Borio Singaldi he/him Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Sixth of the Dusk Spoiler A group of advanced aliens is unable to easily conquer a bunch of seafaring primitives because of business regulations on a world where thinking is dangerous and can get you killed. Also, a guy sees his own dead body everywhere he goes because of a magic bird that's not supposed to be a magic bird. Shadows for Silence Spoiler An old lady makes a living for her family by savagely killing dangerous criminals at night. Edgedancer Spoiler A little girl goes to an upside-down city to hunt down a crazy police officer and pancakes. Secret History Spoiler A heroic psychopath punches two gods in the face after he dies. The Emperor's Soul Spoiler The fate of an empire rests in the hands of a con artist. Allomancer Jak and the Pits of Eltania Spoiler An editor complains about all the flaws in a grossly exaggerated but somehow true story. Elantris Spoiler A bunch of godlike beings turn into zombies and are stuck like that for ten years because they don't know how to draw an extra line on their magic symbols. Mistborn: The Final Empire Spoiler see The Emperor's Soul The Hero of Ages Spoiler A depressed atheist becomes God. 11
Chinsukolo Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 (edited) Original Dune Series Spoiler A group of women who do secret Eugenics program to rule the universe and end up screwing themselves and everyone else, then try to make up for it for the next few millennia Expanded Dune Series Spoiler don't die and let your son partner with Kevin J Anderson or Spoiler if you die... hire Brandon Sanderson to finish your works Firefly Spoiler Manchild and friends play Cowboys and Zombies in space - is then canceled to early The Emperor's Soul Spoiler A highly talented 'criminal' is more ethical and does more for the betterment of her country than the 'legal' politicians who call her criminal. Edited July 6, 2017 by Chinsukolo 3
Did Someone Say Kill Evil? Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 (edited) On 17/05/2017 at 5:29 PM, Andy92 said: Stormlight Archive Hide contents The world is ending because nine guys stabbed a rock. Pretty sure one of them is a chick The Lightweaver I think Edited July 6, 2017 by Did Someone Say Kill Evil? 2
WhiteLeeopard she/her Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 2 hours ago, Did Someone Say Kill Evil? said: Pretty sure one of them is a chick The Lightweaver I think The Heralds are five men and five women, the women are the patrons of the Lightweavers (Shalash), Elsecallers (Battar), Edgedancers (Vedel), Truthwathcers (Paliah), Dustbringers (Chana). 3
Did Someone Say Kill Evil? Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 2 minutes ago, WhiteLeeopard said: The Heralds are five men and five women, the women are the patrons of the Lightweavers (Shalash), Elsecallers (Battar), Edgedancers (Vedel), Truthwathcers (Paliah), Dustbringers (Chana). So the world is ending because 5 chick's and 4 guys stabbed a rock 6
Andy92 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 (edited) @Did Someone Say Kill Evil? You can use the masculine plural when there's a mix of male and female...grammatically speaking. Edited July 6, 2017 by Andy92 2
Khyrindor he/him Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Emperor's Soul: Spoiler A woman's art forgery goes so well, they name it 'Emperor', then the government tries to add her skeleton to their personal collection. Alloy of Law: Spoiler Cowboy Magneto is recruited by the Gotham to take down his ex-best friend, Crowley. Shadows of Self: Spoiler Immortal shape-shifters and God have Cowboy Magneto kill his wife a second time. Bands of Mourning: Spoiler His wife wasn't enough. Cowboy Magneto's thirst for family blood strengthens as he attempts to kill his sister and uncle as well. Instead he dies, and is brought back to life by God so he can get married. 12
ryshadium90 Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Harry Potter Series Spoiler Whole story based off the fact that the villain thought "Harry Potter" was a better nemesis name than "Neville Longbottom". 15
Did Someone Say Kill Evil? Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 18 hours ago, Andy92 said: @Did Someone Say Kill Evil? You can use the masculine plural when there's a mix of male and female...grammatically speaking. The more you know 1
Shqueeves Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 SA szeth Spoiler Aang kills people with a magic sword because some dude has a rock. He dies but doesn't 8
Kered he/him Posted July 14, 2017 Posted July 14, 2017 King Killer Chronicle No kings die. Dude tells a story to another dude. 3
+Extesian he/him Posted July 14, 2017 Posted July 14, 2017 Kingkiller Chronicles A man takes 20 years to write a story about a man who needs 12 hours to prepare a story that takes 48 hours to tell and 500 hours to read. 7
Jonathon Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 This thread: People think way too much about how to make it look like they aren't thinking enough in a futile attempt to get people to like them 7
Shqueeves Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 (edited) Doctor Who: Old young dude does a Wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey with a screwdriver and a box Edited July 17, 2017 by Shqueeves Dude is gender-neutral, cause we're geting a woman doctor 2
