What's Your Bad Pitch For The Ending Of The Stormlight Archive?

[+robardin he/him]

On 2/28/2022 at 1:33 PM, The Sibling said:

TaravOdium kills Szeth, so Kaladin kills TaraVodium, so El kills Kaladin, so the Stormfather kills El, so Moash kills the Stormfather, so Lift kills Moash, so Rock kills Lift, so Wyndle kills Rock, so Cord kills Wyndle so Chiri-Chiri kills everyone.

So basically, Quentin Tarantino takes over Stormlight? Eh. It could work! Reservoir Shards!

Edited March 7, 2022 by robardin

[Kandrafish]

Kaladin and Szeth arrive in Shinovar. Somehow, Ishar found Ba Ado Mishram and forced her into a bond. He uses her to enslave all of the Shin and give them forms of power. He has Kaladin and Szeth fight to the death to decide who will get Dalinar the information he needs to know. Just when Kaladin is about to win Szeth divides himself in two and Kaladin is so shocked that this is what the shard of division does, that Left Szeth kills him. Right Szeth rushes over to Ishar and learns the secret of how to win the contest of champions and Left and Right Szeth race to inform Dalinar that the secret to kill Odium is to guess his name correctly (or else Odium will get his first born son). Dalinar confidently guess "Rayse", but is incorrect. Dalinar guesses many names, but on the third day of the contest of champions he overhears Taravodium out in the woods singing "tonight tonight, my plans I make, tomorrow tomorrow, the baby I take. Dalinar will never win the game, for Taravangian is my name". Dalinar guesses the correct name and the contest ends. Unfortunately, Raboniel faked her death and used her identical twin as a sacrifice for Navani and she created a new plague that Adolin is sick with. Dalinar wins, but all non-Radiants die, except for Adolin who is saved by Zahel who gives away his divine breath (without sharing any of his scholarly genius with anyone other than Kaladin). 

Meanwhile, Taravodium visits Ishar. Ishar pulls out his own Nightblood-like blade and kills Odium and binds his power to the blade rather than himself. This gives him all of the power with none of the consequences. Ishar then goes to Dalinar after using connection to make himself look just as Kaladin does and tells Dalinar that they have won. Ishar then steals Dalinar and Navani's bonds as well and binds those bonds to weird connection-y objects and then kills them and then takes power disguised as Kaladin Stormblessed and leads Roshar to war against the entire galaxy.

[ScavellTane]

Sja-Anat is gonna be merged with the Nightwatcher.

[AerionBFII he/him]

Moash replaces Kaladin in history, Moash Stormblessed, bridge hero. 

[teknopathetic he/him]

1. Odium and Cultivation unite into a new shard through something Lift manges to do.
2. Hounor is reforged but is now Unity. 
3. Roshar is destroyed and the peoples of Roshar leave with the Iriali to a new world (likely Nalthis). 

Edited March 12, 2022 by teknopathetic

[discorat she/her]

My bad pitch

odium will make Gav/Adolin his champion, knowing that Dalinar would never be able to kill them. Dalinar looses, Gav/Adolin (most likely Gav) go on a revenge mission the entire second phase of the books and kills odium in the end. Szeth will be his father/guide now that Dalinar is gone.

Adolin will *suicide* or die recklessly because of what happened, and Shallan will fully become Veil, and end up with Kaladin. In the second phase of the book, this is what will make Kaladin hate himself again. 

Renarin and Rlain kisskiss and become a couple, and since Adolin and his father is gone, theyll get married and rule new Altethkar together. 

 

I 100% believe this theory, and no one can convince me i am wrong. 

[Odeem]

I saw the whole Dream thing mentioned when I was scrolling through, so I know it was already at least brought up, but when I saw this thread my immediate thoughts were:

Odium kills everyone with Moash as his champion, the last fight being between Moash and Kaladin, Moash being the victor. Then, Moash wakes up. We find out that most of the events of the story are just events invented by his mind, because he's severely sick with something he picked up while being a Caravan guard, and he's presently being bled to death in Taravangian's hospital, and he had never even been made a Bridgeman, all the events that had transpired since his grandparents passed were nothing but a fever dream, and Kaladin is the doctor overseeing his 'treatment', he finally fades into death while Taravangian and Gavilar are walking through discussing changes they need to make to more effectively harvest Death Rattles. The end.

