Rogueshar

Kalidin and Syl are great I love their relationship, I also really enjoy Wax and Wayne's friendship it make me laugh with all their inside jokes. Elend and Vin made me cry and if you can make me cry then I have to really like you. I'm having a hard time picking really.

I would like to submit Monday.

I don't think its going to be Wayne mostly because the first five books of Stormlight take place before Era 2 of Mistborn and Wayne is with Wax at the moment in their timeline. I do like your theory about the ardent, not sure if they're a kandra but I agree something up with him.

I loved OB, I had a few complaints, but nothing that turned me off. I really like the interconnecting with the books series. I loved Vivienne in Warbreaker, she was one of my favorite characters and I loved seeing her again in OB. I'm reading Book 8 of WoT right now and I haven't felt like they've lacked quality. Except LoC that one dragged for me. Off topic sorry. I definitely agree that they are important for the stories advancing but I didn't feel that OB lacked any quality. I felt as if all of my expectations of what I though OB would be were shattered and were way more than what I had expected them to be. Odium showing up was really cool and I enjoyed him. Dalinar's flashbacks were some of my favorite things to read, he was not what I had expected and it made me love his character even more. It also made me realize a bit more of the relationship between Adolin and Dalinar in WoK is a bit newer than I expected it to be. (And Dalinar and Renarin as well). It didn't feel like a disappointment to me, but I also loved Last Jedi and that has been a source of contention on the internet as well. So take this as you will.

Buy The answer to the Cosmere is 42.

Maybe, but he never left a distinct impression on me, Scadrians don't use color in language like the Nalthans do so that makes it harder to pick them out when they are world hopping. I can't remember my impression of him when I first read the Dalinar flashback in OB but it didn't leave too much of an impression on me. I do want to reread OB, maybe something will jump out at me then.

Maybe Brandon meant that he should stand out more as in literally to us the readers rather than in world characters? Because he is a worldhopper? Or maybe his name? Could the definition of the word "felt" mean something important? I know felt is a type of cloth but I don't know much more about the word itself. According to dictionary.com the word felt means a type of wool or cloth that is applied to heat, it can also be matted together, and it is the past participle of the word feel. The name itself feels like it fits in with Scadrial, but it definitely would stick out in Roshar. Could he appear in other places as well?

I would definitely not say that this book was underwhelming. I tried not to go in with too many expectations to be honest, I really wanted to see Vivianne again which I was delightedly excited that she played such a major role in the Kolinar part of the book. I loved the Hearthstone part, especially when Kaladin punched Roshone, that was great for me, and I was really excited that he had a little brother again, and I found that the Parsh were not what I expected but loved the twist. It made so much sense. I haven't read the book since November, I want to but I'm in the middle of school and reading Wheel of Time (I would like to finish it for once), so this is what has stuck with me since then. I found the Voidbringer reveal to be a huge twist even though I was in the Ashlyn is the Tranquieline Halls camp prior to OB coming out. There were parts though that I was as fond of, Shallen's many different personas was one of them, while I love her as a character I wasn't fond of Veil or Radiant though I understood somewhat why they were necessary. I also was a bit taken back by how fast everyone just accepted Szeth, but I think I can get over that in the grand scheme of things. OB wasn't what I was expecting, and as many people have brought up the common themes with Last Jedi, it was about failure in some sense. Nobody likes failure, and when we have stories that are in a sense about failure they become divisive, but I think they are necessary.

I definitely agree with moving around the tags for dialogue that will definitely spice up the flavor of writing, but don't forget that not everything is just said. They're mumbled, shrieked, stuttered, they have different tones so something might be said but it's said bitterly, add an adverb to describe the way something is said. If you don't add any tags, there's no way for a reader to know this. Hope this was helpful, and it is something I've struggled with myself. I feel a lot that I use the same tags and am trying to branch out more on different adjectives and adverbs to use.

I really enjoyed reading your work. I wished I had gotten to understand the mechanics of the time travel a little more. But for a short piece it had the right amount of detail. Same goes for W-'s backstory, it left me wanting more and yet satisfied at the same time.

Thank you for all your feedback, sorry I haven't responded to everybody over the week as your feedback has come in. Midterms are coming up and so I've been a little busy. This is supposed to be a fantasy story not a romance. I think maybe as I was writing the first two chapters I might have gone a little down the rabbit hole with a romance sub-plot that is probably unnecessary.

