Sanderson Memes

[Going_North_cal]

On 4/19/2022 at 9:24 PM, Botanica said:

A friend asked me to do this, Arknights style Kelsier profile page  (Just imagine some Cosmere gatcha game...)

 

KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS 

[Guest]

[Frustration]

9 minutes ago, Blake Hawklow said:

I am certain I've seen this before.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

On 4/19/2022 at 7:24 PM, Botanica said:

A friend asked me to do this, Arknights style Kelsier profile page  (Just imagine some Cosmere gatcha game...)

 

I love it. I LOVE IT. Cat ears and all, this is amazing.

On 4/25/2022 at 6:58 PM, Doomslug The Destroyer said:

KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS  KELSIER WIT DA CAT EARS 

I don't care.

[Robin Sedai she/her]

[Lego Mistborn he/him]

I've used one Cosmere curse word and only because I had to. Irl curse words I've used none

[Kvothe the Bloodless he/him]

 

Spoiler

 

Edited April 30, 2022 by Kvothe the Bloodless

[AonDoor he/him]

On 4/28/2022 at 10:23 AM, Frustration said:

I am certain I've seen this before.

I believe it's somewhere near the beginning of this thread.

 

On 4/30/2022 at 8:42 AM, Kvothe the Bloodless said:

 

  Hide contents

 

That one has also been done. Sorry!

[Kvothe the Bloodless he/him]

Quote

That one has also been done. Sorry!

Sorry, I didn't know, but honestly im not surprised

[Mage he/him]

[Kvothe the Bloodless he/him]

More memes cuz...memes (and also boredom)

Spoiler

 

Edited May 11, 2022 by Kvothe the Bloodless

[Guest]

The kickstarter one made me laugh. Have an upvote!

[Kvothe the Bloodless he/him]

1 minute ago, Blake Hawklow said:

The kickstarter one made me laugh. Have an upvote!

Hehehe thanks

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

I too have discovered this:

Vin to Kelsier: Me? I'm the bee knees, but, you? You're just...
Elend: Cockroach ankles!
Vin: Ye- uh, what?

Kelsier: The moon looks beautiful, doesn’t it?
Elend, looking at Kelsier: Yeah… but do you know what’s more beautiful?
Kelsier and Elend in unison: *sighs* Vin

Vin, knocking on the door: Kelsier, open up!
Kelsier: It all started when I was a kid.
Vin: That’s not what I-
Elend: Let him finish!

Elend: Vin and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us.
Kelsier: What did you do?
Elend: She chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and-
Vin: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?

Kelsier: I am strong! I beat Elend at arm wrestling!
Vin: Anyone can beat Elend at arm wrestling!
Elend: Hey-

Kelsier: If you water water, it grows.
Vin: ...What.
Spook: He's got a point.

Elend, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?
Vin: It means like in hand-to-hand combat.
Elend: Ohhhh-
Dockson: Both of you get out of this kitchen.

Syl: Would you slap Shallan-
Kaladin: Yes.
Syl: I didn't even finish!
Kaladin: Sorry, continue.
Syl: Would you slap Shallan for 10 dollars?
Kaladin: I would do it for free.
Shallan: Rude...

Shallan: Guess what number I’m thinking of.
Kaladin: 420?
Shallan: No, that’s really immature of you. Someone else guess, and please take this seriously.
Syl: 69.
Shallan: Yeah it was 69.

Shallan: Kaladin won’t come out of their room!
Syl: Just tell them I said something.
Shallan: Like what?
Syl: Anything factually incorrect.
Shallan, shrugging: If you say so.
Kaladin, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, EmulatonStromenkiin said:

I too have discovered this:

Vin to Kelsier: Me? I'm the bee knees, but, you? You're just...
Elend: Cockroach ankles!
Vin: Ye- uh, what?

Kelsier: The moon looks beautiful, doesn’t it?
Elend, looking at Kelsier: Yeah… but do you know what’s more beautiful?
Kelsier and Elend in unison: *sighs* Vin

Vin, knocking on the door: Kelsier, open up!
Kelsier: It all started when I was a kid.
Vin: That’s not what I-
Elend: Let him finish!

