Mental health club!

Keke · October 30, 2025

3 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

Hide contents

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her.

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere).

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm.

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her.

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house.

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself.

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant.

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days.

Now every day is hard.

@Tam Tucker, I feel your advice about this might be helpful.

*all the hugs. Omg omg all hugs*

I cant do much to reply on my phone but I swear I will have an essay typed up tomorrow on my ipad

Ink and Embers · October 30, 2025

6 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

Reveal hidden contents

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her.

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere).

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm.

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her.

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house.

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself.

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant.

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days.

Now every day is hard.

@Tam Tucker, I feel your advice about this might be helpful.

*hugs*

Myst · October 30, 2025

6 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

Hide contents

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her.

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere).

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm.

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her.

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house.

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself.

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant.

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days.

Now every day is hard.

@Tam Tucker, I feel your advice about this might be helpful.

I’m sorry, that absolutely sucks, and no one should have to deal with that. *hugs, lots of hugs* I wish I could hug you in person right now. We’re here for you. *hugs*

Tam Tucker · October 30, 2025

7 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

Reveal hidden contents

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her.

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere).

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm.

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her.

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house.

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself.

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant.

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days.

Now every day is hard.

@Tam Tucker, I feel your advice about this might be helpful.

It may take time

7 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

Hide contents

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her.

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere).

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm.

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her.

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house.

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself.

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant.

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days.

Now every day is hard.

@Tam Tucker, I feel your advice about this might be helpful.

Okay, first off, it sounds to me like something that I was warned about as being a minister. Which is rumors can kill your minatory. So I get that side of it and the seriousness of that. No matter how false it may be. Also, they are having trouble, and people will be people. I don't think anyone is in the wrong here. I think the situation could be handled better. Like explaining these things to you. Adults, especially those in positions of power, are used to being listened to and not explaining anything.

Now as a minister myself, just abandoning you at the church is wrong and irresponsible.

My advice is to better yourself. I think you learned a hard lesson that people are messy. that the church isn't perfect because it's a group of people.

You just suffered loss and are grieving over a relationship that might change forever. It's sad, and it's made harder because no one is allowing you to grieve or process this in any way, just sending you off to college like that will change things.

Sometimes the best thing to do is wait. I know how hard that is; trust me, I went through it with my sister doing some crazy stuff that I couldn't side with. I thought that our relationship was over for, like, 3 weeks. That 3 weeks was hell for me, and she still does crazy things every once in a while.

Life flows, and things change; relationships change too. I think I heard a story while at Bible school that might help. There was an issue of married couples, ones that married a Missionary kid. ones that grew up over in a third-world country where their parents were working. Well, they were used to touching each other and treating each other as brother and sister. They kept on doing that, which made their spouses uncomfortable. Well, you're not a brother or sister, would be their logic.

Right now I think going to college is the best thing for you. Going out into the world to see new things and meet new people will change you, and you will grow. It did me, and I failed in what I wanted to do, but I learned, and God opened a door to the things I cared about most, and I discovered that He gave me the tools to fight back strongholds that have kept my family in prison for generations.

God is working. I don't know if you read the Bible, but one of my favorite verses is at the end of Genesis, which says that God will use what is meant for evil and make it for good.

Also, since I know you're a reader, I would recommend A Path of Loneliness by Elisabeth Elliot, which is a great book about the changes in life. Also, just a wonderful book called Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, this book is a hard read but will put suffering and pain into a purpose. Both these books helped me see life in a different light and get me where I am now.

I hope that I helped you; I am not quite confident that I did. It's hard sometimes knowing this; I just hope that I don't make you mad.

Throw TheLiving Silverware · October 30, 2025

11 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

Reveal hidden contents

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her.

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere).

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm.

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her.

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house.

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself.

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant.

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days.

Now every day is hard.

@Tam Tucker, I feel your advice about this might be helpful.

*huuuugs*

*more hugs*

*even more hugs*

I'm really sorry my dude

This is really horrible and you have every right to be angry and sad about this

There's no really "right" way to go about this tbh

Save from trying to convince your sister and church to go back, but that sounds like a fool's errand sadly

College is indeed an opportunity here; you'll be in a brand new environment, be able to make new friends, and all that. You'll be able to move on.

In the meantime, try to do different stuff; join theater or book clubs around, pick up a new sport or a music instrument...

You need to see something different, rather than staying in your room alone. I know that this is probably all you feel like doing currently, but trust me: you need to get out of it. That does not magic anything away, but that helps a bit. And it can help you going on in the time you need to sort everything out.

