Hmmm lies she/her Posted February 10 Posted February 10 Oh there's a lot to respond to, but I'll do my best. Important thing to remember is that it's okay to be wrong, and okay to question things. I know a non-binary person who doesn't like being referred to as a woman, but hates being referred to as a man. (Used to identify as transfem) 1 hour ago, Usseewa said: Of the single-digit, single-hand number of friends I've had, they've all been males. From boys2men, they've all been male. I've wanted to be friends with some of the women I've met. I always mistook that for attraction. Or perhaps it was both. Perhaps I thought... wrongly or not wrongly. But...I can be a woman and be friends with men, and can be a man and be friends with women. It just doesn't feel that way. Not at all. Unless...yeah. Maybe I just don't like guys. Never have. You all probably like having friends men and women and all the every. But I don't particularly like men, even if I am around them. IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT. IT DOESN'T FEEL TRUE, OR FULL, OR WHAT I COULD HAVE. NOT THE FULL POTENTIAL OF FRIENDSHIP OR COMMUNICATION. Oh yes I know exactly what you're talking about. (Although for me, a non-zero number of these 'men' ended up being trans girls also) But uh yeah it genuinely used to (still kinda does) piss me off that it seemed I only ever formed acquaintances/friends with guys. Even as an egg, I felt that. And I think (especially in a school setting) there's toxic femininity going on. A lot of teenage girls don't want to include guys or girls that they think don't belong in their group. Nowadays though? I mostly befriend almost exclusively queer people. I almost always feel comfortable around them, regardless of gender. That probably doesn't help much but I guess I'm just trying to say that i've been there. 1 hour ago, Usseewa said: I hope I'm not cis at least. Probably not then, I'd say. Oh but I think there might be a terminology confusion going on here, that happens a lot. Non-binary people are still considered trans, if that's what you were thinking about. Anyway, the enbies on this thread could probably help you better than I could. 2
Usseewa ✾ They♡??? ✾ Posted February 10 Posted February 10 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said: Nowadays though? I mostly befriend almost exclusively queer people. I almost always feel comfortable around them, regardless of gender. That probably doesn't help much but I guess I'm just trying to say that i've been there. That kinda helps, I think. Also srry; I might respond to the rest of what u said but I'm also busy and shouldn't be on the Shard since I have a cremton of work. Kinda. Edit: "Kinda" as in I'm workin' through it and finished some alr. Edited February 10 by Usseewa
momadrac they/them Posted February 10 Posted February 10 27 minutes ago, Usseewa said: idk maybe i'll say it later. Just what I feel about women. but im way too busy rn edit; 7,00th reply...yippee okay i'm going to try at the words whoever you are is valid and anyone who don't accept you, regardless of gender, is an asshole because you are an amazing human being and its a privilege to be friends with you 4
Usseewa ✾ They♡??? ✾ Posted February 10 Posted February 10 1 minute ago, momadrac said: okay i'm going to try at the words whoever you are is valid and anyone who don't accept you, regardless of gender, is an asshole because you are an amazing human being and its a privilege to be friends with you That's rlly sweet :333 Spoiler made me tear up a bit :3 ty
momadrac they/them Posted February 10 Posted February 10 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Usseewa said: That's rlly sweet :333 Reveal hidden contents made me tear up a bit :3 ty of course I mean every word Edited February 10 by momadrac 2
Aeoryi she/her Posted February 10 Posted February 10 1 hour ago, Usseewa said: cuz idk how I actually feel about ppl referring to me as female or as male. IRL, that is. And I sorta liked when ppl used they/them for me? (I didn't tell them what to use, rlly. Or I did and they used it on their own.) For some reason one time I disliked it (a few months back), but now I don't mind? Idk. And maybe it's just my new view telling me I shouldn't like male he/him and stuff and should like female and she/her and stuff? But it feels awkward? Or I don't know what to feel? Or aren't ready? Idk. When ppl I'm out to use she/her/female stuff. Tbh you can use whatever pronouns you feel most comfortable with; I used they/them for the longest time simply because I hated being a "him" (not that anyone cared). Even now I'd probably be fine with either they or she simply because it's the pronouns that best fit me 1 hour ago, Usseewa said: I also feel like I'm different from other trans ppl. And yes, "everyone has their own journey." But ppl seem surprised when I say I figured out a month ago and don't mind wearing new clothes in public and am considering coming out and stuff. I totally agree with this sentiment- the sorta "yeah like everyone's story is different but how