Cosmere puns (Again)

[Shaggai]

Inspired by the two apparent erstwhile themes (i. e. songs, and the People to Avoid list), I've made this parody. Link to the original

When You're Ruin - (Uh... who's the Cosmere equivalent of Voltaire? Jasnah Kholin?)

When Preservation is too busy

And death is not too much

They call on me by name, you see

For my special touch

To the gentlemen, I'm Miss Fortune

To the ladies, I'm Sir Prize

But call me by any name

Any way it's all the same

I'm the kandra with your bones

I'm the axe that's made of stone

I'm the wraith outside your door

I'm the koloss in the horde

I'm the city as it burns

I'm the one who makes you turn

I'm the spike in your eye

Makes you wriggle and writhe

And it's so easy when you're Ruin

This is the life, you see

Odium tips his hat to me

I do it all because I'm Ruin

And I do it all for free

Your deaths are all the pay I'll ever need

While there's still more falling ash

While there's atium in the cache

While there's 'Quisitors to control

While I still haven't reached my goal

I'll be there, I'll be waiting by the Shardpool

It's a game, I'm glad I'm in it

'Cause there's one born every minute

And it's so easy when you're Ruin

This is the life, you see

Oium tips his hat to me

I do it all because I'm Ruin

And I do it all for free

Your deaths are all the pay I'll ever need

I pledge my allegiance to entropy

And I promise on the Ashmounts' vents

To follow my Intent, Adonalsium

Has never seen a Shard who's quite like me

Not only does his job, but does it happily

I'm the coins shot in the night

I'm the glory of the fight

I'm the Citizen-set fire

I'm the circumstances dire

I'm a slap that breaks your head

And then the spear that strikes you dead

I'm the spike shoved through your heart

A new Inquisitor gets his start

And it's so easy when you're Ruin

This is the life, you see

Odium tips his hat to me

I do it all because I'm Ruin

And I do it all for free

Your deaths are all the pay I'll ever need

And I do it all for free

Your deaths are all the pay I'll ever need

And I do it all for free

Your deaths are all the pay I'll ever need

It gets so lonely being Ruin

What I'd do to see a smile

Even for a little while

And no one loves you when you're Ruin...

I'm lying though my teeth!

Your deaths are all the company I need.

Edited May 9, 2014 by Shaggai

[BreathTaker he/him]

This

[LinkasZelda]

So in a PM, BreathTaker asked if I wanted to do this rap. INSANELY FLATTERED ;//////;

Here you go, friend
(I made a few changes and added some things. Hope that's fine!)

Edited May 9, 2014 by LinkasZelda

[BreathTaker he/him]

Holy Storms girl, that was awesome. Would you PLEASE post the new and improved lyrics

[Glaring at the Survivor he/him]

That rap...

it hurt me so much I impaled my ears with metal, started filling my tinmind with hearing, and made my trip to Ashyn worthwhile...

Haha, just kidding. Nice job.

Aaaaand I can pun practically anything else now. But not Cosmere!

Wait. Why not. Cosmere all out of ideas! (See dat? 'Cos me 're)

Yeah, my puns used to be sp tanavast greatness

[Delightful]

So in a PM, BreathTaker asked if I wanted to do this rap. INSANELY FLATTERED ;//////;

Here you go, friend

(I made a few changes and added some things. Hope that's fine!)

You are a sti-CROCODILE!  what?

 

[Jo and the Bush all/any]

Indeed I have to agree with Delightful in saying that it's absolutely full of Delights. I read Your Sig by the Way Delightful.

[Delightful]

Indeed I have to agree with Delightful in saying that it's absolutely full of Delights. I read Your Sig by the Way Delightful.

Sadly, not enough Turkish Delights.

Suuugaaaarrrrrrr............

[LinkasZelda]

You are a sti-CROCODILE! what?

It was the first hat within reach. But also YEAH ALIGATORS, STORMFATHER!

Lyrics are in the description for the video (in the youtubes) I can't copy and paste from YouTube on my phone.

Edited May 9, 2014 by LinkasZelda

[BreathTaker he/him]

Apparently Breathtaker is already a group of some sort.  It looked like a local rock band but I'm not sure. 

[Left he/him]

Nicely done both of you! I loved the lyrics and the performance. I don't listen to rap normally and I think this Ruins any others that I would ever listen to. I Rayse my hat to you both.

