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[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

So. Today I went to see psychologist for the first time in my life. I basically learnt that I might have worse mental and neurological problems than I ever considered. But what's important is that they told me that I definitely need some sort of help. Th GP and student counsellor also said so.

And all my life I was told that I am just exaggerating and that I don't have any problems. But the moment I started talking to proffesionals they all said that I do.

I just feel like my whole life was a lie.

You were lied to. It doesn't mean your life was a lie; it means someone deceived you. This isn't your fault in any way.

[Orlion Blight he/him]

You were lied to. It doesn't mean your life was a lie; it means someone deceived you. This isn't your fault in any way.

Absolutely. Other folks' incompetence does not devalue your experience or your view.

Continue sticking with professionals and you'll do fine

[Left he/him]

So I started physics two about two weeks ago, and I'm really struggling. I did pretty well in physics one, but I'm falling further and further back now, and I'm really starting to panic. I don't think the material is actually harder to do, but learning it has been ridiculously hard. The material just keeps evading me, and I've been struggling trying to make the time for studying.

While my life is busy beyond optimal, I'm inclined to blame the book more than myself on this one. It's giving me a ton of information, but not making it clear what I actually need to know, and not explaining those parts very clearly.

[Claincy he/him]

I appear to have sprained my right wrist again, that or partially crushed the median nerve again.

Either way it's pretty painful, can't flex as well and can't deal with as much weight/force.

 

It doesn't even make for a good story; I probably just slept with my head on it again cos apparently I'm an idiot and my body has all the resilience of soft putty.

 

(I do know better than to deliberately sleep like that, but if I wake up fractionally during the night and shift position I occasionally do it without noticing.)

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

You were lied to. It doesn't mean your life was a lie; it means someone deceived you. This isn't your fault in any way.

 

Absolutely. Other folks' incompetence does not devalue your experience or your view.

Continue sticking with professionals and you'll do fine

Thanks guys.

 

I mean, I started to see that this way of thinking was wrong and that's why I decided to seek help. But you know, 20 years of people (especially parents, and you know, kids generally tend to trust parents) saying "You're just exaggerating" and "Quit complaining, other people have it worse than you." really got to me. I mean, I understand that my life situation is not exactly normal, but I still can't stop thinking that talking to doctors is basically just looking for excuse. And that I should be able to deal with all of it in my own. And I'm not even sure if I'm responding to doctor's questions truthfully. What if I subconciously exaggerate, because I want to blame something else than my personality? What if I subconciously understate because I am trying not to exaggerate? Or maybe I don't, but I'm definitely overthinking everything at the moment.

 

To be honest I don't even know anymore which thoughts are my own, which ones are the ones I was taught and which ones are the ones I learned myself, to somehow survive in this weird society. I don't know, maybe even my whole personality is fake. Well, this last sentence is stupid, but I got really confused today. Before I thought I might have problems, but I thought I understand myself pretty well. But when the psychologist started asking me questions I never even thought to ask myself, I realised that I lie to myself all the time, and I don't even notice it anymore. You know this saying "Repeat a lie a thousand times and it becomes the truth."? Because that's how I feel at the moment and I have absolutely no idea what's going on. 

 

I don't know if my whole life was a lie. But I certainly feel right now that it could've been. It's a really difficult thought. 

 

EDIT: Sorry, for talking about it, I'm pretty sure none of you wants to read this kind of stuff. It's just I feel like talking, but I have no one to talk to, and anonymous people on internet just kind of put me at ease. So if you're bothered, just don't read it, okay?

Edited December 11, 2015 by Pestis the Spider

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Thanks guys.

I mean, I started to see that this way of thinking was wrong and that's why I decided to seek help. But you know, 20 years of people (especially parents, and you know, kids generally tend to trust parents) saying "You're just exaggerating" and "Quit complaining, other people have it worse than you." really got to me. I mean, I understand that my life situation is not exactly normal, but I still can't stop thinking that talking to doctors is basically just looking for excuse. And that I should be able to deal with all of it in my own. And I'm not even sure if I'm responding to doctor's questions truthfully. What if I subconciously exaggerate, because I want to blame something else than my personality? What if I subconciously understate because I am trying not to exaggerate? Or maybe I don't, but I'm definitely overthinking everything at the moment.

