Quiver

So, I finally got started on reading pieces! So... hope you guys don't mind fairly sporadic responses to them, as my schedule and stuff allows. . Edgedancer First, maybe it was just me, but I got a very definite Swords & Sorcery style vibe from this. The two protagonists might be responsible for that -I will forever associate duos with the genre, thanks to Ffhard and the Grey Mouser- but the set-up for it also seemed very Swords & Sorcery-ey, particularly the mental image of Caza dragging a treasure chest with a fireplace built onto it through the snow. I also kind of got a Brandon-vibe from the piece. Caza's reiteration of how cute the sea devil was reminded me of Tonk Fah in Warbreaker (another Sword/Sorcery story), but mentioning Sharpness right away (without really pausing to explain what it meant) sort of seemed like Szeth's scene at the beginning of Way of Kings... and just in case it sounds like I'm being too critical, I'll add that I like all of that stuff. What I don't like is the use of drowned as a curse... but that's petty back-biting, since I've been thinking of a naval-based fantasy for a while and considering using that as a curse in that. How dare you steal my completely undisclosed and unrelated idea! More seriously though... I have to admit, there were some parts of the prose which jumped out at me and distracted me from the story. Some of it could just be down to style differences; as much as I love Brandon's work, for instance, there are still more than a few moments or phrases or what-have-you which make me pause and stall. So... while I'm going to mention stuff I didn't like, feel free to disregard any/all of it as you see fit. First off, and a very minor point... at the beginning, when comparing the Sharpness of the snow. You spell out five, then use numbers for ten. Like I say, it is a very minor thing -and if it happened later in the piece, I probably wouldn't care as much- but seeing that happen right at the beginning was a little... off to me. A second thing was that... I think you might have slipped tenses on a few occassions. Now, I'm not certain of that; grammar is second only to spelling in how bad I am at it. But some lines, such as this one: -sound like it happening in the moment, whereas the rest... doesn't. If '[That is] a good sign' were in italics, I don't think it would matter -since it would be Caza's thoughts in that instant- but since it's the narrator... I'm less certain, especially since at the end of the paragraph he "turned", rather than turns. For style, the only thing I have to say is that it seems like you favor using long sentances; again, not exactly bad, since I do the same. But-and again, this might just be me- I think you use them a bit too much; the scene with Caza's thoughts as he drags the chest across the snow, for instance, might sound better if you made some of the sentences shorter, or more fragmented, just to give a greater indication of his irritation at the cold and at dragging the chest. Same goes for the action scene against the snow monsters. As it is, while it's clearly written which is an accomplishment in itself when it comes to action- I didn't really get a great sense of tension or urgency from it, and I think that could be corrected by expanding the scene a little bit, making the fight longer/more even, and mixing things up so it is a lot more dangerous. ...And after all that, I want to end on something positive; I'm interested in this. Like I said, it has elements of stories I'm interested in; the S&S style duo, the Sandersonian magic system, the hints at greater world building. You mentioned the Springs going out of control, throwing the world into chaos; while I think that particular plot element might have been better seeded throughout a longer piece, I am very curious as to what, exactly, that means. What's in the chest that is supposed to deal with that? And you said springs- does that mean there are others in the world? Are they all freezing cold, or at the same time this is happening, is another team trudging their way through a Sharpness Twenty desert to fix their Spring? TwiLyght Now, as a disclaimer: I'm not up to date on Spokane. Honestly, my big complaint about this was that I thought that not enough happened in it; it struck me more as being a scene in a bigger narrative than a complete story in itself. After all, you introduce Richard Stombaugh, who I constantly misread as Stormbaugh, but the piece ends with Susan deciding to just... watch him in the future. It didn't seem like much of a payoff... ...Except looking back a page or two, you say this is a scene. So critisicisng it for not being more than what it is seems inappropriate. For the content of the scene though... I don't really have much to say. The conversation seemed natural, and it gets some interesting details revealed fairly easily, like the position-jockeying that goes on in the hotel, or Susan's apparent celebrity within the world. The same, mostly, goes for the narration, which I think is well done... with one exception: For some reason, this line stands out to me. The whole piece seems to be written following Susan's thoughts and experiences- such as by not naming the Candle-tree until Stombaugh names it- but that makes this line stand out a little to me. rom what I can gather from the text, Susan is/was a farm girl, so I'm not quite sure why she suddenly has the insight to comment on the shades there are of red. Of course, as I say, I'm not up to date on Spokane, so it might be explained there; that Susan has some artistic inclinations or some such. As it is, however, it sounds like a comment that I would expect from a Nalthian or a Returned- not a bad thing, given my fanboy tendancies for that book, but it doesn't seem to sit with this character, and it kind of seems as if it was included so you could specify the color of his shirt as being at the "darker end of the spectrum". Of course, despite complaining about that, I do have to add that I like the color red; it's traditional and Christmassy, and that means it contrasts with Stombaugh. In fact I kind of get the impression it's intended as warning... that particular phrasing just stood out to me. Something else that stood out, in a good way, was your use of contrasts. In the opening paragaphs, for every warm Christmas image (like the red and green ribbons, or the pinecones) seems to be paired up with a colder one, like the brass handrail or the white ceramic. It dulls the wonder and awe of the opening a little bit, but it does make the introduction of the Candle tree more stunning, since those "cold" things are entirely absent even though we get the red, green and gold. I also love the subtle contrast between Mead and the hotel, and between Kendall and Stombaugh: Kendall doesn't appear in the piece at all, but Susan wants to and enjoys talking to her; Stombaugh is the focus of the scene, and she ends it deciding to avoid him whenever it's possible Everyone in the hotel is jockeying for a better position by claiming they work closely with Mr Whitelaw, and Susan is concerned enough about being manipulated that she tries to cultivate an image that will make people want to impress her; Mead is a communal area where everyone shares a garden (suggesting a form of equality), and as a neighbourhood dedicated to farming, a 'farm-girl' like Susan would fit right in. The candle tree, as Susan says, is a waste of resources that could be better spent on repelling parasites and diseases from crops- and since Mead is the designated farming town, it's implicit that they could have used a botonopath helping their crops instead of growing candleholders. The opulence of the hotel is held in contrast to the simplicity of having goats and chickens run free in the backyard. Delightful Disclaimer numero dos: I know absolutely nothing about Judaism. I don't think that should matter overly much, since the story isn't about Judaism -it just has a Jewish cast- but... I figured I should make my background and it's ignorance pretty much forward before commenting. Best story, end of discussion. ...Okay, more seriously: I really, really like this piece. I would say it's positively Delightful, just to mess with your username, but that really doesn't do it justice. Which is actually sort of terrible, because I don't really have anything to comment on. The characters were very believable, Becky in particular; she just seemed like a very ordinary person in terms of her beliefs and motivations. Same goes for the brief scene with Sam at the end, when he dismisses the "authority of a babysitter". The "Greek guard" was a little strange at first, but I figure it's kind of like people acting in-character at a Renaissance Fair, or how "The Sheriff of Nottingham" is expected to play up his (still existing, but legally defunct) role as a villain... and even then, the Guard apologised after Becky got up, so it is all just fun and games. The only character who I didn't feel was as fleshed out was Menashe... but I kind of feel like that's part of the point of it, since Becky avoids him, and the only information we do get on him comes from her daydreams and brief, minute-or-so interaction with her towards the end... and again, he comes across as a nice guy. Extra points for including someone you describe as being "way religious" and having him interact with someone who is less so in a way that doesn't involve criticizing either party for their beliefs. Also: I love this paragraph; the short sentances, the statements... it all provides a really nice picture of the disorientation Becky is feeling and her panic at losing Sam and at having to possibly talk to strangers. Honestly, the only complaint I have is that I didn't think the ending had enough of a bang. I think I would have preferred if you had ended it with the paragraph before the last, with her thinking about Menashe again, since that might have been a neat way to bring it back to the way the story opened- with Sam getting away from her because of the daydreaming-... but then again, adding the part that Sam is safe kind of shows her overcoming the "flaws" she had at the beginning of the story, and does make her character seem less focused on a romantic interest, which is something I always like. Either way though... I really really like this piece.