different" is definitely familiar For my parents, 3 months was not enough time to be GNC. They expected me to portray it from birth (or something) and because I did not, I cannot connect to them well. I have come to realize that their opinion, while it does have some weight, is likely misinformed and that trying to correct them is probably a waste of my time. 1 hour ago, Usseewa said: And...I thought about HRT but it's only been a month so yeah. Ppl said I should probably wait. I could not be trans anyway. I hope I'm not cis at least. I hope I'm queer in some way. I guess...I said/thought a few days ago I was comfortable being trans, but now that ppl I'm out to talk abt it and call me trans and woman and stuff, I'm not so sure... Part of it could also be because I don't feel like I...pass as a woman. Don't feel like a woman? Not yet? It is probably weird. Perhaps what you're trying to say is that it's undeserved? 1 hour ago, Usseewa said: Plus, what if I'm wrong? Yes, everything is reversible. Idk. Yada-yada. At the very least you'll know yourself a tiny bit better. 1 hour ago, Usseewa said: Do ppl see me as a woman? How will I know when? I don't feel like women will like me unless they see me as one. I fear men will still...*pause to think*...see me as one of them. I have a friend, maybe, but he's a guy! (I think.) I want. I want to. I want to ... idk. Do I even want to? Do I even want to be friends with women? Do I want to be friends with men? Why don't I. Why am I slightly disappointed that my first friend is a man? He's cool, yes. And I'm glad I have a friend (I think I have one, that is). But I wish I could (also?) have a woman friend. One who wanted to talk to me and didn't see me as a man. I want people. I want to talk to people. I want to be with people. I want to be a person. Why am I different? Why am I so very different? Are y'all different? Is it the neurodivergence? The possible being trans? Is it just cuz I'm weird? WhyYYY!‽!? Men don't even see other men as "one of them" lol - social groups are defined so much more than gender. Trust me, as that person who basically existed on the outside of every male friend group I can tell you people will have 0 issues excluding you for things they even think you are. I understand what you mean by you want to be more of a people person. Honestly, I don't really have that much advice aside from joining clubs/organizations etc and meeting people similar to you. As for neurodivergence, many trans (or non-cisgender) folk may be neurodivergent. But even if you are neurodivergent that doesn't change the fact that a) you matter and b) what you think matters matters. Trust me, as the only child with ADHD in my entire bloodline, I've felt that kind of doubt of "what if I'm just being deviant" weigh down. side note: agender exists btw 2
Usseewa ✾ They♡??? ✾ Posted February 10 Posted February 10 7 minutes ago, Aeoryi said: Tbh you can use whatever pronouns you feel most comfortable with; I used they/them for the longest time simply because I hated being a "him" (not that anyone cared). Even now I'd probably be fine with either they or she simply because it's the pronouns that best fit me I totally agree with this sentiment- the sorta "yeah like everyone's story is different but how different" is definitely familiar For my parents, 3 months was not enough time to be GNC. They expected me to portray it from birth (or something) and because I did not, I cannot connect to them well. I have come to realize that their opinion, while it does have some weight, is likely misinformed and that trying to correct them is probably a waste of my time. It is probably weird. Perhaps what you're trying to say is that it's undeserved? At the very least you'll know yourself a tiny bit better. Men don't even see other men as "one of them" lol - social groups are defined so much more than gender. Trust me, as that person who basically existed on the outside of every male friend group I can tell you people will have 0 issues excluding you for things they even think you are. I understand what you mean by you want to be more of a people person. Honestly, I don't really have that much advice aside from joining clubs/organizations etc and meeting people similar to you. As for neurodivergence, many trans (or non-cisgender) folk may be neurodivergent. But even if you are neurodivergent that doesn't change the fact that a) you matter and b) what you think matters matters. Trust me, as the only child with ADHD in my entire bloodline, I've felt that kind of doubt of "what if I'm just being deviant" weigh down. side note: agender exists btw Ty! I'll respond tmrw if i remmeber! i read it all, and it was rlly helpful, but i gotta do work so can't respond. I love y'all 3
Aeoryi she/her Posted February 10 Posted February 10 11 minutes ago, Usseewa said: Ty! I'll respond tmrw if i remmeber! i read it all, and it was rlly helpful, but i gotta do work so can't respond. I love y'all Np 1
KnightSkye Reforged They/Them Posted February 10 Posted February 10 Hello peoples! How are all your days going?