I promise you, you are not less Radiant for this. Radiants aren't perfect people, they're broken people who fill up the cracks the best they can. And I know you can do that too.

So get out of bed, and go take a walk while there's still some sun outside. For me. For us.

Spoiler

Sidenote: I am religiously agnostic so my perspective might be biased

But am I the only one absolutely terrified by what your church is doing here? Forcibly cutting people from each other - how are they even allowed to do that? Or to enforce this ? I have genuinely never heard of religious organizations with such a level of control on attendants' private lives

And lets not even get into the notion that cutting people off most of their closest friends helps them somehow

This is insane

Hoid Slayer · October 30, 2025

28 minutes ago, Just A Silvereye said:

*huuuugs*

*more hugs*

*even more hugs*

I'm really sorry my dude

This is really horrible and you have every right to be angry and sad about this

There's no really "right" way to go about this tbh

Save from trying to convince your sister and church to go back, but that sounds like a fool's errand sadly

College is indeed an opportunity here; you'll be in a brand new environment, be able to make new friends, and all that. You'll be able to move on.

In the meantime, try to do different stuff; join theater or book clubs around, pick up a new sport or a music instrument...

You need to see something different, rather than staying in your room alone. I know that this is probably all you feel like doing currently, but trust me: you need to get out of it. That does not magic anything away, but that helps a bit. And it can help you going on in the time you need to sort everything out.

I promise you, you are not less Radiant for this. Radiants aren't perfect people, they're broken people who fill up the cracks the best they can. And I know you can do that too.

So get out of bed, and go take a walk while there's still some sun outside. For me. For us.

Hide contents

Hide contents

Sidenote: I am religiously agnostic so my perspective might be biased

But am I the only one absolutely terrified by what your church is doing here? Forcibly cutting people from each other - how are they even allowed to do that? Or to enforce this ? I have genuinely never heard of religious organizations with such a level of control on attendants' private lives

And lets not even get into the notion that cutting people off most of their closest friends helps them somehow

This is insane

I agree with all of this

Spoiler

No, you are not the only one

Kansas Stormcursed · October 30, 2025

38 minutes ago, Just A Silvereye said:

*huuuugs*

*more hugs*

*even more hugs*

I'm really sorry my dude

This is really horrible and you have every right to be angry and sad about this

There's no really "right" way to go about this tbh

Save from trying to convince your sister and church to go back, but that sounds like a fool's errand sadly

College is indeed an opportunity here; you'll be in a brand new environment, be able to make new friends, and all that. You'll be able to move on.

In the meantime, try to do different stuff; join theater or book clubs around, pick up a new sport or a music instrument...

You need to see something different, rather than staying in your room alone. I know that this is probably all you feel like doing currently, but trust me: you need to get out of it. That does not magic anything away, but that helps a bit. And it can help you going on in the time you need to sort everything out.

I promise you, you are not less Radiant for this. Radiants aren't perfect people, they're broken people who fill up the cracks the best they can. And I know you can do that too.

So get out of bed, and go take a walk while there's still some sun outside. For me. For us.

Hide contents

Hide contents

Sidenote: I am religiously agnostic so my perspective might be biased

But am I the only one absolutely terrified by what your church is doing here? Forcibly cutting people from each other - how are they even allowed to do that? Or to enforce this ? I have genuinely never heard of religious organizations with such a level of control on attendants' private lives

And lets not even get into the notion that cutting people off most of their closest friends helps them somehow

This is insane

Spoiler

You are definitely not the only one

KnightSkye Reforged · October 30, 2025

6 hours ago, Ink and Embers said:

*hugs*

5 hours ago, IHadAThought said:

I’m sorry, that absolutely sucks, and no one should have to deal with that. *hugs, lots of hugs* I wish I could hug you in person right now. We’re here for you. *hugs*

Thank you. I really need those hugs right now. Thanks.

4 hours ago, Tam Tucker said:

Okay, first off, it sounds to me like something that I was warned about as being a minister. Which is rumors can kill your minatory. So I get that side of it and the seriousness of that. No matter how false it may be. Also, they are having trouble, and people will be people. I don't think anyone is in the wrong here. I think the situation could be handled better. Like explaining these things to you. Adults, especially those in positions of power, are used to being listened to and not explaining anything.

Now as a minister myself, just abandoning you at the church is wrong and irresponsible.

My advice is to better yourself. I think you learned a hard lesson that people are messy. that the church isn't perfect because it's a group of people.

You just suffered loss and are grieving over a relationship that might change forever. It's sad, and it's made harder because no one is allowing you to grieve or process this in any way, just sending you off to college like that will change things.