Elend: Vin and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us.
Kelsier: What did you do?
Elend: She chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and-
Vin: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?

Kelsier: I am strong! I beat Elend at arm wrestling!
Vin: Anyone can beat Elend at arm wrestling!
Elend: Hey-

Kelsier: If you water water, it grows.
Vin: ...What.
Spook: He's got a point.

Elend, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?
Vin: It means like in hand-to-hand combat.
Elend: Ohhhh-
Dockson: Both of you get out of this kitchen.

Syl: Would you slap Shallan-
Kaladin: Yes.
Syl: I didn't even finish!
Kaladin: Sorry, continue.
Syl: Would you slap Shallan for 10 dollars?
Kaladin: I would do it for free.
Shallan: Rude...

Shallan: Guess what number I’m thinking of.
Kaladin: 420?
Shallan: No, that’s really immature of you. Someone else guess, and please take this seriously.
Syl: 69.
Shallan: Yeah it was 69.

Shallan: Kaladin won’t come out of their room!
Syl: Just tell them I said something.
Shallan: Like what?
Syl: Anything factually incorrect.
Shallan, shrugging: If you say so.
Kaladin, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?

Lmao 

 

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

Syl: I told Kaladin that their ears turn red when they lie.
Adolin: Do they?
Syl: No.
Adolin: Then why did you tell them that?
Syl: Because I can do this.
Syl: Hey Kaladin! Do you love us?
Kaladin, with their hands over their ears: No

Shallan: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?
Adolin: Aww-
Shallan: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!

Adolin: Ew. What kind of tea is this?
Shallan: I boiled gatorade.

Kaladin: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen.
Shallan: That’s a snake.

Adolin: How are you today?
Kaladin: Please don’t make me think about my life.

Shallan: What the hell were you thinking?
Kaladin: I heard releasing birds at a wedding is romantic!
Shallan: You released OSTRICHES!

Syl: Is stabbing someone immoral?
Shallan: Not if they consent to it.
Kaladin: Depends on who your stabbing.
Adolin: YES??!!?

Navani: I need 28 lightbulbs for 28 ducks.
Shallan: Ducks can’t eat lightbulbs?
Kaladin: I think that’s the point.
Navani: Exactly. I want my ducks to glow so I can find them.

Adolin: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Shallan!
Shallan: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this

Dalinar: Are you having another depressive episode?
Kaladin: A depressive episode?
Kaladin: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one

 

[Personification he/him]

On 5/13/2022 at 5:18 PM, EmulatonStromenkiin said:

Syl: Is stabbing someone immoral?
Shallan: Not if they consent to it.
Kaladin: Depends on who your stabbing.
Adolin: YES??!!?

I would flip the bottom two attributions because, ya know, [WoR Spoilers].

Also:

Person: ...and you are a hypocrite!

Dalinar: Sometimes, a hypocrite is just someone in the process of changing.

Bavadin: I'm not a hypocrite, we are a god. There's a difference.

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

19 hours ago, Personification said:

I would flip the bottom two attributions because, ya know, [WoR Spoilers].

Also:

Person: ...and you are a hypocrite!

Dalinar: Sometimes, a hypocrite is just someone in the process of changing.

Bavadin: I'm not a hypocrite, we are a god. There's a difference.

It could go either way.

Many sharders: 

DramaQueen: How do you connect with a fictional character?
person 1: What?
person 2: What?
person 3: What?
Person 4: *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

Thank you for posting, now another quote dump: (spoiler for size)

Roshar:

Spoiler

 

Odium: Well you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific. It was because shut up. Shut up is why.

Odium: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute idiocy, I am going to revoke your life privileges

Teft: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.(not the best, who do you think this fits better?)

Me: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.

Kaladin: Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices.
Kaladin: Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time.

Odium: You seem familiar... have I threatened you before?

Jasnah: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?
Shallan: Put spaghetti in it.
Jasnah: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.
Hoid: Put spaghetti in it.
Jasnah: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.
Lift: Put spaghetti in it.
Jasnah: I am no longer taking suggestions.

