Introducing The Stormlight Archive to My Wife, or: A Hilarious Series of Names

[Frustration]

3 minutes ago, HemalurgicStickBreaker said:

Sure another BoredBoi is welcome

*Lightbulb*

We need a BoredBoi Thread

We could be Roshar's tenth secret society!! *Surprised Pikachu*

Edited March 30, 2020 by Booknerd

[I Am A Fish he/him]

I'll make the thread in Social clans groups and guilds

@Booknerd

 

 

Edited March 30, 2020 by HemalurgicStickBreaker

[Frustration]

3 minutes ago, HemalurgicStickBreaker said:

I'll make the thread in general discussion

I'll be there.

[Impact he/him]

Holy Damnation, this post is amazing.  I used to do this with TV shows, and now I want to do this with every book I read...

[Iarwainiel I she/her]

@Goatbringer, I am VERY much looking forward your wife meeting Lift! And Wyndle too! Can you imagine? I wonder what Lift's Tay-designation will be? I bet there will be quite a strong affinity between them. I wonder what she'll think of Edgedancer, especially the Dysian Aimian.

Oooh, have you been reading her the back cover blurbs too? I wonder if she'll guess that it's that Dysian who is the author of that cover text? She did well guessing Wit.

Thank you for sharing this with all of us!!

[The Deity he/him]

On 3/14/2020 at 11:00 PM, Dalfiatach said:

Also, "Rock Lobsters" should become the generally-accepted fandom term for chasmfiends from now on.

I second that wholeheartedly!

[cfphelps he/him]

@Goatbringer or should we call you Goatboi? Does she apply the Boi suffix to people you meet in real life too, or are they reserved for books? 

Edited April 2, 2020 by cfphelps

[Goatbringer he/him]

6 hours ago, cfphelps said:

@Goatbringer or should we call you Goatboi? Does she apply the Boi suffix to people you meet in real life too, or are they reserved for books? 

There are all kinds "bois" going on when she's upset with someone... I can't openly swear on this board so I'll let you do the guesswork there. 

Also, our cats are nicknamed the "fatboiz", which we usually end up screaming at them. 

[Goatbringer he/him]

Welcome one and all to another edition of The Adventures of Slaveboi and Jeffrey Dean Morgan!

Over the last month during our lockdown here in South Africa, I have read up to chapter 37 and here are some reactions:

- First thing to note is that Tay has 100% gotten aboard the Shallan hate train. When we read the chapter where Kaladin and Bridge Four does the side carry and messes up Sadeas' battle plan, Tay was very excited to keep going. As soon as I read "Sometimes, when Shallan walked into the Palaneum," Tay shouted "No! Ungh! Why does it always have to be Shallan! She ruins EVERYTHING!" Thereafter followed an intense debate about whether we could skip that Shallan chapter to see what happens to Kaladin right away. We did so. 

- When Bridge Four is training and following orders from Kaladin, Tay likes to sing "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan. We then had a nice laugh imagining Teft, Rock, and Moash in concubine drag breaking into Kholinar Palace.

- "Why can Rock see Syl? Is he some kind of mountain yogi esoteric boi? Like baby Yoda?" (a few minutes later) "Chris stop. I got distracted. We have to watch a video of Baby Yoda before we keep reading."

- When Tay realized that Kal was going to be strung up in the storm: "Oh he's gonna go Super Saiyan! They're gonna be like 'hey die in the storm' and he's gonna be like 'b**** I am the storm'."

- Reacting to the quote about Nohadon walking from Abamabar to Urithiru, Tay starts singing "500 Miles" by the Proclaimers. That was, interestingly, the song that she walked down the aisle to and what we walked out together to when we got married since we were in a long-distance relationship for years. Coulda used some Oathgates during that time, lemme tell ya.

- At one point I had to explain the basics of Fabrials (felt a little like Navani talking to Dalinar). Went into how you had to lure a spren in with something that it likes and then trap it in a gemstone so that it could do the thing you want, like be a heating Fabrial. Tay got very upset at this, as she sees spren like little animals that are being confined in Fabrials, so she has decided to start an organization like S.P.E.W. from Harry Potter. She also insisted it was to have the same acronym and spent a few minutes coming up with "Spren... have a PURPOSE! Every - Where! Ha! SPEW: Spren have a Purpose Every Where!" Which I think is noble, but also sounds like it could definitely be a pro-Fabiral lobby as well.

- In a quote in the epigraphs of part 3, Jasnah's notes talk about the Dawnshards. Tay felt like this was a comparable phrase to having an erection first thing in the morning. 

