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coldfuzion76

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About coldfuzion76

  • Birthday 09/26/1979

Profile Information

  • Member Title
    Reverse Engineer
  • Pronouns
    he/him
  • Location
    KY
  • Interests
    Radio-controlled cars, Fantasy reading/listening, 3D printing

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  1. coldfuzion76
    Lexapro was one of my earliest meds as I recall. It didn't go over well. I had a Gene Sight test done a little but ago, and it was one of the only meds on my interaction list. If your doctor can, I'd see if they can start with that test. It's saved me some effort a few times.
  2. coldfuzion76
    Disassociation has been my biggest complaint about basically ALL meds that I've tried. Some are better, some are worse. It seems like if they work for my anxiety, they make me feel like a space cadet. I don't think anyone has ever told me about a medication for that, but maybe it exists. I'm in the process of finding new meds with my doc now anyway. It does sound like what you're experiencing, maybe with some depression making you not even want to feel present and accounted for. I get that too, for sure. The times when it gets real bad, I try to find something that I enjoy to do, but like you said, sometimes that's hard to decide what I even want to do, so I wind up doing nothing and then feeling guilty about it. I get it.
  3. coldfuzion76
    I think with some revelations that I've had that I'm ready to say my third ideal. I've realized that as I find my personal tuths, I can share those with other and don't need to wait until I'm "better". I think I've put off a lot of things waiting for that to happen needlessly. With that being said: I will share my personal truths with others as I find them so that others may benefit.
  4. coldfuzion76
    Man, I totally get the disassociation feelings. I don't know if you're on any medications, but I really struggle with them. It's feel like I'm on another planet, or bawl my eyes out every time I see a lost puppy on Facebook. Doesn't feel like there's much in between. And it does make it hard to pay attention to much of anything. I probably shouldn't be driving half the time, but I don't have any alternatives. Honestly that's when I listen to audiobooks. If I'm going to feel like I'm on another world, I could at least enjoy the story. That seems like the one thing I can pay attention to mostly. Does your writing or art help?
  5. coldfuzion76
    Damn, we've been infiltrated! Who let them in while I was spying?!?!?
  6. coldfuzion76
    So, I've had a bit of a realization. My therapist the other day ended our session with something that I've heard a thousand times and never really thought about, or just dismissed as a platitude. She just told me to find glimmers and be thankful for the small things that I have. She meant nothing ill toward me with it, but it upset me for some reason that I couldn't define at first. Then later that night I figured it out. I have always taken most basic things for granted. Housing, jobs, things like that that I've always had decent enough accommodations in. But it's never been enough. I'm never satisfied and I'm not sure I even know how to be. It explains a lot, but part of me is even more frustrated now because I don't know where to go from this. I don't care so much as to the why, (although I think I know) my parentage had some things to be desired even if it weren't the worst upbringing. I just want to find the switch to turn that off, or on, or whatever parameter I need to change to make it better.
  7. coldfuzion76
    I had a similar experience that caused me to stop drinking. I was just around people that were drinking and thought, "I don't want to be that person anymore". I wasn't an alcoholic or anything, I just didn't like the way I was when I did drink. I have a lot of other stuff going on, but at least I don't have that to worry about anymore. I think little things like this don't get recognized enough. Be happy you thought that way! I'll take a positive thought like that over an intrusive one any day.
  8. coldfuzion76
    I've made it in... I'm leaving them a little surprise.
  9. coldfuzion76
    I will become the grey man and infiltrate the cinder blocks... perhaps if we spike their concrete we can weaken them. I must investigate.
  10. coldfuzion76
    Sorry, I've been away for a bit! What are we planning?
  11. coldfuzion76
    Some of the time I'd say Kaladin, sometimes Renarin. I really want to help people, sometimes to the detriment of myself like Kaladin tends to. But I also relate to the loneliness and isolationism that Renarin experiences due to his illness. I grew up a pretty nerdy kid in a rural area, so I was often left out of a lot of activities and such. It led to pretty bad social anxiety, so I've spent a lot of my life alone, and have never managed to have many friends.
  12. coldfuzion76
    The robots I work with get their program calls from binary coded decimal. I use something similar almost every day. Great idea!
  13. coldfuzion76
    It is somewhat validating. I just can't seem to get out of this rut. Bad things just keep happening, making me question if they'll or I'll ever get any better. The appointment went ok, I appreciate you asking. We've juggled some things around, and today my anxiety wasn't as bad. Had to work some overtime today, and it actually wasn't terrible, so I'm going to try and take that as the win that it is. I've started back at an old job that I had 10 years ago, and have a bit of a different perspective now, so maybe this time it will work out better. So far it has, and I'm trying to remain as positive as I can about it.
  14. coldfuzion76
    I vow to crush all the cinder blocks!
  15. coldfuzion76
    The last few years have been really hard. Got laid off from my dream job, couldn't find work for a while, so I moved back to my home state hoping it would be better. Soon after, we lost both of our dogs, one to cancer, the other was attacked three weeks later at a dog park. Plus the jobs haven't been any easier to get. I've had 4 in the last 3 years just trying to make ends meet, all while taking care of a disabled girlfriend. Hence the bankruptcy. I also had to let my truck and camper be repossessed. Most of my depression just feels so damn justified. It's hard to see past it, even though I know others have it worse.
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