Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[+Slowswift]

Twi... on a scale of 1 to Mt. St. Helens, how furious would your mom be at this paragraph?

 

WE WARN that individuals ... who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. ...

Edited February 14, 2016 by Slowswift

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Twi... on a scale of 1 to Mt. St. Helens, how furious would your mom be at this paragraph?

 

If she read it, she'd actually support it. She would caution that people need to be careful about not considering discipline abuse, but she would support those words. 

 

If she was told, "Well, you're an abusive parent; see every article on emotional abuse Twi has read in the past year and a half," she'd explode. Not like Mt. St. Helens. More like the Toba Event.  

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Twi... on a scale of 1 to Mt. St. Helens, how furious would your mom be at this paragraph?

Bad idea, that's her game field. Keep it focused on the job, that you do not want to divide your focus, etc. That if she wants to support you, actually do so.

Walk away if you need to. Whatever problems that causes will be less than if you do happen to blow up.

[+Slowswift]

If she read it, she'd actually support it. She would caution that people need to be careful about not considering discipline abuse, but she would support those words. 

 

If she was told, "Well, you're an abusive parent; see every article on emotional abuse Twi has read in the past year and a half," she'd explode. Not like Mt. St. Helens. More like the Toba Event.

 

Doesn't surprise me. Yay for twisting words! [/sarcasm] She does know mental manipulation is still abuse, right?

 

Bad idea, that's her game field. Keep it focused on the job, that you do not want to divide your focus, etc. That if she wants to support you, actually do so.

Walk away if you need to. Whatever problems that causes will be less than if you do happen to blow up.

 

I know; I wasn't suggesting she actually show it to her. That is actually good advice.

Edited February 14, 2016 by Slowswift

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Bad idea, that's her game field. Keep it focused on the job, that you do not want to divide your focus, etc. That if she wants to support you, actually do so.

Walk away if you need to. Whatever problems that causes will be less than if you do happen to blow up.

 

She wants to talk about it again later. I need a way to explain my behavior that doesn't implicate her. 

 

Doesn't surprise me. Yay for twisting words! [/sarcasm] She does know mental manipulation is still abuse, right?

 

Nope. See, there's this wonderful author and all-around fabulous human being named James Dobson who wrote some childrearing manuals. One of them is called The Strong-Willed Child, and it was on my parents' shelf constantly as I was growing up. I read it not too long ago—well, part of it. It's basically a guide to mental manipulation and asserting dominance over your child. In fact, he says parents need to assert dominance over their children, because kids want boundaries and no measure is too far in enforcing those boundaries. 

 

I had to put the book down after thirty pages. I was getting anxiety attacks.  

[+Slowswift]

She wants to talk about it again later. I need a way to explain my behavior that doesn't implicate her. 

 

 

Nope. See, there's this wonderful author and all-around fabulous human being named James Dobson who wrote some childrearing manuals. One of them is called The Strong-Willed Child, and it was on my parents' shelf constantly as I was growing up. I read it not too long ago—well, part of it. It's basically a guide to mental manipulation and asserting dominance over your child. In fact, he says parents need to assert dominance over their children, because kids want boundaries and no measure is too far in enforcing those boundaries. 

 

I had to put the book down after thirty pages. I was getting anxiety attacks.

 

I guess I can add that book to my "I Am Totally Against Banning/Burning Books, But..." list.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

How's this sound? 

 

"You said I've been surly lately—and honestly, you're right. I thought about it, and I guess that I've been that way because….I don't really know what to do with my life. I have a degree, sure, but as for the rest of it? I'm clueless. And I was withdrawing because I was rethinking everything, and that just made me unhappy." 

 

Something like that? Plausible? Not plausible? 

[Orlion Blight he/him]

It's kinda hard not to implicate her, but if you need another alibi, you could blame the combined stress of working, job hunting, and selling the home.

Or you can spray her with holy water.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

It's kinda hard not to implicate her, but if you need another alibi, you could blame the combined stress of working, job hunting, and selling the home.

Or you can spray her with holy water.

 

She'd point to that as the root of my problems. "You're turning your back on everything you were raised to believe! You're becoming a Catholic heeeaaaatheeeeennnnnnn!"  

 

What I need is a problem she can solve, one that implicates her as little as possible. She feels powerful when she's a problem solver. 

 

Maybe something more like this? 

 

"I know you were trying to help, and I'm grateful for that. But all of the questions made me nervous. I know that's weird and dumb, but it just reminded me of how ill-prepared I felt." 

[Orlion Blight he/him]

It'd be better to give her the problem of shutting her trap to solve. (My, aren't I contentious today? )

The main issue that I see is that boundaries need to be set. Even if it's a thanks no thanks. She needs to understand that prepping for Louisiana while it is still a very real possibility takes priority. Otherwise, she will definitely continue on that course of belittling and manipulating you as much as possible.

You don't have to be as confrontational about it as I'm implying, but you shouldn't accept any blame either.

Edit: these are of course, my opinion. What you have framed do far as far as a response is good...I just wish you were able to leave the situation in bombastic fashion

Edited February 14, 2016 by Lying Orlion

[Kaymyth she/her]

She'd point to that as the root of my problems. "You're turning your back on everything you were raised to believe! You're becoming a Catholic heeeaaaatheeeeennnnnnn!"