- Once we got back to a Shallan chapter: "Why must fantasy writers make redheads hot? Why do we insist on thinking that Ginny Weasley is somehow hot? She isn't hot. Fantasy writers: Stop trying to make Ginny Weasley happen."

- Tay also pointed out how Shallan would often raise a hand to her 'breast' instead of her 'chest', thus subtly sexualizing her in a way that a character like Kaladin or Dalinar wouldn't be. I'm gonna keep an eye out for it, but I doubt there is any mention of Kaladin's breast. It was fun to imagine a sexualized Kaladin, however, going outside the Bridge Four barrack and stretching out his tight, muscley butt for all the lumberworkers to check out.  

- Probably the chapter that Tay has enjoyed most is "The Lesson" where Jasnah faces down the murderers in the alleys of Kharbranth. There was a lot of "Yeah!"s and "That's my GIRL"s and a notable "Princess Jasnah - THE FEMINIST ICON WE NEED!" happening throughout the latter half of the chapter when Jasnah was explaining her modus operandi to a shell-shocked Shallan.

That's all for now! Wash your hands, ya filthy cremlings!

[Frustration]

4 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

Welcome one and all to another edition of The Adventures of Slaveboi and Jeffrey Dean Morgan!

Over the last month during our lockdown here in South Africa, I have read up to chapter 37 and here are some reactions:

- First thing to note is that Tay has 100% gotten aboard the Shallan hate train. When we read the chapter where Kaladin and Bridge Four does the side carry and messes up Sadeas' battle plan, Tay was very excited to keep going. As soon as I read "Sometimes, when Shallan walked into the Palaneum," Tay shouted "No! Ungh! Why does it always have to be Shallan! She ruins EVERYTHING!" Thereafter followed an intense debate about whether we could skip that Shallan chapter to see what happens to Kaladin right away. We did so. 

YES! She sees reason!!

4 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

When Bridge Four is training and following orders from Kaladin, Tay likes to sing "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan. We then had a nice laugh imagining Teft, Rock, and Moash in concubine drag breaking into Kholinar Palace.

I will never be able to read that the same way(Maybe amnesia is a thing) 

This is beautiful keep going. 

[Emerald_Mage he/him]

10 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

in a way that a character like Kaladin or Dalinar wouldn't be.

My brother is now just waiting for her to see the Dalinar Lift scenes.

Edited April 14, 2020 by Emerald_Mage

[Karger he/him]

12 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

mountain yogi esoteric boi

Henceforth King Overlooked Stone shall be called mountain yogi esoteric boi!

12 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

"Why must fantasy writers make redheads hot? Why do we insist on thinking that Ginny Weasley is somehow hot? She isn't hot. Fantasy writers: Stop trying to make Ginny Weasley happen."

Is your wife a redhead?

12 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

Tay also pointed out how Shallan would often raise a hand to her 'breast' instead of her 'chest', thus subtly sexualizing her in a way that a character like Kaladin or Dalinar wouldn't be. I'm gonna keep an eye out for it, but I doubt there is any mention of Kaladin's breast. It was fun to imagine a sexualized Kaladin, however, going outside the Bridge Four barrack and stretching out his tight, muscley butt for all the lumberworkers to check out.  

The entire bridge crew is often portrayed mostly in the nude.  Given the their living conditions Kaladin says they mostly lost any body modesty a long time ago.  Also it seems to me like a defense mechanism.  "I am meek and female.  I could not possibly be a threat to anyone."

12 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

Teft, Rock, and Moash in concubine drag breaking into Kholinar Palace

Elhokar was wearing a proper Vorin hava remember?

Edited April 14, 2020 by Karger

[Frustration]

7 minutes ago, Karger said:

The entire bridge crew is often portrayed mostly in the nude.  Given the their living conditions Kaladin says they mostly lost any body modesty a long time ago.

I did not need this.

[Karger he/him]

23 minutes ago, Frustration said:

I did not need this.

[+Q10fanatic]

11 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

It was fun to imagine a sexualized Kaladin, however, going outside the Bridge Four barrack and stretching out his tight, muscley butt for all the lumberworkers to check out.  

I mean, Veil sexualizes the storms out of Kaladin later on...

[Goatbringer he/him]

23 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

When Bridge Four is training and following orders from Kaladin, Tay likes to sing "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan.

Guys - guys I just realized: "With all the strength of a raging Vyre"

Ha!

[AonEne he/him]

I’m actually pretty sure I have seen reference to the male characters’ breasts in Sanderson’s books. 