Blackthorn: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

Shallan, handing a balloon to Kaladin: I have no soul. Have a good day!
Kaladin, walking off: I don't have one either.

Kaladin: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Shallan: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents.
Kaladin: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you.
Renarin: Actually I did the math, Person B would have $225, not $0.15.
Kaladin: Fam I’m right here....
Lift: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda
Kaladin: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Lift: Sorry I only have a dollar.
Kaladin:
Renarin: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Person B would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.
Lift: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice.
Renarin: You can buy anything you want with $22,500.
Adolin: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice.
Renarin: Apply juice to what.
Adolin: Directly to the forehead.
Kaladin: Great chat everyone.

*At a bank teller window*
Lift, in a bad Italian accent: I'd like-a to make-a da deposit!
Teller: HEY BUDDY, WAIT, I REMEMBER YOU!
Lift: *Frantically pours marinara sauce into the vacuum tube*
Teller: STORMIT, IT'S THEM AGAIN!

Dalinar: So, Lift is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Shallan: Why?
Dalinar: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Lift, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your butt.

Amaram: Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!?
Wit: Well. How would you like me to mock you? I take requests.

Shallan: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
Navani: Which came first, the orange or the orange?
Renarin: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago.
Kaladin: What was the color called before then?
Lift: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!

Dalinar, setting down a card: Ace of spades.
Shallan, pulling out an Uno card: +4.
Lift, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!
Kaladin, trembling: What are we playing?!

 

Scadrial:

Spoiler

Ham: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Ham: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.
Spook: Socks are Feetie Heaties.
Dox: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.
Kelsier: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.
Vin: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.
Breeze: I hate you guys so much

Kelsier: Croissants: dropped
Dox: Road: works ahead
Elend: BBQ sauce: on my face
Spook: Shavacado: fre
Ham: Miss Keisha: very dead
Breeze:
Breeze: ...I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Kelsier: I’m the smartest person in my friend group.
Elend: You hang out with Ham, Spook, Dox, and Breeze.
Elend: It’s not as high a compliment as you think.

Elend: The floor is lava!
Ham: *helps Breeze onto the counter*
Spook: *kicks Dox off the sofa*
Vin: *lays on the floor*
Elend: ...Are you okay?
Vin: No.

Kelsier: Rules were made to be broken.
Elend: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Ham: Uh, piñatas.
Dox: Glow sticks.
Kelsier: Karate boards.
Vin: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Breeze: Rules.
Elend:

Spook: Between Kelsier, Vin, Dox, and Breeze -- if you had to -- who would you punch?
Elend: No one! They're my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them.
Spook: Dox?
Elend: Yeah, but I don't know why.

Dox: We’re kind of missing something guys.
Vin: Cohesion?
Spook: Teamwork?
Ham: A general sense of what we’re doing?
Elend: And Kelsier is not here.
Vin: Oh, and that, yeah.

Vin: Stressed.
Kelsier: Depressed.
Dox: Possessed.
Elend: Obsessed.
Spook: Impressed.
Ham: Chicken breast.
Everyone: ...What?
Ham: I just wanted to join in

Kelsier: So, did everyone learn their lesson?
Spook: No.
Breeze: I did not.
Ham: I may have actually forgotten one.
Elend: Also no.
Kelsier: Oh good, neither did I.
Dox: *Exhausted sigh*

Breeze: I can’t tell if you’re a genius or just incredibly arrogant.
Kelsier: Well, on a good day, I’m both.

Sel:

Spoiler

Sarene: You’re just being paranoid. Again.
Iadon: When have I been paranoid?
Sarene: Um, when you first met Dilaf you thought they were an undercover cop…?
Iadon: No one has a wart that big, I thought it was a surveillance camera!
Sarene: And last year you were sure Hrathen was a mermaid!
Iadon: They hate wearing shirts! COINCIDENCE?!
*Later, when Kiin’s theory is proven wrong*
Sarene: Do you have anything to say for yourself?
Iadon: I still think Hrathen is a mermaid.

