Eagle of the Forest Path

For an example of an "alpha female" that's rather more nuanced than the average, I suggest you watch some of Awkward. At some points I actually felt sorry for the mean girl (which was the whole idea of the character of course, but still...).

You could also try either Shin or Chi, with the reasoning that the other syllable just means "land" (or possibly "land of").

I wasn't talking about the Interludes in SA (the ones between the parts), but about Kaladin and Shallan's flashback chapters (I seem to remember there being more than five of those). The technique I mean is telling a character's backstory through a series of flashback chapters with a common/serial story thread. There are indeed differences between SA and LoLL in how this was executed, the big one being that it's well planned out in SA. (The apologist in me urges me to point out that LoLL was Lynch's first book, excusing in some measure the clumsy use of a hard-to-master technique.) To spell out my take-away from the differences, some things to keep in mind if you try it yourself: (feel free to contradict or add, this is mainly me spit-balling) Spread out the flashback chapters so they run through the entire length of the book. (aka: Avoid forcing yourself to use semi-random inserts to fill out the latter part of the book.) Make the flashbacks have a self-contained story-line, with it's own climax. Make sure the point of the flashback sequence is relevant to the main story.* for bonus points, the contents of each flashback should have a connection to what's happening at the moment the character has it. *This is actually part of a larger guideline: Don't use a gimmick without a specific reason. If you can't say why you're using a gimmick, you probably shouldn't be using it.

I've recently read LoLL as well, I agree that the regular flashbacks can be irksome (to use @Robinski's word) but I have to say that this technique can work rather well. It's the exact same thing that Brandon does in the SA, for example. What bothered me about the "interludes" in LoLL wasn't so much the interruption of the main story, but that halfway through the book, they stop being their own storyline and become something like random short stories to expose some world building. Logically, I understand Lynch's reasoning for not continuing the flashback storyline: he had to keep part of that back for the sequels (which I have yet to read), a likely candidate for that being the alluded romance between Locke and Sabetha. But the way he kept to his interlude gimmick (I think that's a fair term in this case?) after halting that storyline felt clumsy to me. Another grievance I have with LoLL is the way the real identity of the main antagonist is revealed. There's totally no foreshadowing, unless you count Locke's realisation five lines before the actual reveal. To me, that substantially lessened the impact. To offset that, the final confrontation between Locke and the antagonist was amazingly foreshadowed. Fair's fair, so here are some positive points about the book. I like the concept of Elderglass and the balance it presents between the wonder at a mysterious, ancient substance and the everyday nature of the things built from it, like the bridge you walk over every day without really looking at it anymore. I enjoyed the trickery (an essential element to a good heist story), in particular the sequence where Locke upgrades his outfit (I'll remain vague to avoid spoiling it). The main con found a good middle road between being too simple (which would have been boring) and being too complicated (which is off-putting if you can't follow the logic). On the whole, while there were some plot points that could have benefited from a thorough reworking, I found LoLL a fun read (but then, I'm easy to please).

I think you need one more villain in your band... because... well... seven...

You get that the idea is to pick a story that other people might know, right? You can't pick a personal experience. Disclaimer: The above statement was written solely with humorous intent and is in no way intended or allowed to be taken seriously by the writer, the subject of the above statement or any third party reading the above statement. It does not reflect the opinion of the writer about the subject of the above statement and is not intended to convince any third party that the content of the above statement is factual. Any party taking the above statement seriously anyway will legally be open to scorn and public embarrassment. Said scorn henceforth to be known as the below statement which is also subject to the rules for the above statement, in perpetuity. Any party complaining that the writer went for the low-hanging humorous fruit should go suck a lemon.

It was a while ago so I'm not 100% sure, but I seem to remember Brandon saying that Wax can do the steel-bubble because he is a steel savant, thereby removing that from the pool of possible twinborn effects for Crashers. edit: Curse you, Oversleep! You have rendered me unnecessary! Also, my bad habit of replying to the bottom post on a page without checking if that's the last page in the thread.

...I'm Lost.

Wow, that's a heavy subject to write about. On the one hand that means the end result can be more powerful, on the other hand there are a lot more pitfalls to deal with. A possible solution to your "it's too easy" worries is to have your African American police officers remain second-class in some ways. I suggest you do some research into the Buffalo Soldiers and similar military units, you might also find something interesting in the events at Port Chicago during WW2. It's not because in your story the Spokane police department decides to hire blacks that they'd be accepted as full equals. Whether you can use this depends on where you want your story to go, of course. There might also be something you can do with medical differences. It appears people of African descent are more susceptible to certain illnesses, such as sickle-cell disease (thank you, House MD). Since your source of superpowers is a virus, it might affect different ethnicities (slightly) differently. Maybe blacks are more likely to get powers that are especially suited to police work?

number = more numb, I'm guessing

With water you could do desiccation damage. Pulling water out of someone instead of just throwing it at them, you'll get a lot more bang for your bucket.

Welcome to the Shard. You could try Reading Excuses, right here on the forum. It's a rather large group though, so it's unlikely that you'll be able to submit every week. Check out the Welcome to Reading Excuses thread and see if it's what you're looking for. In any case, good luck with the search.