[Iarwainiel I she/her]

Yay! I was hoping for another Tay installment! Your lovely wife does NOT disappoint!

I had a couple thoughts re: these points:

On 4/14/2020 at 2:57 AM, Goatbringer said:

... - First thing to note is that Tay has 100% gotten aboard the Shallan hate train. ...

- Once we got back to a Shallan chapter: "Why must fantasy writers make redheads hot? Why do we insist on thinking that Ginny Weasley is somehow hot? She isn't hot. Fantasy writers: Stop trying to make Ginny Weasley happen."

- Tay also pointed out how Shallan would often raise a hand to her 'breast' instead of her 'chest', thus subtly sexualizing her in a way that a character like Kaladin or Dalinar wouldn't be. ...

• We're kind of not supposed to like Shallan at that point (& maybe not even after Oathbringer) - she is a very broken person & many people find her character difficult to sympathize with. But maybe "sympathize" is a good place to start. Also, I remember Tay saying "...because character development - that's why" about Kaladin: well it's a lot the same for Shallan, but she has a much longer path to tread.
• I imagine Shallan's hair not as Weasley-red but as closer to burgundy - the color some gals wear their hair these days (or did before they closed all the salons during this pandemic). Maybe that image will help?
• I suspect Brandon is using the word "breast" not with a sexual reference but more like the word would have been used in previous centuries - I doubt you'd find Shakespeare using the word "chest" in describing a woman (unless she was carrying a box full of gold & jewels, LOL).

On 4/14/2020 at 1:37 PM, Emerald_Mage said:

My brother is now just waiting for her to see the Dalinar Lift scenes.

Me too!!

[Goatbringer he/him]

Welcome to a very special edition of The Adventures of Slaveboi and Lavagirl (what she called it this week).

This week we cover Tay's reactions and hot takes from Jasnah's lesson up to Kaladin's suggestion to Bridge Four that they fight back. Spoiler tags have been used because Tay reads these posts too - I see you reading this.

A couple of new names:

Sigzil - Schnitzel - "You said schnitzel right? Whatever. That's his name now." (she also believes Sig is Szeth in disguise)
Brother Kabsal - Athalas/Jam Boi 
       TAY: Shallan wants to get all up on Athalas." 
       ME: Who?" 
       TAY: Athalas. You know - Jam Boi?" 
       ME: You mean Kabsal?
       TAY: Yeah sure. Close enough.

HOT TAKES:

"So Jasnah is this successful, competent, beautiful woman who is older than her brother, right? She's this clever BAMF and DESERVES to be monarch and Elhokar is this dumb vain idiot who is king now because of Alethkar's patriarchy? Man Jasnah should have been queen this entire time. In short, I'm Jasnah and my brother is Elhokar." 

Spoiler

I really had to bite my tongue from keeping the ending of Oathbringer from spilling out.

She successfully guessed that

Spoiler

Kabsal is going to poison Shallan with the jam.

She also guessed that 

Spoiler

The Almighty is sending visions to Dalinar because a new Desolation is coming, hence Jasnah researching the Voidbringers. Pretty proud of her for that one! Thinks that the Almighty is telling Dalinar to unite the nations though, and not the new Knights Radiant. 

Hot take on Bridge Four being given permanent chasm duty: "Oh! They're gonna fight a rock lobster! Finally! Kaladin is going to fight him off singlehandedly... wait no, Rock and Teft are going to distract the rock lobster and then Kaladin is gonna kill him and then they're gonna get the gemheart and use it to BUY ALL THE STEW." 

Spoiler

Not quite, but she's pretty good right? 

And now, a special edition. Tay declared who each of us were from Stormlight. For context, Cosmo is our sleek black cat and Timbit is out larger, lazier tabby cat. 

"Well I'm obviously Slaveboi. He's prone to depression, he's surrounded by idiots who constantly need saving, but he's also a boss babe like me who gets things DONE."

"Cosmo is Syl. She follows me around all the time, but disappears for hours on end and does things to deliberately annoy you. She also has a dark, dark past that she doesn't want to talk about."

"Timbit is Adolin. Cute, strong, but so so lovably dumb."

"You? You're Shallan. Low-key the worst, full of puns, you read a lot, and you've got a weird thing about your family."

I always considered myself more of a Dalinar, but hey, she's married to me so she would know, right?

That's all for now!

Edited April 23, 2020 by Goatbringer

[Iarwainiel I she/her]

OK, I'm gonna suggest something here & maybe we can all petition for it to happen, somehow.

