Yados

Oh, I forgot to reply to the "clearing of the email list" email. Even though I've been relatively active in the RE community. I wasn't banned or anything if that was what you were worried about.

I think the word that everyone here was looking for was "queer", which is a spectrum/umbrella term that encompasses all forms of trans(albeit specifically WoT magical trans) and gay/lesbian/bi/pan/a/demi/(basically anything non-straight) sexuality. There is a lot of sexual binary going on in this thread. Phrases like "became bi" don't really... eh. That's not worth getting into an argument about. Just... I should point out that sexuality is more of a spectrum than a binary. Girls don't "experiment" in college. They're just in an environment where the sexual binary isn't rigidly enforced (mostly because it's assumed that this "experimentation" doesn't make them less sexually available to men, thought that's a whole other discussion). Terms like gay and straight and even bi (mostly just in the examples that have been given in this thread) don't really function when we get into these realms-- inherently trans realms. Answering what appears now to have been the original poster's question: Yes, if two women are having sex, it is homosexual. Homo means "the same." Sex mean "sex." Two women of the same gender (homo) are having sex (sexual)... well, I don't feel I have to go further. Getting a bit deeper, WoT is pretty unique in that it embraces both reincarnation and the very Christian idea of a gendered soul. Rand and Brigitte keep coming back as the same gender. When they exist outside of the Wheel, they are their respective genders. Male and Female forces drive the world. (Unlike Avatar the Last Airbender where, while Aang is the Avatar, born into each generation, he's sometimes male and sometimes female. There's about to be a whole series about the female reincarnation of the main character (male) of the last series. Gender --and its sexual implication-- is arbitrary.) Arangar can be thought of as a cis-male (born as a male) trans-woman, who still gender identifies as a man (which really wouldn't happen irl). Thus, his sexual acts with women are not homosexual (because he identifies as a male despite his physical form) but are queer (because of the inherent trans nature of whatever he does). As evidence, I'll put forward that Arangar still uses the male half of the One Power, even though he is in a female body. Male soul (read gender identity) female physical form. If he's been having sex with men though, that's probably more 'homosexual' (still also queer). The whole "pillow friends" deal in WoT is straight up gay though (well, in the act, not the sexuality of those performing the act) ... It is also an example of how sexuality functions in a separate, specific culture -- the tower -- where different sexual norms are assumed. That's my take/conjecture. I hope that was respectful. I suppose everyone is entitled to their own interpretation of the sexuality of others?

hey, i got booted from the email list and missed this chapter. could you send it to me? [email protected]

hey, I wasn't in the mailing list when this was posted, but I'm very much interested in reading it. maybe you could send it to me at [email protected] then i can have an opinion too

Wow, awesome! Two critiques in one night. AND Conincidently, I'm rewriting this prologue *right* now for my final portfolio. Yeah, I'm cutting down the language and adding specifics, etc. I've moved some of the sequence of events around so that it's Coil who gets Surr and then brings him to Bantam. I lessen the trampling too. When I was writing this, I had it in my mind that it would be more like a normal epic fantasy book with the more traditonal protagonist, etc, only to turn away from that. But it did turn out more horror at the end and I think all my "traditional" attempts got me was verbosity and more narrative distance than I'm comfortable with. Fixing that. I'll email the revised version when it's finished, though. Thank you so much for the feedback and input.

Best Served Cold is one of the best single fantasy books I've read. That said, it was somewhat of an anomaly for me. Joe Abercrombi usally comes up short for me and, while I like much of the stuff in his books, there always seems to be something bugging me. But Best Served Cold is flawless and, by far, Abercrombi's best.

Over the weekend I've finished Aether of Night (interesting look into how the cosmere used to work... probably doesn't anymore) and Desden Files- Small Favors. Next on my plate are White Sand and The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms (by NK Jemisin) though those might have to wait until after graduation.

Yeah, I mispoke before. I'm very much down with this ship as well. And D/N is pretty cute as well. That said, I hope that Stormlight Archive goes the WoT route and we don't even know who the cool characters are going to be yet. Maybe they aren't cool yet. Maybe they haven't been introduced yet.

More than just why did they leave the plate too, but why would the radiants' blades be corrupted? I The corruption that you're speaking of would come from the others picking up the blades after they were abandoned, not out of anything about the radiants that had previously used them. I think you're onto something about the blades being spiritual manifestations though. On the back cover, shard welding seems to be portrayed as a magic system all its own. I wonder if Kalidin will forge his own shardblade. Would it have to be a sword? Could Kaladin forge a Shardspear?

