Verdance

What’s this lol, it’s not loading

Kinda wish I wasn’t so explicit with the reveal, maybe allow the reader to extrapolate some things. And I think somewhere I confused a Ferris wheel with a carousel, but overall I love the story. Thanks for reading! imma edit it when I get home

You should do these as blog posts to make them easier to sort through they are so cool!

You are at a carnival, alone. Loneliness has never bothered you. You have often found you prefer to be by yourself, bot that you dislike people, but more that you enjoy becoming lost in your own thoughts. And, you think, swiping through songs on your playlist and taking a modest sip of a slightly flat cola, a melody and a beverage take that time to another level. You almost collide with someone as you make your way through the crowds. You were young, once, and you suppose you are still young, in a way. Timeless, even, though the word is a bit cliche. Regardless, you dance out of the way, managing to avoid an embarrassing collision. While the music guides the rhythm of your feet, the lights around you guide the rhythm of your eyes. Flashing all colors of the rainbow, against the night sky, buildings of different purposes, shapes, and sizes all share one thing: blatantly contrasting neon lights. Your gaze slips from display to display, a food stall illuminated in gold and viridian, the entrance to an arcade flashing in ochre and indigo, a carousel draped in glorious teal and fuchsia. The carnival is full of sounds, cheerful laughter, amused derision, and the pleasant babble of normal people freely trading hours of their life through gold and silver into grease, sugar, adrenaline and noise. Some inferior music plays in the background, royalty free instrumental covers of pop songs, somewhere between sickening country and low effort electronic music, repetitive and dull. No one else seems to care but you, who drown it out with a pair of headphones and the choice roar of a playlist full of music that the artists cared about, dancing between genres like an angel high on morphine, invoking emotions that don’t quite transcribe into written language. Needless to say, it smells alive here, in a way. The shallow satisfaction of oily or sugary food (or sometimes both) does not live up to the standard of its sickeningly alluring aroma. The prices are sky high and you have no money, anyway. The arrogance and corporate greed that assumes you would but such food is frustrating, but you can admit to yourself that you would probably give in and eat, if you ever felt hungry enough. You pause near one of the rides. A monstrosity of steel and wood and speed, flinging its riders around like either a bear with a fish, or a child with a stuffed animal, you don’t know. Long ago you would stop in your day to ride one of these, working up the courage as you waited in line, until you strapped in and panicked, internally wishing you could get off, knowing as you reached the top that this was the end of your life, then reveling in flight and freedom and speed that lasted less than a hundreth of the time you spent standing in line. Eventually, like all other things, these thrills faded. Riders pass above, some screaming in high pitched fear, some more yelling in delight. Fools, but glorious in their foolishness. What you would give to live like that again. You move on. As you continue your walk, you find yourself occupied by an acute sense of loneliness. Every other person that you pass is sat next to another, many displaying an affection you tried to give away long ago, failing, and never reaching for again. You still feel attracted subtly to some of the faces you pass, but you let them go. You have nothing for them anymore. You finally approach the exit gates. The world around you shifts, and for a moment you find yourself back in your body, your physical body, back when you had one. Dead, rotting in a box six feet under. Like a seed that never sprouted. Then you find yourself at a new carnival. You don’t recognize the characters of the language above the gates, but you can read them nonetheless. Somewhere else in the world, you walk, a spirit taken before your time, your afterlife the brief heaven of the living’s celebrations, something you can appreciate but never touch, a limbo between heaven, asphodel, and hel, depending on how you look at it. You allow yourself to remember this, remember how you died overdosing in a carnival parking lot. Then you shrug. You will be here for eternity, or until humanity runs out of things to celebrate, and there are much worse ways to spend death. So you walk the carnival, alone, and allow yourself to forget, alone, once, again.

I second and third this :3 Life for me is incomplete without images like this and sleep token

Uh was hanging out with a few guys i sort of know, thought id hop on the shard, maybe write a short story about death and carnivals and stuff yeah yeah fair it can wait wanderlust

I want to go on a walk but i am currently in some downtown area of a state three states away from where i live and wouldn’t feel safe leaving the hotel

Okay, not sure how to help with that. What you are is a complex topic which I can’t answer without getting theological, which I don’t think you’d care for. So I’ll give you this- you want to do things, and that’s the truest version of you, right? It’s not perfect, it wants to do things that are good and that are bad, and personally i feel that my core identity and desires are very evil much of the time because my outer self is constantly repressing a lot of really really bad inner desires. So at least as I see it, identity is mixed up between this outer self, which and edited video which we show to the world, and the inner self, which is like raw footage. Outer isn’t everything, inner isn’t exactly true. This is sort of how i have learned to think about it to myself, its very scuffed and complicated and im leaving out a lot of theology that i find is really important to that, but whatever. Basically, don’t edit out too much of who you are, but constantly try to improve yourself @Usseewa has u seen this yet sorry

Did you discover it? Or was it forced upon you? Are you the one making the decision, or are you conforming to other people’s interpretations of your experiences? This is why I don’t consider myself trans, but for you it may be different (you are talking about being trans, right?)

Everyone is weird. There are normal weird people, who are just being themselves. Then there are weird weird people, who internalize being weird and actively try to seem strange to other people, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but like- dont do it? What i mean is, its okay if you’re kinda weird. We all are. Just be yourself, dont force yourself to be something youre not (unless that is personal growth)

Unplugging your PC

Be the best version of yourself! Uphold your identity, your morals, your happiness. Be kind and don’t hurt people (eckspectially uself)!

Fair enough. Vertical drop coasters suck, but the traditional coasters are great

I thought Can We Hang Out Sometime? (Good Kid) released tomorrow, so I was hyped to listen to it today. Fantastic album from an incredibly fun band.

That wasn’t like asking what should i do more just asking your opinion :3

Paragraph two defines my existence. Storm puberty. idk, autism may be the cause of my overthinking and possibly exasperates by intrusive thoughts to a degree, or maybe thats the ADHD, bineurodivergence makes them kind of intertwined, or even that i dont have neurodivergence but that i understand myself through those lenses- but yeah thats a big struggle with being alive, the good thing is that if there’s a struggle then you know subconsciously the person you want to be and are trying to correct to it and behave that way sort of like you’re faking being yourself? Maybe? But in a healthy way? maybe dont think of it as you’re faking somethings, but that your mortal body/mind can’t catch up with the truth of your identity and soul.

Hmmm maybe its not the best of writing conditions here rollercoasters: yea or nah

Well, that’s fair enough. But if yall vote me out you will see I’m village, so if you do, vote Ink not TJ.

No idea senior trip has given me an amazing writing idea but imma have to wait until i get home or smt

Folly Red whyed ya ping me just for Atlantic :3

Yeah, im not confident about it but im voting against Ink this round TJ is about as clear as you can get in my book.

Assuming four elims, weve lost six village and can lose two more without losing the game. We really really need to get an elim tonight.

Ooh that’s an amazing question, i wish i had asked that its right up me alley i would like to add favorite shade of red to the list

Who or what is LyLo???

Who is LyLo??? Idk who to vote against tbh