For me, it comes down to the standalone question. This could go two ways: either you expect that anyone who picks up the second book has already read the first, or you want people to be able to enjoy the second book on it's own. (I know I'm being captain obvious here, and also rephrasing your own question, but the point I'm trying to make is that IMO it's a choice you have to make, there's no hard and fast rule) If volume 2 can't function as a standalone because is has too steep a learning curve or the readers are missing essential plot points that come from volume 1, you risk losing a lot of prospective readers that pick up ASD first. The flip side of the coin is that if you have to re-exposition a lot for new readers you risk slowing things down too much for your veteran readers. The ideal is of course to find a balance in the amount of exposition to please both groups, but I imagine that takes a fair amount of skill and effort. Personally I don't much mind steep learning curves, but I also tend to always start with the first book in a series. (Not much help, am I? ...Sorry.) For character introductions, IMO they should be present, but they don't need to be anywhere near as extensive as in the first volume. (BTW I joined R.Ex. when you were 11 chapters into AFD, so I don't have any idea how extensive your introductions actually were.) Character intros can also be a way to give the backstory/recap of volume 1: "Hey, char.A, I saw char.B is crewing the port-side ion-cannon. She's still in shock from her boyfriend being eaten by a giant mutant space-lobster! Should she really be handling heavy artillery right now?" (I am fully aware of how awful this is, but I hope it does get my point across)

That would be Sir James Barrie, it was just a google away.

The quiche gave it away didn't it? Yes, it was Bone, by Jeff Smith. Your turn, @phattemer. Edit: I adore those two rat creatures!

Not Moomin either. There's a repeated debate of stew versus quiche.

Not Hitch-hikers guide to the galaxy, Darkness. The main character develops a crush on a human girl living in the forest.

What do you mean by "side POV"? It's a rather different question between adding a side character with their own character arc or adding a chapter from the viewpoint of a guard who's about to be killed by your main character. I'll assume you mean characters with an arc. It ultimately depends on the length of the story. In general, the longer the story, the more POV characters you're "allowed". 7 or 6 POVs are usually only found in rather long works: 300k words and up. There's a margin of error there, of course, this is a very rough guesstimate; but if its shorter than 200k words, most writers just don't have enough space to adequately explore that many characters. (yes, that is 300k and 200k, it's not a typo, I judge 300k to be a median value, while 200k is like a low-end limit) There's other considerations, including writing experience and target audience, but I don't know enough about those to advise on them.

Okay, here we go again. Three non-humans get banished from their home and wind up in a magical land.

Promise of Blood, by Brian McLellan.

I'll add 6. La Marseillaise (France) and 7. La Brabançonne (Belgium) but that's all I've got. (And here I thought Australia's anthem was Waltzing Mathilda )

I am still working on it (you'll be able to read the story in Reading Excuses soon), and I had considered atolls but rejected them. If you're going to build 50 story granite skyscrapers, you want as solid a foundation you can get. Dead coral doesn't really fit the bill. Thanks for the suggestion though. edit: OH! were you talking about the seaweed farming? Yeah, that would fit rather well, actually. Thanks!

I quite liked this, as a whole, and am eager to read more. I'm not quite sold on the first part, in the attic and talking to her father. It's probably an important scene to establish Riley's motivations and relationship with her father, but IMO it would work better later on in the story, either after she gets back home (if that's what happens) or as a flashback. This would also move your hook forward and I think the roof-hopping and the heist are solid enough to stand on their own, without you introducing Riley beforehand. (In late, out early ) I ran into the same difficulties as Kaisa with determining Riley's age. There's some nice writing in the roof-hopping section, but condensing this scene would greatly heighten its impact, I believe. The bit with the Fracture theater for instance, while it is nice world-building (establishing this as a cultured society) I don't think it actually adds something to the story at this point. I have a small issue with Riley running over the rooftops and vaulting over streets during daytime. Wouldn't she get spotted easily? Unless you have messengers or the like using similar magic and taking the same route. I like the roof garden, though having the description where it is pulls down the tension somewhat. I think it could work if you write it as Riley scanning the surroundings for witnesses or something. I'm not sure about the way you wrote the vents. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something feels slightly off about the logic of the AC system's design. I'm happy that Riley got caught at the end, I was afraid she'd pull it off since that would have taxed my suspension of disbelief. I'm intrigued by the solidified air, but I'm missing something in that section. For the other uses of elra, you explained some things, or at least mentioned the affinity used, which doesn't happen for the air-wall. The magic system as a whole has great potential, I think. I'd like to learn more about it. As for revision, I advise you write some ways into the story before you start revising, that way you learn more about the story and should have an easier time pinpointing what needs fixing.

NOT by describing your demonstration scene as a "Szeth-ian assassination attempt", to begin with. Getting inspiration from great scenes is good, common writing practice (and admittedly that scene is really powerful) but in this case I think you're straying dangerously close to copying rather than drawing inspiration. I suggest you take a step back and think of another way to showcase the magic, maybe it'll turn out even more awesome than the assassin in white. Your system would make a fun tool for parkour, for instance, and that could be a cool scene to write. I don't mean to be harsh (or preachy), but I just don't think that "That was such an awesome scene, I wanna do that!" is a good mindset to be in for starting a project. You could also try having the attuned object be something other than a crystal. (ninja'd by @Morzathoth) It could be a bead of brass that has to be engraved in just the right way for it to become attuned, for example. From the information you've given on your idea, any small object could serve as a "teleport beacon". I think this is where you could brainstorm some world-building, completely putting aside the magic, identify some item or material that's culturally important, and then plug that in as the basis for the magic system. Work backwards so to speak (have the culture determine the magic, instead of the magic determining the culture). Some ideas: the beacons could be seeds, animal bones, objects bearing specific inscriptions or engravings, small vials of a person's blood or saliva... (I thought of these in less than a minute, by the way) The important thing is that whatever material you choose, it should be something you think would be cool to work with outside of the magic system. If you're dead set on crystals, one last way to set them apart from polestones: don't have them light up or leak luminous gas.

My first thought was Jumanji, but that doesn't quite fit, does it?