Sometimes the best thing to do is wait. I know how hard that is; trust me, I went through it with my sister doing some crazy stuff that I couldn't side with. I thought that our relationship was over for, like, 3 weeks. That 3 weeks was hell for me, and she still does crazy things every once in a while.

It helps to see and example and know for sure I'm not the only one who values my sibling relationships enough for it to hurt,and to try and repair it.

Many people at my church have bad relationships with their siblings, and just leave it alone. I'm glad that there are other people that don't.

4 hours ago, Tam Tucker said:

Life flows, and things change; relationships change too. I think I heard a story while at Bible school that might help. There was an issue of married couples, ones that married a Missionary kid. ones that grew up over in a third-world country where their parents were working. Well, they were used to touching each other and treating each other as brother and sister. They kept on doing that, which made their spouses uncomfortable. Well, you're not a brother or sister, would be their logic.

I will mention that my sister's husband was absolutely fine with the touching. I checked years ago because I didn't want to make him uncomfortable at all.

I'm also glad to know that you've seen other people with that relationship.

4 hours ago, Tam Tucker said:

Right now I think going to college is the best thing for you. Going out into the world to see new things and meet new people will change you, and you will grow. It did me, and I failed in what I wanted to do, but I learned, and God opened a door to the things I cared about most, and I discovered that He gave me the tools to fight back strongholds that have kept my family in prison for generations.

God is working. I don't know if you read the Bible, but one of my favorite verses is at the end of Genesis, which says that God will use what is meant for evil and make it for good.

I hope that you're right about collage. I am still scared that it will only make things worse, but I will still try.

I do read the Bible, I was actually reading the story of Joseph a few days ago, and since I choose verses to memorize each week, chose that passage in Genesis 50, cause it felt like something I needed to remember right now.

4 hours ago, Tam Tucker said:

Also, since I know you're a reader, I would recommend A Path of Loneliness by Elisabeth Elliot, which is a great book about the changes in life. Also, just a wonderful book called Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, this book is a hard read but will put suffering and pain into a purpose. Both these books helped me see life in a different light and get me where I am now.

I hope that I helped you; I am not quite confident that I did. It's hard sometimes knowing this; I just hope that I don't make you mad.

Thank you for the book recommendations, I'll look into them.

Thank you for the advice. You did not make me mad. I don't get angry at people for giving me honest advice that I asked for, no matter if I like it or not. And I think your advice was good. It was certainly kinder, while feeling more honest, than a lot of other people's irl has been.

Thank you.

51 minutes ago, Just A Silvereye said:

*huuuugs*

*more hugs*

*even more hugs*

I'm really sorry my dude

This is really horrible and you have every right to be angry and sad about this

There's no really "right" way to go about this tbh

Save from trying to convince your sister and church to go back, but that sounds like a fool's errand sadly

College is indeed an opportunity here; you'll be in a brand new environment, be able to make new friends, and all that. You'll be able to move on.

In the meantime, try to do different stuff; join theater or book clubs around, pick up a new sport or a music instrument...

You need to see something different, rather than staying in your room alone. I know that this is probably all you feel like doing currently, but trust me: you need to get out of it. That does not magic anything away, but that helps a bit. And it can help you going on in the time you need to sort everything out.

I promise you, you are not less Radiant for this. Radiants aren't perfect people, they're broken people who fill up the cracks the best they can. And I know you can do that too.

So get out of bed, and go take a walk while there's still some sun outside. For me. For us.

Reveal hidden contents

Reveal hidden contents

Sidenote: I am religiously agnostic so my perspective might be biased

But am I the only one absolutely terrified by what your church is doing here? Forcibly cutting people from each other - how are they even allowed to do that? Or to enforce this ? I have genuinely never heard of religious organizations with such a level of control on attendants' private lives

And lets not even get into the notion that cutting people off most of their closest friends helps them somehow

This is insane

Thanks.

*hugs*

I am trying to do new things: I started a D&D group with people from my youth group, and found a few online classes I'd like to take. And I've been talking here on the shard more so I don't isolate myself.

Spoiler

So, this might seem foolish to you, but:

My sister thinks that nothing she has been called to do directly disobeys God.

I think nothing I've been called to do disobeys God.

So as much as I storming hate it, I will obey what my church has said, even if I think that their wrong. They do not have any power over me; God does.

So I think that their wrong, and I think that she is wrong, but until I get the, "go ahead" from God of the church trying to have me disobey Him, I will abide by their rules.

