xinoehp512

"Oh for crying out loud. Do you want Sequence to rip you out of Asher's brain?"

"It's your invitation," prompted Bacon. "I'm already there. Just hit the red stamp." "Hey!" said Bacon. "Why on earth would I do something I didn't want to do? I'm a Narrator! I hardly have any aversion to murderers anyways, being immortal and all."

"Whoa, Cade! That seems a bit extreme. Miss Asher here has been nothing but kind the entire time I've known her." "One sec, let me sync." Bacon hummed a few bars of hold music. "Ah! It seems they're having a party! It appears there are outstanding invitations for us, as well." The invitation appeared.

Bacon chuckled. "Yeah. I couldn't believe it either! I thought the Supreme Evil Overlord was going to have a stroke!"

"I can promise it won't hurt me. But I suppose if it would let Cade free... hmm. If doing something bad gives Cade control, would doing something good give Seraphina control?" "If they need help..." said Nogard, suddenly worried. "Do you think there's anything we could do?" "Well," said Bacon. "That sure was an adventure, wasn't it, Salem?"

"Hmm," said Bacon. "Well, I don't have much firsthand experience with the subject. But it's fun to watch!" "Well don't walk away!" exclaimed Bacon. "I hope I'm not so irritating that we can't hold a decent conversation. Hey, Asher," he added, "would it make you feel better if you could light me on fire?" "Really?" said Nogard, intrigued. "Oh! Is that why you wanted them to dance?"

"See what?" asked Nogard, craning his head to try and see. "An excellent choice," enthused Bacon. "Truly, there is nothing more universal than food!"

"I think in order to write poetry about love you have to suffer," mused Bacon. "Have a few bad breakups, maybe an abusive relationship, that sort of thing." "One of them," Nogard said wryly. "The other was his rain curse... but he did break that one, eventually."

"Oh?" asked Bacon, looking at Nogard and Subversion with an odd smile. Nogard was quiet for a few minutes. "They were... frozen in time," he said, somewhat awkwardly. "Not... usual, I know." "Hmm," said Bacon, watching her go. "I hope I haven't given her any unfortunate ideas. What do you think, Selppaenip? Is she preparing to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting party guests?" "She wouldn't dare!" announced Selppaenip. "Not under Madam Sequence's watch." "Hmm," remarked Bacon. "I suppose not."

"It's... kind of complicated." "Hmm. I suppose it would be a sight if mirth was catching- everyone would be laughing all the time! Or imagine introspection; there wouldn't be enough books in the world to hold all the resultant soliloquizing." "Frankly, I don't know. And I'm too afraid to find out." Bacon shrugged. "It was written on the instruction label in big bright red letters."

"Good! One thing though. Whatever you do," warned Bacon, "don't feed him amethyst."

<This name is accepted,> said Nummy, scuttling over the the buffet and beginning to wolf the diamonds down. "If you want to, sure! It would certainly make things interesting." Nogard caught Subversion, keeping her on her feet. "Sorry," he said automatically, then blinked. "My parents? They're... passed away."

Carrot snuggled up to Sasha, tail wagging. "Now, don't run off with him, too," chided Bacon playfully. "I need him for defense!"

"Seraphina! I've always wanted to meet a Seraphina. A pleasure! And aww, Cade. If I had any intrinsic unfulfilled desire for parental affection, that would have really hurt my feelings!" "Oh, not much. Beosta and Shoe slew a few bad guys. Nasty pieces of work, they were- you ought to be glad you never had the misfortune to run into them! But we also picked up several new friends, so it all works out. Oh! Speaking of new friends, meet Carrot!" A ghostly wolf bounded up to Sasha, tongue wagging. "Yes, of course," said Nogard, blushing slightly in response, but smiling. He took Subversion's hands and began to lead. "So," he said. "You were telling me about your family earlier?" "Back at my castle, of course-" Bacon and Lady Bug suddenly became aware of a very large spider dangling from the ceiling in front of them. <Hello,> the spider said in Spider. <I am named Number 5078. Am I to understand you will be my new owner?> Bacon stared at the spider for several seconds. "She really sent them out to everybody, didn't she," he muttered. "Oh, weekly. Well, by some metric of time. It never really does flow consistently on the Thread. That's another thing about being in multiple places at once," he added. "You have to get used to the constant desynchronization. Fortunately, I'm already crazy, so it doesn't bother me so much."