 

What I need is a problem she can solve, one that implicates her as little as possible. She feels powerful when she's a problem solver. 

 

Maybe something more like this? 

 

"I know you were trying to help, and I'm grateful for that. But all of the questions made me nervous. I know that's weird and dumb, but it just reminded me of how ill-prepared I felt." 

 

A...a "Catholic heathen"?  Does she not understand the definition of those two words are sort of mutually exclusive? 

 

How about having her solve the problem of still owing you money for your brother's plane ticket?

 

It'd be better to give her the problem of shutting her trap to solve. (My, aren't I contentious today? )

The main issue that I see is that boundaries need to be set. Even if it's a thanks no thanks. She needs to understand that prepping for Louisiana while it is still a very real possibility takes priority. Otherwise, she will definitely continue on that course of belittling and manipulating you as much as possible.

You don't have to be as confrontational about it as I'm implying, but you shouldn't accept any blame either.

Edit: these are of course, my opinion. What you have framed do far as far as a response is good...I just wish you were able to leave the situation in bombastic fashion

 

I approve of Contentious Orlion.

[Delightful]

Uhhhh

Can you go with "my behaviour isn't up for discussion" and walk out? Set your own boundaries.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Uhhhh

Can you go with "my behaviour isn't up for discussion" and walk out? Set your own boundaries.

 

She doesn't believe in boundaries for anyone but herself and my dad. 

[Delightful]

She doesn't believe in boundaries for anyone but herself and my dad.

So set a boundary and build a wall with fortified turrets.

In all seriousness, part of being an adult is setting your own boundaries. If you dont apologise, and you tell her it's not up for discussion, and then refuse to engage further, there's really nothing she can do. I mean she can talk your ear off but you don't have to listen. Eventually she'll figure out its not worth talking to you because her heathen lost daughter won't even talk to her now woe is to her!

Just don't apologise, don't talk to her about it, if she starts on you interrupt and firmly say "mother it's not up for discussion", she'll freak about you being disrespectful, just turn around and walk off. Use some of that anger.

Seriously, you owe her nothing. Okay maybe you owe her a little for feeding you as a child but that doesn't mean she gets to walk all over you. Be someone who won't be intimidated.

*hugs* ❤️❤️

Edited February 14, 2016 by Delightful

[Left he/him]

Somethings bugging my best friend today, and there's not really anything I can do because she's barely talking and I don't know what's wrong. I'm pretty sure she needs space, than lots of hugs, I just don't like being powerless.

....and my crush is sick too. Sigh....

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

It worked! When my mom asked if I'd thought any more about what she'd said, I told her I've just been nervous, really hoping this New Orleans job works out; but at the same time, I'm worried about living so far from home. She said it made a lot of sense and laid off. 

 

Now that I've mollified her, I can pretend to play by my parents' rules until I'm out of here.  

[Briar King]

Louisiana needs you so don't back out. Having another Sharder here will rock. I maybe the only one here that post regularly atm?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Louisiana needs you so don't back out. Having another Sharder here will rock. I maybe the only one here that post regularly atm?

 

Only one I've seen. I'm one of the few Arizonans, but I don't want to be an Arizonan anymore.  

[+Slowswift]

Only one I've seen. I'm one of the few Arizonans, but I don't want to be an Arizonan anymore.

 

I still kinda have a grudge on your state after I "visited" the Grand Canyon but wasn't able to see any of it, which was made ten times worse by the fact that you don't do Daylight Savings, so I was starving for an extra hour.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I still kinda have a grudge on your state after I "visited" the Grand Canyon but wasn't able to see any of it, which was made ten times worse by the fact that you don't do Daylight Savings, so I was starving for an extra hour.

I have a grudge against my own state, so I don't blame you. Why weren't you able to see any of the Grand Canyon?

[+Slowswift]

I have a grudge against my own state, so I don't blame you. Why weren't you able to see any of the Grand Canyon?

 

Just didn't work out. :/ We hiked like half a mile and there was a crack in the ground and that was it. I think we just got lost or picked a bad spot to hike around in.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Just didn't work out. :/ We hiked like half a mile and there was a crack in the ground and that was it. I think we just got lost or picked a bad spot to hike around in.

That sucks. If it helps, here's a list of fun things to do, should you ever visit Tucson:

Throw cactuses at people

Go outside and see how long you can last

Coyote hunting

Eat dirt

???????

Nothing

Old people?

Still nothing

Cactus

[+Slowswift]

That sucks. If it helps, here's a list of fun things to do, should you ever visit Tucson:

Throw cactuses at people

Go outside and see how long you can last

Coyote hunting

Eat dirt

???????

Nothing

Old people?

Still nothing

Cactus

 

Well, it was a fairly large crack in the ground, but it was the worst possible vantage point.

 

I'll keep those in mind.  (Isn't there a LDS Temple in Tuscon? I know there's one somewhere around there.)

Edited February 15, 2016 by Slowswift

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Well, it was a fairly large crack in the ground, but it was the worst possible vantage point.

I'll keep those in mind. (Isn't there a LDS Temple in Tuscon? I know there's one somewhere around there.)

I haven't seen the Grand Canyon the entire time I've lived here.

(I think so. I'm the wrong person t ask, though.)

[Orlion Blight he/him]

What about the San Xavier church just outside of Tucson?! And the Desert Museum?! Nothing to do...bah!