Edited October 30, 2025 by KnightSkye Reforged

SpartanBrigade · October 30, 2025

1 hour ago, Just A Silvereye said:

*huuuugs*

*more hugs*

*even more hugs*

I'm really sorry my dude

This is really horrible and you have every right to be angry and sad about this

There's no really "right" way to go about this tbh

Save from trying to convince your sister and church to go back, but that sounds like a fool's errand sadly

College is indeed an opportunity here; you'll be in a brand new environment, be able to make new friends, and all that. You'll be able to move on.

In the meantime, try to do different stuff; join theater or book clubs around, pick up a new sport or a music instrument...

You need to see something different, rather than staying in your room alone. I know that this is probably all you feel like doing currently, but trust me: you need to get out of it. That does not magic anything away, but that helps a bit. And it can help you going on in the time you need to sort everything out.

I promise you, you are not less Radiant for this. Radiants aren't perfect people, they're broken people who fill up the cracks the best they can. And I know you can do that too.

So get out of bed, and go take a walk while there's still some sun outside. For me. For us.

Hide contents

Hide contents

Sidenote: I am religiously agnostic so my perspective might be biased

But am I the only one absolutely terrified by what your church is doing here? Forcibly cutting people from each other - how are they even allowed to do that? Or to enforce this ? I have genuinely never heard of religious organizations with such a level of control on attendants' private lives

And lets not even get into the notion that cutting people off most of their closest friends helps them somehow

This is insane

Spoiler

Yeah I'm not agnostic, I'm also Christian and that's genuinely horrifying

44 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Thank you. I really need those hugs right now. Thanks.

It helps to see and example and know for sure I'm not the only one who values my sibling relationships enough for it to hurt,and to try and repair it.

Many people at my church have bad relationships with their siblings, and just leave it alone. I'm glad that there are other people that don't.

I will mention that my sister's husband was absolutely fine with the touching. I checked years ago because I didn't want to make him uncomfortable at all.

I'm also glad to know that you've seen other people with that relationship.

I hope that you're right about collage. I am still scared that it will only make things worse, but I will still try.

I do read the Bible, I was actually reading the story of Joseph a few days ago, and since I choose verses to memorize each week, chose that passage in Genesis 50, cause it felt like something I needed to remember right now.

Thank you for the book recommendations, I'll look into them.

Thank you for the advice. You did not make me mad. I don't get angry at people for giving me honest advice that I asked for, no matter if I like it or not. And I think your advice was good. It was certainly kinder, while feeling more honest, than a lot of other people's irl has been.

Thank you.

Thanks.

*hugs*

I am trying to do new things: I started a D&D group with people from my youth group, and found a few online classes I'd like to take. And I've been talking here on the shard more so I don't isolate myself.

Hide contents

So, this might seem foolish to you, but:

My sister thinks that nothing she has been called to do directly disobeys God.

I think nothing I've been called to do disobeys God.

So as much as I storming hate it, I will obey what my church has said, even if I think that their wrong. They do not have any power over me; God does.

So I think that their wrong, and I think that she is wrong, but until I get the, "go ahead" from God of the church trying to have me disobey Him, I will abide by their rules.

*hugs*

Keke · October 30, 2025

13 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

Hide contents

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her.

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere).

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm.

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her.

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house.

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself.

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant.

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days.

Now every day is hard.

@Tam Tucker, I feel your advice about this might be helpful.

Ok *HUgs*

I’d like to first mention that it’s ok to be pissed. To yell at everyone about how they stormed up because you need to get the anger out. Pent up anger can hurt a lot. I understand i did the same thing. I kept up all of my anger until it would pop off and id break. You need to accept that the people stormed up and you’re doing great at. Sometimes we tend to try to find a way to blame ourselves or to excuse them. But from what i hear… really thats horrible and should definently NOT be excuased. Forcibly cutting off someone’s support is horrible. And to be honest hearing that makes me incredibly angry. I wanna just give you a hug and protect you. But i cant.

But yes going to college is a good choice. It’s a way to get out and see the world for more then the current black your in. I know right now it all seems to be just pain and suffering. I understand it i do. And i agree with almost everythging tam said. Waiting is hard but it’s the best choice. Now the one thing i disagree with is the going back. Me personally id struggle to go back cause if they think that the correct thing god said was to forcibly tear away your sister then i would be doubting everything. I think if you take a break no one would blame you. *hugs*

and i know its cliche but ill say it again. I you will be warm again. I swear it. It might take a few weeks it may take a few years. Sometimes it’ll seem like forever but if you look at the little moments then i promise that it’ll make the dark seem just a bit brighter.

