Way of Kings Parody Summary

[Jo and the Bush all/any]

Guys, Heir of the Void hasn't been on since the 23rd of May. You canstop asking for more.

[Left he/him]

No we can't, it doesn't matter if he doesn't reappear. We must continue to beg for MOAR until he returns and gives us what we ask for

[Quiver he/him]

Of course, there's nothing saying we can't continue it on our own, or make pardoy's of other Sanderson books.

 

(Though probably not in this style. I seem to be alone on this, but I didn't really enjoy this particular parody. Still, I wouldn't mind seeing other parodies.)

 

TLDR; Moar.

[Heir of the Void he/him]

By popular demand, part two is underway:

THE SADEASHANK REDEPTION

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Yes! Finally, our cries have been heard and our prayers shall be answered.

[Heir of the Void he/him]

After an extended wait, It's finally here!

 

THE WAY OF KINGS PART 2- THE SADESHANK REDEMPTION
 

Adolin: Well off to kill the ChasmFiend.

(The DISTRACTION for the CHASMFIEND FAILS. SEVERAL HUNDRED EXTRAS die horribly.)

Dalinar: We must protect the civies. Quickly, charge the monster!

Sadeas: Stupid civies, can’t even dodge a ChasmClaw.

Elhokar: I’ve stubbed my toe! This is an assassination attempt!

(The CHASMFIEND attempts to CRUSH the KING. DALINAR CATCHES the CHASMCLAW while FORESHADOWING. The CHASMFIELD cannot TAKE THE HEAT, and DIES)

Dalinar: Looks like I made... ChasmCakes.

Elhokar: Did you see me stub my toe! Someone tried to kill me

Dalinar:... And that’s your first concern?

MEANWHILE, at the WARCAMPS

Kaladin: ALL RIGHT, MAGGOTS. LISTEN UP! FROM THIS DAY ON, WE’RE GOING TO BE THE BEST BRIDGE CREW ON THESE SODDING PLAINS. FIRST, WE’LL.

Teft: Nobody cares.

(KALADIN picks up and carries a PLANK.)

Kaladin: (Muttering) This will show them. It’ll show them all!

LATER

(KALADIN visits an APOTHECARY)

Kaladin: I’d like to buy some antiseptic, please.

Apothecary: Can’t build bridge with no spheres. Why did the parshman cross the road?

Kaladin: On second thought, I’ll make my own.

MEANWHILE, IN THE DESOLATION

Dalinar: Where am I? Is this another of those stupid visions.

Little Girl: Daddy, I’m scared of the Voidbringers.

(The VOIDBRINGERS attack. DALINAR picks up LITTLE GIRL)

Dalinar: I danna want no trabble.

(The VOIDBRINGERS attack. DALINAR beats them up with a LADDER. While doing so, His SHIRT EXPLODES, forcing him to expose his SAFEABBS)

Knights Radiant: We’ll take it from here, citizen!

Dalinar: Why am I here? Why is this happening

THE ALMIGHTY?: THE FORSAKEN ARE FREE.

Dalinar: What you say?

THE ALMIGHTY?: THE PORTAL IS OPEN. THE DRAGON IS REBORN.

Dalinar: Is he trying to say something?

THE ALMIGHTY: 地獄、ばか。おそらくあなたはそれが良いアイデアと思われるものを作ることができる

Dalinar: Maybe this means I should trust Sadeas!

LATER

(KALADIN lies in bed, listening to his FABRIAL-SDAT.)

Kaladin: Do I get up? I should, but if I do, I'll probably get half the bridge killed.

Rock: Stupid Wetlander. Can’t even get out of bed.

Kaladin: I must keep training! How are the wounded?

(KALADIN puts on SURGICAL GLOVES and a MASK. He proceeds to EXAMINE the wounded BRIDGEMEN, who he is carrying on a PLANK.

Kaladin: I need antiseptic, or Mummy Rot will set in. Mummy Rot is the last thing we need.

AT THE FEAST

Adolin: The rock the king stubbed his toe on was definitely moved. However, all the Geologists we’ve consulted say that it was probably an accident.

Dalinar: Storms! If only there were someone trained both in Investigating Murders and magic. They’d probably do a better job than us warrior-nobles.

Harry Dresden: Here’s my card. I take paper or plastic.

Dalinar: Do you take spheres?

Harry Dresden: No.

Elhokar: In light of the recent attempt on my life, I’m appointing the shifty who’d probably seize the throne in the event of my death to investigate the attempt on my life. Because we all know that soldiers make great cops.

AT BRIDGE FOUR

Teft: Breakin’ Rocks in the Hot Sun!

Syl: I fought the law and, the law won.

Kaladin: Enough singing. The last thing we want is to turn this into a musical. Now let’s pick some dandelions knobweed for my genius plan!

 

Syl: I have some knobweed.

(SYL blushes.)

 

Syl: It’s not like I picked it just for you or anything. I-I just picked too much this morning!

IN A BATTLE, LATER

(DALINAR beats up PARSHENDI)

Dalinar: Boom! Pow! Building kick! Explosion!

(The PARSHENDI die.)

Dalinar: I’ve kill so many of the inhuman monstrosities that murdered my liege. Now I feel terrible!

AFTER THAT

Gaz: Time for Chasm Duty!

(The BRIDGEMEN groan.)

Kaladin: I found a spear.

(KALADIN does some advanced SPEAR-FU. PARSHENDI NINJAS come out of nowhere and attack him but he BEATS THE CRAP OUT OF THEM.)

