Rules for Surviving a Fantasy World

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

Continuing from 263.

264. If you are a dock worker/mover and you or somebody else notices a container which appears to open from the inside, leave immediately and get as far away from the area as possible. It is almost always a vampire.

265. In the event you come across an abandoned vehicle, whether it be a boat/car/truck, don't go to inspect it. Turn around immediately and forget you ever saw anything.

266. No matter where you are, no matter how safe you feel, always look behind you.

[Nathrangking he/him]

267. If someone dares you to go into the supposedly haunted/ cursed house that no one ever returns from just don't!!

268. If you are recruited to go on a quest to find a magic item which will free a benevolent power don't believe those recruiting you!! Run away!!

[Bartimaeus he/him]

Referring back to 267

269. If one of your friends goes in the haunted house and comes back out unscathed, they are obviously not to be trusted, as they are most likely possessed by a supernatural being.

[Nathrangking he/him]

270. If you are approached by strangers who appear in town out of nowhere to go on some kind of quest be wary as their motives are not to be trusted.

[Singer she/her]

271. never back away from anything for any reason.

272. Avoid getting drunk in taverns. You will inevitably share too much about your quest too loudly and it will lead your enemies to catching up to you.

273. If you are the villain, never turn yourself into a giant anything. You think it's gonna be all cool and terrifying, but it just looks weird and it somehow makes you easier to defeat.

Edited November 15, 2018 by Singer

[+Doomstick he/him]

274: be a character that is only mentioned once 

[Blessed peace he/him]

275: live in the good old days before the bad guy came.

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

13 hours ago, Ookla the boombox said:

274: be a character that is only mentioned once 

That is a really good one!

276. Don't be an innkeeper. Bad things tend to happen at inns.

277. Same goes for being a barkeep.

[Nathrangking he/him]

278. Don't be the one who leads the way or is in the back of a convoy bad things happen to them.

279. Don't ever ask the vilain if that is all that they can throw at him/her it probably is not.

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

280. If a magic sword/object shows you visions, or you hear voices calling you to use it, it is generally a good idea to avoid said magic object.

281. If you happen to find yourself in the middle of a large battle and some loved one is with you, kiss them. 9/10 times, this will make every enemy ignore you, and any hazards will miss. These effects will continue for at least 1 minute, or until the kiss ends.

282. Bad things happen on boats. Don't go on boats. Land travel is always preferable.

283. In the event you are forced to use a boat, choose one with a grumpy (potentially old) captain. They will likely know some safe passage or important folklore that could save your life.

284. Avoid planes. See Rule 282.

285. Always be kind to beggars.

[whattheHoid she/her]

285. A. Beggars could be important, as in they could have bouts of information. *Cough, cough, Hoid!*

[Inky]

286. If you disobey any of these rules and all hope seems lost, do not fret, just keep doing what you're doing and 8/10 times you'll be saved by the almighty powers of either Deus Ex Machina or Plot Armor

Edited January 11, 2019 by Inky

[Kidpen he/him]

On 1/11/2019 at 0:05 PM, Inky said:

286. If you disobey any of these rules and all hope seems lost, do not fret, just keep doing what you're doing and 8/10 times you'll be saved by the almighty powers of either Deus Ex Machina or Plot Armor

287. Please keep in mind this is only true if you are a good guy in a children's book (I use "children's" loosely) or if you are the main character in a story that isn't horror.

[Eluvianii he/him]

288. If you know of someone who has ignored rule 267 and didn't return, by all means enter the same house they did. You'll instantly become the protagonist and with that, unkillable. Then you will proceed to solve the mistery about the house and the previous person's death.

[Gray to he/him]

289. Before going on an adventure, always learn about the geography and culture of land. Too many people die from getting lost in cursed woods or wandering into cursed woods because they didnt know it was cursed

[+Ark1002]

290. If met with unkillable creatures, lock them in a box and throw away the key

[Jaywalk he/him]

291. If you are a peaceful civilian whose existence is threatened by some all-powerful supernatural being, just go on as usual with your life. Inevitably, the protagonist is going to stop it.

[Nathrangking he/him]

292. If you discover musty family heirlooms especially locked chests in a hidden location do not open it. Destroy or hide them where they will never be found.

 

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

293. In the event you are in charge of a fleet of spaceships or similar technology and you are approached by a single ship, order all ships to fire on the ship immediately. If it is not instantly destroyed, order everyone to retreat as fast as possible. The ship is either a trap or piloted by some ace pilot who can miraculously take you all out.

294. Instruct any companions/family members to run away if they see you fighting someone. This will help lower the odds of your enemy throwing an attack at them, forcing you to sacrifice yourself in a dramatic fashion.

295. Make sure your companions/family members know how to dodge, and make sure that they will do so in the event they ignore Rule 294. Stress the advantages of dodging instead of just standing there gaping as an attack heads towards you.

296. In the event your companions/family members are incredibly stupid and ignore your instructions from Rule 294 and 295, don't try to shield them from the attack. Tackle them out of the way instead. You will almost always have enough time to get both of you clear of the attack, so the emotional sacrifice really isn't necessary.

[Dunkum he/him]

297. It is always a bad idea to systematically opress people - opression tends to result in heroes.

298. it is especially always a bad idea to systematically opress peopel who are genetically prone to supernatural powers

299. crazy, old hermits make the best teachers/mentors

[AonEne he/him]

300. Read this list.

301. If you ignore the previous rule, just...try not to antagonize the important people on any side of the conflict. Don't think there's a conflict? You're wrong; there's always a conflict, usually more than one.

[Nathrangking he/him]

302. Do not EVER show visiting dignitaries the weaknesses in your defenses as they may use it against you.

303. Remember old beggars that everyone mocks may yet save your life stay close and be kind.

[Lunamor she/her]

304. Never be the one wearing the red shirt.

(I dunno if this has been said yet)

[Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him]

11 hours ago, Lunamor said:

304. Never be the one wearing the red shirt.

(I dunno if this has been said yet)

Surprisingly, it hasn't been. That's a good one.

[Bartimaeus he/him]

305.  Don’t be that guy who reminisces about loved ones at home, becuase it is a sureway ticket to your death in the next few chapters.

Edited November 29, 2019 by Bartimaeus