To be honest I don't even know anymore which thoughts are my own, which ones are the ones I was taught and which ones are the ones I learned myself, to somehow survive in this weird society. I don't know, maybe even my whole personality is fake. Well, this last sentence is stupid, but I got really confused today. Before I thought I might have problems, but I thought I understand myself pretty well. But when the psychologist started asking me questions I never even thought to ask myself, I realised that I lie to myself all the time, and I don't even notice it anymore. You know this saying "Repeat a lie a thousand times and it becomes the truth."? Because that's how I feel at the moment and I have absolutely no idea what's going on.

I don't know if my whole life was a lie. But I certainly feel right now that it could've been. It's a really difficult thought.

EDIT: Sorry, for talking about it, I'm pretty sure none of you wants to read this kind of stuff. It's just I feel like talking, but I have no one to talk to, and anonymous people on internet just kind of put me at ease. So if you're bothered, just don't read it, okay?

As someone who has found venting to people on the Internet to be enormously helpful, I'm definitely not bothered. If my reading and responding helps you, I'm happy to do it.

Did your therapist bring up gaslighting? Because that's what it sounds like you went through--being told your perceptions weren't true, weren't valid, to the point where you don't know what's real--and for me, being able to name what was going on was really helpful. And it sounds like your therapist is doing a good job.

[Pestis the Spider she/her]

Did your therapist bring up gaslighting? Because that's what it sounds like you went through--being told your perceptions weren't true, weren't valid, to the point where you don't know what's real--and for me, being able to name what was going on was really helpful. And it sounds like your therapist is doing a good job.

No, he didn't really bring it up, I didn't really bring it up. To be honest I'm still waitng for an appointment with an actual therapist that my GP referred me to. This therapist I met today is with my University, so even though he is an actual therapist and everything, his main purpose is to help students with their studies, which means that basically he needs to operate in a slightly different manner. The thing is that I went to student counselling with all my problems and a mention of possible reason for that. So the student counselling service reffered me to the other student service, which agreed with possibility of that reason existing and referred me to one of their psychologists to test it. So because uni services work the way they work, my whole meeting (2.5h) with therapist was about testing that "reason". And basically when he started to ask me more difficult questions I started to realise that I am confused and really unsure about the answers. Only after few hours of thinking at home I realised to what extend it goes, and I will totally mention it next time. But the therapist said that I need more proper testing (that was just basics) for one possible reason and other possible reason (differential diagnosis, this kind of thing), and that I generally need also general therapy help, beacuse during testing there is really no time for anything beside it. He actually said he's going to talk with uni, if they can provide me this sort of therapy, but they usually don't deal with this sort of things. They only help with studies, and I need general life help  (studies included). So I kind of count on the therapist referral from GP, because they  kind of get more freedom into what's covered during meetings. Or at least I think so.  

 

Well, it's almost Christmas, I'm going back home during that time, uni services are not operating, so I don't know how soon I'm going to meet anyone about this issue again. And the referral letter is just taking it's time to arrive, because NHS just is this way. Oh well. 

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Talking it out with professionals will help you sort things out. It helped me out.

Sure, where I am at now, what I believe and cherish, would make it seem like 27 years of my life was a waste, pointless...And how can I build a life on my new direction with such a nebulous base?

Turns out that, in my case, actually finding out who I am, naturally, and making sense of it makes for a much better foundation. All this thanks to some psychological sessions... Sessions which my parents would say were fraudulent at best, but were probably actively evil.

So push onward!

[Guest]

 

...

 

You tell the doctors exactly this, in its entirety. 

[Kestrel she/her]

And now I'm in tears. I'm not sure how much of this I can handle. Tonight was too much.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

And now I'm in tears. I'm not sure how much of this I can handle. Tonight was too much.

What happened?

[Kestrel she/her]

My mom came in and fussed more about grades, because I probably won't make an A in english. Might pull through in history but.. oh well. And then it went back to mental health and I. Just. More mental breakdowns. Yippie. For the record, she still thinks that suddenly gaining a boost of confidence is a thing that actually happens. That's kinda hard when your will to exist has gone who knows where.

Who am I kidding. She won't even get me medicine for the planter's wart I've had on the bottom of my foot for a month and a half; I have no idea why I expect this to be any better.

