The Relationship Advice Thread, by Dr. Calano

[Ookla de los Cuervos he/him]

17 hours ago, Just-A-Stick said:

*sigh*

Guys, I'm trying to talk to this guy, and I think he just doesn't care that much...

He kinda just ghosts a lot and I feel like I have to carry the convo by myself, and everything feels tight and awkward...  

It's almost stressful, cause I don't know how to act anymore...?

Help me plz o-O

just be straight about it. just flat out ask him.

also, i have no brain cells so take that with a grain of salt, i likely wouldnt do that myself, just what i would do idealized.

[Immortal Platypus]

On 2/19/2024 at 4:18 PM, Edema Rue said:

Man what do we do when NO one can make the first move?? How do we…how…THERE HAVE BEEN THREE FRIDGIN GIRLS CHOICE DANCES IN A ROW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

L

Making the first move is fetching scary! Then again, social interaction is scary...

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

On 2/19/2024 at 5:18 PM, Edema Rue said:

Man what do we do when NO one can make the first move?? How do we…how…THERE HAVE BEEN THREE FRIDGIN GIRLS CHOICE DANCES IN A ROW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

Last dance I was at there was a girl's choice dance and all the guys were in the middle of the dance area... so they were surrounded by every one who was dancing and pretty much impossible to get to.

Also it's a lot less intimidating if you take a buddy or two and you find a group of guys with the same number of buddies that you are taking and you all go ask them.

[Ookla de los Cuervos he/him]

1 minute ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

Last dance I was at there was a girl's choice dance and all the guys were in the middle of the dance area... so they were surrounded by every one who was dancing and pretty much impossible to get to.

Also it's a lot less intimidating if you take a buddy or two and you find a group of guys with the same number of buddies that you are taking and you all go ask them.

im the one guy sitting on the outside corner most of the time.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

On 2/19/2024 at 3:18 PM, Edema Rue said:

Man what do we do when NO one can make the first move?? How do we…how…THERE HAVE BEEN THREE FRIDGIN GIRLS CHOICE DANCES IN A ROW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

You get it now. 

Welcome to the club.

what you do then is approach a random guy and ask him to dance. Nothing bad will happen. Imagine what you say when a guy asks you to dance and he’ll say something like that. 

[Cash67]

 

19 minutes ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

You get it now. 

Welcome to the club.

what you do then is approach a random guy and ask him to dance. Nothing bad will happen. Imagine what you say when a guy asks you to dance and he’ll say something like that. 

So if someone says no to dancing you awkwardly chacha away. 

 

1 hour ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

Last dance I was at there was a girl's choice dance and all the guys were in the middle of the dance area... so they were surrounded by every one who was dancing and pretty much impossible to get to.

Also it's a lot less intimidating if you take a buddy or two and you find a group of guys with the same number of buddies that you are taking and you all go ask them.

TRUE. The first dance I went to this happened. One of the most fun nights I've had. Also had some of the most fun pictures. 

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

Just now, Cash67 said:

So if someone says no to dancing you awkwardly chacha away. 

Precisely! That is how the game is played.

it’s this way that we will get the girls to understand our pain.

[Cash67]

3 minutes ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

Precisely! That is how the game is played.

it’s this way that we will get the girls to understand our pain.

EVERYONE MUST JOIN THE AWKWARD CHACHA 

[jamesbondsmith He/him]

21 hours ago, Just-A-Stick said:

*sigh*

Guys, I'm trying to talk to this guy, and I think he just doesn't care that much...

He kinda just ghosts a lot and I feel like I have to carry the convo by myself, and everything feels tight and awkward...  

It's almost stressful, cause I don't know how to act anymore...?

Help me plz o-O

I'd like to give advice going both directions, if you don't mind.

Firstly, I've been in the position of being somewhat cold towards someone I was into. It could be due to nerves, not feeling like you're worthy of them, or having baggage to deal with before you're ready to pursue them. Whether you want to pursue something with them under those circumstances is up to you. 

Alternatively, as I put in an above post, you'll have a rough time if you expect rules not to apply to you. If someone is cold, it could be because they're actually into you but they aren't sure how to go about it, or it could be because they aren't interested.

I know it probably gets repeated, but the best course of action is to be brave and ask bluntly. Guys especially aren't good at picking up hints (I'm pretty sure I've talked myself out of things that could have been hints because of previous experiences). Besides, a good relationship requires honesty.