Usseewa ✾ They♡??? ✾ Posted February 10 Posted February 10 14 hours ago, Hmmm lies said: Important thing to remember is that it's okay to be wrong, and okay to question things. I know a non-binary person who doesn't like being referred to as a woman, but hates being referred to as a man. (Used to identify as transfem) Yeah, I'm considering if I'm enby or not. 14 hours ago, Hmmm lies said: But uh yeah it genuinely used to (still kinda does) piss me off that it seemed I only ever formed acquaintances/friends with guys. Even as an egg, I felt that. And I think (especially in a school setting) there's toxic femininity going on. A lot of teenage girls don't want to include guys or girls that they think don't belong in their group. Hmmm (lies), I'm not sure if I've experienced/seen toxic femnty. 14 hours ago, Hmmm lies said: Nowadays though? I mostly befriend almost exclusively queer people. I almost always feel comfortable around them, regardless of gender. That probably doesn't help much but I guess I'm just trying to say that i've been there. Hehe yeah. I'm pretty comfortable (I think) around the few queer people I'm around. I'm gonna try to find more i think. 14 hours ago, Aeoryi said: Tbh you can use whatever pronouns you feel most comfortable with; I used they/them for the longest time simply because I hated being a "him" (not that anyone cared). Even now I'd probably be fine with either they or she simply because it's the pronouns that best fit me Yeah...I'm considering they/them or she/they, idk. I did some journaling too. And read a Reddit post abt enbies and smth stuck out to me: "I just want to be me. I just want to feel like me. Whoever that is." Because that's literally what I've said several times, especially that last part. Idk. 14 hours ago, Aeoryi said: It is probably weird. Perhaps what you're trying to say is that it's undeserved? Perhaps. It's just odd for them to suddenly call me a woman. ...do they even see me as one? I'm not feeling fully like a woman. And I can't tell if it's denial or smth or just not transwoman but mb I don't wanna fully be a woman. Or I just feel like I can't. 14 hours ago, Aeoryi said: side note: agender exists btw Yep... I did some surface-level research earlier today. I don't think I'm agender. Idk. I feel like I might be enby though. Or something. 9 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said: Hello peoples! How are all your days going? Fair.
momadrac they/them Posted February 10 Posted February 10 49 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said: Hello peoples! How are all your days going? just peachy How about you?
KnightSkye Reforged They/Them Posted February 10 Posted February 10 43 minutes ago, Usseewa said: Fair. Ok. Sounds reasonable. 2 minutes ago, momadrac said: just peachy How about you? Ooo, that bad? *hugs* I'm doing better than yesterday! The bar may be in hell but at least I'm going over it!
