People you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley

[Voidus]

7 hours ago, Tesh said:

So, for an application, all you need to do is sell a cookie, correct? 

I've made three attempts, but none have worked.

My skills include remembering tiny details of things I read at a normal pace, research, having a lot to say, being loyal, following rules, and going unnoticed.

I also have connections with a large group of people, as I am the leader of the Knights of the Cosmere role play.

If I manage to join the Dark Alley, I would also like to join the Counterintelligence.

Influential members of the community or those who have made outstanding contributions towards hemalurgic research may also join the Alleys, making sales is one good way to show your worth to the Alleys but there are others.
In light of your attempts, I would like to welcome you to the Alleys. If you'd like to join our counterintelligence division you'll need to speak to @MacThorstenson

[Tesh Any pronouns]

1 hour ago, Voidus said:

Influential members of the community or those who have made outstanding contributions towards hemalurgic research may also join the Alleys, making sales is one good way to show your worth to the Alleys but there are others.
In light of your attempts, I would like to welcome you to the Alleys. If you'd like to join our counterintelligence division you'll need to speak to @MacThorstenson

Alright, I will do that. Thank you!

[I Am Witless she/her]

What the heck. I thought that this cookie business was a joke, but apparently it is an actual freaking cult. Who came up with putting a spike inside of a cookie in the first place? It would have to be a really small spike to not be seen, and you would probably bite down on the cookie and feel it in there. I'd just spit it out....... Just wondering about the logistics of this whole mini-cult.

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

Is it possible to downvote a post?

 

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

It used to be. It is no more. 

@I am Witless You must join to learn the secrets.

[The Forgetful Archivist he/him]

1 hour ago, I am Witless said:

Just wondering about the logistics of this whole mini-cult.

@I am Witless Well first off we are not a "mini-cult" we are a forum wide organization of awesomeness. We are in almost every part of the shard furthering the glorious cause of cookie distribution. You should consider consuming a cookie and joining us.

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

26 minutes ago, The Forgetful Archivist said:

@I am Witless Well first off we are not a "mini-cult" we are a forum wide organization of awesomeness. We are in almost every part of the shard furthering the glorious cause of cookie distribution. You should consider consuming a cookie and joining us.

We are also a leading scientific research body, who have helped further the Metallic Arts, or as we like to call them, the Metallic Sciences, to the point where we as a group have the resources to eradicate the Ghostbloods.

[The Forgetful Archivist he/him]

1 hour ago, LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian said:

eradicate the Ghostbloods.

We don't plan to right? the Ghostbloods are cool.

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

Currently I am not aware of such plans. Maybe we need to enter into a trade agreement with them, where they supply Aviar in exchange for... our special skills.

[I Am Witless she/her]

Can I give myself a cookie? And I'm still wondering about the practicality of putting a three-inch spike inside of a cookie XD. Do you guys use a tack or something? Has there been any info on what sort of powers you get if you are spiked in the mouth/throat? (Because spiking does depend on location, right........?) And what would you be doing with the aforementioned spike? Will I get powers, or will you steal my Breath/soul? Just trying to consider the implications of this, since I'm on the edge of letting one of you spike me, should you give a good answer. Like, seriously. I've wanted to try this out ever since I joined up.

[Apollyon he/him]

@I am Witless I'm afraid to say that this information in unknown. 97% of the time, our bakers just drop whatever spare spikes we have lying around into the batter. But it sure does make for some tasty cookie dough! I'd suggest trying one for yourself and seeing what happens!*

Spoiler

*Disclaimer

 

[The Forgetful Archivist he/him]

2 hours ago, I am Witless said:

Can I give myself a cookie? And I'm still wondering about the practicality of putting a three-inch spike inside of a cookie XD. Do you guys use a tack or something? Has there been any info on what sort of powers you get if you are spiked in the mouth/throat? (Because spiking does depend on location, right........?) And what would you be doing with the aforementioned spike? Will I get powers, or will you steal my Breath/soul? Just trying to consider the implications of this, since I'm on the edge of letting one of you spike me, should you give a good answer. Like, seriously. I've wanted to try this out ever since I joined up.

@I am Witless To answer your question, no it will not steal your soul... probably. The most common effect is they gaining of powers, usually allomancy sometimes not.

Edited March 9, 2018 by The Forgetful Archivist

[I Am Witless she/her]

@Apollyon and @The Forgetful Archivist, thank you both for your *cough* clarity. I appreciate the time you took to answer, but I think I'll hold back until I find out if I get powers or if I loose my soul. Should I ever decide to consume one, I'll tag both of you so that each of you can give me a cookie and get brownie points in the Alley. I swear that pun wasn't on purpose.

[Zennix he/him]

8 hours ago, I am Witless said:

@Apollyon and @The Forgetful Archivist, thank you both for your *cough* clarity. I appreciate the time you took to answer, but I think I'll hold back until I find out if I get powers or if I loose my soul. 