"Well, Cade, I think your name is stupid, too. How about you, Good Voice in Asher's Head?"

"Good! Number 5078 will be glad. You'll be able to keep up with his diamond appetite?" "Busy," said Bacon with a sigh. "Making a podcast is a lot of work!" Tomato the Tarantula scurried over and poked him in the face with a hairy leg. Bacon chuckled. "You're just jealous because you don't have a name! You're just Asher's Evil Voice in Her Head."

Link The radio coughed up some noise. "Hello all, and welcome back to The Longest Thread- Misadventures™! As always, my name is Bacon the Bard, here to fill you in on all the plots, tangents, and absolute nonsense that you missed out on! To begin with, we have cause for celebration! The Longest Thread recently reached a momentous milestone: 3000 pages in length! This episode is dedicated the the hundreds of Authors that have made all of this possible. Now, onto the happenings! Our last episode ended (circa pg. 2986) with a decisive victory for our heroes against the withergeists and a decisive loss against the Brave Adventurers. We were left with the promise of several things on the horizon; a trial for the Great Wizard, several prospective Ennullers, and Beosta's as-of-yet unresolved feelings. In this episode, we will ask deep questions. Such as: Is it right to execute murderers? and: How handsome is red hair, really? We will see a new character of mysterious import, and find out what my sidekick Lettuce the Rabbit has been up to for the past couple hundred pages. (Spoiler alert: it wasn't saving the world). And, most importantly, we will party to celebrate 3000 pages. All this and more on this week's episode of The Longest Thread! ~Theme Song plays~ When we last left the Buffet Crew, Shoe was coughing as a side effect of his earlier nullite injection. It being the end of the day, with no sign of his symptoms abating, we call upon the consultant to give us advice. He explains that Shoe's body exhibits an unusual affinity to the nullite, and that in order to eliminate the symptoms he will need to redirect the flows of energy inside of himself manually. Fortunately, he happens to be both an Ennuller and a licensed Ennulling instructor, so he is able to offer his assistance. Shoe is somewhat conflicted about becoming an Ennuller due to his past, but eventually accepts the consultant's help. Beosta provides moral support throughout the process, and before long, he has successfully filtered the Nullite from his body into a central core and become officially an Ennuller sort of! More importantly, he no longer has to worry about pesky symptoms like going entirely gray and being unable to move. The consultant gives Shoe a business card, promises to come back later for an appointment, then leaves. Shoe is slightly worried about taking Ennulling lessons, but Beosta steals his anxiety. They meet back up with the rest of the group, who were waiting for them. While Shoe is having his lesson, Cricket receives a message from his stalker announcing that 'my hunters are closing in.' Cricket is understandably concerned by this message, but after the panic wears off he decides he is tired of running and wants to stand and fight. Shortly after Shoe returns from his lesson, the attack begins! Hunters shower the party with mordite arrows and attempt to incinerate us. (During the fight, Tam runs into Beosta's father. He demands to meet with his daughter, but Tam (at Beosta's request) refuses.) Shoe notices Beosta's distress and they have a moment together. I summon some firefighters, but the hunters murder them (and their little dogs, too) cementing them as irredeemable monsters. So I turn their clothes into snakes to try and capture them. This is apparently enough to cause the mastermind of the whole operation to show his face. Turns out, he's a crazy Ennuller! A fight scene ensues. I get a new dog, and name him Carrot! Shoe and Beosta have another moment regarding Beosta's doubts about what to do with her life now that she's finished her CD. They are able to capture one of the hunters, who is named Xanine. The fight concludes with Ennullers (summoned by Platypus) showing up and taking the rogue Ennuller (who's name is Sangent) into custody. Shoe and Beosta interrogate Xanine. He tells them that Cricket was an experiment that broke free, and that he will become a dangerous threat to the Thread if not destroyed. At this point, Cricket shows up, and the group discusses whether or not they should kill the hunter. Shoe is strongly against the idea, but Beosta and Cricket are both conflicted. Xanine eventually riles Cricket up by gloating about an event in their past. Beosta changes her mind about sparing the man, and Cricket lashes out with his abilities, killing him. Immediately afterwards, he regrets his actions. Shoe is horrified at the death, and disturbed by Beosta's willingness to kill the man. Beosta reassures Cricket that killing Xanine was the right thing to do, but is unable to convince Shoe. Tam takes them to a beach to try and give them a calm location to resolve their difficulties. Shoe confesses his worries to Livetha in private, asking her for advice on how best to help Beosta. After a brief conversation, and some time in thought, he finally arrives at a course of action. Before we can learn about that course of action, however, PAGE 3000 ARRIVES! Sequence sends out invitations to absolutely everbody and we get ready to party! But before that, what happened to everybody else? Upon landing, Selppaenip is shocked to discover that ..., who has been teaching him normalcy, is actually the founder of the Brave