What's Your Bad Pitch For The Ending Of The Stormlight Archive?

[Bacon]

Dalinar takes up Honor

He and Taravangian kill each other, leaving Honor and Odium without vessels

Shallan takes up both and becomes Sarcasm

When Shallan and Sazed meet, the Cosmere explodes in sarcastic harmony

[HSuperLee]

This should probably be moved to the Cosmere thread if you're going to talk about general spoilers.

[Bacon]

11 minutes ago, HSuperLee said:

This should probably be moved to the Cosmere thread if you're going to talk about general spoilers.

Not my intention at all.

The existence and identity of Harmony is revealed in the letters between him and Hoid.

And I hope for all our sakes that none of the rest of that is a real spoiler.

[KaladinWorldsinger]

54 minutes ago, Bacon said:

identity of Harmony is revealed in the letters between him and Hoid.

Ummm... I don't think so? Infact he isn't even called Harmony in the letters

[Bacon]

12 minutes ago, KaladinWorldsinger said:

Ummm... I don't think so? Infact he isn't even called Harmony in the letters

I don't recall calling him Harmony in my theory either.

[NameIess]

Here's my pitch:

Dalinar wins the contest, Kaladin and Szeth cure Ishar and purge Shinovar of the unmade, Shallan frees Ba-ado-mishram, and no one dies. El turns out to be a generic villain that kills no one and accomplishes no one before getting killed himself. Taravangian's plan gets immediately thwarted and he loses all credibility as a competent antagonist. Kaladin gets magically cured of his all his depression/PTSD and goes back into battle immediately. Happy ending, the good guys win, the bad guys lose, and the narrative tension is forever destroyed.

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

Here’s mine: Odium kills all the nice shards. Taln then kills Odium and the other remaining shards. Then Taln takes up all the shards and rules Roshar forever, basking in his coolness and playing with Shinovaran puppies.

[Frustration]

23 minutes ago, Nameless said:

Here's my pitch:

Dalinar wins the contest, Kaladin and Szeth cure Ishar and purge Shinovar of the unmade, Shallan frees Ba-ado-mishram, and no one dies. El turns out to be a generic villain that kills no one and accomplishes no one before getting killed himself. Taravangian's plan gets immediately thwarted and he loses all credibility as a competent antagonist. Kaladin gets magically cured of his all his depression/PTSD and goes back into battle immediately. Happy ending, the good guys win, the bad guys lose, and the narrative tension is forever destroyed.

I'm just going to steal yours.

[Bacon]

1 hour ago, Nameless said:

Here's my pitch:

Dalinar wins the contest, Kaladin and Szeth cure Ishar and purge Shinovar of the unmade, Shallan frees Ba-ado-mishram, and no one dies. El turns out to be a generic villain that kills no one and accomplishes no one before getting killed himself. Taravangian's plan gets immediately thwarted and he loses all credibility as a competent antagonist. Kaladin gets magically cured of his all his depression/PTSD and goes back into battle immediately. Happy ending, the good guys win, the bad guys lose, and the narrative tension is forever destroyed.

That reminds me of my favorite ending idea for A Song of Ice and Fire

The Red Comet impacts the middle of the map, causing a planet-devistating natural disaster, killing everyone, and sending a larger message about the pointlessness of all their scheming and betrayals.

Edited February 18, 2022 by Bacon

[DiePie]

Dalinar takes up the shard of honor while dueling Taravodium, and because there's so much investiture at that one spot at the top of the tower a black hole forms, sucking in the entirety of Roshar before fizzling out.

[Vin(Diesel)]

Taraganvian uses his control of Odium to save Kharbranth. He then fulfills his lifelong dream of opening a chouta stand. Odium's horrible intent forces him to make hatefullly bad chouta. Kaladin frequents the chouta stand, because his overdeveloped sense of protectiveness won't allow his to stand by while Taravangian's heart is broken for lack of customers. He ropes the other Windrunners into buying nasty chouta too, and they are all really mad and go find Rock to replace him as their leader and make them Horneater stew. 

Rock then ascends to Honor and the battle between Honor and Odium becomes a competition between two restaurants. 

Everyone moves on with their lives, except for the two eternal cooks, locked in their perpetual struggle, until Kaladin dies of old age and Odium instantly goes out of business. 

That is how Honor defeats Odium forever.

[#1 Taln Fan he/him]

5 hours ago, Vin(Diesel) said:

Taraganvian uses his control of Odium to save Kharbranth. He then fulfills his lifelong dream of opening a chouta stand. Odium's horrible intent forces him to make hatefullly bad chouta. Kaladin frequents the chouta stand, because his overdeveloped sense of protectiveness won't allow his to stand by while Taravangian's heart is broken for lack of customers. He ropes the other Windrunners into buying nasty chouta too, and they are all really mad and go find Rock to replace him as their leader and make them Horneater stew. 