 

Also, here's a meme:

[Edema Rue she/her]

3 hours ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

You get it now. 

Welcome to the club.

what you do then is approach a random guy and ask him to dance. Nothing bad will happen. Imagine what you say when a guy asks you to dance and he’ll say something like that. 

No no no but I could ask them…

except all my guy friends have significant others. AND IM FRIENDS WITH THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS so I can’t just do it to spite them  

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

2 minutes ago, Edema Rue said:

No no no but I could ask them…

except all my guy friends have significant others. AND IM FRIENDS WITH THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS so I can’t just do it to spite them  

Yes, but you can dance with people other than your friends... It's what we awkward guys have to do all the time. 

[Edema Rue she/her]

10 minutes ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

Yes, but you can dance with people other than your friends... It's what we awkward guys have to do all the time. 

Right but to go to the dance...you need to go with people...

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

1 minute ago, Edema Rue said:

Right but to go to the dance...you need to go with people...

Not necessarily.

[RoyalBeeMage he/him]

6 hours ago, Cash67 said:

EVERYONE MUST JOIN THE AWKWARD CHACHA 

JOIN THE CHACHA

3 hours ago, Edema Rue said:

Right but to go to the dance...you need to go with people...

You could always just show up with no intention to dance 

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

40 minutes ago, RoyalBeeMage said:

You could always just show up with no intention to dance 

You could show up with the intention to dance without a group of people

[Edema Rue she/her]

52 minutes ago, RoyalBeeMage said:

JOIN THE CHACHA

You could always just show up with no intention to dance 

11 minutes ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

You could show up with the intention to dance without a group of people

You guys

You must understand

I’m not a nerd

I like social interaction

[Cash67]

Just now, Edema Rue said:

You guys

You must understand

I’m not a nerd

I like social interaction

The two ain’t exclusive. 
 

I happen to both be a nerd and like social interaction! 

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

5 minutes ago, Edema Rue said:

You guys

You must understand

I’m not a nerd

I like social interaction

I do too, that is why you go up to x random guy and say "Hey, do you wanna dance?" during the girls choice ones. And, a good way to get people to dance with people is walk slowly around without a pack of others around you and don't look like you're explicitly wanting to dance with someone, a little bit, but not solely that.

[Lego Mistborn he/him]

Don't wait for the girls choice one. Unless you live a in puritan community, nobody will be upset with you.

[Immortal Platypus]

1 hour ago, Edema Rue said:

You guys

You must understand

I’m not a nerd

I like social interaction

lies. you are a nerd, but that doesn't mean you can't like being social. Some of the biggest nerds I know are extroverts

[RoyalBeeMage he/him]

2 hours ago, Cash67 said:

The two ain’t exclusive. 
 

I happen to both be a nerd and like social interaction! 

 

1 hour ago, Immortal Platypus said:

lies. you are a nerd, but that doesn't mean you can't like being social. Some of the biggest nerds I know are extroverts

i love social interaction and i am an insanely big nerd. you can be both.

[Cash67]

14 hours ago, Edema Rue said:

You guys

You must understand

I’m not a nerd

I like social interaction

Also counterpoint to you not being a nerd... you showed up to DS 2023.....

ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

[Edema Rue she/her]

1 hour ago, Cash67 said:

Also counterpoint to you not being a nerd... you showed up to DS 2023.....

ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

NOOOOOOOOOO I'M NOT A NERD I JUST LIKE BOOKS

[The cheeseman Don't you dare go Hollow!]

5 minutes ago, Edema Rue said:

NOOOOOOOOOO I'M NOT A NERD I JUST LIKE BOOKS

YOU'RE ON A FORUM DEDICATED TO NERD STUFF. ADMIT IT, EDDIE!

YOU

ARE

A

NERRRRRD

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

37 minutes ago, Edema Rue said:

NOOOOOOOOOO I'M NOT A NERD I JUST LIKE BOOKS

Says the person who said "MY LIFE IS DEDICATED TO KVOTHE!" 

And who's username is a book thing.

And who has various book quotes in their signature.

And is in a book themed gladiatorial combat from a book themed role playing game on a forum website made for nerds of a very specific series let by the biggest nerds around.

So... I think the evidence is pretty conclusive. Thou art a nerd, person named after the Edema Ruh.

Edited February 22, 2024 by Thaidakar the Ghostblood