Chuck Norris Facts

[Lunamor she/her]

Gimme all your best Chuck Norris facts! I’ll start:

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his room. It’s not dead, just too afraid to move.

Edited December 10, 2023 by Lunamor

[Soulbinder she/her]

Chuck Norris died twenty years ago. Death just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

[Wierdo he/him]

Chuck Norris dosen't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Edited December 20, 2023 by Ookla the Wierdo

[Lunamor she/her]

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had two missed calls from Chuck Norris.

[The Paradoxical Phenomenon he/him]

When Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands… well, after he left, they were just called the Islands. 

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse in the chin. Today, its descendants are known as giraffes.

Edited December 22, 2023 by Lunamor

[KelsierFortnite he/him]

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn on the lights, he turns off the dark.

Edited January 23, 2024 by KelsierFortnite

[One of the Ten Fools he/him]

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Edited January 23, 2024 by One of the Ten Fools

[Lunamor she/her]

When Chuck Norris left for college, he told his father he was the man of the house now.

[Faerie Braids she/her]

Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups; he pushes the world down.

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

[Lord Spirit he/him]

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice

[Lunamor she/her]

When Superman goes to bed, he wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

[Faerie Braids she/her]

Chuck Norris was once bitten by an extremely venomous snake. After three days of intense pain, fever, and chills, the snake died.

[Lunamor she/her]

When monsters go to bed, they check in the closet for Chuck Norris.

[Lord Spirit he/him]

Chuck Norris doesn’t have a backspace button in his computer. 

Chuck Norris will never fill out an online form, because Chuck Norris never submits. 

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris’s tears can cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried.

[One of the Ten Fools he/him]

If Chuck Norris went to another dimension where there was another Chuck Norris, and they fought they would both win.

The universe is expanding. all of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

[Lunamor she/her]

The flu has to get yearly Chuck Norris shots.

[One of the Ten Fools he/him]

Santa was real before he forgot a present for Chuck Norris 

Chuck Norris can kill a cat 10 times

 

 

Edited February 1, 2024 by One of the Ten Fools
accidentally repeated a joke, so here is a different one

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare he only eats unicorns.

[One of the Ten Fools he/him]

Someone once asked Chuck Norris how many push ups he could do. Chuck Norris replied "all of them"

[One of the Ten Fools he/him]

They once named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to change it because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi-truck’s gas tank. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

[One of the Ten Fools he/him]

A dinosaur once looked and Chuck Norris funny, and you know what happened to them. 

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.