What would you do with a Shardblade? (WoR spoilers)

[Two McMillion he/him]

A while back I posted the thread, "What would you do with the Lord Ruler's powers?" I thought the ensuing debate was interesting, so I'm back with another question of the same sort.

 

You just wake up one morning, and boom, you have a shardblade. What would you do with it? Assume it's the good kind of shardblade, the kind Kaladin has at the end of WoR: instant summons, shapeshifting weapon, etc. It's not sentient, though, and you don't get any other KR abilities.

 

For bonus points, describe what you'd do if you had the Lord Ruler's powers as well as a shardblade.

[signspace13 he/him]

when you try to think of the practical application of a shard blade it kind of falls shot to that of say, allomancy.

[Newan he/him]

Crying because I can't choose "Yes" and "Pizza"

[Unhinged he/him]

Crying because I can't choose "Yes" and "Pizza"

 

here's what I'd do, I would chose a shardblade cut my way thought the back wall of a pizza parlor steal a pie and run for it. then i'd have both problem solved.

[Bloodfalcon he/him]

I'd very likely just end up twirling it around making lightsaber noises until I got hurt. Unless it made noises of its own. Then I'd just get hurt to those noises instead.

[High prince of geeks he/him]

Dress up in a cloak and mask. Follow people around with the blade summoned whispering

"Redemption"

[Moogle]

If you get two, I imagine they'd be useful for mountain climbing.

[SmurfAquamarineBodies he/him]

I'd probably end up maiming random people. It would amuse me to cut someone's leg just below the knee and watch them try to walk. I'd also use it for chopping wood, hunting ( is the meat edible after the Blade ciuts it? ) turning metal into scrap pieces, that kind of thing.

[king of nowhere]

Can I turn it into something without a cutting edge? Say, like a screwdriver or a wrench? because I'm sure in that case a universal mechanical tool would be pretty useful.

[Curiosity he/him]

Hmmm. Use it to kill my live lobster without having to worry about slipping a knife into its brain. 

 

Edit: But then again, I've never had to cook lobster. 

 

Aha! I'd use it to open all of that annoying plastic packaging! Who needs a utility knife anyways?

Edited December 2, 2014 by Curiosity

[Kobold King he/him]

WoK:

 

Trade it for my very own bridge crew.

[Surgebound Rainspren he/him]

1) I'd use to open doors that i can't be bothered unlocking.

 

2) I'm sure it would make a good conversation starter, i.e:

 

"gee where'd you get that giant holy killing device"

"ah that's just something i got at a garage sale a couple years back"

"oh really, what do you use it for"

"just boring things like dispatching peoples souls and cutting pizza into the appropriate slices"

"oh yeah that is pretty mundane....wait what about souls"

"ummm, i have no idea, what about souls. I never mentioned souls, want some more tea"

 

3) I'd take it to the store and walk behind people, then when they least expect it i would slice open the bottom of their shopping bags or baskets and laugh maniacally as all there groceries fell to the floor. 

[Kobold King he/him]

1) I'd use to open doors that i can't be bothered unlocking.

 

2) I'm sure it would make a good conversation starter, i.e:

 

"gee where'd you get that giant holy killing device"

"ah that's just something i got at a garage sale a couple years back"

"oh really, what do you use it for"

"just boring things like dispatching peoples souls and cutting pizza into the appropriate slices"

"oh yeah that is pretty mundane....wait what about souls"

"ummm, i have no idea, what about souls. I never mentioned souls, want some more tea"

 

3) I'd take it to the store and walk behind people, then when they least expect it i would slice open the bottom of their shopping bags or baskets and laugh maniacally as all there groceries fell to the floor.

"Life before death. Journey before destination. Strength before weakness."

"I will abuse any powers or privileges granted to me."

[High prince of geeks he/him]

Manipulate the shape of it to make exact copies of epic swords from video games or anime and show it of to my freinds

[Voidus]

Never summon it for fear of accidentally bisecting an atom and destroying the city through accidental fission.

[Curiosity he/him]

But what I really want is a Cryptic. I don't care about the Surges or the Shardblade, really. I just want a genius, buzzing, pattern-happy spren with me.

[High prince of geeks he/him]

I'm going to go with the theory that you can turn your shardblade none weapons. I would totally do a magic show with it, give people a coin and tell them to take it. them "poof" in my hand. 

[Twenty@20 he/him]

A shardblade would be useful for miners, sculptors, demolition teams and magicians. Doctors could use it rarely to amputate quickly. Lets leave aside assassins, robbers and their types. Anything else?

[Nahlion Dahlyr he/him]

Quite honestly, it'd be better to ask me what I wouldn't do with a Shardblade.....

[Titan Arum]

Can I turn it into something without a cutting edge? Say, like a screwdriver or a wrench? because I'm sure in that case a universal mechanical tool would be pretty useful.

Ohh, what if you had a Shard-Leatherman? Best. Tool. Ever. 

 

My answer, though, is sorta spoiler-ish for the Cosmere as a whole:

 

In all seriousness, I'd worldhop to Nalthis and Awaken it with the command "Mine for metals" (since I'm inherently too lazy to cut the metals away from stone on my own) and then worldhop to Scadrial to set up my own metal-shop after acquiring a huge horde of inventory and undercut all other metal sellers until I had a monopoly.

[Two McMillion he/him]

Ohh, what if you had a Shard-Leatherman? Best. Tool. Ever. 

 

My answer, though, is sorta spoiler-ish for the Cosmere as a whole:

 

In all seriousness, I'd worldhop to Nalthis and Awaken it with the command "Mine for metals" (since I'm inherently too lazy to cut the metals away from stone on my own) and then worldhop to Scadrial to set up my own metal-shop after acquiring a huge horde of inventory and undercut all other metal sellers until I had a monopoly.

 

You'd need a lot of breaths to awaken something as Invested as a Shardblade.

[Lady Radagu she/her]

Quite honestly, it'd be better to ask me what I wouldn't do with a Shardblade.....

 

Well I, for one, would hesitate before using it as a shard-toothpick.

[Unodus he/him]

Use it to open stuck jars...

[The Great and Powerful Og]

I've always wondered how specific you could be with the soul-slicing thing. If you were to slice a Blade through, say, a nose, would the person lose the ability to smell? Even better, if you cut through their tongue would they be unable to speak properly? If so, give me a Shardblade and a lot of people who talk too much would stop.

[Twenty@20 he/him]

I've always wondered how specific you could be with the soul-slicing thing. If you were to slice a Blade through, say, a nose, would the person lose the ability to smell? Even better, if you cut through their tongue would they be unable to speak properly? If so, give me a Shardblade and a lot of people who talk too much would stop.

If you want to shut up people, a plain old knife would be enough to cut out their tongues. oops! Shouldn't stick out my tongue like that.

Can anyone tell me why the idea of cutting someone's tongue with a knife sounds worse than the idea of using a shardknife for the same purpose? Is it due to the lack of blood in the 2nd case or some thing is wrong with my head?