Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

[Ashspren]

Okay, awesome! In that case let's stick with the original matchups: 

• Sadeas vs. Szeth  ( @Archer vs. @Frustration )
• Kaladin vs. Nightblood  ( @Stardust vs. @GG0z )

Players, you have until Sunday 7/19 at 11:59pm EDT to submit your roasts. Hopefully this gives everyone enough time! Best of luck, everyone. 

[GG0z He/Him]

Star, I'm sorry... 

Kal is my favorite character... It'll be painful to do this to him

[Archer he/him]

Sadeas vs Szeth

 

In Highprince Sadeas' tent, a glowing pen scribbled as he dictated.  

Words of Torol's creation:
"To sweet Ialai, my light. 
Let's use spanreed vibrations, 
As god intended tonight. 

Without you I'm unwhole, 
There's a rift in my essence. 
I'd burn a canyon of souls, 
For the gift of your presence. 

Some lovers chase down kings, 
Or sweet-talk men's sisters. 
Call me one of those things, 
For I wed the Queen of Whispers. 

My love for you won't waver, 
For your safehand I'd still kill. 
I can't be your sonmaker, 
But I'll promise you a thrill. 

Much more I would describe, 
But our work never abates. 
I leave you with the scribe,
My duel with Szeth awaits. 

I read the scouting report, 
He's too exposed on high kicks. 
And when exchanging retorts, 
He's prone to moral crisis. 

And there's another weakness, 
I needn't get in his head. 
That sword, in its uniqueness, 
Blathers there in my stead."

Realizing he was rambling, Sadeas composed himself and exited into the evening air. The contest commenced. 

Here to duel, Stonewalker, 
At your oathstone's insistence? 
I thought you spit on rocks here, 
What a strange inconsistence. 

No, you're Dalinar's pet now, 
A man I used to obey. 
Thanks for Gavilar's take-down, 
It helped show me the way. 

Your Blackthorn has flaws, 
That make him unfit to rule. 
I ditched him because 
That drunk's the Tenth Fool. 

Your mentors serve elsewhere, 
Who's to say they're not right? 
With a solider you paired
Just to keep picking fights. 

Naive as your weapon, 
You want evil to lose. 
But you can't say who's won
With your morals confused. 

Killing makes you feel strong, 
You just like being ruthless. 
Until you know right from wrong, 
To me, you're still Truthless. 

Sadeas pointed at the Assassin in White's foot.

Your soul is leaking.
Ha! Made you look.