Djarskublar he/him Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Harry Potter: Spoiler bk1 Spoiler A 'great wizard' (read as incompetent celebrity) takes the credit for making his friends do all the work, then petrifies Two-Face. bk2 Spoiler A really old bird and Gollum save an incompetent celebrity and his future wife. bk3 Spoiler An incompetent celebrity's dogfather decides chewing legs is more important than saving his godson from a rat. bk4 Spoiler A changeling enters an incompetent celebrity into a tournament he doesn't qualify for and engineers his victory, increasing his notoriety, all to get him to touch a cup he could have called him to his office to touch. bk5 Spoiler A now less incompetent celebrity starts an armed cult to fight another cult. The pansies in the government looks the other way. bk6 Spoiler The leader of the cult started by the less incompetent celebrity dies in order to make the other cult's leader kill the guy who liked the celebrity's mom and to give one of the opposing cultists a stick on the off chance the celebrity would take it back. (I feel like this needs to be reworded for clarity.) bk7 Spoiler The less incompetent celebrity goes into seclusion to hide from the other cult, who now have government support. The celebrity goes back to his cult's home base to use illegal/evil magic, commit arson, and murder the other cult's leader. The cults get in a bar fight over their sacred rock, stick, and rag. You may guess I don't really like Harry Potter from those bad explanations. You would be right. Sword of Shannara Series Spoiler A series of quests to get really angry fighting nothing. Also, there is an old dude that only gets more crotchety and harder to talk to as time goes on. Kingkiller Chronicle Spoiler Gary Sue whines about why he has suffered more than anyone, so he should be left alone. His cat tries to get him to grow a spine. WoK Spoiler A warlord decides killing isn't enough fun any more so he tries manipulation instead. Listening to the voices in his head makes him give up his lightsaber for enough credits to buy some slaves. A sarcastic girl who euthanized her parents tries to cope with reality by embezzling her boss. A grumpy dude decides not to poison himself. Twice. Then he hides behind corpses to keep from getting shot. His pithy one-liner saves everyone. A god-king ritually sacrifices people in his basement. Elantris Spoiler Circumstances have changed so we should change our objective. Again. A heretic who has destroyed nations saves one instead. Warbreaker Spoiler A bunch of zombies politick. A couple of humans incidentally end up being important too. I think some people don't fully understand the point of these. It's isn't supposed to just be a one or two line summary, it also needs to be seriously misinformative without strictly lying. The OP definitely had the best ones so far. 2
TheKittyOfAtlantis Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I don't have good ones for the rest of the series, but here's Firefight: Spoiler The fate of New York City (and quite possibly the world) hangs in the balance of a strategic dispute between a stubborn old man who thinks he knows everything and a stubborn young man who thinks he knows everything. 4
Zennix he/him Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Lord of the Ring Spoiler The world almost ended because some guy forgot to buy a backup engagement ring. 2
Draginon he/him Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians Spoiler I infiltrate a library to steal back a bag of sand because my grandpa was late. 4
Oversleep Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 7 hours ago, Draginon said: Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians Hide contents I infiltrate a library to steal back a bag of sand because my grandpa was late. But... that's a very accurate description! The purpose of the thread is to explain plot badly, noty excellently! 1
Draginon he/him Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 35 minutes ago, Oversleep said: But... that's a very accurate description! The purpose of the thread is to explain plot badly, noty excellently! But it doesn't give context! If someone came along and read that they'd wonder "Why break into a library to steal some sand?! And does his grandpa being late have to do with this? Is he a thief?" so it explains the plot badly, but accurately.
Draginon he/him Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 This group is going to be one big joke: WOT Spoiler Man takes 15 years to write 12 books and dies trying Game of Thrones Spoiler Man takes 20+ years to write 7 books Kingkiller Chronicles Spoiler Man takes a decade to write 3 books Lord of the Rings Spoiler Man takes 17 years to write one book If you get the joke you get a cookie! 7
C. M. Hayden he/him Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 (edited) On 5/16/2017 at 2:57 PM, Kinnsayyy said: The Final Empire: Hide contents A serial killer breaks out of prison, kidnaps a little homeless girl, then starts a cult. That's an improvement. The Kingkiller Chronicles: A boy wants to get into a library and read, but he can't. Later on he buys a shirt. Edited July 20, 2017 by C. M. Hayden 1
Faceless Mist-Wraith he/him Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Elantris Spoiler A love story where a guy not only gets friend zoned, but actually ends up losing to a dead guy. Emperor's Soul Spoiler A thief gives an Emperor her stamp of approval, and tells an old man he can be her imaginary grandpa. Edgedancer Spoiler A thief and a mass murderer hug it out in the rain. (Alternatively) Spoiler A proto-radiant fights a mass murderer in the middle of a storm and forces them to realize the error of their ways... wait, haven't I seen this before? Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell Spoiler A tax collector tries to stop a serial killer, but the serial killer kills him with the remains of their grandmother, which they keep in their closet. The serial killer then frames the tax collector for the murders, leaving them free to continue their reign of terror. The Eleventh Metal Spoiler A madman manipulates a soon-to-be cult leader into killing someone so he can get a fork. 12
mosstheinflatablecow Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Warbreaker Spoiler God uses an annoying squirrel to gain control of all of the nation's armies, which he decides not to use when his life is threatened. Instead, he kills himself. That'll show them! 1
Shqueeves Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Romeo and Juliet Spoiler Two teens meet, get married, and commit double suicide and 4 other deaths 1
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