Adventurers! Despite his history with the organization, the group is still taken into custody. Selppaenip is given crucial information regarding the situation and told to keep it secret. He then assists the Brave Adventurers in defeating the errant computer system in the teleporter room. Meanwhile, Nogard and Gail get lost and accidentally overhears some important information regarding something that may happen at the trial regarding a secret weapon. Nogard opts not to make a fuss about this so as to avoid trouble for now, but I doubt he's forgotten! He teleports to the Brave Adventurer's main base, where he reunites with Selppaenip and learns that the great warrior is to be the Great Wizard's lawyer in the upcoming trial. How that will proceed remains to be seen. While they are discussing preparations for the trial, Sequence's invitation arrives and they accept it. Pyk continues showing Asher his cool tech and teaching her all about his world's history. He gives her a cool suit that can fit inside a dagger. Their conversation is interrupted when they receive invitations to Sequence's party, which they accept. Despite his long day, morning finds Tenth sleepless. His is disturbed from his fruitful rest by Charles, his Ennuller teacher. Charles takes him to an empty room and begins to teach him the fundamentals- focusing particularly on strengthening willpower. He explains that with greater will- greater control- he will be able to overcome the corruption that stains his soul. He receives an invitation from Sequence, but refuses it in favor of training. And now, for the arrival of a very important person- Faunus! What import they will have I'm not yet certain, but I know they will be important. I had a premonition in a very oracular location, after all! (We know it's conducive to such things, because Subversion was prophesying left and right!) Speaking of Subversion, she and Faunus hit it off kind of poorly at first, but quickly grow to become friends. We also see the appearance of another Narrator- Lady Bug. (I'm sure you'll be important! I just didn't have any premonitions about you! Sorry.) We as Narrators welcome Faunus to the Thread and give her the rundown on being a Narrator. (There is much changing of appearance.) Eventually, me and Lady Bug get into a show-off, which we take to Sequence's party. In other news, someone who I do not remember ever meeting named Perseus the Avenger summons me and asks for my help committing genocide in order to get locked away inside a prison. Why... frankly, I'm not entirely clear on why. But apparently I helped him break out of said prison, so he came to me for help. He comes up with the idea that a Plotblade will solve all his problems, and so resolves to steal Endings from Moni, since she's a pacifist. He accepts Sequence's invitation, hoping to find Moni at the party. Sasha, having been distracted for the past couple hundred pages, finally snaps back to attention when one of the crazy color-changing rabbits speaks to her. Lettuce wakes up (he was sleeping THE ENTIRE TIME) and wonders where everyone has gone. They receive an answer in the form of an invitation to Sequence's party. Another new character named Kion shows up out of nowhere. He is surprised to find the Narrators completely unfazed by the terrifying beast known as a Render that he lives in fear of. He (and the Render) accept invitations to Sequence's party. And now, what you've all been waiting for: the party! Sequence hosts the party out of a cabin that she apparently built herself (without Narration- pretty impressive!) People meet and mix and mingle. Sequence is an excellent host, talking with all of the guests. And there are a lot of guests! I begin a dance with Lady Bug. We chat back and forth about Narratorial matters, and she promises to dedicate a career in poetry to me. (I'll hold you to that!) Perseus looks for Moni but is unable to find her (she would rather sleep than party) so gets some help from Lady Bug to portal to her exact location. Gail has tea with Sequence. Natsu, Quagmire, and Dewdrop appear after being gone for a while. Bookwyrm also makes a special appearance! Unintelligible also shows up. Kion's Render attempts to attack him, but is thwarted by Sequence. Kion is somehow able to create a spell that mimics Narration. Nogard appears and is carefully given a story that his mind can understand regarding the purpose behind the party. He reunites with Shoe and they briefly exchange stories about their adventures. He also asks Subversion to dance. Selppaenip vanquishes the pineapples in the drink. I chat with Asher about the voices in her head, and with Sasha about learning how to dance. Beosta goes outside by herself and feels conflicted about her own character. Shoe goes outside to be with her. They have a moment together. Beosta then brings up what happened with Xanine and they debate the morality of executing murderers. Cricket strikes up a conversation with Tam about the frantic pace of life, and about his past. Tam and Gaioh chat about Gaioh's past. Ista shows up and complains to Sequence about how unhelpful Onyx has been. Subversion and Lady Bug have a private conversation that for some reason I couldn't hear. How strange. And with that, we've come to the end of the episode! The party is still in full swing, so I think I'll go back and enjoy myself for a little longer before it ends. Eventually, I imagine we'll get back to the many threats our heroes will face in the next episode of The Longest Thread- Misadventures™; for now, we party! Happy page 3000! Thank you all for listening, and have a good night.