Dilaf: You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon.
Dilaf: It's me.

Raoden: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Sarene: Maybe a bit tipsy?
Galladon: Drunk.
Dilaf: Wasted.
Iadon: Dead.

Raoden: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Sarene: 'Prettiest Smile'
Hrathen: 'Nicest Personality'
Dilaf: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Kiin: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Sarene: Kiin's refusing to wear their gla**es!
Kiin: Sarene, look, I wore the gla**es for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch.
Kiin: *points to Hrathen* Hrathen.
Kiin: *points to Raoden* Raoden.
Kiin: *points to Galladon* Sasquatch.

Dilaf: Where's Hrathen, Sarene, and Raoden?
Galladon: They're playing hide and seek.
Dilaf: Where?
Galladon: I don't think you get how this game works.

*the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered*
Kiin: You’re acting pretty carefree for someone who’s life’s at stake. Who’s to say you aren’t the killer?
Sarene: It’s a murder, not a tax audit. I’ll be fine.
Dilaf: What about Galladon? Nobody ever suspects Galladon!
Galladon: Well what about Iadon? They have a gun!
Iadon: Kiin has a knife.
Kiin: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *stabs Dilaf in the arm*

Raoden: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?
Sarene: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.
Iodon: Three of us saw it, Sarene. How do you explain that?
Sarene: *points at Hrathen* Sleep deprivation. *points at Iadon* Paranoia. *points at Dilaf* Delusional personality disorder.

 

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

5 hours ago, EmulatonStromenkiin said:

It could go either way.

Many sharders: 

DramaQueen: How do you connect with a fictional character?
person 1: What?
person 2: What?
person 3: What?
Person 4: *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

Thank you for posting, now another quote dump: (spoiler for size)

Roshar:

  Hide contents

 

Odium: Well you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific. It was because shut up. Shut up is why.

Odium: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute idiocy, I am going to revoke your life privileges

Teft: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.(not the best, who do you think this fits better?)

Me: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.

Kaladin: Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices.
Kaladin: Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time.

Odium: You seem familiar... have I threatened you before?

Jasnah: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?
Shallan: Put spaghetti in it.
Jasnah: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.
Hoid: Put spaghetti in it.
Jasnah: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.
Lift: Put spaghetti in it.
Jasnah: I am no longer taking suggestions.

Blackthorn: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

Shallan, handing a balloon to Kaladin: I have no soul. Have a good day!
Kaladin, walking off: I don't have one either.

Kaladin: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Shallan: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents.
Kaladin: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you.
Renarin: Actually I did the math, Person B would have $225, not $0.15.
Kaladin: Fam I’m right here....
Lift: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda
Kaladin: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Lift: Sorry I only have a dollar.
Kaladin:
Renarin: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Person B would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.
Lift: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice.
Renarin: You can buy anything you want with $22,500.
Adolin: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice.
Renarin: Apply juice to what.
Adolin: Directly to the forehead.
Kaladin: Great chat everyone.

*At a bank teller window*
Lift, in a bad Italian accent: I'd like-a to make-a da deposit!
Teller: HEY BUDDY, WAIT, I REMEMBER YOU!
Lift: *Frantically pours marinara sauce into the vacuum tube*
Teller: STORMIT, IT'S THEM AGAIN!

Dalinar: So, Lift is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Shallan: Why?
Dalinar: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Lift, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your butt.

Amaram: Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!?
Wit: Well. How would you like me to mock you? I take requests.

Shallan: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
Navani: Which came first, the orange or the orange?
Renarin: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago.
Kaladin: What was the color called before then?
Lift: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!

Dalinar, setting down a card: Ace of spades.
Shallan, pulling out an Uno card: +4.
Lift, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!
Kaladin, trembling: What are we playing?!

