Popular Post Heir of the Void he/him Posted March 25, 2014 Popular Post Posted March 25, 2014 This is... something... that I came up with. Its inspired by the Wheel of Time ISAM summaries. I'm sorry. PART ZERO: FROM SHINOVAR WITH LOVE Szeth: I don’t want to kill the king, but I must. Because Rock. Dalinar: I’m drunk. *Faints* Jasnah: I’m doing NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE Szeth: Gavilar! Why won't you kill me?!?(SZETH mostly kills GAVILAR) Gavilar: You must tell my brother he must get what he cannot have. (GAVILAR holds out PLOT DEVICE) Gavilar: Its dangerous to go alone. Take this PART ONE: ALETHI HISTORY X Cenn: I’m gonna die, aren’t I?Dallet: Friggin n00bs. Kaladin: I’m a squadleader! (A SHARDBEARER attacks. The KALADIN’S SQUAD is WIPED OUT.) FOUR MONTHS LATER Shallan: I’m on a boat! FIVE MONTHS LATER Kaladin: I’m a slave. Life sucks. Syl: Hello Kaladin (Looks away). D..don’t get the wrong idea. I...it’s not like I want to make you a Surgebinder or anything. Kaladin: How do you know my name? Syl: How do you know your name, bakka! Meanwhile, SOMEWHERE ELSE Shallan: I’m a young noblewoman from a quaint farming village. Jasnah: What do you want? I’m very busy. The narwhal bacons at midnight. Shallan: BLAM! EXTRA HERESY!- I mean, I want to be your ward. Yeah. Jasnah: Then jump off that cliff. Scientifically. (SHALLAN jumps off CLIFF. She survives SOMEHOW) Jasnah: You think you’re qualified to be my ward? Why is that?Shallan: I’m naive and inexperienced, have no formal training, and my house is in ruins. Jasnah: And you want to become my apprentice as an opportunity to gain the fiscal stability needed to gain the capital loan to open your own restaurant in order to raise the revenue to save your family. Shallan: Wait... what? Umm... yes. That’s it exactly. Jasnah: Shut up and take my money. Meanwhile, at the SHATTERED PLAINS Kaladin: Please let me fight again. Assignment Woman: You want to fight? Fight has five letters, which is one fewer than sphere! And one sphere is what a slave makes in a day! You want to steal our spheres! Send him to bridge four! (An AIR RAID SIREN sounds) Gaz: Time for a bridge run. Get in line, lordling! (HOURS PASS while KALADIN and BRIDGE FOUR carry the bridge) Kaladin: I can’t wait till we get there. Parshendi: (singing) Oh I just can’t wait to be king~ Gaz: We’re here. Cross and reverse, then charge the chasm! Parshendi: Dakka dakka. (The BRIDGEMENT CHARGE. It SUCKS, and MOST of them DIE, except KALADIN, who FAINTS) Syl: Wake up, Kaladin! You’re going to be late for the bridge run! Kaladin: Ugg... Syl: Not that I came all the way out here f-f-for you or anything! I just happened to be passing by. 3 σx= 1 WEEKS LATER (KALADIN is on a FABRIAL-TRAIN, clutching his FABRIAL-SDAT) Kaladin: Everyone else is dead. My life sucks. NINE YEARS AGO Kaladin’s Dad: This girl made one rude gesture too many, so we’re taking her finger.Kaladin: Is that even legal?Kaladin’s Dad: I’m a back-alley surgeon. What do I care? PRESENT DAY (KALADIN walks to a CLIFF to consider COMMITTING SUICIDE)Syl: I-I made one Blackbane leaf too many, and I was w-wondering if you wanted it. N-not that I made it just for you or anything. (KALADIN slowly grasps the leaf while EMOTIONAL MUSIC plays) Kaladin: I- (KALADIN turns away from the CHASM, which EXPLODES behind him. DRAMATIC MUSIC plays)Kaladin: TODAY, I’M CANCELING THE BRIDGEPOCALYPSE! 104
Kurkistan he/him Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Syl as tsundere was an... interesting choice. 8
Heir of the Void he/him Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Syl as tsundere was an... interesting choice. Yes, but after book 2, nothing else would come to me. I know it isn't a direct parallel, but... 4
Heir of the Void he/him Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 If anyone wants to see more of this, give me a shout. 15
Bramble Thorn Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 If anyone wants to see more of this, give me a shout. Holla Holla. 2
Lurthemir he/him Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 This is definitely amusing to me. Good stuff... MOAR!! 2
Chrono she/her Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 LOLz, this made me laugh so hard. Please make more!
bartbug he/him Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 (edited) cool guys don't look at explosions. Clearly, you have nailed this aspect of life. Edited April 24, 2014 by bartbug 8
Kobold King he/him Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 This was really, ridiculously awesome. Wasn't there another thing sort of like this... an alleged "preview" of Stones Unhallowed? I remember it was supposed to be "Brandon Sanderson got drunk and gave someone his plot notes", but I can't actually seem to find it now. But I remember Roshone was growing an evil goatee and the Recreance happened because the KR weren't getting a discount at the local fast food joint. Does anyone know where that topic is?
Jo and the Bush all/any Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Wasn't there another thing sort of like this... an alleged "preview" of Stones Unhallowed? I remember it was supposed to be "Brandon Sanderson got drunk and gave someone his plot notes", So Brandon's a Happy Drunk? Also, Seconds Please.
Left he/him Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 What did brandon get drunk on, soda? Mormons don't drink. I would love to read this stones unhallowed parody though. 4
Swimmingly he/him Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 He...was tapping a bit too much electrum and storing a bit too much zinc. And Breeze was in the corner fiddling with his emotions. 8
Aleksiel Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Wasn't there another thing sort of like this... an alleged "preview" of Stones Unhallowed? I remember it was supposed to be "Brandon Sanderson got drunk and gave someone his plot notes", but I can't actually seem to find it now. But I remember Roshone was growing an evil goatee and the Recreance happened because the KR weren't getting a discount at the local fast food joint. Does anyone know where that topic is? According to Lightflame Brandon was drunk on stormlight and gave a 103% accurate list of things that will happen in Stones Unhallowed 1
Popular Post PeterAhlstrom he/him Posted April 25, 2014 Popular Post Posted April 25, 2014 (edited) When does someone yell "Pervert!" and bring out a mallet? By the way...I want to see more. I read a bit to Brandon tonight. Edited April 26, 2014 by PeterAhlstrom 50
lookingglass she/her Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 When does someone yell "Pervert!" and bring out a mallet? By the way...I want to see more. I read a bit to Brandon tonight. Please say that he loved it and he's going to put it in as a summary in the next book
Glaring at the Survivor he/him Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 (edited) If anyone wants to see more of this, give me a shout. OOOKKKAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Pretend thats bigger...) Loud enough? Edited April 27, 2014 by Stroniax
Aether he/him Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 (edited) If anyone wants to see more of this, give me a shout. Not easy to give someone a shout, but I think this is as close as I'll get. Please take it=): Edited April 27, 2014 by Aether 10
Fatebreaker he/him Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 If anyone wants to see more of this, give me a shout. SHOUT!!! 2
Paragrin she/her Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 This was probably a bad topic to read while in the room with my parents who are trying to wind down to sleep. By which I mean I had my hands clamped over my mouth trying not to make any sound while I was laughing. So. Hard. ... ... ... more please? 8{ 3
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