Rock then ascends to Honor and the battle between Honor and Odium becomes a competition between two restaurants. 

Everyone moves on with their lives, except for the two eternal cooks, locked in their perpetual struggle, until Kaladin dies of old age and Odium instantly goes out of business. 

That is how Honor defeats Odium forever.

I honestly love this

[Bort he/him]

15 hours ago, Vin(Diesel) said:

Taraganvian uses his control of Odium to save Kharbranth. He then fulfills his lifelong dream of opening a chouta stand. Odium's horrible intent forces him to make hatefullly bad chouta. Kaladin frequents the chouta stand, because his overdeveloped sense of protectiveness won't allow his to stand by while Taravangian's heart is broken for lack of customers. He ropes the other Windrunners into buying nasty chouta too, and they are all really mad and go find Rock to replace him as their leader and make them Horneater stew. 

Rock then ascends to Honor and the battle between Honor and Odium becomes a competition between two restaurants. 

Everyone moves on with their lives, except for the two eternal cooks, locked in their perpetual struggle, until Kaladin dies of old age and Odium instantly goes out of business. 

That is how Honor defeats Odium forever.

This!

Absolutely this!!!

[+Bzhydack he/him]

16 hours ago, Vin(Diesel) said:

Taraganvian uses his control of Odium to save Kharbranth. He then fulfills his lifelong dream of opening a chouta stand. Odium's horrible intent forces him to make hatefullly bad chouta. Kaladin frequents the chouta stand, because his overdeveloped sense of protectiveness won't allow his to stand by while Taravangian's heart is broken for lack of customers. He ropes the other Windrunners into buying nasty chouta too, and they are all really mad and go find Rock to replace him as their leader and make them Horneater stew. 

Rock then ascends to Honor and the battle between Honor and Odium becomes a competition between two restaurants. 

Everyone moves on with their lives, except for the two eternal cooks, locked in their perpetual struggle, until Kaladin dies of old age and Odium instantly goes out of business. 

That is how Honor defeats Odium forever.

This is not bad pitch.

This is how it should be.

[StripesGus]

For a bad ending? Kaladin wakes up from sleeping in the fields, and sees Tein looking for fun coloured rocks... then hear's his mother calling for supper.. It was all a bad dream...

Edited February 23, 2022 by StripesGus

[NameIess]

Going off the dream idea, here's another bad pitch:

Kaladin and Szeth succeed in healing Ishar, but his Honorblade is stolen by El, who flees into the Cognitive realm and escapes. Kaladin, Szeth, and Ishar then go back to Dalinar, where Ishar gives Dalinar information vital to winning the contest just before it begins. Meanwhile, Shallan and Adolin search for Ba-Ado-Mishram, and manage to free her, restoring the deadeyes back to life and fixing all the other problems caused by her imprisonment. there is also an unintended side effect: freeing Ba-Ado-Mishram also restores her connection to all Singers. El chooses this moment to show up, mortally wounding Adolin, which causes Shallan to have a breakdown, before using Ishar's Honorblade to take Ba-Ado-Mishram's connection to the Singers and transfer it to humanity. Through this connection, T-Odium is able to give visions to any human he chooses. Just as Dalinar is about to strike the finishing blow on his champion, Odium uses the last moment of his freedom to pull most of humanity into a vision and offer them a deal: He will pull them into a vision of a perfect life and sustain their consciousness until they wish to pass on to the Beyond. Dalinar defeats Odium's champion, but chaos ensues as vast swathes of the human population take the deal, trapping themselves in visions forever. Shallan, shattered by Adolin's apparent death, accepts the deal. However, El summons Honor's perpendicularity in order to leave the Cognitive realm where Ba-Ado-Mishram was kept, and Adolin is able to draw in stormlight because of his bond to the newly-revived Maya. He wakes up from unconsciousness and apparent death to find Shallan unresponsive, trapped in a vision similar to that which the Stormfather gave to Dalinar. Meanwhile, human society is shaken to its core as huge portions of the Thrill-addicted Alethi army accepted Odium's deal, along with many others from the rest of the population. This gives all of Odium's aligned forces a massive advantage, allowing them to gain the lead in the budding Cold War. Most main characters refused Odium's deal, but Kalak agrees in order to be safe from torture, and Moash agrees, with the added clause that his body will become Odium's avatar.

Can't think of any other main characters who'd accept, but there might be some others, especially depending on the circumstances.