Teft: ...wow.

Rock: So none of you wetlanders are going to question the fact that Ninjas just appered out of nowhere, and barely even fit in this setting.

Syl: Its not like I’m impressed or anything...

THEN

Dalinar: I think I should abdicate, bro.

(NAVANI removes her SHIRT. The revelation of her HAND is SCANDALOUS.)

Navani: I think that’s a terrible idea.  You know what might be a good idea? Getting over [REDACTED].

Dalinar: I don’t know. But if I did, would you be my wingman?

(NAVANI pouts.)

So, do you want more? Do you want to see me do mistborn, or Warbreaker? Will anyone help me with my story for NaNoWriMo here? Will I stop asking questions that nobody cares about?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME, in THE WAY OF KINGS PART THREE- HALF-SHARD LIFE!
 

Edited September 15, 2014 by Heir of the Void

[Heir of the Void he/him]

When does someone yell "Pervert!" and bring out a mallet?

By the way...I want to see more. I read a bit to Brandon tonight.

 

Wow, just processed the fact that you're here, Mr. Ahlstrom. I'm honored.

[Kurkistan he/him]

I'd pick out "SAFEABS" and "PARSHENDI NINJAS" as my favorite parts.

 

I seriously grinned like an idiot for a few minutes after reading the first.

[Fatebreaker he/him]

DO ALL OF THEM!!! Every single book Brandon has written.

 

And good show. I thought part two would never get here.

[Left he/him]

Love it mate!!!! I think you should finish up tWoK and then move on to warbreaker, even though it's not my favorite I can see so many good jokes and stuff there. I agree with Kurk about SafeAbs

[PeterAhlstrom he/him]

Oh, tsundere Syl, how I have missed you!

 

Excellent job once again.

[Heir of the Void he/him]

Glad to see everyone is enjoying this. I was a little worried for a second that the sequal wouldn't be as good.

As always, Mr. Ahlstrom, it is an honor.

[Jo and the Bush all/any]

Dalinar: Storms! If only there were someone trained both in Investigating Murders and magic. They’d probably do a better job than us warrior-nobles.

Harry Dresden: Here’s my card. I take paper or plastic.

 

Dalinar: Do you take spheres?

Harry Dresden: No.

 

I Cannot Upvote this enough. Another Dresden Fan.

[Dellexe he/him]

I Cannot Upvote this enough. Another Dresden Fan.

I've heard good things about the Dresden series, should I read it?

[Jo and the Bush all/any]

Jim Butcher is nearly on par with Brandon Sanderson. He's a bit more liberal with Swearing and sexing, but It's worth it. My all time favorite quote comes from Dresden. "Build a man a Fire, and he'll be warm for an Hour. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his Life."

Yes, I know Harry was quoting Pratchett. Now shut up.

I cannot reccomend this series enough.

[Dellexe he/him]

Huh. I'll check it out once I finish the series I'm currently working on.

[Chrono she/her]

 

Dalinar: I think I should abdicate, bro.

(NAVANI removes her SHIRT. The revelation of her HAND is SCANDALOUS.)

 

 

This made my freaking day, along with SAFE ABS and Elhokar thinking he's going to be assassinated because of the rock. 

[Heir of the Void he/him]

This made my freaking day, along with SAFE ABS and Elhokar thinking he's going to be assassinated because of the rock. 

 

Thanks, I'm glad to hear it.

[Shaggai]

Jim Butcher is nearly on par with Brandon Sanderson. He's a bit more liberal with Swearing and sexing, but It's worth it. My all time favorite quote comes from Dresden. "Build a man a Fire, and he'll be warm for an Hour. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his Life."

Yes, I know Harry was quoting Pratchett. Now shut up.

I cannot reccomend this series enough.

That is actually a Terry Pratchett quote, as Dresden remarks immediately afterwards ("Tao of Pratchett"). From Jingo, specifically. You should read Discworld. Don't start with the first couple, though. Reaper Man is a good start.

Edited September 21, 2014 by Shaggai

[Jo and the Bush all/any]

That just makes it even better though! My Favorite Character quoting my favorite author?

And I've read Pratchett's YA Novels, as well as Color of magic. I intend to finish him off after I finish the Recluse series.

[Lightsworn Panda he/him]

(The VOIDBRINGERS attack. DALINAR beats them up with a LADDER. While doing so, His SHIRT EXPLODES, forcing him to expose his SAFEABBS)

 

PURE WIN!   

 

You have the Panda's full support to make more parodies of different Brandon books. 

[Chrono she/her]

 

(DALINAR beats up PARSHENDI)

Dalinar: Boom! Pow! Building kick! Explosion!

(The PARSHENDI die.)

 

 

Great. Now because of you, I cannot unsee Dalinar shouting about Old Spice, breaking the Fourth Wall, and jiggling his pecs. 

[Heir of the Void he/him]

Great. Now because of you, I cannot unsee Dalinar shouting about Old Spice, breaking the Fourth Wall, and jiggling his pecs. 

 

Is that really such a bad thing, though?

[Chrono she/her]

Is that really such a bad thing, though?

 

It is when you're reading a very serious section about Dalinar talking about the Codes and the Way of Kings and you can't stop reading it in Terry Crews' voice. Wearing nothing but a bath towel. And pec jiggling. It's all about, you know, "The way you achieve a goal is more important that the goal itself," and then you instantly think, "DOUBLE SUN POWAAAAAAAH!"

[lookingglass she/her]

This threat has been dead for too long