The Longest Thread (Misadventures)

[NameIess]

Before remembering that he was gluten-intolerant.

[Szeth Pancakes he/they]

He dieded.

[NameIess]

An agonizing death. It was quite sad.

[Szeth Pancakes he/they]

But then he revived himself using his reverse death-by-allergic-reaction powers.

[NameIess]

He awoke right in the middle of his funeral, as was customary to narrators.

[Szeth Pancakes he/they]

No one was surprised about this, but they gasped anyway.

[NameIess]

It was traditional. The priest pulling out a hemalurgic spike and stabbing Szeth in the chest, however, was not.

[Szeth Pancakes he/they]

Szeth grinned, a bit of blood coming out of his mouth, and pulled it out.

[NameIess]

The priest pulled off his cloak, revealing that he was actually a steel inquisitor! the crowd gasped in shock.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

Ruin cackled from the crowd of bystanders.

[AonDoor he/him]

He had escaped from the prisons of imprisonment and impersonation.

[Robin Sedai she/her]

Otherwise known as McDonald's.

[AonDoor he/him]

He had been trapped in the playplace for 667 years. What better place to hide the Well of Ascension?

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

The time spent among smelly children and greasy hands had turned his mind into Mr. Miyagi's toenails.

[Robin Sedai she/her]

And the clowns... oh, Harmony, the clowns.

Edited December 18, 2021 by Robin Hatter
bolding text

[NameIess]

Fortunately, there had been no clowns. That would've been bad.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

Yes, it would have been. That was when  Hoid put on a frizzy wig and a big red nose.

[Szeth Pancakes he/they]

Meanwhile, BREADMUNKS!

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

Everyone screamed.

[Robin Sedai she/her]

For ice cream.

[Szeth Pancakes he/they]

You see, the Breadmunk's Famous Ice Cream Roshar branch had just opened.

[ThroughTheLivingSequence she/her/they/them]

Everyone screamed.

[Szeth Pancakes he/they]

The opening of the branch had started three major wars and countless smaller ones.

[Robin Sedai she/her]

As well as an infinite number of downright tiny ones.

[Szeth Pancakes he/they]

Interestingly, due to Cantor diagonalization, there was no way to provide individual names for them all. Thus, they were all named the War of the Rocky Road.