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coldfuzion76

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  1. coldfuzion76
    Lexapro was one of my earliest meds as I recall. It didn't go over well. I had a Gene Sight test done a little but ago, and it was one of the only meds on my interaction list. If your doctor can, I'd see if they can start with that test. It's saved me some effort a few times.
  2. coldfuzion76
    Disassociation has been my biggest complaint about basically ALL meds that I've tried. Some are better, some are worse. It seems like if they work for my anxiety, they make me feel like a space cadet. I don't think anyone has ever told me about a medication for that, but maybe it exists. I'm in the process of finding new meds with my doc now anyway. It does sound like what you're experiencing, maybe with some depression making you not even want to feel present and accounted for. I get that too, for sure. The times when it gets real bad, I try to find something that I enjoy to do, but like you said, sometimes that's hard to decide what I even want to do, so I wind up doing nothing and then feeling guilty about it. I get it.
  3. coldfuzion76
    I think with some revelations that I've had that I'm ready to say my third ideal. I've realized that as I find my personal tuths, I can share those with other and don't need to wait until I'm "better". I think I've put off a lot of things waiting for that to happen needlessly. With that being said: I will share my personal truths with others as I find them so that others may benefit.
  4. coldfuzion76
    Man, I totally get the disassociation feelings. I don't know if you're on any medications, but I really struggle with them. It's feel like I'm on another planet, or bawl my eyes out every time I see a lost puppy on Facebook. Doesn't feel like there's much in between. And it does make it hard to pay attention to much of anything. I probably shouldn't be driving half the time, but I don't have any alternatives. Honestly that's when I listen to audiobooks. If I'm going to feel like I'm on another world, I could at least enjoy the story. That seems like the one thing I can pay attention to mostly. Does your writing or art help?
  5. coldfuzion76
    Damn, we've been infiltrated! Who let them in while I was spying?!?!?
  6. coldfuzion76
    So, I've had a bit of a realization. My therapist the other day ended our session with something that I've heard a thousand times and never really thought about, or just dismissed as a platitude. She just told me to find glimmers and be thankful for the small things that I have. She meant nothing ill toward me with it, but it upset me for some reason that I couldn't define at first. Then later that night I figured it out. I have always taken most basic things for granted. Housing, jobs, things like that that I've always had decent enough accommodations in. But it's never been enough. I'm never satisfied and I'm not sure I even know how to be. It explains a lot, but part of me is even more frustrated now because I don't know where to go from this. I don't care so much as to the why, (although I think I know) my parentage had some things to be desired even if it weren't the worst upbringing. I just want to find the switch to turn that off, or on, or whatever parameter I need to change to make it better.
  7. coldfuzion76
    I had a similar experience that caused me to stop drinking. I was just around people that were drinking and thought, "I don't want to be that person anymore". I wasn't an alcoholic or anything, I just didn't like the way I was when I did drink. I have a lot of other stuff going on, but at least I don't have that to worry about anymore. I think little things like this don't get recognized enough. Be happy you thought that way! I'll take a positive thought like that over an intrusive one any day.
  8. coldfuzion76
    I've made it in... I'm leaving them a little surprise.
  9. coldfuzion76
    I will become the grey man and infiltrate the cinder blocks... perhaps if we spike their concrete we can weaken them. I must investigate.
  10. coldfuzion76
    Sorry, I've been away for a bit! What are we planning?
  11. coldfuzion76
    Some of the time I'd say Kaladin, sometimes Renarin. I really want to help people, sometimes to the detriment of myself like Kaladin tends to. But I also relate to the loneliness and isolationism that Renarin experiences due to his illness. I grew up a pretty nerdy kid in a rural area, so I was often left out of a lot of activities and such. It led to pretty bad social anxiety, so I've spent a lot of my life alone, and have never managed to have many friends.
  12. coldfuzion76
    The robots I work with get their program calls from binary coded decimal. I use something similar almost every day. Great idea!
  13. coldfuzion76
    It is somewhat validating. I just can't seem to get out of this rut. Bad things just keep happening, making me question if they'll or I'll ever get any better. The appointment went ok, I appreciate you asking. We've juggled some things around, and today my anxiety wasn't as bad. Had to work some overtime today, and it actually wasn't terrible, so I'm going to try and take that as the win that it is. I've started back at an old job that I had 10 years ago, and have a bit of a different perspective now, so maybe this time it will work out better. So far it has, and I'm trying to remain as positive as I can about it.