I've read the first third of the first book but stopped for one reason or another. It didn't grip me. But I did find the premise most refreshing. I may try it again one day. My girlfriend has been raving about the use of gender and sexuality in N.K. Jemisin's Inheritence Trilogy for the last moth. I'm not saying its not out there. Edit: I feel I should point out that I didn't say I shipped k/a because of a perceived lack of gay pairings in heroic fantasy, but because I specifically enjoy the idea of *that* one. We can talk about fantasy books with gay characters all we want, and perhaps I brought that about with my use of the word "refreshing", but that wasn't the point of my post. It's also off topic. Thus, to get this wholly on-topic, I speculate that in book two, Kaladin and Adolin will not have any sexual tension, but that I will still think it would be cute if they did. Furthermore, the character traits which led me to think it would work will probably lead to a friendship/respect/rivalry that will only fan the flames.

I'm well aware it's unlikely/not going to happen for very obvious reasons. However, I maintain that it would be refreshing. That said, I'd heard that Brandon was going to write a gay character and, to be honest, unless he developes in a huge way over the course of series, Drehy is a major disappointment. Especially when Axies the Collector is standing right there.

You know, I really hope that Kaladin and Shallan don't get together. For one, we've seen the young attractive male/female leads get together in basically all the Sharldworld books. I mean, does Shallan really need to wind up with someone? She's already had a romantic subplot and she has a whole lot of her own stuff going on. Generally, the female Shardworld characters seem to have more romantic subplots than the male ones. Jasnah was a nice buck of that trend. Shallan would also be one. Also it would get in the way if the only ship I have in the Stormlight Archive so far: Kaladin and Adolin. Yes, yes. Never going to happen. BUT two young awesome warriors with different demeanors from different stations in life now working together to protect the new high prince of war? Both of whom have been markedly uninterested in the opposite sex? Adolin with his stream of barely noticed girlfriends? Kaladin with his nigh asexuality? Kaladin falling for a brightlord AND a shard bearer? Yeah, I ship that. Plus, it would have a huge leg up on other gay characters because they would be awesome characters who we've already been brought to care about who happen to be gay rather than gay gay gay characters, relevant for their gay. I like Gil from The Steel Remaims, but he's pretty guilty of that. Granted that gay people in fantasy are pretty rare. But wouldn't the Cosmere be the place for it? There are good shards (who want to help people) and bad shards (who want to kill everyone) but most sex and gender politics see to just be worked out by culture. Meaning you could have a story with homosexuality which flew in the face of culture, but which wouldn't have divine ramifications. The gods (shards) were once people, and they may have cultural values, but they primarily seem concerned with the principal of intent rather social norms. A gay Kaladin could serve Honor and the ideals of the radiants just as well as a straight one. More than just that, the radiants as they operated in Dalinar's flashback already fly in the face of Alethi gender roles (female knights). Obviously just my own personal opinion.

Oh I used to post there! That's sad and I didn't know. It was just gone one day.

I would think that if any magic system would be thoroughly "land-locked" it would be the Aons in Elantris, based upon the Aon's inherent connection with the land. However, I think Allomancers would be able to burn metals on other planets as, as it has been explained, the magic isn't in the metals but in the "spirit web". The metals are simply the focus for the power. However, I doubt the resources needed for Allomancy, perfectly proportioned alloys and metals in huge quantity, would be available on other planets. Likewise, while Awakening may work on other planets, there are not huge populations of people with "Breath" as there is on Nalthis. Any Awakening would have to rely on their own number of breaths with no more. For this reason, any Returned (aside from Vasher, I suppose) would die by the end of the week. Sounds like Lightweaving works pretty much everywhere. Which is good news for Hoid. Perhaps mere ambient light is the focus, readily available everywhere. Edit: also I haven't read the whole thread so if I just said stupid, disproven things or things that have been said already, I apologize.

