Verdance

Unstructure There’s a weight in my chest Call it depression call it guilt spirals call it brokenness I hurt more than pain Im always left longing for rest And the world follows Wherever I go Looking in a mirror Hope unseen Others look at me Their eyes familiar hollows Hands in pockets meet knives “Wouldn’t it be perfect To get what you deserve A sad story Pain is glory” Clothes without pockets spare lives You’ve seen everything here the path is known time to go home find a new trail follow it or fail you can’t give up, no fear let a light in the darkness Another star in the sky make them wonder why why you have hope who gave you love “The sun”, saith the archivist banshee ”mommy theres a monster outside” ”i know, its the banshee” ”why does he sound like that” ”he is hurting” ”he is scaring me” ”im sorry” the banshee stalks for miles alive in his reverie his primal song the person walks in spirals dead in his memory his final wrong the voice in my head is the only course for a dead man like me the voice i have fed like wolves to a horse is a demon like me The banshee gasps His howl cut off he drinks blood from the sky then his voice rasps Screaming aloft his pain is let out. Why? this is the me you will never hear this is the me you would to good to fear This is the me that’s not wholly me why do i find joy in mangling my throat why does i find joy in tangling my hope with a demon call, guttural thrall oceans of metal, ill scream through them all so find me if you wish and hear the banshee’s song Pinions i saw a dead bird on the side of the road mangled bones, ragged feathers, battered and bloody a hawk sat on the branches above i collapsed and away strength flowed i was tangled, jagged, tattered and muddy and you watched me cry without love father, why don’t you catch me in your pinions?

Hmmm… yes, that’s about what i expected from mono. free verse poetry is so awesome

Cant add reactions

He’s a great guy most of the time. We went to a group therapy session and narrowed down that the conflict between me and him boils down mostly to the fact that he doesn’t understand that people can and will do things that they don’t really want to do. He also sometimes gets angry. But I would say that I really respect him more than I feel frustrated with him.

Okay you know what i think i finally know how to relate to this. so in my religion, its not going to church or whatever that saves you, it’s specifically believing that jesus existed and did what the bible says, has the power to change your life, and then asking for that. And from that point on you receive the help of the third person of God, the holy spirit, and that is supposed to slowly help you overcome your sins. Its more complicated than that but thats the gist. so i would say it took me about a decade of my life to come to realize what that meant for me and… do that. And that changed me significantly, i felt reborn. Still chipping away at bad habits and things but i have hope and see progress. now my dad sees me still struggling with these things and keeps telling me that he thinks im lying to him, that im not saved. And that is the worst feeling in the world for me because my dad has never struggled in the same way as i have and when he says stuff like that he makes me feel like im the old me who was far more selfish and hateful and hopeless. so in a way, i relate that to being deadnamed. Not perfect, but a similar experience.

Me telling you the rules

Can i get something off my chest i kind of envy you, tbh. You know all the coding, your writing is better than mine, you have been depressed for longer without hurting yourself, you’re rustin trans which if anything is incredibly brave what i wouldn’t give to be in your shoes

Just read the intro, make a character and be ready on Wednesday!

*The night comes down like heaven* You probably just need rest or smt It’s going to be okay. What do you usually do to rest or relax?

Open until like, Wednesday

This sounds like SH please stop god i still see the pink scar tissue where i cut myself please stop

Maybe a gender euphoria moment might help? I don’t know, cause I’ve been pretty much okay with my body for a while, aside from like, the rusting acne. STOP. PLEASE.

Find it. Again, for me it’s been walking and music. I don’t know what it is for you, not a solution but a reprieve. I believe in you!

Taking into consideration her altruism and analytic personality, she is likely Ordered Light aligned, even if she is a Narrator, 9/10 thought. Meaning any further experiments with creating luxite could benefit from her presence. She may even prove herself to be a candidate to finally take up Protagonist. “Oh, the gods of this world are as petty as they are brilliant,” he said. “Such wonderful adversaries. No matter. If you wish to find your own way, I offer you good luck, and my blade if necessary.” And then he was gone, in a flash of light, leaving more questions than answers.

There’s a sense of freedom, wonder, control over where you get to go and the world doesn’t acknowledge your existence. No expectations, no shame, just a reprise for a few sweet hours.

Alas, i have given my pawn the one thing inmyself do not have- maturity

9/10mmHB#2 blinks. This comes as a legitimate surprise. “Would you say… you’re more logos or pathos driven… ?” He murmurs. “You can control it, if your Author allows. Natural experience hones all talents. We call it plot armor.”

No uh my two options are: 1- reputable gap year program where i earn college credits at basically christian camp except i live there and no screens 6/7 dotw 2- stay at home and go to community college me too, i scare myself sometimes with how far i walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and hum and sing and scream at like midnight when its cool and quiet and beautiful and the stars watch me like guardian angels and the moon lights the world and i actually feel emotions for once and night is so much better than day

Some lesser god in the skies realizes his pawn hasn’t interacted with anyone yet. “Now Orpheus, I want you to be a good example for the youngsters. You’re a fifth year, I expect you to make Head Boy and do something this year,” Agrus Grey told Orry as he basically shoved him into Diagon Alley. “Yes, Father,” Orry replied, straightening his clothes and glancing around for his fellow fifth years. “And use your extra spending money for something worthwhile, this time. Im generous with you for a reason! Now have a good afternoon,” Agrus trumpets before leaving Orry slightly frustrated and underwhelmed by the familiar experience.

Welcome! Also my first round!

Hmmm that is a highly likely option however it does not come without consequences, i would be highly offline if i did so. what’s also seeming likely is i will be part of an electrical engineering apprenticeship at my local community college over the summer, then continue at that college from home afterwards All paths give and take

Hmmm… i must write a song or poem or something about life, and how it sucks this will not fix anything in my life, but maybe it will help.

I dalatad tha lattar a bacausa it’s way too ovarusad why has the moon got tentacles and teeth and stuff?

if catharsis sucks, you haven’t experienced it. Its sorrow and hope and knowing yourself sometimes it is all we have to fake happiness until we feel something. That doesn’t mean we hide our pain, but we don’t give into it. Uh TW very depression no suicide or SH tho

I must persist even if it hurts, because to show the love I do not deserve to others is all I have. okay, Edgedancer 3rd Ideal, Lightweaver 2nd.