[Frustration]

1 hour ago, Nameless said:

Going off the dream idea, here's another bad pitch:

Kaladin and Szeth succeed in healing Ishar, but his Honorblade is stolen by El, who flees into the Cognitive realm and escapes. Kaladin, Szeth, and Ishar then go back to Dalinar, where Ishar gives Dalinar information vital to winning the contest just before it begins. Meanwhile, Shallan and Adolin search for Ba-Ado-Mishram, and manage to free her, restoring the deadeyes back to life and fixing all the other problems caused by her imprisonment. there is also an unintended side effect: freeing Ba-Ado-Mishram also restores her connection to all Singers. El chooses this moment to show up, mortally wounding Adolin, which causes Shallan to have a breakdown, before using Ishar's Honorblade to take Ba-Ado-Mishram's connection to the Singers and transfer it to humanity. Through this connection, T-Odium is able to give visions to any human he chooses. Just as Dalinar is about to strike the finishing blow on his champion, Odium uses the last moment of his freedom to pull most of humanity into a vision and offer them a deal: He will pull them into a vision of a perfect life and sustain their consciousness until they wish to pass on to the Beyond. Dalinar defeats Odium's champion, but chaos ensues as vast swathes of the human population take the deal, trapping themselves in visions forever. Shallan, shattered by Adolin's apparent death, accepts the deal. However, El summons Honor's perpendicularity in order to leave the Cognitive realm where Ba-Ado-Mishram was kept, and Adolin is able to draw in stormlight because of his bond to the newly-revived Maya. He wakes up from unconsciousness and apparent death to find Shallan unresponsive, trapped in a vision similar to that which the Stormfather gave to Dalinar. Meanwhile, human society is shaken to its core as huge portions of the Thrill-addicted Alethi army accepted Odium's deal, along with many others from the rest of the population. This gives all of Odium's aligned forces a massive advantage, allowing them to gain the lead in the budding Cold War. Most main characters refused Odium's deal, but Kalak agrees in order to be safe from torture, and Moash agrees, with the added clause that his body will become Odium's avatar.

Can't think of any other main characters who'd accept, but there might be some others, especially depending on the circumstances.

Bro why is this a bad pitch that sounds epic.

[NameIess]

1 minute ago, Frustration said:

Bro why is this a bad pitch that sounds epic.

Hm. Have you seen this thread? You might like it.

[+Child of Hodor]

On 2/17/2022 at 7:19 PM, Bacon said:

Dalinar takes up Honor

He and Taravangian kill each other, leaving Honor and Odium without vessels

Shallan takes up both and becomes Sarcasm

When Shallan and Sazed meet, the Cosmere explodes in sarcastic harmony

Oh lawd no!

9 hours ago, Nameless said:

Hm. Have you seen this thread? You might like it.

"Have you have heard the tragedy of Thaylen Field?" 

[Frustration]

31 minutes ago, Child of Hodor said:

"Have you have heard the tragedy of Thaylen Field?" 

"No."

"I thought not. It's not a story the radiants would tell you."

[Going_North_cal]

Dalinar does a Fortnite dance, and the whole Cosmere explodes and everyone dies of cringe.

[Fritochip]

I'll giver it a shot. 

Ba-Ado-Mishram is found and released which frees the Singers in some way. It also wakes all of the dead-eyes, including Maya making Adolin an Edgedancer, once he swears the Oath. Someone becomes the Nightwatcher's Bondsmith (Rushu?). Dalinar takes on Odium's Champion (possibly El or Nail) though I would love for the fight to be between Kaladin and Moash. Honor's Champion is nearly killed, but Vasher jumps in and gives him his Divine Breath, restoring him and allowing him to defeat Odium's Champion. 

Of course, Brandon will make something more epic, but this sound pretty sweet to me. I worry that Dalinar will lose and become Odium's for the rest of the Cosmere. That sounds terrifying. 

Chip

[The Sibling she/her]

TaravOdium kills Szeth, so Kaladin kills TaraVodium, so El kills Kaladin, so the Stormfather kills El, so Moash kills the Stormfather, so Lift kills Moash, so Rock kills Lift, so Wyndle kills Rock, so Cord kills Wyndle so Chiri-Chiri kills everyone.

[Waffles]

Nightblood, having absorbed immense power becomes a bondsmith spren and Kaladin becomes his bondsmith.

Through adhesion and gravitation Kaladin, in a moment of severe depression (egged on by Hoid), sucks all of roshar into a Nightblood singularity.

Nightblood (now a sword the size of a planet), using the dawnshard now inside him wishes himself to be a real boy and spends the rest of eternity on Braize, having his accomplished his mission of destroying evil.

Nobody on Roshar was truly innocent.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

Thaidakar kills everyone, the end.