2 hours ago, Just A Silvereye said:

*huuuugs*

*more hugs*

*even more hugs*

I'm really sorry my dude

This is really horrible and you have every right to be angry and sad about this

There's no really "right" way to go about this tbh

Save from trying to convince your sister and church to go back, but that sounds like a fool's errand sadly

College is indeed an opportunity here; you'll be in a brand new environment, be able to make new friends, and all that. You'll be able to move on.

In the meantime, try to do different stuff; join theater or book clubs around, pick up a new sport or a music instrument...

You need to see something different, rather than staying in your room alone. I know that this is probably all you feel like doing currently, but trust me: you need to get out of it. That does not magic anything away, but that helps a bit. And it can help you going on in the time you need to sort everything out.

I promise you, you are not less Radiant for this. Radiants aren't perfect people, they're broken people who fill up the cracks the best they can. And I know you can do that too.

So get out of bed, and go take a walk while there's still some sun outside. For me. For us.

Reveal hidden contents

Reveal hidden contents

Sidenote: I am religiously agnostic so my perspective might be biased

But am I the only one absolutely terrified by what your church is doing here? Forcibly cutting people from each other - how are they even allowed to do that? Or to enforce this ? I have genuinely never heard of religious organizations with such a level of control on attendants' private lives

And lets not even get into the notion that cutting people off most of their closest friends helps them somehow

This is insane

Spoiler

You’re not the only one. Even as a somewhat Christian this whole situation is bull.

Through The Living Glass · October 30, 2025

20 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Hey guys.

I have a little bit of a rant.

Please note that the shard auto corrects the four letter word to storm whenever it is typed. I would ask that you read it as such.

Sorry.

Reveal hidden contents

I mentioned a few months ago, and a few weeks ago, that through various reasons I lost contact with a friend so close I called her my sister.

I finally learned that the reason for this was that she and her husband were having communication issues in their marriage, and the way that our church session decided to deal.with fixing that,was too remove anyone super close to either of them so they would be forced to focus on each other more.

Unfortunately for me, I was really close to both of them, though closer to her.

I am not the only person that was cut out, just the first, and the one who asked the most questions about it.

That was the first reason I was cut off from her. The second –and according to all involved lesser– reason was that a bunch of people thought we were, "getting closer than anyone not married should be." I was also told that I had to remember I was, "not really her sister."

Not only were these statements false and hurtful, they are frankly slander against both myself and her.

To be clear, what sparked these concerns was the fact that we had a lot of physical contact (hugs, and I would lean against her shoulder a lot) and that we talked a lot about things other people there weren't familiar with (the cosmere).

She was also the person who first got me to talk about my depression, and more importantly, my self harm.

I am going to be honest,and I'm sick of being nice about it.

Her husband stormed up when he told us all (and thought to himself) that he didn't really need people all that much and that he was fine.

My sister stormed up when she didn't tell me ahead of time that she was a mandated reporter, especially since she shared the same information about herself with me and I kept it a secret like she asked.

She stormed up when she knew God was asking her to change and she didn't tell me anything or invite me to pray with her.

She stormed up when she chose to go along with this after having sworn to me to stick with me even when things got hard. To be there for me when I needed her.

They both stormed up big time and I am especially angry with them because I am barely an adult and have been being forced to do this same growth and fix the same type of mistakes for the past year, and now they can't even get it together enough to keep there word.

And I am not allowed to talk about this with either of them. No resolution is allowed.

My youth pastor stormed up by saying those statements about how close we were. He still believes that, and I don't know if that makes me hate him or pity him.

My pastor stormed up in the way he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. He told her, and not me, after church, after my parents had left and I was going to go hang out at her house for the rest of the day, that we weren't allowed to talk to each other, touch in any way, And I was banned from her house.

My parents were both busy, so neither of them could come pick me up and she wasn't allowed to drive me back to my house. I ended up staying at the church the rest of the day.

He told her all this, then left. She had to deal with tears and pain and shock ALONE, NOT ALLOWED TO SEEK HELP FROM ME, HER stormING BROTHER AND A GODDAMN WINDRUNNER. SHE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT, THEN TELL IT TO MY FACE.

and I do hate him for that cowardice and disgrace.

The session has said they will "reevaluate the situation" at the end of the school year.

That was three months ago.

I am going to collage next year. I had hopped I would be making this new change in life with people I could trust and depend upon behind me.

My mom told me yesterday that I need to stop moping and get a move on. That I am not growing enough and need to get better. That I needed to figure where I was going to collage or get kicked out.