[Kaymyth she/her]

My mom came in and fussed more about grades, because I probably won't make an A in english. Might pull through in history but.. oh well. And then it went back to mental health and I. Just. More mental breakdowns. Yippie. For the record, she still thinks that suddenly gaining a boost of confidence is a thing that actually happens. That's kinda hard when your will to exist has gone who knows where.

Who am I kidding. She won't even get me medicine for the planter's wart I've had on the bottom of my foot for a month and a half; I have no idea why I expect this to be any better.

 

There is nothing wrong with a good, solid B. *hugs*

 

And...a plantar's wart?  That she won't take you to the doctor for?!  I had one of those in junior high; they hurt! 

[Kestrel she/her]

Tell that to them. Because anything less than an A isn't trying hard enough.

Not even the doctor, you can literally buy over the counter medicine for it but no. I'm tempted to walk to the drug store myself, honestky.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

My mom came in and fussed more about grades, because I probably won't make an A in english. Might pull through in history but.. oh well. And then it went back to mental health and I. Just. More mental breakdowns. Yippie. For the record, she still thinks that suddenly gaining a boost of confidence is a thing that actually happens. That's kinda hard when your will to exist has gone who knows where.

Who am I kidding. She won't even get me medicine for the planter's wart I've had on the bottom of my foot for a month and a half; I have no idea why I expect this to be any better.

You expect it to be better because it SHOULD be better. Mothers should get medicine for their kids, not ignore the conditions that call for it. Mothers SHOULD be sympathetic to their kids' mental health issues, even if they don't completely understand them. Mothers SHOULD be happy with a solid B and believe their kids when they say it's the best they can do. She's the one who's falling short here, not you.

[Kaymyth she/her]

Tell that to them. Because anything less than an A isn't trying hard enough.

Not even the doctor, you can literally buy over the counter medicine for it but no. I'm tempted to walk to the drug store myself, honestky.

 

I'd say, "Give me their number," but the things I'd say to them would probably just get you into trouble. 

Edited December 11, 2015 by Kaymyth

[Orlion Blight he/him]

I'd say, "Give me their number," but the things I'd say to them would probably just get you into trouble.

Kaymyth: Hey! Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

Lark Parent: Huh? What?

Kaymyth: Well, you better let him out! *Snickers and then hangs up*

Lark Parent:..... Lark, what the hell?!

[Kaymyth she/her]

Kaymyth: Hey! Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

Lark Parent: Huh? What?

Kaymyth: Well, you better let him out! *Snickers and then hangs up*

Lark Parent:..... Lark, what the hell?!

 

That is...not even in the same ZIP code as where I was going with that. 

 

 

ETA:  Lark, I know you're nervous to do it, but I really encourage you to talk to someone.  Your school counselor, band director, someone.  The lack of medical attention goes straight past clueless and into the realm of parental neglect.  Helping you is part of your teachers' jobs.

Edited December 11, 2015 by Kaymyth

[Seonid he/him]

I hate finals week. Just hate it. All over the place. All I want is to quit my job, finish school, and be able to spend my days with my wife and son. And writing my fantasy novels. Is that too much to ask?

[Delightful]

Kaymyth: Hey! Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

Lark Parent: Huh? What?

Kaymyth: Well, you better let him out! *Snickers and then hangs up*

Lark Parent:..... Lark, what the hell?!

I don't geddit.

[ChickenPlague he/him]

I don't geddit.

Me too

[Orlion Blight he/him]

Well, you see, Prince Albert was a brand of chewing tobacco that was sold in bags and cans, so naturally stores would get inquiries as to whether or not they sold it in cans. Some delightful skamps decided to prank call a store with this query and when the store responded in the affirmative, they advised the establishment to "let him out"and hung up.

Or we're over-thinking this and there wasn't anything to "get"

[Mistrunner]

If a teacher could possibly grade the final product instead of the notes leading to it, that would be great, seeing as the way I take notes usually makes sense to no one but me and when they're graded I have to write (and sometimes rewrite) them in a weird standardized format that leaves me staring at a computer screen in total frustration and eventually just giving up to go post on the Shard.

 

Notes are personal.

 

Just grade the stupid essay.

[Delightful]

Ick. I'm sorry.

Is she marking the notes themselves, or just that they exist? Sounds like she's just checking you're not doing it all last minute to me.

[Mistrunner]

Ick. I'm sorry.

Is she marking the notes themselves, or just that they exist? Sounds like she's just checking you're not doing it all last minute to me.

They're a major grade. It's really annoying.