18th Shard Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 Updated Disclaimer Disclaimer: Disclaimers follow. (Neither the seller not the manufacturer will be liable for any brain damage arising from the use of this product. Void where prohibited except where not prohibited. Above terms subject to change without notice. Action figures sold separately. Actual price set by retailers. All research statistics are blatantly flagrant. All rights reserved. All sales final. Any other application constitutes fraud. At participating locations only. Alternate toy available for children under 3. Because some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages, the above limitations may not apply to you. By continuing to use this system you indicate your awareness of and consent to these terms and conditions of use. Caveat emptor. Do not look at laser beam with remaining eye. Your results may vary. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of a Shard, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized repair, incorrect line voltage, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, sticks and stones, et al.). User assumes full liabilities. Some humor and satire included. Price and participation may vary. Not to be used for the other use. Words crossed out are to be disregarded unless they resemble spikes piercing words, in which case you should probably see your local spike cookie vendor. May be addictive. Must be 18 months or older to order. Prices subject to change without notice. No refunds available. There is a slight chance (between 12-87%) of Ruinous corruption; this may or may not cause the following side effects (including, but not limited to): delusions of grandeur, hallucinations, compulsive and destructive behavior, pain, headaches, voices in your head, pneumonia, heart attack, stoke, severe internal bleeding, and death. These side effects are not permanent and are perfectly normal. Please see your cookie vendor to see if Hemalurgy is right for you. No kandra were harmed in the making of this product. Some disclaimers may not apply to all participating victims participants. All constitutional rights are waved by use of this product. Irreparable damage may occur. Vendor is not liable for damaged packaging, bodies, or souls. There is always another secret. Surgeon's Warning: Spiking causes severe Investiture warping. Fragile. This side up. If normality persists for a period of time exceeding 30 days, consult with a Dark Alley representative near you. This may be a sign of chronic dementia. This side down. The information contained in this disclaimer is intended by the Dark Alley for the use of consumers only and may contain information that is privileged, confidential, and/or protected from disclosure by inapplicable laws. Contents of this disclaimer are under pressure. This disclaimer may be in part, whole, or wholesale plagiarized. Shake well before using. Batteries not included. Each set sold separately. Avoid prolonged exposure to this disclaimer. Do not read this disclaimer while driving a vehicle or operating heavy equipment. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is coincidental and intended by the author. Reading this disclaimer does not provide grounds for a legal dispute. Parental guidance suggested. Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt at home. See the owner's manual for more information.This supersedes any previous disclaimer: The above disclaimers may be inacurate and cookies will be provided in case of Shardic intervention.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatebreaker Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 Finally! An Apple device that I'd part with money for! It only comes in two colors though... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kipper Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 Updated Disclaimer Disclaimer: Disclaimers follow. (Neither the seller not the manufacturer will be liable for any brain damage arising from the use of this product. Void where prohibited except where not prohibited. Above terms subject to change without notice. Action figures sold separately. Actual price set by retailers. All research statistics are blatantly flagrant. All rights reserved. All sales final. Any other application constitutes fraud. At participating locations only. Alternate toy available for children under 3. Because some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages, the above limitations may not apply to you. By continuing to use this system you indicate your awareness of and consent to these terms and conditions of use. Caveat emptor. Do not look at laser beam with remaining eye. Your results may vary. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of a Shard, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized repair, incorrect line voltage, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, sticks and stones, et al.). User assumes full liabilities. Some humor and satire included. Price and participation may vary. Not to be used for the other use. Words crossed out are to be disregarded unless they resemble spikes piercing words, in which case you should probably see your local spike cookie vendor. May be addictive. Must be 18 months or older to order. Prices subject to change without notice. No refunds available. There is a slight chance (between 12-87%) of Ruinous corruption; this may or may not cause the following side effects (including, but not limited to): delusions of grandeur, hallucinations, compulsive and destructive behavior, pain, headaches, voices in your head, pneumonia, heart attack, stoke, severe internal bleeding, and death. These side effects are not permanent and are perfectly normal. Please see your cookie vendor to see if Hemalurgy is right for you. No kandra were harmed in the making of this product. Some disclaimers may not apply to all participating victims participants. All constitutional rights are waved by use of this product. Irreparable damage may occur. Vendor is not liable for damaged packaging, bodies, or souls. There is always another secret. Surgeon's Warning: Spiking causes severe Investiture warping. Fragile. This side up. If normality persists for a period of time exceeding 30 days, consult with a Dark Alley representative near you. This may be a sign of chronic dementia. This side down. The information contained in this disclaimer is intended by the Dark Alley for the use of consumers only and may contain information that is privileged, confidential, and/or protected from disclosure by inapplicable laws. Contents of this disclaimer are under pressure. This disclaimer may be in part, whole, or wholesale plagiarized. Shake well before using. Batteries not included. Each set sold separately. Avoid prolonged exposure to this disclaimer. Do not read this disclaimer while driving a vehicle or operating heavy equipment. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is coincidental and intended by the author. Reading this disclaimer does not provide grounds for a legal dispute. Parental guidance suggested. Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt at home. See the owner's manual for more information. This supersedes any previous disclaimer: The above disclaimers may be inacurate and cookies will be provided in case of Shardic intervention.) Why that is wonderful. May I use this piece of art in mine own signature, as I am searching for something appropriate to fill it?Finally! An Apple device that I'd part with money for!It is terrible, the spikes they had to put through me to imprint their operating system upon my SpiritWeb. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kipper Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 It only comes in two colors though... However, a spike will change that... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redbird Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 Why that is wonderful. May I use this piece of art in mine own signature, as I am searching for something appropriate to fill it? This disclaimer may be in part, whole, or wholesale plagiarized. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kipper Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 This disclaimer may be in part, whole, or wholesale plagiarized. Ah, but does he mean that he plagiarized the disclaimer, or that plagiarizing his disclaimer is allowed? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