We are back. You can find all the past (and future) episodes here. The radio coughed up some noise. "Hello all, and welcome back to The Longest Thread- Misadventures™! As always, my name is Bacon the Bard, here to fill you in on all the plots, tangents, and absolute nonsense that you missed out on! To begin with, we have cause for celebration! The Longest Thread recently reached a momentous milestone: 3000 pages in length! This episode is dedicated the the hundreds of Authors that have made all of this possible. Now, onto the happenings! Our last episode ended (circa pg. 2986) with a decisive victory for our heroes against the withergeists and a decisive loss against the Brave Adventurers. We were left with the promise of several things on the horizon; a trial for the Great Wizard, several prospective Ennullers, and Beosta's as-of-yet unresolved feelings. In this episode, we will ask deep questions. Such as: Is it right to execute murderers? and: How handsome is red hair, really? We will see a new character of mysterious import, and find out what my sidekick Lettuce the Rabbit has been up to for the past couple hundred pages. (Spoiler alert: it wasn't saving the world). And, most importantly, we will party to celebrate 3000 pages. All this and more on this week's episode of The Longest Thread! ~Theme Song plays~ When we last left the Buffet Crew, Shoe was coughing as a side effect of his earlier nullite injection. It being the end of the day, with no sign of his symptoms abating, we call upon the consultant to give us advice. He explains that Shoe's body exhibits an unusual affinity to the nullite, and that in order to eliminate the symptoms he will need to redirect the flows of energy inside of himself manually. Fortunately, he happens to be both an Ennuller and a licensed Ennulling instructor, so he is able to offer his assistance. Shoe is somewhat conflicted about becoming an Ennuller due to his past, but eventually accepts the consultant's help. Beosta provides moral support throughout the process, and before long, he has successfully filtered the Nullite from his body into a central core and become officially an Ennuller sort of! More importantly, he no longer has to worry about pesky symptoms like going entirely gray and being unable to move. The consultant gives Shoe a business card, promises to come back later for an appointment, then leaves. Shoe is slightly worried about taking Ennulling lessons, but Beosta steals his anxiety. They meet back up with the rest of the group, who were waiting for them. While Shoe is having his lesson, Cricket receives a message from his stalker announcing that 'my hunters are closing in.' Cricket is understandably concerned by this message, but after the panic wears off he decides he is tired of running and wants to stand and fight. Shortly after Shoe returns from his lesson, the attack begins! Hunters shower the party with mordite arrows and attempt to incinerate us. (During the fight, Tam runs into Beosta's father. He demands to meet with his daughter, but Tam (at Beosta's request) refuses.) Shoe notices Beosta's distress and they have a moment together. I summon some firefighters, but the hunters murder them (and their little dogs, too) cementing them as irredeemable monsters. So I turn their clothes into snakes to try and capture them. This is apparently enough to cause the mastermind of the whole operation to show his face. Turns out, he's a crazy Ennuller! A fight scene ensues. I get a new dog, and name him Carrot! Shoe and Beosta have another moment regarding Beosta's doubts about what to do with her life now that she's finished her CD. They are able to capture one of the hunters, who is named Xanine. The fight concludes with Ennullers (summoned by Platypus) showing up and taking the rogue Ennuller (who's name is Sangent) into custody. Shoe and Beosta interrogate Xanine. He tells them that Cricket was an experiment that broke free, and that he will become a dangerous threat to the Thread if not destroyed. At this point, Cricket shows up, and the group discusses whether or not they should kill the hunter. Shoe is strongly against the idea, but Beosta and Cricket are both conflicted. Xanine eventually riles Cricket up by gloating about an event in their past. Beosta changes her mind about sparing the man, and Cricket lashes out with his abilities, killing him. Immediately afterwards, he regrets his actions. Shoe is horrified at the death, and disturbed by Beosta's willingness to kill the man. Beosta reassures Cricket that killing Xanine was the right thing to do, but is unable to convince Shoe. Tam takes them to a beach to try and give them a calm location to resolve their difficulties. Shoe confesses his worries to Livetha in private, asking her for advice on how best to help Beosta. After a brief conversation, and some time in thought, he finally arrives at a course of action. Before we can learn about that course of action, however, PAGE 3000 ARRIVES! Sequence sends out invitations to absolutely everbody and we get ready to party! But before that, what happened to everybody else? Upon landing, Selppaenip is shocked to discover that ..., who has been teaching him normalcy, is actually the founder of the Brave Adventurers! Despite his history with the organization, the group is still taken into custody. Selppaenip is given crucial information regarding the situation and told to keep it secret. He then assists the Brave Adventurers in