 

Edit: Also do I see Inuyasha on the shelf behind you?

Edited May 9, 2014 by CalebTheGeek

[LinkasZelda]

Nicely done both of you! I loved the lyrics and the performance. I don't listen to rap normally and I think this Ruins any others that I would ever listen to. I Rayse my hat to you both.

 

Edit: Also do I see Inuyasha on the shelf behind you?

 

Thank you, thank you. I had to Steel my nerves and Push my anxieties away to do it! (not really though. The crowd on these forums is pretty nice)

Yes you did. I have a pretty sizable collection of Manga.

[Left he/him]

Nice, I'm Lurching through the series right now. I've had to have some Devotion to get this far because I've had to watch the anime and read the ani-manga in order to fill in the gaps in my library's manga.

[Kasimir he/him]

Why did no one want to go to the pub with the Steel Inquisitor?

Because they were afraid he might spike their drinks!

[BreathTaker he/him]

Have an upvote. That's funny Crem

[Shaggai]

Breathtaker's Cosmere rap was awesome, so I decided to try my hand at Roshar-related rap (hehe, alliteration). Here's my first attempt. I apologize if it's terrible.

Blackthorn

They call me Dalinar Kholin, I'm the storming Blackthorn

Don't try and fight me, little cremling, or you'll wish you're never born

I swing a six-foot storming Shardblade it'll sever your soul

Under my brother to unite all of Alethkar is my goal

If you try and rap against me I'll just turn and cut you down

Hack my way through your whole army and I'll take your prince's crown

Leave his eyes burned out and his body on the ground

Bars deadlier than a whitespine so run when you hear this sound

Blackthorn! Blackthorn! Don't even dare to try

If the Blackthorn comes for you, know that you are gonna die

It's already far too late, so prepare to face your fate

I would say that there's a hope, but I wouldn't want to lie

Blackthorn! Blackthorn! Don't even dare to try

If the Blackthorn comes for you, know that you are gonna die

It's already far too late, so prepare to face your fate

I would say that there's a hope, but I wouldn't want to lie

The Thrill is coming hard

I kill with my storming Shardblade

Use my skill to smash your guards

Rhyming ill like I'm a bard

My Shardplate gives me strength and speed that you can never touch

When the Blackthorn's truly freed I'll leave you walking with a crutch

My syllables will rip you up like a chasmfiend's claws

I'll beat you down 'til finally you say that I'm the boss

Bring my oaths from Kholinar all the way to the Shattered Plains

My Blade Oathbringer hits you and your eyes turn into flames

Blackthorn! Blackthorn! Don't even dare to try

If the Blackthorn comes for you, know that you are gonna die

It's already far too late, so prepare to face your fate

I would say that there's a hope, but I wouldn't want to lie

Blackthorn! Blackthorn! Don't even dare to try

If the Blackthorn comes for you, know that you are gonna die

It's already far too late, so prepare to face your fate

I would say that there's a hope, but I wouldn't want to lie

[Lightsworn Panda he/him]

 

CalebTheGeek, on 08 May 2014 - 04:04 AM, said:

I agree, Compound this and the "You know your a Sanderfan when..." and we'll never run out of groans- I mean laughs.

 

I would say compounding them increases our laughs tenfold.

 

(Collapses from all the bad puns and references)

[Glaring at the Survivor he/him]

*slips and falls*

I'm just that Awesome.

[Left he/him]

(Collapses from all the bad puns and references)

 

Well I hope you didn't hit your head and slip into Darkness.

[BreathTaker he/him]

Great LSP, now you're going to have a crescent scar on your face.

 

"Amaram's line is bulging in this direction" heh

Edited May 10, 2014 by BreathTaker

[Glaring at the Survivor he/him]

Well I hope you didn't hit your head and slip into Darkness.

 

Fatal error: Allowed memory size of 387973120 bytes exhausted (tried to allocate 442165552 bytes) in Unknown on line 0

Just turn up the friction... Stick instead of Slick. (And that's a double-pun. OH YEAH!)

[Steel he/him]

I steel haven't been able to think of any puns for this groan worthy thread

[Delightful]

I steel haven't been able to think of any puns for this groan worthy thread

That was Breath-takingly awful. 

[BreathTaker he/him]

Awwwww

[Fifth of Daybreak he/him]

Why did Susebron get an iphone?

So he could ask Siri questions whenever he wants.

Edited May 29, 2014 by EMTrevor