I'm still avoiding thinking about life, though that won't work forever. I'm sad cause my family is already planning for Christmas, and at the same time my mum is telling me to keep researching colleges, and get dates for tours. The girl I have a crush on asked me to write her a letter three months ago and I did, and she hasn't responded (which I know might be fine but still feel bad). I am spending about half my energy every day and night on controlling the pent up explosive burning rage and desire to protect my family, sister, and reputation. I am exhausted all the time cause when I do finally get to sleep, most of the time I have nightmares, and when I wake up I am quite literally in a nightmare. That of having lost some of my family. I'm tired of feeling that everything I love is slowly slipping away and I will wake up one morning a few months from now and not recognize myself.

I liked the man I had become. I liked him. He was honest, and bold, and noble. He did things that he was scared of. He really looked like a knight radiant.

I'm sad and scared I'm losing that man. That I'm slipping back to the broken angry boy who couldn't cry cause he ran out of tears. Who didn't care what others thought of him because he hated himself and everyone else by extension. The boy who is bitter and selfish.

I'm scared that in the end I will disappoint everyone else and end up scared and alone, and live by myself and have no one I love and can trust.

I am going to collage next year. My sister had promised me she would still talk to me online, and call. She had sworn that a couple weeks in, when the homesickness really kicked in, that she would visit in person, no matter where I was.

It feels that no one will keep their promises. The world doesn't give a storm about a man's word. Hell, even the church doesn't seem to care.

I had finally started enjoying life. I had started liking my life, even though there were a bunch of hard days.

Now every day is hard.

@Tam Tucker, I feel your advice about this might be helpful.

*hugs so incredibly tightly*

CoderDrag0n8 · October 31, 2025

On 2/23/2025 at 12:19 PM, #1 Taln Fan said:

Reminder @ everyone

repost:

Reminder @ everyone

Tam Tucker · October 31, 2025

17 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

It helps to see and example and know for sure I'm not the only one who values my sibling relationships enough for it to hurt,and to try and repair it.

Many people at my church have bad relationships with their siblings, and just leave it alone. I'm glad that there are other people that don't.

As for my sister and I, it was a burden. I have always felt the need to protect her and to know the horrific things she went through. I felt guilty for not being there even though it was no fault of my own. There was a moment that I apologized to her for all this, and she said, "It's not your fault." that lifted a heavy burden and made it into one that I can bear, for I am angry at the knowledge that children suffer at the hands of monsters in the flesh of men.

17 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

I hope that you're right about collage. I am still scared that it will only make things worse, but I will still try.

Courage is fear holding on a minute longer," and "The courageous man is the man who forces himself, in spite of his fear, to carry on." George S. Patton

I am afraid of heights, yet sometimes I have to climb ladders and be on rooftops. It is part of the job that I do, and the fear has lessened over time.

It's alright to be afraid; just know that courage isn't a lack of fear but pushing through to the other side despite it.

I was afraid I knew the price was high when I was trying to build a relationship with my sister, whose mind is broken like mine by birth and also further broken by the trauma she faced. Now she trusts me and sees me as a perfect brother, and the people she grew up with knowing, unfortunately, are the harpies I talked about in a previous post on here. She has seen them for what they are, which are snakes. I think if I gave into fear, she would stop loving me if I went hard on her and what some will call harsh, which I did, which led to that moment and many more. With time I think she saw that I wanted her to be better and that playing the victim is a foolish thing to do.

I did this partly out of love for her and the fact that she wanted to be a mother and so for her child. Also out of anger, I wanted her to win and that monster to lose. Power and control is the center of abuse; it is what controls the whole thing.

There was one moment that I would never forget. I It started when my sister went into the bathroom and never came out, so I read the notes she had been writing and saw by the words that it was a final one. The door was locked, but I knew if I put something small and thin in the lock, I could open it. When I couldn't find the darn thing, I panicked and beat on the door, about ready to kick the door in, when my mom found the thing and opened it, and the floor was flooded with water. My sister lay there in a sorry state. In that moment, the only thing I could think and pray was, "This bastard can't win." I stayed by her side throughout the hospital stay, and I prayed a lot, though I could not think of words to say. I was so afraid and angry. She went to the mental hospital, and I kept showing up despite how much she hurt me. So loving someone that hurts you, I kept up the fight, hoping one day she would be better, that she would survive and win. That is the moment I was most afraid of losing someone I love and being broken; that would break me if I lost my sister.

Now I have a red-haired niece that I just went trick-or-treating with. Seeing the joy and a child's laughter makes all the awful moments and the price I paid worth it. She is 3 and knows all her letters right now. She is a sunshine in my troubled life, one that makes all the pain and suffering worth it. Our relationship is better now too. I think soon we may go to church together as a family, which is what I prayed for: to fix this broken family. And what a fight it was, but I think in the now and the future that is what we will be: a family breaking the crazy circle and living a life that is our own.