  14. coldfuzion76
    I vow to crush all the cinder blocks!
  15. coldfuzion76
    The last few years have been really hard. Got laid off from my dream job, couldn't find work for a while, so I moved back to my home state hoping it would be better. Soon after, we lost both of our dogs, one to cancer, the other was attacked three weeks later at a dog park. Plus the jobs haven't been any easier to get. I've had 4 in the last 3 years just trying to make ends meet, all while taking care of a disabled girlfriend. Hence the bankruptcy. I also had to let my truck and camper be repossessed. Most of my depression just feels so damn justified. It's hard to see past it, even though I know others have it worse.
  16. coldfuzion76
    Dang! I'm away for the afternoon, and Y'all had a big ol' time. Lol. I can be a spy. I mean, how hard can it be to sneak up on a cinder block?
  17. coldfuzion76
    I'm fairly tall, and I think with my graying dark hair and blue eyes, Dalinar would probably be my best fit as far as looks go. But I'd rather play Hoid. That may work, too, depending on what he looks like at the time. Lol.
  18. coldfuzion76
    So what source of investiture are they using? We have to know!
  19. coldfuzion76
    I completely read the subject of this thread as Mrs. Doubtfire. I'll ask my favorite question, if you could pair up any two Cosmere characters, maybe for their own book, who would they be? I usually use the example of Wayne and The Lopin. I figure that would be absolutely hilarious!
  20. coldfuzion76
    If only the emoji would stack like real bricks.
  21. coldfuzion76
    Yeah, ADHD, is one of the things I'm borderline on. They gave me some meds for that once, and it made my anxiety worse, as it seems like most of them seem to do for some reason. I've been at this for 20 years at this point off-and-on, I just really wish there was a better answer. You make a good point about telling my doctor everything. I was actually planning today to do just that. I have been better about not holding back, but today is probably the worst I've felt in months, so I really just want to lay it all out. I'm also in a fight with my bankruptcy lawyer (a rather one-sided one since I can never actually reach him), so that's not helping any. As for family and friends, those are pretty limited in my life right now. Things have just either pushed them away, or I've drawn myself away from them in some cases. I have one friend that's really helpful in some ways, but talking to him about things like this seems to make him uncomfortable. Same thing for my dad. I don't talk to the rest of my family. My mom thinks I need a lecture, not therapy. Her words, not mine. I don't like to burden my girlfriend with too much, but we do talk about most things. She's about all I have outside of this forum. And I know I'm too hard on myself, but I feel like I should have this figured out by this point in my life.
  22. coldfuzion76
    BRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKVBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKVBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKVBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKVBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICKBRICK
  23. coldfuzion76
    Hey everyone. I kinda feel like I'm interrupting a little. Been away for a little bit, but I just need to say this I think. I started on this forum when I was feeling kinda better and hoped to be of more help here. But my meds have been messing with me pretty bad. I had been feeling better, or thought I was, then my anxiety starting coming back and now has surpassed what it ever was to begin with with. Luckily I see my doc today. Hopefully we can find out a solution. I feel like I've been on so many now, I can't believe any more are left. I'm not even sure what's me and what's the medicine at this point. I don't feel like I even know what's actually the problem. According to several different doctors, I'm like borderline for all kinds of stuff, but nothing definitive other than depression and anxiety. Makes it feel like a generic diagnosis, even though I think that's still enough on it's own. This week has been the first time in a little while that I wanted nothing more than just to give up. Just pack my things, get my girlfriend, then drive into the woods and disappear. I'm no outdoorsman, I'd definitely cry the first time I had to kill anything at all to survive, so that probably isn't a great idea. Still seems better than the alternative of sitting at work trembling and fidgeting because I can't sit still. How does everyone deal with these changes? The constant up and down?
  24. coldfuzion76
    This brick day, I present.... THE MOST DANGEROUS BRICK
  25. coldfuzion76
    I know with the internet being the crazy place that it is that a lot of people probably don't want to provide an exact location, I definetly get that. BUT.... I was wondering if anyone would be interested in starting local reading and/or rpg groups? I find I don't run across as many worldhoppers in my neck of the woods (at least that I know of!) and was thinking it might be fun if we had some groups separated by country/state/locality, whatever is appropriate for the area so that we might meet in person and share our love of the Cosmere. For me personally, I'd love to try the Cosmere RPG, but I've never played a table top RPG and would like to learn. I just don't know anyone around my admittedly rural area.
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