SpartanBrigade He/Him Posted February 10 Posted February 10 16 minutes ago, momadrac said: just peachy How about you? *hugs*
Hmmm lies she/her Posted February 10 Posted February 10 it's been around a month since a bunch of you changed our pfps, so I decided to get a wholly (at least for this site) new pfp. 3
Usseewa ✾ They♡??? ✾ Posted February 10 Posted February 10 Spoiler Guys should I try wearing a sports bra? I kinda want to. 7 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said: it's been around a month since a bunch of you changed our pfps, so I decided to get a wholly (at least for this site) new pfp. 'tis cool!
Ink and Embers Any pronouns Posted February 10 Posted February 10 Hi, sorry to only just be reading this!! Yea, I'm genderfluid and an enby most of the time, though I'm AFAB so 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: hey guys what if I'm enby or maybe genderfluid? cuz idk how I actually feel about ppl referring to me as female or as male. IRL, that is. And I sorta liked when ppl used they/them for me? (I didn't tell them what to use, rlly. Or I did and they used it on their own.) For some reason one time I disliked it (a few months back), but now I don't mind? Idk. And maybe it's just my new view telling me I shouldn't like male he/him and stuff and should like female and she/her and stuff? But it feels awkward? Or I don't know what to feel? Or aren't ready? Idk. When ppl I'm out to use she/her/female stuff. For a while, I also felt uncomfortable with they/them pronouns, which was in part due to internalised transphobia (and a family who calls it bad grammar). It felt like anyone who tried to gender me as anything - even as "not gendered" - was wrong. If I didn't know my gender myself, it felt unfair, almost, for other people to guess at it. The first time I mentally referred to myself as "they", I actually ended up panicking - it was a year ish before I came out the egg. 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: Idk how I feel but I know how I'm "supposed" to feel. Well, expecting anyone to feel a certain way about anything isn't healthy for anyone, even if that person is yourself. 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: And, I've started to have doubts. Possibly because I've been feeling more comfortable abt myself and now I'm like "wait, I'm feeling good/better now. That means nothing's wrong!" when in reality I'm feeling better ... cuz I'm wearing new clothes and painting my nails etc. At least I'm fairly sure. It's not uncommon for dysphoria to increase when you come out the egg, perhaps because you're paying more attention to your gender? Also, really really bad analogy, but if you have a strained muscle and take painkillers, you still have a strained muscle. 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: It's also hard to compare present to past since I didn't/don't? have a life, kinda. Real. I don't know how much my perception of life and myself will change when I eventually socially transition, if much at all, but I just hope I'll feel more defined than this. 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: I also feel like I'm different from other trans ppl. And yes, "everyone has their own journey." But ppl seem surprised when I say I figured out a month ago and don't mind wearing new clothes in public and am considering coming out and stuff. And that's good! It's good you're open to everything, it's good you have people you can trust to tell! 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: And...I thought about HRT but it's only been a month so yeah. Ppl said I should probably wait. I could not be trans anyway. I hope I'm not cis at least. I hope I'm queer in some way. I guess...I said/thought a few days ago I was comfortable being trans, but now that ppl I'm out to talk abt it and call me trans and woman and stuff, I'm not so sure... Part of it could also be because I don't feel like I...pass as a woman. Don't feel like a woman? Not yet? I'm not an expert on hormone therapy, sorry. Part of me also gets scared I'm not queer sometimes, because being part of the community is a big part of my identity and I get worried I'm faking it, especially when my gender and sex align more. 