16,729,438 ways to torment Hoid

[Vielence She/Her]

4 minutes ago, Ookla the Perpetually Disc said:

37. Correct his verbal spelling, and refuse to acknowledge any protests that he's right. 

He would hate that

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

8 minutes ago, Ookla the Perpetually Disc said:

37. Correct his verbal spelling, and refuse to acknowledge any protests that he's right. 

Ooh good!

 

38. Speak in the correct spelling of the same language in a different country (e.g. British English in the US) and point out that you are technically still right

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

39. Spell Honour correctly 

[al_lan_mandragoran]

On 11/19/2025 at 11:15 PM, Booknewt said:

30. Only talk to him in slant rhyme

Copycat.

On 11/17/2025 at 8:58 AM, al_lan_mandragoran said:

15. Talk in slant rhyming

[Ookla the Newt she/her]

3 minutes ago, al_lan_mandragoran said:

On 11/19/2025 at 10:15 AM, Booknewt said:

30. Only talk to him in slant rhyme

Copycat.

On 11/16/2025 at 7:58 PM, al_lan_mandragoran said:

15. Talk in slant rhyming

oops

That's what I get for not reading the entire list before posting...

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

40. Talk to and pay a lot of attention to Design, and basically none to Hoid.

[Vielence She/Her]

41. Whenever he starts to talk, start to space off then snap yourself awake and say “sorry what was that?” 

[al_lan_mandragoran]

42. Set yourself up as King's Wit - and be really bad at it

[First of the Tide He/him]

43. Lick a Chull, lick him, lick another chull, then immediately stop licking things

Edited December 8, 2025 by First of the Tide

[Myst He/Him]

44. Do his job, but better

[TheFlatScadrian]

45. Spoil Mistborn Era III.

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

46. Always know what he's about to tell you right before he does so he can't surprise you.

[FroggerCollectsHats they/them]

47. Interrupt him in the middle of a story with your own completely unhelpful and irrelevant story that is 3 sentences long, but double back a lot so that it takes forever, and if he tries to continue with the story before you're done, start over from the beginning. Also be sure to include some really bad jokes/puns in the story.

[Through the living jeff he/him(straight)]

48. A random person nearby says “I am” after every sentence he speaks. This random person has no memory of them saying anything.

[First of the Tide He/him]

49. Aggresively feed him animal flesh.

[Keke They/he]

50!

Tell him his stories back but do it horribly. Like small details but important ones.

ex: there was this boy with a yellow scarf. His town was surrounded by a huge wall and constantly covered in darkness. But everyone was ok with it. (Get the vibe?)

[Akimikoisthecutest]

51

Make him share a room with Moash

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

52. Break all his flutes. 

[ChipsAHoid He/Him]

53. Compare him to Amaram

54. Take credit for his work

[Brightnerd Zoodle they/them]

55. Give his voice to Ursula then trap him in a room with Chat Noir

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

56. Tell everyone (e.g., the Night Brigade) that Hoid

(WaT / Sunlit spoilers probably)

Spoiler

has a Dawnshard.