Background: Dwarf woman goes and leaves her home to look for the Great Heroes (prelude). A~ comes down from the mountains after sheparding sheep and we learn that she is having strange dreams and that her brother is away fighting a war. At the end of the first chapter two strangers have come to her secluded home. Thanks for reading.

I really liked this. I want more but I also loved the way it ended. The middle I felt wasn't hard to get through but I love exploring cultures so the cultural exchanges going on was really neat to me. I don't have a lot more to say, a lot of my questions were cleared up in previous posts.

I would also like to submit on Monday.

Okay, I'll continue on then. I just wasn't sure since a lot of critiquers sounded like they were skimming.

Okay, in general I liked the prologue, though I am unsure how this will connect to the rest of your story. I'm assuming T will be the main character in the whole story, but since it is a prologue I am unsure. I definitely had a hard time keeping up with who was who in the prologue other than T. I too lost sympathy for whoever came up with the town/city people as bait. Was this supposed to be a town or a city? I was unsure. The whole piece where the earth rumbles and then wasn't rumbling confused me as well. I did like the giant monster fighting though, that was something that felt different.

Thanks to everyone who commented on the second part of chapter one. I am unsure as to what I should do next? Should I edit chapter one before submitting again or should I continue on with submitting chapter two? I'm not sure what authors here generally do.

It doesn't have a name, I'm literally horrible at naming things that I write. I generally just refer to it as the Fantasy story. Sorry about that, it's a bit of a let down I know. Thank you for the advice about how to make it more suspenseful and the humor. The tone changes in the book, its going to get a lot darker (I personally think), right now it's supposed to have a bit of a feel of innocence though. Without going into a whole lot of detail I began to draft and come up with the meat of the story when I was going through an extremely stressful and painful time in my life. This was my escape from all that. A few of the other characters delve into that pain, but Ar was always supposed to represent the innocence lost that I felt. The tone of the first two chapter has always in my mind been a bit jarring compared to the rest of the story that I have so far. We'll see.

I knew that sounded to familar when I was writing. I have recently been reading WoT. Thanks for pointing that out. I am going to change that.

A small synopsis of the first part, there was a prelude in which the dwarf Uzuri got permission from the king to leave and search for the Great Heroes Reborn. Then in Chapter One A- came home from spending time on the mountains and had dinner with her family and the reader found out she is having strange dreams.

I enjoyed that I was able to keep up with the story and the magic system despite not having it explained to me. The one thing that I did struggle with was the concept of the Nether, at one point you said that people lived within it, and another point you said that it translated something for the mc. So I was a bit lost about that. I really liked the main character, I don't feel like I know everything about them (I'm not certain as to even their gender), but I still felt like I connected to them.

I would like to submit this upcoming Monday.

Sorry for how late this is, last week was the first week back to school for me and I needed a week to get back into the swing of things. Things I liked: 1) The world feels lived in, it seems you have created a history and background for your world. 2) I like your description of the fight sequence in chapter two. Critiques: 1) I want more explenation of things, I feel like I can't connect to your world yet because I don't know what things are, for example I don't know what Sk*l is. Is it a humanoid creature, is it a class status, what is it exactly, same for A*ch*n. 2) I felt a bit of disconnect as to how I- arrived at the fight. She went out to get food and then suddenly a fight. How did it happen, was she stalked for a while, did they surprise her?

I haven't read any of the other critiques so I apologize if I repeat anything that has already been previously said. First I want to start off with aspects that I liked: 1) I liked the way that you started off with a role-playing game, it got me interested. 2) I like the voice of Al, I thought that was good. Critiques: 1) It was hard to keep track of who was speaking when and who was who. Al is the narrator, Sam is on a dig in Germany. But the other characters I couldn't keep straight who they were and why they were important. More background might be necessary on them from Al's perspective. 2) I got interested in some of the anthropological things that were being said by the characters, and if I perceive them correctly they all have knowledge of anthropology and so that they are throwing around these terms are fine. But your regular reader including myself might not know of all the different species being thrown around and it will turn them off, it might be best if Al explains to the reader through his thoughts or background information what these different things are. 3) This is just slightly nit picky of me, but as a person who studies history I felt necessary to point it out. We have more than just a few centuries worth of written human records. Sumerians five thousand years ago began writing things down, numbers mostly, but they developed a written script. I don't mean to throw a loophole into anything you are trying to create in your story but I thought it was worth pointing out.

Thank you for the information about publishing/publishers, I don't know a lot about them and publishing (if I ever did it) always seems to be something in a far distant future.