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: Since I'm talking not just abt trans stuff (and so I don't double-post) I'm putting this in CGD, but feel free to continue it in THT. But, I would like to hear from some of the enbies or gender-fluid ppl here. @Ink and Embers are you enby? I forget. Sorry if that's a mistake, but I think yous said you were. Plus, what if I'm wrong? Yes, everything is reversible. Idk. Yada-yada. What if you're wrong? You'll have gained more knowledge of your own identity and thought about it more than most people ever will, and have learned a bunch while you're at it. 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: And talking about it to ppl has made me doubt and think I might be fine with male. How do I know if I like/want to be a woman? How do I know? How do I know feelings? Maybe it's just that I feel I'm not quite or not fully a woman or not a woman. I want ppl to see me as a woman but know/fear they probably don't. I want them to see me as at least queer but I doubt they do. Maybe they do. Maybe they don't. My hair isn't even dyed yet. I don't even know what people think when they see me. I wish I could know what ppl are thinking and they could know what I am. Probably more the latter. Then I wouldn't have to talk to strangers and they'd talk to me..Then I'd talk to people. Then they'd possibly know what I think/feel and relate. Gender expression varies a lot; you've probably heard there's no "right" way to "look queer". 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: Do ppl see me as a woman? How will I know when? I don't feel like women will like me unless they see me as one. I fear men will still...*pause to think*...see me as one of them. I have a friend, maybe, but he's a guy! (I think.) I want. I want to. I want to ... idk. Do I even want to? Do I even want to be friends with women? Do I want to be friends with men? Why don't I. Why am I slightly disappointed that my first friend is a man? He's cool, yes. And I'm glad I have a friend (I think I have one, that is). But I wish I could (also?) have a woman friend. One who wanted to talk to me and didn't see me as a man. I want people. I want to talk to people. I want to be with people. I want to be a person. Why am I different? Why am I so very different? Are y'all different? Is it the neurodivergence? The possible being trans? Is it just cuz I'm weird? WhyYYY!‽!? Wanting to connect to people is pretty hard if you feel like you're hiding a large part of your identity from them, when you're questioning or when you're confident. 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: I want to get to know people, to. But it all feels weird. Perhaps not truly what I want. I want friendship, and at the same time think it's not-all-it's-cracked-up-to-be. It's work, right? Or maybe just not Me. Like any friendship would be "me," not Me. Not whoever Me is, whether woman or not. Maybe that's why I don't feel fulfilled or satisfied from the "friendships" I've had. They've all been..."friendships"...but also didn't quite feel friendship-y enough. Not a deep enough bond or connection. Not close. Not friends. Not truly. Not. Maybe it's because they were also all male. Maybe that's why. Of the single-digit, single-hand number of friends I've had, they've all been males. From boys2men, they've all been male. I've wanted to be friends with some of the women I've met. I always mistook that for attraction. Or perhaps it was both. Perhaps I thought... wrongly or not wrongly. I'm afraid I'm not particularly useful in this department; I have no clue how I've managed to end up with friends despite having 0 social skills. No idea what my romantic attraction's doing, either. But I do have a friend who says they mistook a lot of their gender envy for crushes, if that's any help? 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: But...I can be a woman and be friends with men, and can be a man and be friends with women. It just doesn't feel that way. Not at all. Unless...yeah. Maybe I just don't like guys. Never have. You all probably like having friends men and women and all the every. But I don't particularly like men, even if I am around them. IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT. IT DOESN'T FEEL TRUE, OR FULL, OR WHAT I COULD HAVE. NOT THE FULL POTENTIAL OF FRIENDSHIP OR COMMUNICATION. When I'm in a room of men, it's... it's something. It's perhaps not what I'd like. It's perhaps like I don't belong. When I'm in a room with...women. When I'm in a room with women, I fear they'll see me as the outsider. I fear they won't want me there. I also get this; it feels like I never quite belong in either group. Do you know any IRL trans folk? If so, it can be good to discuss your experiences with them. 