[RAFOmancer she/her]

TaravOdium gets bored of all the little political games and just  pushes the DELETE button ,and all of Roshar puffs away.The End!

[The Sibling she/her]

Kaladin and Szeth are on their way to Shinovar but then they hear a bunch of stuff about a gemstone hidden in an ancient temple, so basically they go back to Urithiru and tell Dalinar. Dalinar is like "NO! We have to focus on the contest of champions, and then afterwards we can go hunting for storming Ba-Ado-Mishram" And then Kaladin is like "Crem." So they go to Shallan, who agrees to help them find the gemstone. But Radiant doesn't want to disobey Dalinar, so Shallan and Radiant fight the whole way there. Mostly because there are only two of them so they cannot vote anymore. Meanwhile Adolin is pissed that he got left behind so he goes back to Shadesmar to get a spren and prove himself to his father. Mayalaran swears the first ideal and Adolin becomes a spren. Maya gets pulled into the physical realm, which is fascinatingly horrifying, at least according to the Stormfather. Meanwhile, Shallan, Kaladin, and Szeth arrive at this freaky underground temple and they have many hangups and bangups and shenanigans as they explore it, finally stumbling upon a freaky maroon gemstone. They break it, but instead of finding Ba-Ado-Mishram, they find a shard called Inspiration. Inspiration was the least influenced by their intent, and therefore the most powerful. Inspiration was bound to a human body, and their power was severely limited. Also by the way, Inspiration has a Hawkeye style mowhawk and wears a purple and black leather trenchcoat. Adonalsium knows how he found leather on Roshar, but anyways... Even after being bound to a human body, Inspiration was actively worldhopping and messing everything up by accident due to their extreme power. So they were locked in a gemstone by Cultivation, who is actuallt their ex. Inspiration quickly figures out the whole Taravangian/Odium incident. The temple explorers travel back to Urithiru with Inspiration and they prepare for the contest of champions, in which Dalinar is forced to fight Lift but instead they declare a truce and both of them just chill on the roof of Urithiru, while Wit and Inspiration conspire against Odium, and Inspiration falls deeply in love with Wit and Jasnah becomes a total thrid wheel. Anyways, in the end Syl swears up to the second ideal, Kaladin becomes a half spren, Cultivations frees Inspiration from their body, and Inspiration splinters Odium. 

Edited June 20, 2022 by The Sibling

[Returned he/him]

Conflicting efforts by powerful forces end up causing all souls and sapient spren to eventually be consumed into the Highstorms and Everstorm, thinning the barrier between the Physical and Cognitive realms within the storms and thickening it everywhere else. This causes all but random and unpredictable changes of identity as bodies of any type on Roshar (from cremling all the way up to human, Singer, and Aimian) are inhabited by unattached souls of the deceased. Roshar becomes an even worse version of ancient Braize, where conflicts between individuals and groups are continued endlessly and asynchronously for all time, with all individuals too tied to the system to ever leave it as they become ever more committed to seeing their grievances through upon each reincarnation.

The purposes and intents of Honor, Odium, and Cultivation are all fulfilled, if perversely, through this situation, and life in the Rosharan system becomes implicitly and explicitly centered on forming, nurturing, and prosecuting conflict to the exclusion of any context outside of the cycle itself. Also, KanPaar is there.

Edited June 20, 2022 by Returned

[Arsteel]

On 04/03/2022 at 9:00 PM, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

Thaidakar kills everyone, the end.

Mare says: '' If we can't have flowers, no-one can!" 

"Yes dear, of course. I will see to it"

[SymphonianBookworm she/her]

Jasnah and Wit realize that they do trust each other and get married. Wit teaches her all about the Cosmere. Jasnah becomes immortal (somehow) and takes over all of Roshar. It turns it the contest of champions is a chess match between Jasnahoid and TOdium, and Jasnahoid wins. They take over all of Roshar, and start worldhopping. They are seriously in love, insult and tell stories to literally every budding main character, and secretly rule the world. 

