 16~) I'm don't feel any real tension here; my assumption is that he wants to get info on W, not really interrogate her.

Hello all, Pardon me for going over the word limit. Silk, if this was too long, tell me. This is an urban fantasy about a really cool idea I had (or think I had - there's a possibility that I accidentally "borrowed" this from somewhere.) I have a few plot points, but really have no idea where this story is going. Obviously I'd like whatever feedback that you're willing to provide, but if possible I want to know what you think is going to happen and why.

Me, I think. Can I submit this week?

Hi, 3) That conversation feels real. I'm missing the subtext of the conversation with the carpentry bit. 4) honey? 6) Nothing indicates that she'll capable, so it's hard to believe that if she does succeed, it'll be deux ex machinas. 6) I don't know who and what and why they want revenge, so it's really hard to be invested in the quest of whats essentially an abusive father.

Hi, 1) That bit about how she regards the kitchen is GREAT. For some reason, it subverted my expectations. 1) Her reaction about the BK seems forced when juxtaposed by ch. 8 - last week she barely seemed to care, and not much of her reaction seemed to warrant much change. 3) civilized animals roasting other animals. And goats. Does nobody find this disturbing? 3) plankton - I don't believe that a cow would make such a metaphor. 4) it would take four. minimum. While the viewpoint felt necessary, I think that line in and of itself one me over to her character. 5) The last scene felt...dry. With lots of exposition and telling.

Congratulations to you too on your new job! PM your e-mail, and I'll share the doc with you. If that works for you.

Might I have a slot next week (the 20th)? EDIT: Whoops, too early. I need a bit of time to finish up this piece.