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: When I talk to a man, what do I feel? When I talk to a man, he's fine. He's a man. Hmm. When I talk to a man, ... When I think of a man, it's odd. It's a feeling. I don't particularly like it. They're men; beer and talking weirdly and sports and videogames and beards and not and that-type-of-clothing and loud and boisterous and move-y-around-y and...manspreading maybe? I also don't particularly like stereotypes. Maybe just because I thought of myself as a man and therefore felt they included me when, in fact, I saw myself as (and probably am/was) outside those stuff. You aren't a bunch of walking stereotypes! No one is! Everyone is more complicated and multifaceted than that; it makes the world fascinating! I'm scared of enjoying stuff associated with being feminine because I worry others will misgender me as a result. But if I do, does that make me a woman? Nope! It makes me an enby with hobbies! (Well, most days). Activities being associated with gender is weird, anyways, so don’t feel they define each other. 17 hours ago, Usseewa said: Is what I'm saying bad? I feel like I can't talk about women at all. I fear I'll be like one-of-those-men and...yeah. Ugh. Whelp...I would maybe write more but unfortunately life calls. Life. Life. Duties. Work. Ugh. Life. Yes. Great..Kay. uh-huh. yeah. sure. I'll do it. I'll do it..oh i forgot. oopsie. oops. yes. *wants you1 to leave and shut up* *wants you2 to talk to me or me to talk to you.* hehheheheheheheheh3è2êèie8ßjfí i hate proofreadjng........ughhhhhhh.....hope i wont regret posting thiss.....sss.s..s.s.s.lemmeknow if i will... Sorry I couldn't say more; I ended up speaking largely from personal experience! Also sorry for taking so long to reply. I hope something here is of use! 1
momadrac they/them Posted February 10 Posted February 10 1 hour ago, KnightSkye Reforged said: I'm doing better than yesterday! The bar may be in hell but at least I'm going over it! Aww sorry 1 hour ago, KnightSkye Reforged said: Ooo, that bad? *hugs* 48 minutes ago, SpartanBrigade said: *hugs* thanks 40 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said: it's been around a month since a bunch of you changed our pfps, so I decided to get a wholly (at least for this site) new pfp. oooh should I get a new one
Usseewa ✾ They♡??? ✾ Posted February 10 Posted February 10 1 minute ago, momadrac said: oooh should I get a new one If u wanna! I like switching up PFPs and wallpapers every so often
Keke They/he Posted February 10 Posted February 10 1 hour ago, Hmmm lies said: it's been around a month since a bunch of you changed our pfps, so I decided to get a wholly (at least for this site) new pfp. I didnt recognize you! since i joined you’ve always had the same pfp 1
KnightSkye Reforged They/Them Posted February 10 Posted February 10 4 minutes ago, Keke said: I didnt recognize you! since i joined you’ve always had the same pfp *says the person who's changed pfps more times than I can remember*
Honors Spectral Image She/her Posted February 10 Posted February 10 2 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said: Hello peoples! How are all your days going? Mmmm well I have the flu but I also get to sit in my room and read all day soooooo it’s mixed 1 hour ago, Hmmm lies said: it's been around a month since a bunch of you changed our pfps, so I decided to get a wholly (at least for this site) new pfp. PFP, I get new pfp now 1
Usseewa ✾ They♡??? ✾ Posted February 10 Posted February 10 1 minute ago, Honors Ghost said: I also get to sit in my room and read all day POV that "reading" Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler
KnightSkye Reforged They/Them Posted February 10 Posted February 10 5 minutes ago, Honors Ghost said: Mmmm well I have the flu but I also get to sit in my room and read all day soooooo it’s mixed Ooo, fun reading! Sorry you have the flu. *hugs*
Honors Spectral Image She/her Posted February 10 Posted February 10 2 minutes ago, Usseewa said: POV that "reading" Reveal hidden contents Reveal hidden contents Reveal hidden contents Reveal hidden contents Nope actually I’m finishing up the SotF 1 minute ago, KnightSkye Reforged said: Ooo, fun reading! Sorry you have the flu. *hugs* *huggs* thxxx
Keke They/he Posted February 10 Posted February 10 1 hour ago, KnightSkye Reforged said: *says the person who's changed pfps more times than I can remember* Oh i change based on my mood but theoretically they all have the same style so
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