As a Christian and a minister, I really want to see my sister be baptized. I believe it's a symbol, not a means of salvation, but it shows what happens in the inner life of a soul when salvation happens and also follows the life and death and raising of Christ. Also since the beginning I have wanted her to come to Christ so we won't have to be separated anymore, and I have told her this in detail, like walking golden streets and eating the fruit of life by the river of life in the new Jerusalem. where there is no pain or suffering, and we will be made whole and our minds fixed. also one of my favorite old songs goes, "The circle will be unbroken; my family will be there, and we will never have to part again."

So live your life and don't let fear control you. Be there for people and love them, knowing there is a price to be paid but also knowing that its worth the price. After all, that is what the one we follow did on the cross. That is the example set before us. That God promises in His plan that those that lay down their lives will pick it back up again. Jesus was afraid in the garden. He knew what the price to be paid was going to be. He still went and finished His work, knowing he had literal hell to pay for all sins. that He would be broken and cut off from the Trinity for a moment, but think about that moment of a being knowing the fellowship of two others and that being ripped from Him. That blood mixed with water means a broken heart. His people rejected Him; His father forsook Him. I think you have a high priest that understands what you are going through, and as I have felt His tears on my soul know that He loves you and is keeping a bottle of your tears. that I am praying for you.

KnightSkye Reforged · November 2, 2025

Any of the rest of you ever get hit with the crushing pain of watching other people in pain and being able to do absolutely nothing to help?

Any way, there is a kid at my church who broke his spine and is stuck in a back brace for the next three months, and he is hating it. If you would, I would love if you guys prayed for him.

Through The Living Glass · November 2, 2025

3 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Any of the rest of you ever get hit with the crushing pain of watching other people in pain and being able to do absolutely nothing to help?

Any way, there is a kid at my church who broke his spine and is stuck in a back brace for the next three months, and he is hating it. If you would, I would love if you guys prayed for him.

aw geez

Of course dude

*hugs very tightly*

You alright?

KnightSkye Reforged · November 2, 2025

48 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

aw geez

Of course dude

*hugs very tightly*

You alright?

Not really. I hate myself right now because I feel like crap even though the sun is shining and the whether is nice, and I don;t really want people to see me like that cause I'm terrified of being vulnerable with people again, so I can only let people online know because I don't have to look them in the eyes cause I'm ashamed of being the kinda disgusting human being that I am, and no one in my life knows enough about you guys to take you away.

On top of that, I had to watch a little kid miss out on his soccer game he's been excited about for weeks, cause his spine is broken, and he can't even cheer on his team without it hurting. And I can't do anything to comfort or help him.

Edited November 2, 2025 by KnightSkye Reforged

CoderDrag0n8 · November 2, 2025

7 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Not really. I hate myself right now because I feel like crap even though the sun is shining and the whether is nice, and I don;t really want people to see me like that cause I'm terrified of being vulnerable with people again, so I can only let people online know because I don't have to look them in the eyes cause I'm ashamed of being the kinda disgusting human being that I am, and no one in my life knows enough about you guys to take you away.

On top of that, I had to watch a little kid miss out on his soccer game he's been excited about for weeks, cause his spine is broken, and even cheer on his team without it hurting. And I can't do anything to comfort or help him.

*gives magic hugs cause im magic*

Myst · November 2, 2025

19 minutes ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Not really. I hate myself right now because I feel like crap even though the sun is shining and the whether is nice, and I don;t really want people to see me like that cause I'm terrified of being vulnerable with people again, so I can only let people online know because I don't have to look them in the eyes cause I'm ashamed of being the kinda disgusting human being that I am, and no one in my life knows enough about you guys to take you away.

On top of that, I had to watch a little kid miss out on his soccer game he's been excited about for weeks, cause his spine is broken, and even cheer on his team without it hurting. And I can't do anything to comfort or help him.

I’m sorry. It’s not much, but *hugs tightly*

Dilly honor spren · November 3, 2025

3 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Not really. I hate myself right now because I feel like crap even though the sun is shining and the whether is nice, and I don;t really want people to see me like that cause I'm terrified of being vulnerable with people again, so I can only let people online know because I don't have to look them in the eyes cause I'm ashamed of being the kinda disgusting human being that I am, and no one in my life knows enough about you guys to take you away.

On top of that, I had to watch a little kid miss out on his soccer game he's been excited about for weeks, cause his spine is broken, and he can't even cheer on his team without it hurting. And I can't do anything to comfort or help him.