I want Brandon to use at least one of @Goatbringer's wife's names in a future book - i.e., that people from a Rosharan culture, in-world, call chasmfiends "rock lobsters," for example.

There are lots of cultures we haven't met yet, so lots of possibilities.

What say you all? Any Moderators/Beta Readers following this thread? Good idea? (If it's a bad idea, my apologies - I meant no offense.)

[Goatbringer he/him]

55 minutes ago, old aggie said:

I want Brandon to use at least one of @Goatbringer's wife's names in a future book - i.e., that people from a Rosharan culture, in-world, call chasmfiends "rock lobsters," for example.

I will literally die and go to the Spiritual Realm if this happens.

[Karnage]

@Goatbringer, do you have a set time for when your next update is going to be?

[Goatbringer he/him]

2 hours ago, Karnage said:

@Goatbringer, do you have a set time for when your next update is going to be?

Not necessarily. Tay goes wherever the storm takes her. We're in the homestretch right now, so I might just wait until we get to the END end before posting an update.

Btw @old aggie, Tay loves your idea but claims she would rather have "Michelle-Pfieffer-That-White-Gold" immortalized as Cosmere canon. I said that was a little farfetched. She gave me some side eye and said "we'll see about that".

[king of nowhere]

On 14/4/2020 at 8:57 AM, Goatbringer said:

- Once we got back to a Shallan chapter: "Why must fantasy writers make redheads hot? Why do we insist on thinking that Ginny Weasley is somehow hot? She isn't hot. Fantasy writers: Stop trying to make Ginny Weasley happen."

 

i think it's more of a matter of writers making main characters hot. I mean, how many main characters (of both genders) have you ever seen that weren't attractive?

and let's not even start about movies.

though regarding shallan specifically, i never saw her sexualized. that's because she hits all my protective instincts in the right spots, i see her like a little sister.

Edited May 5, 2020 by king of nowhere

[Goatbringer he/him]

This is from the latter part of Part 3 to the chapter where Hoid tells Kaladin about the Wandersail. We’re in the home-stretch now, people!

Names:

Tanavast = Tabasco "The spiciest of all the Shards"
Lopen = Gancho 

Hot Takes/Reactions:

Tay was very switched on for the chapter “Child of Tanavast” and inundated me with questions about the Cosmere. I explained the Shattering of Adonalsium to her (“So they straight-up Julius Caesared him?”) as well as Shards, Vessels, Splinters… the whole thing.

In one chapter Kaladin wakes up and "raises a hand to his breast":
TAY: Okay I see. Sexism reversed. Please tell the people of Mind Readers that I officially rescind my statement about Shallan being sexualized as Kaladin is too.
ME: Mind readers?
TAY: Yeah, the website you post my reactions on?
ME: It’s the 17^th Shard – you’ve been on there.
TAY: I feel like I'm close enough.

Tay was very satisfied that Shallan got found out re: stealing Jasnah's Soulcaster and was ditched in the Kharbranth hospital. This feeling is soured, however, since she knows Shallan is the flashback character in book 2 (I talk about these books too much).

Tay was insanely upset that Kaladin ditched the Shardblade after winning it in Alethkar. She, quite astutely, compared it to coming into a fortune’s worth of Nazi gold. While it is a tainted treasure, it could definitely be donated to a Jewish charity or something to try to do good with it. Admittedly, he tried to give it to a darkeyes, but Amaram dealt with that. 

Later on that night, Tay was chopping something with a knife:
TAY: Hey look, I’m Kaladin.
*drops the knife and walks away*
TAY: *under her breath*: Idiot.

She was also blown away by Amaram’s betrayal of Kal. This followed:
TAY: I want a spoiler. Does Slaveboi get to kill Amaram?
ME: Do you want a full explanation or a yes/no?
TAY: Just a yes or a no.
ME: No.
TAY: Damnation!

Dalinar noticing that the Parshendi fight in male/female teams:
“This has led to the belief that there are no dwarf women!” - Sneakly little LotR reference for ya.

My last little thing was that I decided to quiz Tay on who was in the Bridge Four poster that was released by Team Sanderson earlier today and, well, she was actually pretty spot-on with most of her guesses. I thought it would be funnier, but as much as she would deny it, I think she’s super into Stormlight now. Guess I’ve succeeded guys! We'll probably have one last post with her reactions to the end of the book that should come within the next couple weeks. 

Here are her guesses, incidentally.

Edited May 6, 2020 by Goatbringer