 

Scadrial:

  Hide contents

Ham: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Ham: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.
Spook: Socks are Feetie Heaties.
Dox: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.
Kelsier: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.
Vin: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.
Breeze: I hate you guys so much

Kelsier: Croissants: dropped
Dox: Road: works ahead
Elend: BBQ sauce: on my face
Spook: Shavacado: fre
Ham: Miss Keisha: very dead
Breeze:
Breeze: ...I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Kelsier: I’m the smartest person in my friend group.
Elend: You hang out with Ham, Spook, Dox, and Breeze.
Elend: It’s not as high a compliment as you think.

Elend: The floor is lava!
Ham: *helps Breeze onto the counter*
Spook: *kicks Dox off the sofa*
Vin: *lays on the floor*
Elend: ...Are you okay?
Vin: No.

Kelsier: Rules were made to be broken.
Elend: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Ham: Uh, piñatas.
Dox: Glow sticks.
Kelsier: Karate boards.
Vin: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Breeze: Rules.
Elend:

Spook: Between Kelsier, Vin, Dox, and Breeze -- if you had to -- who would you punch?
Elend: No one! They're my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them.
Spook: Dox?
Elend: Yeah, but I don't know why.

Dox: We’re kind of missing something guys.
Vin: Cohesion?
Spook: Teamwork?
Ham: A general sense of what we’re doing?
Elend: And Kelsier is not here.
Vin: Oh, and that, yeah.

Vin: Stressed.
Kelsier: Depressed.
Dox: Possessed.
Elend: Obsessed.
Spook: Impressed.
Ham: Chicken breast.
Everyone: ...What?
Ham: I just wanted to join in

Kelsier: So, did everyone learn their lesson?
Spook: No.
Breeze: I did not.
Ham: I may have actually forgotten one.
Elend: Also no.
Kelsier: Oh good, neither did I.
Dox: *Exhausted sigh*

Breeze: I can’t tell if you’re a genius or just incredibly arrogant.
Kelsier: Well, on a good day, I’m both.

Sel:

  Hide contents

Sarene: You’re just being paranoid. Again.
Iadon: When have I been paranoid?
Sarene: Um, when you first met Dilaf you thought they were an undercover cop…?
Iadon: No one has a wart that big, I thought it was a surveillance camera!
Sarene: And last year you were sure Hrathen was a mermaid!
Iadon: They hate wearing shirts! COINCIDENCE?!
*Later, when Kiin’s theory is proven wrong*
Sarene: Do you have anything to say for yourself?
Iadon: I still think Hrathen is a mermaid.

Dilaf: You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon.
Dilaf: It's me.

Raoden: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Sarene: Maybe a bit tipsy?
Galladon: Drunk.
Dilaf: Wasted.
Iadon: Dead.

Raoden: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Sarene: 'Prettiest Smile'
Hrathen: 'Nicest Personality'
Dilaf: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Kiin: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Sarene: Kiin's refusing to wear their gla**es!
Kiin: Sarene, look, I wore the gla**es for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch.
Kiin: *points to Hrathen* Hrathen.
Kiin: *points to Raoden* Raoden.
Kiin: *points to Galladon* Sasquatch.

Dilaf: Where's Hrathen, Sarene, and Raoden?
Galladon: They're playing hide and seek.
Dilaf: Where?
Galladon: I don't think you get how this game works.

*the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered*
Kiin: You’re acting pretty carefree for someone who’s life’s at stake. Who’s to say you aren’t the killer?
Sarene: It’s a murder, not a tax audit. I’ll be fine.
Dilaf: What about Galladon? Nobody ever suspects Galladon!
Galladon: Well what about Iadon? They have a gun!
Iadon: Kiin has a knife.
Kiin: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *stabs Dilaf in the arm*

Raoden: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?
Sarene: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.
Iodon: Three of us saw it, Sarene. How do you explain that?
Sarene: *points at Hrathen* Sleep deprivation. *points at Iadon* Paranoia. *points at Dilaf* Delusional personality disorder.

 

am I the only one who read these how I imagine their voices? (or read Galladon like Rock.)

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

There is one other person that already has... Wayne.

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

Lightsong: Maybe the true treasure was friendship all along. But I hope not, because I can’t spend friendship on new clothes.

Vasher: I will send my army to attack!
Vasher: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*

Vasher: I'm feeling it! What am I feeling? Death, probably.

