aeromancer

The cult classic! I've probably read it somewhere around three times. Of course, it's not actually written by S. Morgenstern, but who actually cares?

This sentence is composed of typos in French. Horrible typos at that. I wish ... for honor.

(Only because this is necessary: "Asha'man, KILL!") And a real-life one: "History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it" - Winston Churchill

There's also the fact that the meal doesn't have to be nourishing, or can be perpetually floating above them 1 meter in the air, and impossible to move. Still The Young Bard's turn, I guess.

You receive a bag of chocolate milk and cheetos. As in, both in the same bag. Yummy. I wish for down to be up. Permanently.

Everyone human on Earth has proper nutrition ... for a hummingbird. I wish this statement is false.

Why do I think that's Balthier from FFXII? EDIT: It's not, but it is something he would say.

Your wish has been fulfilled. You have within your grasp the ability to mentally create said parallel universes and experience them. Also, an anonymous call has been made on your behalf to the nearest psychiatrist to you, claiming that you experience "delusions of grandeur." I wish for the mathematical concept of pi, or the ratio of the diameter on a circle to the circumference of a circle (defining circle as a two-physical dimensional geometric object with an infinite array of connecting angles and sides equidistant from a central point) to equal exactly 3,that is 1 + 1 + 1.

"You have enemies? Good. That means you stood up for something in your life." - Winston Churchill

Yes. You even have a good insert point, as Oz is taking a test. That could be a beginner-level question. Maybe not all of it, but at least a rough background. Also, I'm not convinced that the same would happen with oxygen levels. I'm afraid that my biospherical knowledge does not extend this far, but that really doesn't matter.

I would very much like some more information on your world-building. Aside from spore-ridden zombies, there seems to be a shortage of oxygen, which is blamed on a comet killing marine plant life. Um. How does that work? I have an image of the ocean turning to steam, and ... well humanity would kind of die from that too. Speaking of water, can't they just diffuse oxygen from that? You mentioned that there's a hydrogen plant, which I assume gives power. Does that give oxygen as well? Also, why do the Brides have long hair? It'll snag on things, or get in the way inside their mask. Heinlein used bald women in Starship Troopers. I did enjoy the direction you're going with this. I look forward for more.

The water part of mud, at least. I need another week.

Yay! An fully negative review! I'm not being sarcastic when I say thank you. This, as well as the two more submissions I plan on setting are the very rough draft of this setting. This will help me when I rewrite everything. I have addressed certain comments, though I will take exemption to the comment by rdpulfer that coffee represents modern. It's supposed to be set at high middle ages technology (minus gunpowder), but coffee was drunken at that time. Not really in Europe, but still. In terms of a vulnerable protagonist. I am a bit stuck here, because Moon is egotistical, so he won't admit his own failings, but I do intend to make him struggle. If you have any ideas, I'd gladly take them.

@mandamon: All your comments are spot on, so thank you. I know I have problems with the tenses, and the moonwolf/darkwolf was a last second split, so I miss a couple. The "I can be tricky" is meant to sound pretentious, it shows that he's a bit stuck-up, and possibly needs to prove himself. As for the moonwolf (it's actually a darkwolf, but tomato tamato at this point, the difference hasn't been said yet), you'll see why he backs off. The hair - yeah, I really should take that out. It is amusing for me to write, but it does kill some of the tension. Hmm. I didn't concept Moon as having autism, it's more that he was raised without feeling much emotion, and constantly channeling lunar energy affects his ability to use emotions as well. In terms of power - you'll see. The intention is for him to grow. A large potion of the plot is him learning about the world around him, as he was raised in semi-isolation.

... My request was for the 25th. Iu's dark side, this is turning into a fiasco. Where's Silk?

Firing off a request for the 25th, I would like to post next week, but that seems definitely full. Also, I'd like another week to work on Twin Moon. Word of explanation is that I want to do two more Twin Moon posts to fully flesh out the introduction.

Thanks for the review. Most of your points were spot on, however, be aware that this is told from a first person narrative. And Salane is lying about her boots. She just claims she bought them for sixty to annoy Moon. Thank you for the rest of the comments though. I am wondering why no one views Moon blasting a man so hard his ribs are exposed as 'overkill' or 'unnecessary'. I was planning on cutting it as I thought it was violent and out of character, but no one seems to have an issue.

George uses a stove which is "coals in a clay pot" - so this was actually meant to give a relative idea of the tech age but I guess it fell flat. So, it seems that a lot of people are surprised that Moon is human. Either I need to make it more clear from the beginning, or actually make him non-human.Oh, and his hair. It may be more important than it sounds. Haven't decided yet. Moonwolf/darkwolf that's an error. Hey! Listen! There's a 99% chance you'll get a silver rupee for catching that reference. ... And yeah, Moon should be whispering. Conceited fool isn't.

@king007: Writing in present tense in somewhat of a chore, but I felt it was completely worth it, I'm glad you agree. "Learn quickly or die." Yes, Moon is being completely serious. Moon is very bad at tricking people. @spieles: My impression of Moon: Moon is a casual elitist, in the sense that he looks down on humans subconsciously. He's a loner by default, not by choice, so he lacks social skills, and is aware of this. He is very serious by nature, consequently, he takes everything seriously. This means he gets irritated very easily as a result of this, which is the main reason he avoids people. I will point out, though, that he has a very strong sense of duty to his task as Guardian, which is exactly what the name implies. Thank you all for your feedback! I didn't think I'd get such a positive reception.

Well, then you have witches, moon/darkwolves, and (possibly) vampiric entities, but who's counting, really? They all have rather one-dimensional powers, so don't worry about that.

Moon is actually fully human, aside from his ability to use Guardian magic. He is a "casual elitist" as the term goes. He is superior to humans (he has magic, for starters) so he does view himself separate from them. In terms of Magic, the system is somewhat simplistic. Ae for destructive magic, Iu for constructive magic. Most of the magic revolves around energy projection. And ... Eclipse. The reader can possibly get an idea of what Eclipse represents, because they have knowledge of what it is.

This is based on a concept I had a while back. I was getting sick of all the werewolf / vampire things (especially since I know the actual legends. Blood-rose, people!) so I came up with a concept of a moon-based magic system which has every creature of the night all one nice happy snug family – firmly on the side of good. Of course, there has to be some creativity, so the protagonist is part of an organization that gets a unique magic system, which is detailed somewhat. The book’s working title is Twin Moon, because there are two moons on this world. This is the test run of it. I would like to hear your impressions of the protagonist (‘Moon’), as well as how interested you are to read more on top of everything else, like grammar mistakes, syntax, etc. The unnamed protagonist doesn't have a name yet, so just call him "Moon." He's late teens (nineteen).

Atra esterni ono thelduin! ... It's good luck in the ancient language of the Inheritance cycle.

(1 MILLION PAR-SHINRA infantryman swarm ELEND) ELEND (hefting BUSTER SWORD): For honor! COME AND GET IT! (ELEND kills them all but THREE, which all roll NATURAL 20. ELEND DIES)

2) Really? Where? I saw Matrix, so I guess that must've been subconscious on my part. 3) Ah, but of course. It's the classic. Um, thanks? I deal with this stuff using humor, as it beats just about every other way. I still see red every time I look at Sabriel & Mogget losing in round 1. Doesn't help that none of my friends know who they are. Did you find the secret?