defeating the errant computer system in the teleporter room. Meanwhile, Nogard and Gail get lost and accidentally overhears some important information regarding something that may happen at the trial regarding a secret weapon. Nogard opts not to make a fuss about this so as to avoid trouble for now, but I doubt he's forgotten! He teleports to the Brave Adventurer's main base, where he reunites with Selppaenip and learns that the great warrior is to be the Great Wizard's lawyer in the upcoming trial. How that will proceed remains to be seen. While they are discussing preparations for the trial, Sequence's invitation arrives and they accept it. Pyk continues showing Asher his cool tech and teaching her all about his world's history. He gives her a cool suit that can fit inside a dagger. Their conversation is interrupted when they receive invitations to Sequence's party, which they accept. Despite his long day, morning finds Tenth sleepless. His is disturbed from his fruitful rest by Charles, his Ennuller teacher. Charles takes him to an empty room and begins to teach him the fundamentals- focusing particularly on strengthening willpower. He explains that with greater will- greater control- he will be able to overcome the corruption that stains his soul. He receives an invitation from Sequence, but refuses it in favor of training. And now, for the arrival of a very important person- Faunus! What import they will have I'm not yet certain, but I know they will be important. I had a premonition in a very oracular location, after all! (We know it's conducive to such things, because Subversion was prophesying left and right!) Speaking of Subversion, she and Faunus hit it off kind of poorly at first, but quickly grow to become friends. We also see the appearance of another Narrator- Lady Bug. (I'm sure you'll be important! I just didn't have any premonitions about you! Sorry.) We as Narrators welcome Faunus to the Thread and give her the rundown on being a Narrator. (There is much changing of appearance.) Eventually, me and Lady Bug get into a show-off, which we take to Sequence's party. In other news, someone who I do not remember ever meeting named Perseus the Avenger summons me and asks for my help committing genocide in order to get locked away inside a prison. Why... frankly, I'm not entirely clear on why. But apparently I helped him break out of said prison, so he came to me for help. He comes up with the idea that a Plotblade will solve all his problems, and so resolves to steal Endings from Moni, since she's a pacifist. He accepts Sequence's invitation, hoping to find Moni at the party. Sasha, having been distracted for the past couple hundred pages, finally snaps back to attention when one of the crazy color-changing rabbits speaks to her. Lettuce wakes up (he was sleeping THE ENTIRE TIME) and wonders where everyone has gone. They receive an answer in the form of an invitation to Sequence's party. Another new character named Kion shows up out of nowhere. He is surprised to find the Narrators completely unfazed by the terrifying beast known as a Render that he lives in fear of. He (and the Render) accept invitations to Sequence's party. And now, what you've all been waiting for: the party! Sequence hosts the party out of a cabin that she apparently built herself (without Narration- pretty impressive!) People meet and mix and mingle. Sequence is an excellent host, talking with all of the guests. And there are a lot of guests! I begin a dance with Lady Bug. We chat back and forth about Narratorial matters, and she promises to dedicate a career in poetry to me. (I'll hold you to that!) Perseus looks for Moni but is unable to find her (she would rather sleep than party) so gets some help from Lady Bug to portal to her exact location. Gail has tea with Sequence. Natsu, Quagmire, and Dewdrop appear after being gone for a while. Bookwyrm also makes a special appearance! Unintelligible also shows up. Kion's Render attempts to attack him, but is thwarted by Sequence. Kion is somehow able to create a spell that mimics Narration. Nogard appears and is carefully given a story that his mind can understand regarding the purpose behind the party. He reunites with Shoe and they briefly exchange stories about their adventures. He also asks Subversion to dance. Selppaenip vanquishes the pineapples in the drink. I chat with Asher about the voices in her head, and with Sasha about learning how to dance. Beosta goes outside by herself and feels conflicted about her own character. Shoe goes outside to be with her. They have a moment together. Beosta then brings up what happened with Xanine and they debate the morality of executing murderers. Cricket strikes up a conversation with Tam about the frantic pace of life, and about his past. Tam and Gaioh chat about Gaioh's past. Ista shows up and complains to Sequence about how unhelpful Onyx has been. Subversion and Lady Bug have a private conversation that for some reason I couldn't hear. How strange. And with that, we've come to the end of the episode! The party is still in full swing, so I think I'll go back and enjoy myself for a little longer before it ends. Eventually, I imagine we'll get back to the many threats our heroes will face in the next episode of The Longest Thread- Misadventures™; for now, we party! Happy page 3000! Thank you all for listening, and have a good night. Please direct all concerns, complaints, and/or corrections to @xinoehp512.

