the most useless uses for useful powers

[king of nowhere]

Stamp letuce into bacon before eating it.

That would actually be a useful way to eat tasty food without getting health problems, if not for the fact that you'd have to swallow it whole, since chewing would break the stamp. And it would be almost impossible to make such a stamp in the first place. I wonder if "Some scientist tampered with my dna to see if he could hae a plant sprouting bacon, I am the result" would be a believable enough stamp to last on the lettuce. Alternatively, could you stamp the plate to contain bacon? that would be more believable, but not sure if it would last once you lift the food.

 

If you're a woman, stamp yourself so your time of the month is not today. Every day. That also seems too useful for this thread.

 

Anymmate a puppet to squeeze the acne on yoru back.

[Phantom Monstrosity]

You don't necessarily need to know about the subject yourself, just change your history so that you spend time studying it. As someone else pointed out, Shai actually has a stamp that does this. All the stamp would need to say would be something like: studied under master artisan for five years

 

If the mural where Shai faked 'a master painter stayed in this room for three weeks and painted' is any precedent, you actually do need a decent amount of skill in the field to be able to forge that sort of thing.

 

The largest, yes. Not the nicest.” He knelt beside the painting, looking at her seals at the bottom. “You included detailed explanations of how this was painted.”

“To create a realistic Forgery,” Shai said, “you must have the technical skill you are imitating, at least to an extent.”

“So you could have painted this wall yourself.”

“I don’t have the paints.”

“But you could have. You could have demanded paints. I’d have given them to you. Instead, you created a Forgery.”

I assume that her soulstamps required extremely extensive research - while you don't need to have *all* the skill, you still need to know enough to plausibly fake the major details.

[Morsk he/him]

Create the Nyan Cat by using Hemalurgy to give Windrunning and Lightweaving to cats.

(I say this is useless, because the appropriate use of Hemalurgy is Catquisitors, not Nyan Cats.)

edit: For those tragically unaware of the existence of Nyan Cat

And the best part is Hemalurgy is open-ended, so if we get sound-based magic capable of creating a live soundtrack for Nyan Cat, we can spike that in later, and maybe add Soothing to explain how people can watch Nyan Cat for hours without getting bored.

Edited June 20, 2013 by Morsk

[Phantom Monstrosity]

Create the Nyan Cat by using Hemallurgy to give Windrunning and Lightweaving to cats.

(I say this is useless, because the appropriate use of Hemallurgy is Catquisitors, not Nyan Cats.)

You need to Awaken the spikes as well, with a command of 'Nyan!'.

[Morsk he/him]

Oh, I forgot that whole magic system!

Instead of Lightweaving, we could take a white cat and give it 10,000 breaths to make rainbows. Or put any color cat inside a pop tart with white frosting.

[Leuthie]

I say creating Lifeless, changing gloriously colored cloth to grey in the process, with the command "Sew underwear" with the purpose of making grey underwear so that the sewing Lifeless wouldn't all be naked would be the most useless use of useful power.

[Kiwi]

Compounding Bendalloy so you never have to eat or drink again, all for the purpose of never having to use to bathroom again.

[Phantom Monstrosity]

Alloy lerasium and atium together, for 4th of July fireworks when they explode.

[Voidus]

Spend years making a Soulstamp which makes you someone who was just about to spend years making a Soulstamp which makes you someone who was just about to spend years making a Soulstamp which makes you someone who was just about to spend years making a Soulstamp which makes you someone who was just about to spend years...

[Observer]

Spend years making a Soulstamp which makes you someone who was just about to spend years making a Soulstamp which makes you someone who was just about to spend years making a Soulstamp which makes you someone who was just about to spend years making a Soulstamp which makes you someone who was just about to spend years...

 

What a waste. You could totally make a virus of that. Like, make it so somebody else does it, and when they finish they'll select a person from a list of people you hate to give it to before self-stamping again and begining once more. You could totally wreck society with this!

 

Could you forge yourself into knowing somebody well enough to forge them? If so, I've got a history of an addiction to drinking molten iron for a few people

[Senor Feesh]

Could you forge yourself into knowing somebody well enough to forge them?

 

Emperor's Soul would have been a lot shorter if you could

[Observer]

Emperor's Soul would have been a lot shorter if you could

Of course, you'd have to know enough about your own soul  and the other person's soul, though it would need less knowledge in general. They probably just didn't want Shai doiong anything with herself that could lead to a potential escape.

[Chromium Compounder]

Anybody remember those old red lobster commercials with the cowboy sitting at a campfire shaving with with a bowie knife? Make him look like a wimp by shaving with a shardblade.

Although I'd rather soulcast my beard into air.

[Observer]

Although I'd rather soulcast my beard into air.

Good lord, no! I'd rather soulcast the air into beard!

[Kurkistan he/him]

Good lord, no! I'd rather soulcast the air into beard!

 

Ah, beard envy.

 

*Strokes manly beard of awesomeness that is totally not just a patchy growth of three day's stubble*

[Chromium Compounder]

Good lord, no! I'd rather soulcast the air into beard!

I don't mind my beard, but my wife doesn't like to kiss me when I have one, so I have to shave. Although I suppose I could try forging her to like kissing my bearded self.

[Chromium Compounder]

If you're a woman, stamp yourself so your time of the month is not today. Every day. That also seems too useful for this thread.

Yeah, my wife would be all over that.

[Observer]

I honestly hate beards. But to forge all air in the immediate area into a bunch of disembodies facial hair is just too amazing an option to pass up. Imagine explaining ot your friends how it all got there!

 

"Well you see......I collect the beards of every person I kill. I tie them up in the attic, and then rip it all out hair by hair..."

See how long you can go before they all freak out, leave, and/or call the authorities. Fun for everybody.

 

EDIT: Stupid grammar >_>

Wish I could rip out its beard...

Edited June 16, 2013 by Observer

[Chromium Compounder]

If you're a woman, stamp yourself so your time of the month is not today. Every day. That also seems too useful for this thread.

Yeah, my wife would be all over that.

[Chromium Compounder]

Ooh, I would totally do this one.

Forge myself to not have allergies.

[Kurkistan he/him]

Ooh, I would totally do this one.

Forge myself to not have allergies.

 

First of all, that one is useful. Second, you can't, or at least you'd have to re-apply every day.

Edited June 16, 2013 by Kurkistan

[Chromium Compounder]

First of all, that one is useful. Second, you can't, or at least you'd have to re-apply every day.

I know it's useful, but compared to the vast potential of forgery, it's pretty lame. That's how most of the interesting ideas people have posted have been.

[Kurkistan he/him]

Sorry, I may have come off a bit harsh there . I've just found that a fair amount of "useless" powers people propose have a fair amount of utility.

[Cartith he/him]

Most Useless thing ever: Forge yourself into not being able to Forge. Paradox? maybe. Useless? Definitely. 

[Phantom Monstrosity]

Most Useless thing ever: Forge yourself into not being able to Forge. Paradox? maybe. Useless? Definitely. 

But that one's canon.