The beauty of the the Dark Alley is that you can get the powers and still have your soul. OK, maybe not your actual soul, but you will have an unlimited number your victims' (sorry, research assistants') souls to choose from to replace your lost soul.

Oh, I have some Soul Spikes available for DA agents who have lost their souls. I'm saying this especially for the novices who attempting their first few experiments, because losing your soul is a common side effect.

If you've lost yours, don't worry. We've all had the same experience.

On the other hand, you may need to intentionally remove your soul before attempting some of the more hardcore experiments in order to save yourself from some moral problems. For example, if you are attempting an experiment that may result in the extinction of a whole planet of sapient penguins. Trust me, you really don't want to have nightmares about vengeful, screaming, bazooka-weilding penguins. I'm telling you from my personal experience.

Thanks 

Yours spikefully, 

Zennix

The Dark Alley R&D Laboratories 

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

We got something important done today, but something else happened.

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

Has our problem been taken care of by our friends?

[DrakeMarshall he/him]

On 3/8/2018 at 11:18 AM, The Forgetful Archivist said:

We don't plan to right? the Ghostbloods are cool.

Our organization is vast enough that some members may conceivably be deliberately working against the interests of the Ghostbloods. On most fronts, our members enjoy a great deal of freedom, and we have no rules against interfering with other organizations (though many of us would consider it poor manners).

That said, as an institution the Dark Alley has no quarrel with the Ghostbloods. Many of our members have done business with them at some point in time or another.

Personally, I maintain good ties with certain Ghostbloods for the purposes of swapping certain rarer types of investiture. It would be very much a pity to see the Ghostbloods eradicated.

Quote

The beauty of the the Dark Alley is that you can get the powers and still have your soul. OK, maybe not your actual soul, but you will have an unlimited number your victims' (sorry, research assistants') souls to choose from to replace your lost soul.

Oh, I have some Soul Spikes available for DA agents who have lost their souls. I'm saying this especially for the novices who attempting their first few experiments, because losing your soul is a common side effect.

If you've lost yours, don't worry. We've all had the same experience.

On the other hand, you may need to intentionally remove your soul before attempting some of the more hardcore experiments in order to save yourself from some moral problems. For example, if you are attempting an experiment that may result in the extinction of a whole planet of sapient penguins. Trust me, you really don't want to have nightmares about vengeful, screaming, bazooka-weilding penguins. I'm telling you from my personal experience.

This was never a concern for me, as I never had a soul to begin with (I currently have many souls, but none of them are per se mine), but I am told losing your first soul can be a somewhat traumatic experience. If you find yourself in need of one, do not hesitate to contact me, and we can negotiate something. I offer a special bargain to Dark Alley members.

Edited March 11, 2018 by Drake Marshall

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

When all of the new WoBs are posted, we will have support.

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

Ignore.

 

Edited March 14, 2018 by ElephantEarwax

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Well well well, everyone seems to be having a lovely time! So much "baking", so many new recipes. The Alley has certainly come a long way.

However, I would like to remind everyone that our goal is not selling cookies, but SCIENCE itself.

To broaden our minds, and the minds of others, however much they might scream and bleed at first. To shine the beam of darkness into the well lit pathways of ignorance.  To share the Joy of Baking with those who can't even comprehend the implications of a perfectly "baked" "cookie". To follow in the great footsteps of Rashek and Kelsier, of Marsh and Spook. To become pioneers in our own right. To wade through fire and blood flour and eggs in our pursuit of knowledge.

Also, to make the weirdest things in nonexistence because we can.

That is what we are. That is the Dark Alley.

So have fun! Take chances, make mistakes, get...

MESSY. 

It's a grand time researching with such bright minds, thanks for perpetuating the insanity! 

[Guest Breaker]

Greetings. 

I have been directed to seek out this Alley in my pursuit of BioChromatic Breath, Hemalurgy, and SCIENCE!. 

I am, however, as yet unsure what this group is or what it does. That said, I have a great deal of interest in the acquisition of Investiture.

 

Might I, then, inquire after the nature of this group and how I might acquire some Breath?

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

Ah, that is very simple. We are a research group who does some cookie selling. Just bring some of our premium spiked cookies to some people with some Breaths, and sell them some cookies to help nourish them after a hard day of Awakening. If you're a DA man you'll know in one of the many hearts you own what to do. And set up in any of those dark alleyways over there for your experiments. I hear there was a recent opening in alley 47 after one of our newer recruits got killed by a lerasium rat. Remember to keep your steel bubble up. Good luck.

 

[DrakeMarshall he/him]

53 minutes ago, LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian said:

We are a research group who does some cookie selling.

Now, this is an interesting philisophical conundrum. Are we a research group who does some cookie selling, or are we a cookie selling group who does some research?

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

1 hour ago, Drake Marshall said:

Now, this is an interesting philisophical conundrum. Are we a research group who does some cookie selling, or are we a cookie selling group who does some research?

We are both until you open the cookiebox and determine which it is (Schroedingers cat reference).

[MacThorstenson he/him]

Nah, we spiked the laws of physics years ago. Schroedinger's laws dont apply.