Thank you so much for taking a look at this. Yeah, I like Surr, but I didn't really like the Introduction. One, I added some more pathos to his character that isn't apparent yet but which doesn't fit with the perspective. Two, the way that Surr is using blood magic isn't quite the way it works for everyone else. Hemokenisis has some pretty cool benefits, but it isn't what I want to lead with as the common usage of blood isn't nearly as visual or fast-paced. It's a subtle Humor. I have someone using blood differently in the new prologue. It's more in line with the "eye on the street" use of magic in this world. It also introduces Till and Surr as they were five years ago, which I think adds something to the events going forward. You'll have to let me know if it works for you.

I always assumed Adonalsium was a woman who Hoid was involved with and that all his workings are towards the end of reassembling her conciousness, possibly at the expense of the Shardworlds as they exist now. But then, that's pretty baseless and possibly the consequence of playing Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced at an impressionable age. That said, what would be the consequences if the Shards were removed from the Shardworlds? From Mistborn and WoK, it seems that at least Roshar and Scadrial have been vastly changed by the hands of the Shards since their coming.

Comment! Hopeful comment!

As for Honor, Cultivation, and Odium, remember that one of the major themes of the Stormlight Archive seems to be that it is powerful adversity that binds things together and makes them strong. Kalidin's time with the bridgecrew makes him a stronger warrior than he was before. Indeed, the bridgemen are stronger than many soldiers because of their extreme trials. It is not the desolations that have made Roshar vulnerable as the Everstorm comes, but the complacence and division that has come with the illusion of victory/peace. (see the lamentation on the back of the cover) The huge animals and motile plantlife that adorns Roshar is toughened by the harsh terrain. In Shin, shielded from the highstorms, animals are weaker and plant life is static. Presuming that human beings and life in general are alien to Roshar (which, considering their mythology, seems reasonable) Shin may well be thought to be untouched by Cultivation, who has been at work behind many of the wonderous kinds of life special to Roshar's unique conditions. Furthermore, on a meta level, there is the passage in Alloy of Law where someone (I forget) talks about how, in times of peace and stability, few men are good or evil. People are good by inertia rather than choice. Thus, perhaps the Equilibrium we are seeing in The Stormlight Archive is not one of Opposing Forces as in Mistborn, but a system of growth and strengthening. Odium is one of the most dangerous Shards. But by opposing both Honor and Cultivation, it allows those Shards to strengthen Roshar. Without harsh conditions, the animal and plant life of Roshar wouldn't be as strong. It's basic evolution. Without dire threats, Honor means less. Men and women have to be tested to really be considered good or evil. When Honor and Cultivation stand against Odium, Roshar thrives. When there is no Odium, it languishes. When Odium is not opposed, everyone dies brutally. Just an idea of course....

Alright then. I've fufilled my little obligation and quelled my conscience. So I'll be submitting this Monday; either chapter four of BMBD, which I've kind of abandoned for now, or the first chapter of The Mortal Coil, the reworked prequel I've moved onto. Alright, cool. cool cool cool

