Archer
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Gollum was stumped. So, he used a lifeline and called a friend. “What’s the answers Sméagol?” “Kill the fat one!” came the reply. “No, no. The answers to the riddleses!” “Teeth you fool.” “Of course! Teeeeeeeth!” cried Gollum. Not even waiting for a reply, he started into his next riddle. “Voiceless it cries, wingless it flutters, toothless it bites, mouthless it mutters.” Gollum didn’t even know what half that stuff meant, he just thought it sounded cool.
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“Does it guess easy?” Gollum had read somewhere that rhetorical questions were the highest form of flattery. “It must have a competition with us, my preciousss. If preciousss asks, and it doesn’t answer, we eats it, my preciousss. If it asks, and we doesn’t answer, then we does what it wants, eh? We shows it the way outs yes!” Gollum was super bored. Even a competition as lame as this one would be a welcome break from the monotony of fishing in a cave.
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So Gollum hissed: “I'm the grumpy old ghoul who lives under the ridge. Hey, I'm the grumpy old ghoul who lives under the ridge, who's there? If you wanna come over, all you have to do is this, all you have to do is this: Solve my riddle! What has roots that nobody sees? Is taller than the tallest trees? Up, up it goes. And yet it never grows?”
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Nigel Gollum eyed the newcomer hungrily, ignoring the question. The stranger had oh so much more meat on him than a fish, he’d make a veritable feast! “What’s he got in his handses?” He looked at the weapon with distaste. It appeared to be a large fork. “Ssssssss. Praps we sits here and chats a bitsy, my precioussss.” Gollum often ignored language conventions. It made him a terrible lawyer, but he was cheap, so people still hired him anyway. “It likes riddles praps it does, does it?” He was trying to appear friendly, because people are much harder to kill than fish and he was really hungry because he hadn’t eaten since lunch and even that was only just a failed hotdog so he need food right now.
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Nigel felt the urge to sing. "Slimy little cave. No need to be brave. Death will come, all will die. Slimey little cave." He was in his fishing zone, oblivious to the outside world. But something caught his eye. He looked up as he saw something moving in the shadows. "Hello precious. Who is you?"
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Nigel was confused. He jogged to where the two were standing to figure out what was going on
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Join the club. A great resource to use if you get swamped is the coppermind wiki. Welcome to the Shard! What's your favourite book?
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"This is not the spleen we're looking for. You're good to go." Nigel waved him on, and for good measure dropped his weapon. He wasn't sure why.
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Nigel felt mildly distributed. Being hugged by a ghost-thing was unnerving. "I can see your spleen," he whispered.
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Nigel dumped a cart load of dry ice onto the stage. Mysteriously, beams of light began to sweep the area, illuminating the musicians and dueling folk. He then tried to play what he thought was a theremin. But it was really just a weirdly shaped stick, so he looked silly.
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I started freaking out just a little. I instinctively slowed, filling the metalmind a small amount before catching myself. "Hello ma'am. It's a pleasure to meet you." The disembodied voice would take some getting used to, but it would be worth it. "She's perfect. Everything as advertised and more. Please, take this for your troubles." I passed a large sack to Kaj.
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Suddenly there was a flash of light! Wind howled, the earth shook and a massive metal thing with wheels plowed into a nearby tree. A man with poor fashion sense jumped out and shouted, "Great Scott! We're late for the celebration!"
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The assembled crowd cheered wildly. Nigel nodded to the paid actors in the crowd, who started to do dance moves that hadn't been seen on this planet since the last century. Most of them managed to pull it off, but a few broke their wrists doing jazz hands.
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D’ave climbed onto the stage where the wedding had been. He had brushed his sizable beard for the occasion. Checking to make sure everyone had taken their seats, he solemnly placed his script on the podium in front of him. Finally glancing up at his audience, he began the ceremony in a quick voice. “Who ‘ere wants a sausage-in-a-bun? Show me all now, would I get one dollah bill? Let's go. One dollah, can I get a twofer? Three? Say now, will you give a four? Four’s a going on five. Make it five. Here goes. Five up to six. Steal at six, I see seven. Seven up now is bid, dollar bidder now, let’s see eight. Eight up to nine, hot stuff. I see nine. Do I see a ten? How’s about a ten, ten good now, here she is. Ten? No, okay then. We gots a nine going once, here now going twice. Sold! To the hungry man in the front row.” He threw the foodstuff to the man, then continued. “You all know why we’re here. Our friend has died. In case you didn’t know him, but showed up anyway, here’s Nigel to tell us about the great man’s legacy.” Nigel, D’ave’s identical twin, took to the stage. He rushed up to the podium, then shouted, “PLETHORA!!!!” D’ave wiped away a tear. “Thanks Nigel. That means a lot.”
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[OB] Newbie here looking to share and hear theories.
Archer replied to The Harlem Worldhoppers's topic in Stormlight Archive
Welcome! This would probably get more interest in the stormlight archive forum or the theories section. -
The Longest Thread (Misadventures)
Archer replied to ElephantEarwax's topic in Forum Games & Random Stuff
...on acid. The acid burned their shoes, so they went to the conveniently nearby cobbler. -
It's hard to go wrong with Han Solo. I was worried how the change in actor would alter the character, but they did a good job of keeping him the same old lovable Han. The whole movie flowed really well (much better than any of the other recent ones). It made me nostalgic, I think I'm going to re-watch the original movies now that I've been reminded how good SW can be. My favourite part of the film was Qira. I'm a sucker for characters who fight people and make it look good. Either that or the first scenes with Chewbaca. Those were good too. Great movie. I'd rate it 4 lightsabers out of 5.
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D'ave nodded to the waiting army of mimes. They knew what to do. "Leya! Darling, pleasure to see you! Why, we haven't seen each other since you were born. My, that was quite the day. I'm sure you remember me though. Tell me, what brings you here? The funeral right?"
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"Wonderful. I'm sure we can borrow some mistbeavers to make a dam to send some lava our way." D'ave looked at his checklist. He frowned. "Oh. It appears we don't have anyone lined up to make a speech about you. I suppose we could make it a mad lib, but it would be much more convenient if we had someone who knew you well say a few words."
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D'ave quickly wrote down a reminder to give everyone a unkeyed gold metalmind. And to check for gluten allergies. One can't be too careful. "Now about your coffin... we couldn't get pallbearers on such short notice so we decided to have the corpse crowd-surf its way to the pit. Any burial requests? We do a quality cremation that involves diverting a lava flow. Quite the sight to behold."
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"I personally prefer perfect pairings of candles whenever I make them." D'ave droned on as he pulled some samples out of his briefcase. "I've brought a bounty of banana scented candles. They're our worst seller, so I have to use them up when I can. To make up for it, I asked each guest to bring a monkey." He paused. "I didn't know who you wanted to be there, so I sent out invitations to everyone." D'ave paused for a moment, lost in thought, then shrugged and continued unpacking. The seats were already set up so there wasn't much work that needed to be done to prepare the area. That said, he was considering hiring some professional mourners to make the mod more drab.
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D'ave nodded. He often moonlighted as an undertaker. TUBA already had people on their way to begin the funeral bash. It was going to be epic
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A TUBA lawyer named D'ave promptly arrived on scene, taking the Lopen's possessions and bringing them back to the confused Mace.
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I guess I'm supposed to do this...
Archer replied to My name is not Alicia's topic in Introduce Yourself!
Sounds to me like you're using the same internet. If your IP is the same, you might have been flagged as having made two accounts (which would be against the site rules, so it would try and hinder you). You just need to get a mod's attention and tell them you're two different people.