Siri: I've never encountered a problem that can't be solved by an spontaneous musical number.

Lightsong: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

Lightsong: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products!
Lightsong: *sprays hairspray in their mouth*
Lightsong: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good.

Vasher: My expectations are low, but they can always go lower.

Lightsong: I hate when people ask me, 'What did you do today?' Buddy listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don't KNOW!

Nightblood: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

Vasher: *Picks up hammer and breaks ringing cell phone.*

Nightblood: My only talent is being stress.
Vivenna: Don't you mean stressed?
Nightblood: No

Susebron: Are you coming to bed?
Siri: I can't. This is important.
Susebron: What?
Siri: Someone is wrong on the internet.

*at a zoo*
Vasher: What are they in for?
Vivenna: Vivenna, this isn't prison.
Vasher: So they can leave?
Vivenna: No, but-
Vasher, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

Lightsong: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it.
Siri: ...what happened?
Lightsong: I made a VERY bad mistake.

Vasher: When I first met you, I did not like you.
Vivenna: I'm aware of that.
Vasher: But then you and I had some time together.
Vivenna: Uh-huh?
Vasher: It did not get better.

Siri: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test!
Lightsong: Ok, Siri, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918?
Siri: 1917.
Lightsong: ...You're ready.

Susebron: I’m afraid of clowns. There, I said it.
Vivenna: Susebron, if you don't like clowns, why are you hanging with Siri?

Vasher: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!
Susebron: It's kind of complicated, but Vivenna-
Vasher: Got it. Forget I asked.

Vivenna: We can’t tell you because you’re not a member of the club.
Vasher: What club?
Susebron: The hating Vasher club.
Vasher: …What? I should be the leader of that club!    (wrong people except vasher, but can't figure out who else.)

Lightsong: What are you writing?
Vasher: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information.
Siri, looking over Vasher's shoulder: This just says 'come around and find out' in calligraphy.

Lightsong: Hey, what are you reading?
Vasher: This is my magic book where any ink spilled shows a scripture of the future, however it bears a curse making it broken, and as such in order to make any scripture appears, I have to do it myself.
Lightsong: Impressive! I must have it for myself!
Vivenna: So it’s just a Notebook?
Vasher: It’s just a Notebook.

Vivenna: What are you two arguing about this time?
Siri: They’re always using common phrases incorrectly!
Vasher: Cry me a table, Siri.

Vivenna: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare.
Nightblood: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.
Vivenna: Not when you’re playing with Siri, it’s not. They put words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.”

Nightblood: Welcome to Applebees, do you want apples or bees?
Vivenna: Bees?
Nightblood: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES!
Vivenna: Wait-
*Vasher approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*

Siri: What’s it like being tall?
Siri: Is it nice?
Siri: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Susebron: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.
Vasher: It was one time!

Lightsong & Siri: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*
Lightsong: We need an adult!
Siri: Lightsong, you are an adult!
Lightsong: We need an adultier adult! Get Vivenna!

Susebron: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz!
Siri: I forgot I was doing a test.
Susebron: Siri.
Siri: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny....
Vivenna: Siri.

 

Edited May 1, 2023 by EmulatonStromenkiin

[Shard of Reading he/him]

10 hours ago, EmulatonStromenkiin said:

Vivenna: We can’t tell you because you’re not a member of the club.
Vasher: What club?
Susebron: The hating Vasher club.
Vasher: …What? I should be the leader of that club!    (wrong people except vasher, but can't figure out who else.)

I think Denth would work. 

[EmulatonStromenkiin he/him]

9 hours ago, Shard of Reading said:

I think Denth would work. 

probably. Would certainly work better.

[Chinkoln he/him]

Words of Radiance, but not really

Spoiler

 

[ash's_eyes she/her]

On 5/23/2022 at 6:21 AM, EmulatonStromenkiin said:

 

  Hide contents

Dalinar: So, Lift is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Shallan: Why?
Dalinar: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Lift, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your butt.

 

This was my favorite one

I'm dying XD