The End. 

Oh, and Dalinar and Navani get married, Dalinar becomes highking, and the Mink becomes Jasnahoid’s right hand man. 

[Duxredux he/him]

Oh man, this will date me. I'll confess that some of this idea came from someone else's question on making fabrial mecha, but once I thought of it... if this wrecks anyone's view of Stormlight Archive, I apologize, and if comparing SA to something incredibly campy bothers you, turn back now. No, I don't think Brandon stole anything, any more than when a fan came up to him and told him that they loved Mistborn because everyone was Magneto. I'll need to set some things up first though.

The main conflict really kicks off when Venli and her researchers accidentally release Rita Repulsa Odium and her minions the Fused from the moon (Braize). In preparation for this, and in response, Zordon Honor commands his servant Alpha 5 the Stormfather to find teenagers with attitude those with cracks in their souls who would fight for their world and sent them archetypal powers that would eventually allow them to fight in a united front, though for a long time those with powers got into conflict after conflict with each other. In the climactic showdown, this core team of the Power Rangers Knights Radiant, their bonds and friendships forged together through the war, they Unite the spren of their respective Shardplates into the Megazord and in the cockpit of their new armor, they strike down the champion of Odium, their Spren joining to form a massive Powersword Shardblade. Dalinar sits back in his seat, his hands dropping from the controls, his task to UNITE THEM, finally complete.

[Cosmerenomics Enthusiest.]

Okay here we go (takes deep breath)

Dalinar and Kaladin go on a quest to find Ishar with some Radiants who are close to swearing oaths to teach Dalinar more about his powers in the little time they have T-odium claims Adolin as his champion to break Dalinar while Kaladin is trying to rally the singers against the Fused while this is happening we have a sub plot following Shallan and Lift (who sneaks her way onto this mission) to free Ba Ado Mishram but in the end they end up killing the spren when rival agents from the Ghostblood are sent on an asset denial mission stunning all the singers and breaking their Connection to the Fused and redirecting that towards Roshar allowing them to discover several new Rhythms and realize how disharmonious the Fused are the the planet the book climaxes with Dalinar breaking Adolins connection to T-odium and breaking the link Dalinar then summons Honors Perpendicularity and enters it with the Stormfather reforging Honor. Kaladin leads the Singers against the Fused and with the new Anti-Light (supplied by Navani) they are able to kill most of the singers El tries to deal with the humans but his deal is rejected and he is killed.  Shallan reunites with Adolin and she finally accepts Radiant as part of her uniting her mind. Maya and Adolin form a new kind of bond that is unique with Maya helping other former Deadeyes like Shallan's first Spren. The book ends with a loosely unified Roshar and worldhoppers coming forward trying to establish diplomatic ties.

[Weekend Elsecaller]

Brandon releases a Stormlight secret history where Tien actually became a cognitive shadow by bonding to Honor's Perpendicularit. So all those times when Kaladin was in the storms it was Tien keeping him alive. Tien becomes best friends with Stormfather and starts to unravel the secrets of Bondsmiths which begins to turn the tides. TaraOdium kills the Stormfather during the Contest but rather than killing Tien this lets him ascend to take Honor's power becoming Community or something. He gives Moash back his emotions and convinces him to help by having Kaladin in a vison with him. Moash assassinates The Nine throwing the singers into chaos. Odium kills Moash. Cultivation decides to actually do stuff and together with Tien they shatter Odium. Kaladin is less sad.

Alternatively, Wayne world hops to Roshar and meets up with Lift. Stormlight archives becomes a bad cop sitcom as they fail to do anything of real use while being extremely entertaining. Wayne steals Nightblood for a costume because he thinks its a sharblade and accidently destroys the Sibling which in turn destroys Urithiru. Everyone dies. Nightblood isn't sheathed and eventually eats away at Roshar. Everyone is now dead and sad.