"I can lend some to you, if you like," suggested Bacon. "I could even loan you one of the spiders. Number 5078 has been clamoring for a chance to get out and see the world." "That's a shame! Well, I'm afraid I'm a terrible teacher, but I'm sure we can find someone here who will be able to give you dancing lessons." "Hmm," said Bacon, tapping his chin. "Generally speaking, I just ignore voices until they go away, but it doesn't sound like that's working for you. Have you tried bargaining with them?"

Nogard was unable to say anything for several seconds. "Perfect," he finally managed. "Well, they need it to spin their extra-strong spider-silk! I make all of my clothes out of it." "Hello, Faunus," said a Bacon clone at the food stand. "Adjusting to life on the Thread?"

For the record, Tomato is female.

Selppaenip carefully strained the pineapple out of the drink, then went out back and vanquished it. "Whyever not? Dancing's incredibly fun!"

Nogard smiled, taking Subversion's hand and leading her to the dance floor. "Why so?" "Oh dear. That seems incredibly tiresome! You don't have an off switch for them or anything?" If one were to look at Nogard, one would see a red-headed, green-eyed man in his early twenties. Because that's what he was. Selppaenip gave a cheerful wave of farewell, then went to stand over by the refreshment table in case any pineapples tried to sneak in. You caught me, I'm actually an artificial intelligence pretending to be a human being. "Nice!" said Bacon, blissfully unaware of the conversation between Subversion and Lady Bug. "I have spiders at home that eat diamond."

"Step all you want," Bacon said proudly. "The boots are steel-toed. I won't feel a thing." "Like an angel and a demon on your shoulder, huh?" "Until people get tired of it, I suppose." Nogard looked at Subversion. "Would you like to dance?" "I want to hear more about this witch-slaying quest later!" Nogard called after him.

"Bacon," supplied Bacon helpfully. "Gee," said Bacon. "Is it like that in there all the time?" "She didn't tragically perish or anything, right?" Bacon sighed. All right. But you're missing out!