I... am actually rather happy about that, to be honest. I keep bugging a friend of mine about whether or not FiM is on the UK Netflix yet, and he keeps having to tell me that all they have is Equestria Girls "whatever that is". If it's going off the US one, there is a chance it might be added to the UK one, and in that case, I will finally have a reason to get the service. But also: lol. I actually saw a Pre-FiM series on DVD in the run up to Christmas; some kind of holiday special about "Twinkleshine". I didn't pick it up-obvious reasons- but... yes. From what I've heard, pre-FiM as almost sickeningly saccharine.

Season three is Tenants best in my opinion. The Master Trilogy is fun in itself (and features Jack!) but I think the rest of the season has good episodes too, like the Shakespeare Code, or the John Smith two partner. There are some clunkers- Daleks in Manhattan springs to mibd- but on the while I think Season 3 had more good than not.I haven't decided how Capaldis season stacks up, but I think season five is the best story. As well as being the first season I watched live, the dark fairy tale tone was fantastic; seasons six and seven emphasised the dark, but season five looked, sounded and felt like a series which revelled in the wonder of the character and the setting. Also, whereas later seasons start a trend where non-Moffat episodes aren't important to the meta arc, season five felt like everything mattered. I never had the feeling of frustration that the Doctor was putting problems on the back burner the way I did with the Silence or the Question. Season five had a great pace and made sense- unlike some later stories.

Um... Sorry to bother you, but since this was the only spam topic left open, I figured I should put this here: They're back. Sort of. It's not the Vashikeran stuff, but the latest posts in the Sanderson pickup line and Cosmere bar joke threads have been sort of spammy. Just thought I should mention it since it isn't as blunt as the Love Doctor Black magic stuff, so it might go unnoticed or something. Sorry to bother you. #Fluttershy

So, what sort of oaths do .i have to swear to get a Kobold spree? I could totally use the rep boost.