Okay, Chapter One: This chapter needs a lot of work. Your prose is weak when conveying action and almost every sentence is actively working against its (presumably) desired effect. You do this thing where you'll write a long sentence with several subordinate clauses. But the main clause will have a general verb that is more a goal and the subordinate clauses will have complex verb phrases that describe the specific actions that compose that general action/goal. That is the weakest way you can word the action. Do the opposite. Specific actions anchoring the main clause with sometimes a subordinate clause describing the desired intent of that action. Sometimes. You use far too many subordinate clauses as it is. It's an action scene. Let it be exciting. But what is more damaging is the general tendency to avoid vivid details at any cost. Saying what the general goal achieved by an action is differs from describing the action itself. Don't say Rosen pushed the soldiers back. That doesn't tell us anything. Tell us he thrust his spear at their heads and they recoiled, giving him space to maneuver. You also tend to give reactions without explanation. If you go into the why of some of the events (I've marked some of them in the line-edit) you'll alleviate some of the confusion at work. Set the scene. Everything about where this action is happening is so nebulous. Make us feel like we are on this bridge and when things happen that depend on the environment (as they do) it won't be so confusing. You start relying on a spacial awareness midway through the chapter but you never give us that space as a tactile environment. This weakens the impact. Describe. Aside from Rosen, we don't get a good idea of what anyone really looks like. You never describe the soldiers, just that they are soldiers. If you're describing something, Describe ALL OF IT. If we've already gotten a description of Rosen, it's confusing to later be told that he's a giant. If the spear is described to us, we understand it. We shouldn't find out three pages later that it has been glowing the whole time. It's like being told a bad joke where half way through the teller backtracks and informs us that the man who walked into the bar was an Eskimo right before/after it became relevant to the punchline. You break PoV several times in the second half. I've marked it on your line-edit. Finally, when you try to add explanations of the magic, you don't do it gracefully and it breaks what flow this chapter has. Really ask yourself if we need to know this stuff at this moment. Could it be done better later? We don't need to know everything up front. A suggestion: My advice for this chapter would be to completely rewrite it with a focus on descriptive wording and transparency of actions. Maybe try an exercise like the below: First, list all the characters, major and minor, who appear. Write down their basic physical characteristics. List all the important objects and do the same. Write as much down as you can about the setting. Then, list the sequence of events with the most explicit verbs you can. If Rosen moves his spear from his left hand to his right, write it down. If he steps forward, write it down. Write down what each soldier does when another soldier does something. Then, write a new draft of this chapter that is just sequence of events. Only use action verbs. No passive. No "Being" or "Ing" complex clauses. Then, intersplice that with internal monologue and pov. Add in Rosen's reactions to and thoughts over the sequence of events. Then, add descriptions. Avoid adverbs unless you decide that they are truly needed. Then (and only then) see where concepts might be unclear and sparsely convey aspects of the magic system. Then, sparingly, merge sentences and ideas to create a flow. If you do this, I think the sequence of events/action of this chapter will be much clearer and more effective. Content: Content-wise, this seems interesting, though I don't know if I've been given a reason to care or a sense of scope yet. Both the prologue and the first chapter have started with action rather than world building. However, neither were especially fast-paced. I don't have a feel for this world yet and perhaps that is something you should look to cultivate before going back to the Black Rose as do in the end of the chapter. Also, none of the characters you've featured so far have been normal citizens of this world. This hurts the narrative a bit as we have very little sense of the scale that the characters operate upon. Everyone we've seen featured so far has been magic. Is everyone in this world magic? What is this world like? Is it the past or is it a unique fantasy kingdom? Everything has happened in such confined spaces that it's hard to see this so far as anything but flashes of light against a void. Pretty, but with no weight attached.

I couldn't find a topic for the prologue so I will leave my general comments for it here. You do a good job setting a tone with this prologue. The things that are going on seem dire and epic and the only thing that really undercuts that is when you try to point out how dire and epic things are. I found a lot of bits overwritten and over-explained, largely pointed out in the line edits. I have to wonder if perhaps your point of view is working against you in this prologue. Cliche as it may be, it might be easier to have a random soldier of the eagle tribe percieiving the battle rather than a learned practicioner of a magic system that the audience is unfamiliar with. I say this because the magic that you are using is so visual that it might be better to have the spectacles (which have reason/purpose behind them) raging before someone who doesn't understand them, only for them later to be explained (i assume) as a character learns througout the book. Because as it is, some of the explainations of how to magic works gets in the way of what should be your hook for this sequence-- the desperate push between the two forces and the emotional underpinnings that inform it. If you stick with Rose as your PoV, go into her history with the other woman (sorry, names) a bit more. How have they grown apart? This might be a problem because you tended to overwrite internal conflict. A more terse style at first may help with this. It is only at the end when you set stakes for this battle and, by the time the tyrants are introduced, they are just another thing on top of a whole lot of concepts. Either have them on Rose's mind from the beginning do not name them. An overarching threat lends to the reader's comprehension of the conflict that is going on, a name with nothing attatched sometimes intrigues but at this stage it confuses. Also, there are some things which appear and then dissapear. The male shaman dissapears for pages before coming back and being given a name. The statues are treated as very important but then are promptly forgotten. Setting was also a problem for me as it wasn't clear at first that Black Rose and the soldiers were in the same room. It seemed more like she was controlling a battle from afar. On a more technicle level, sometimes you use the simple past when you should be using the plu-perfect. Also try more vivid verbs in places. And remember that more clauses lessen the impact your sentences are providing. The conflicts and magics at work in this story seem interesting. I will be following this story as it progresses with great curiosity.

That's cool news. Though, to be honest, the last 20 pages of The Black Prism were my least favorite. The Blinding Knife itself is... eh. We'll see.

I started reading the Belgariad over the break, but it offended me to the point of putting it down (which never really happens). It was just so unapologetically anti-Islamic/Semetic. Did this bother anyone else?