Weekend Elsecaller

Brandon releases a Stormlight secret history where Tien actually became a cognitive shadow by bonding to Honor's Perpendicularit. So all those times when Kaladin was in the storms it was Tien keeping him alive. Tien becomes best friends with Stormfather and starts to unravel the secrets of Bondsmiths which begins to turn the tides. TaraOdium kills the Stormfather during the Contest but rather than killing Tien this lets him ascend to take Honor's power becoming Community or something. He gives Moash back his emotions and convinces him to help by having Kaladin in a vison with him. Moash assassinates The Nine throwing the singers into chaos. Odium kills Moash. Cultivation decides to actually do stuff and together with Tien they shatter Odium. Kaladin is less sad. Alternatively, Wayne world hops to Roshar and meets up with Lift. Stormlight archives becomes a bad cop sitcom as they fail to do anything of real use while being extremely entertaining. Wayne steals Nightblood for a costume because he thinks its a sharblade and accidently destroys the Sibling which in turn destroys Urithiru. Everyone dies. Nightblood isn't sheathed and eventually eats away at Roshar. Everyone is now dead and sad.