I've actually seen a few fan fics using that premise, including one which is all about parallel Twilights...but it's good enough that I don't mind repeating it. Also, because it's a really good series that needs promoting, the latest volume of the MLP comic series is a Crisis story! Sort of. I mean, it uses the whole mirror!Universe conflict stuff instead of dozens of worlds, but there's some awesome callouts to the original Crisis in it. I'm starting to think I should just give up waiting and order season four on DVD. I'm getting a little tired of waiting for it (even though all the plot stuff has already been spoiled for me.

Her real name doesn't matter. What's important is the name she chose, since it's a promise she made to herself, and her name is The Doctor Funtimes.

Thanks Kobold! I'll add the prompt to the topic opener as soon as possible. ...but I probably won't be doing it this month. Sorry guys- but I have been drafted by a mob of tiny lizards to write a different fiction, under penalty of votes. Still, looking forward to seeing the results of stuff.

On an unrelated note, I have started developing the idea of "The Twilight Legion"- multiple parallel versions of Teilight that I can use for RPing purposes in this social group forum until I finally get around to making a Quiver Pony OC. I might have a problem.

Suppose- hypothetically speaking, of course- Science!Twilight were to express an interest in joining the Dark Alley- Not that she'd betray her friends, of course, but Science is a greater motivator than mere 'guild factions'- - but if she were to, hypothetically, be interested in "visiting" the Dark Alley, what would be required, precisely?

So, I just finished reading Edgedancer and Twilyghts pieces. It's a bit late for line-by-line critiquing though, so I'll do that (for you two and whoever else posts) as soon as I can. For now though, I just wanted to say that I enjoyed them.

Science!Twilight- the unofficial scientist for the herd- is currently pbserving Winter Cloud - or some manifestation of her-in the latters home base. Obviously, it is too early to provide any reasonable conclusions based on the Winter-Constructs behaviour, however, she does wish to go on record as having noticed a certain degree of "crazy" from her, which would corroborate the Dark Alley sentiments that Winter Clouds accounts are skewed at best. She further requests that any information connected to the sale or use of cookies, most especially of their impact upon human and otherwise sapient creatures, be provided to her forthwith. Like the Dark Alley, she is dedicated to science, and therefore believes that we should all work together to further those goals.

Okay so... from what I understand, Big Hero 6 is, or was, a marvel comic once upon a time. Obviously, this film is very different-being CGI and all- but... is it a part of the MCU series of films? I haven't seen it yet, and honestly, the answer might decide whether I do or not; I don't want to go to Avengers 2 and not understand some important McGuffin because I skipped BH6.

I haven't seen it yet- but I love fairy tales, and I love fairy tale deconstructions, so it's going to be the first film I see in the New Year. (I also hear it's based on a musical? I haven't seen it either, but how does the film compare to the source material?)

Granted- after Hoid is done, Rayse appears and eats everyone who you do like. I wish the Vashikaran spam bots would stay away from the forum.

the international space

It might not have death, but if Winter's reaction is any judge, it is traumatic and mentally scarring, so it's at least kind of like science.

Ask and you shall receive. I'm really glad to hear that some people got this month finished though, even if I wasn't one of them I'm looking forward to whatever you guys put together. And, on a slightly different note, I've talked to someone about a prompt for January; after they post it/announce it/whatever, I'll edit it into the first post in this thread (and maybe to the December thread) just for convenience.

Appropriating the name from Edgedancer, here is a topic for anyone who managed to finish this months pieces. As a "reminder" (for people doing it, or anyone who happens to read them), this thread is for story submissions only. If you want to comment on any of them, feel free to send a PM to the author, or to join in the discussion here. Prompt provided by Quiver: Happy Holidays! Write a story against a backdrop of a fictional or non-fictional holiday/celebration.

Pretty much? I have no idea of actual Italian, so didn't want o risk offence by saying that was what it was. And you have your writing topic for next month then ; )

The tuna resembles Blinky, and the bread is sort of dry. I wish I had the Sixth Doctors coat.

It's either Italian, or faux Italian, for "the family", because of the concept in cinema (and maybe real life? I've never done research into it) that the mafia act as family; the other members will be there for you, but you have to be there for them, too. The point is that, when you join la familia, it's a bond which is (supposed) to be as deep as blood, and you're supposed to act like it is. Of course, if there is a mafia, it means there must be cops. So Magnum P.Iony is on the case! (Bonus points: that panel is from the comics, and is Rarity's grandfather. More reason Rarity is best pony)

I can only assume by Jager, you mean those giant robots from Pacific Rim. Because Epics vs Kaiju vs Ponies-Piloting-Giant-Robots would be awesome.

I'll try to make an actual, pony Quiver by then; got to have some pony representation in Newcago, after all. Though I do need to find some kind of way to add a hood to him; it's only appropriate, given my old Userpic and all.