18th Shard Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 Both?.... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kipper Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 Both?.... Awesome. You get a special cookie that I just invented for your most excellent generosity. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
18th Shard Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 Cool. And new invention two: The Cookie Cipher. You see, we in the Dark Alley know that appearances affect purchasability. Therefore, I have created a code that will allow us to say a spike without saying a spike. Behold: Quadrant Physical Metals - White Chocolate Chips Mental Metals - Dark Chocolate Chips Temporal Metals - Milk Chocolate Chips Enhancement Metals - Butterscotch Chips Internal/External Internal - Sugar Cookie Dough External - Chocolate Dough Pushing/Pulling Pulling - Soft Cookie Pushing - Crunchy Cookie For those spikes that steal Allomancy or Feruchemy, which of the four abilities you have spiked out is designated by the box/plate material the cookies come in. Atium - Snickerdoodle Cookie Lerasium - Peanut Butter Cookie So, an order for 13 Steel spikes that steal Allomantic tin: A Baker's Dozen of Crunchy Chocolate Cookies with White Chocolate Chips in a Tin box. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kipper Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 Cool. And new invention two: The Cookie Cipher. You see, we in the Dark Alley know that appearances affect purchasability. Therefore, I have created a code that will allow us to say a spike without saying a spike. Behold: Quadrant Physical Metals - White Chocolate Chips Mental Metals - Dark Chocolate Chips Temporal Metals - Milk Chocolate Chips Enhancement Metals - Butterscotch Chips Internal/External Internal - Sugar Cookie Dough External - Chocolate Dough Pushing/Pulling Pulling - Soft Cookie Pushing - Crunchy Cookie For those spikes that steal Allomancy or Feruchemy, which of the four abilities you have spiked out is designated by the box/plate material the cookies come in. Atium - Snickerdoodle Cookie Lerasium - Peanut Butter Cookie So, an order for 13 Steel spikes that steal Allomantic tin: A Baker's Dozen of Crunchy Chocolate Cookies with White Chocolate Chips in a Tin box. ThatIs AWESOME!! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redbird Posted January 22, 2015 Report Share Posted January 22, 2015 You should see the physical order form, it has check-boxes and everything. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted January 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2015 The Anti-Bakery, the latest addition to the social guilds has been formed with the express intent of opposing the Dark Alleys. While it may be tempting to simply laugh at such futile endeavors I strongly recommend that you also fill a Feruchemical cadmium spike so that you may continue to laugh while not worrying about such mundane concerns as stopping to breathe. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the winter system Posted January 25, 2015 Report Share Posted January 25, 2015 tap* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted January 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2015 Charge* I believe is the verb for filling a spike actually, tap is for metalminds. Of course once a spike is charged it will need to be tapped. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the winter system Posted January 25, 2015 Report Share Posted January 25, 2015 Filling/Charging makes you need to breath more. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted January 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2015 Filling/Charging makes you need to breath more. Charging a spike with someone else's Cadmium makes that person need to breathe a lot less (Not at all) using that spike would then allow you to store and subsequently tap breath. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the winter system Posted January 25, 2015 Report Share Posted January 25, 2015 Makes 0 sense to me, but I prefer to avoid Helmuargy as a rule. *shrugs* Not doing very good of that, but oh well. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted January 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 A flash of light announced the return of Voidus accompanied by Winter."Hmm.. We weren't really expecting to see you again any time soon, I don't know which alleys would be best equipped for it. Well for now we can just send you into our feruchemy department, Feruchemical gold helps a lot of the experiments be less... lethal." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the winter system Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 Winter sighed. "Sounds good." Compounded Gold would definitely be useful. "Well, where is it? I'll just go there now." Winter started walking slowly. She didn't expect to get far, she expected something else. Knockout gas, maybe? Or worse, a hard blow to the head. Although, any damage would be healed by the compounded gold shortly in the future. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kipper Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 "Welcome, welcome, welcome, to a land of wonder, excitement, and adventure!" said the Panda. "I am Fatebreaker's newest assistant, but he seems to be gone right now. He was just here; I don't know where he went. Anyhoo, please, come in." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted January 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 Voidus smiled, pulling his lab coat on over his darker combat gear. He retrieved a syringe from one of its pockets."Sorry Winter, standard procedure" He said. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the winter system Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 Winter felt her conscious fade as everything turned black. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted January 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 Voidus gestured to an acolyte to place the unconscious Winter on a stretcher."If you would get a Pewter and Atium from the store, one bloodmaker, one augur. Oh and another pewter with Feruchemical tin. That should keep her in working order for the time being."The procedure went swiftly, the spikes placed carefully to avoid changing the already unstable spiritweb too much further. Voidus waited for Winter to wake up, eager to question her on her experiences since leaving the Alleys. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the winter system Posted January 27, 2015 Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 Winter felt the pain, even unconscious. Why had she decided to do this again? Oh, right. Compounding gold. Winter eye's flickered. "ow." Winter said smally. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted January 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2015 Voidus handed over a small band of tin."You can store senses now, just don't store pain all the time. I had to take my spike out because of that, took me three days to notice I had a bullet in the back of my head."He took a seat with a small sigh."Well you're all outfitted for research now, you have healing so you don't need to worry about long-term damage. Even some tin so you don't need to actually feel pain. That one was a new idea actually, can't tell you how much it's helped things. The screaming was getting to be completely intolerable.""Now given your unique situation there's some concern about how the placement might affect you. So be sure to let us know if you experience sudden homicidal tendencies, laser vision or anything like that." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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