I'm so sorry

that is so horrible I really hope you feel better and that poor kid (you both will be in my prayers)

*big hugs*

Kansas Stormcursed · November 3, 2025

3 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Not really. I hate myself right now because I feel like crap even though the sun is shining and the whether is nice, and I don;t really want people to see me like that cause I'm terrified of being vulnerable with people again, so I can only let people online know because I don't have to look them in the eyes cause I'm ashamed of being the kinda disgusting human being that I am, and no one in my life knows enough about you guys to take you away.

On top of that, I had to watch a little kid miss out on his soccer game he's been excited about for weeks, cause his spine is broken, and he can't even cheer on his team without it hurting. And I can't do anything to comfort or help him.

*hugs*

Through The Living Glass · November 3, 2025

5 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Not really. I hate myself right now because I feel like crap even though the sun is shining and the whether is nice, and I don;t really want people to see me like that cause I'm terrified of being vulnerable with people again, so I can only let people online know because I don't have to look them in the eyes cause I'm ashamed of being the kinda disgusting human being that I am, and no one in my life knows enough about you guys to take you away.

On top of that, I had to watch a little kid miss out on his soccer game he's been excited about for weeks, cause his spine is broken, and he can't even cheer on his team without it hurting. And I can't do anything to comfort or help him.

*hugs so very tightly*

Edited November 3, 2025 by Through The Living Glass

KnightSkye Reforged · November 3, 2025

5 hours ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

*gives magic hugs cause im magic*

2 hours ago, Dilly honor spren said:

I'm so sorry

that is so horrible I really hope you feel better and that poor kid (you both will be in my prayers)

*big hugs*

34 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

*hugs so very tightly*

1 hour ago, Kansas Stormcursed said:

*hugs*

Thank you guys.

*hugs back*

Keke · November 3, 2025

21 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Any of the rest of you ever get hit with the crushing pain of watching other people in pain and being able to do absolutely nothing to help?

Any way, there is a kid at my church who broke his spine and is stuck in a back brace for the next three months, and he is hating it. If you would, I would love if you guys prayed for him.

*hugs*

i dont pray much but i will give him all my wishes.

18 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Not really. I hate myself right now because I feel like crap even though the sun is shining and the whether is nice, and I don;t really want people to see me like that cause I'm terrified of being vulnerable with people again, so I can only let people online know because I don't have to look them in the eyes cause I'm ashamed of being the kinda disgusting human being that I am, and no one in my life knows enough about you guys to take you away.

On top of that, I had to watch a little kid miss out on his soccer game he's been excited about for weeks, cause his spine is broken, and he can't even cheer on his team without it hurting. And I can't do anything to comfort or help him.

*hugs*

*Hugs*
remember everything i said over discord ok?

*Hgs*

Ink and Embers · November 3, 2025

21 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Not really. I hate myself right now because I feel like crap even though the sun is shining and the whether is nice, and I don;t really want people to see me like that cause I'm terrified of being vulnerable with people again, so I can only let people online know because I don't have to look them in the eyes cause I'm ashamed of being the kinda disgusting human being that I am, and no one in my life knows enough about you guys to take you away.

On top of that, I had to watch a little kid miss out on his soccer game he's been excited about for weeks, cause his spine is broken, and he can't even cheer on his team without it hurting. And I can't do anything to comfort or help him.

*hugs*

Well, you're extremely empathetic and you care a lot for those around you. You definitely AREN'T a disgusting human being.

On 11/2/2025 at 5:04 PM, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Any of the rest of you ever get hit with the crushing pain of watching other people in pain and being able to do absolutely nothing to help?

Any way, there is a kid at my church who broke his spine and is stuck in a back brace for the next three months, and he is hating it. If you would, I would love if you guys prayed for him.

Tam Tucker · November 3, 2025

I had to face the choice to kick my biological mother out of a little house. My adopted mom owns it n its where I grew up. Well they didn't pay the taxes again along with not paying rent.

My mom had to borrow 2000 dollars to pay the taxes. I supported my mom because I think its the right thing to do. I won't tell you it wasn't easy. It wasn't I hate doing things like this.

Well now my mom has a heart. After my mother n brother came up to her with a sob story about them having dogs n my brother having to repeat his senior year if they moved out of state.

So now my mom is selling them the house. They are having my step dads boss which is a amish man. To pay for the house. Which means co signing n I just don't like it.

My relationship with my mother hasn't been great. She is a bitter person n screams a lot. To see the house I grew up in with holes in the ceiling. I also care about respect n not following your word n treating family like a doormat. To be stepped over n used. Also they lived right down the hill n I saw them twice in 2 years. While they will go hour n half to another town to help my step dads daughter. Who they r trying to force me to call my sister.

Mental health club!

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