Usseewa
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Everything posted by Usseewa
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i think so it also really helps to talk about stuff, just to get it out. i basically.. had something of a panic attack a few nights ago because i had literally no one to talk to. Literally no one. and i also had to do this damn assignment, so i ended up half-succesfuly supressing my overwhelming emotions just to get that thing done. And a few before that, I felt overwhelmingly anxious and depressed and god i just needed to talk to someone. I ended up talking to therapist the next day or something. Luckily dumb reddit brought me up to cheer in the hours following. holy deja vu that's nauseating somehow anyway ....yeah ima post some mfd but do u think i can post SH ones but with TW? i have a longer Lily one I wrote the 2026/04/22 (day after I left the shard, i think) "To be [F]rank..." Hi Frank, how'r'u? "To be Lily..." Is to suffer eternally wdym withuut church and stupid and stuff also read my "No one to cry to" or whatever poem from a while back that's basically what i felt recently
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Yeah ur probably r— Oh. I thought you meant on the Shard. You have no idea what I've missed. You probably missed it too, to be Lily. I have bad social skills, I had like no friends until very recently (and even they feel... different, somehow). I don't remember, like, any social interaction growing up. Well... I had some, probably more than I think, but honestly some of it was very awkward and I couldn't fully.. be there. I couldn't fully be human then. Couldn't fully be in reality. Now I'm a(n) ___-year-old.. thing... overwhelmed with the idea of life, overwhelmed with a yearning to live, yet somehow being something suicidal at the same time.
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oh also i FINALLY talked to my therapist about SH stuff and "big" stuff and omg it's both great and like there's a loooot to unpack so yeah talk to therapyist usually helpful
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The thing is for me it's just "I want to be a kid." No "again." I think I mentioned that in the poem too. Oh also I've been doing this crazy drawing lol. It's not like drawing drawing but it's.. interesting. i was too lonely. i just want a life i missed out on so much it makes me sad and empty inside and longing.
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I feel so stuck omg.. I have so many themes I've wroten about and so many thoughts I've realized about myself lately. So much.. self-exploration? I think it was earlier today, I longed to be a child. I probably wrote a poem about it. nice lyrics btw ive thunk about song lyric making but yeah idk maybe
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for real for real i feel so disconnected from the shard, have for a bit. i have 633 notifications and i don't want to read them all, cuz most i don't need to, but FOMO + there are probably a few nuggets there that are important. Plus I missed so much, plus I.. can't be as active here. Or won't. Plus even this doesn't feel real. I'm also sick and haven't gotten enough sleep in a few days. plus depression. sorry about whatever happened with your dad.. i hate parents. they make me sick. i know this is maybe seen as exaggerated and definitely not true for everyone but i feel it. i also feel sick. not just from being sick. also i *did* write MFD every day, and was .... very prolific some days. i wrote a 10-page rambling poem about... i forget lol. i also wrote a *lot* of... stuff that I probably won't post because they are depressing, talk about SH or suicide, or are just... think of how i was back in march or whenever that was
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oh god please no
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i have not read orv also there could be multiple orv threads... just different types an rp one, whatever yours is, and a one for discussing orv or whatever. unless yours is that haha
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anywayso..... uhh things didn't really get better for me for a while- they kinda got worse. The details are MHC stuff that I might post there if i feel like it. But the last day or two have been better, surprisingly (new meds, kinda). Not totally better, but the... veil has been lifted, a few times. I'm still suffering tho but yeah. what was i gonna say... oh yeah I just came back now cuz ive basically been withdrawing from social life both irl and online and figured maybe that's not all good, yk? plus it's been a week
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whoa ofc social groups and cults
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I just looked at your profile, can't believe last post loses has so much activity
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I think of myself as sisyphus but I can't remember when or why
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sorry i had to come back just to say: i was listening to random songs on shuffle and this one called "Problems" by Alterclad came up and... and it like perfectly describes my experience. Idk.. it's very depressing and also bewarned it has like a few swears but it's just this one line (u know how sons repeat lines sometimes) Idk here's YT Ithink thee "kasano teto ver" is a vocaloid both are good tho. same lyrics, one's real person probably one's not idk i lvoe it descirbes me so well anyway bye now i've considered it. or, it had crossed my mind several times. i might... i might...
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ok ive decided ill try to take as long a break as i can from the shard so if all goes well you wont see me for a while and i try to try stop drowning in depressing content on the damn internet (or otherwise) it's ruining the life im like sisyphus. i think ive said that before i woried this would happen but its for th ebest i guess. i knw ive said ill take a break before, sometimes i have actuallyt aken it. so maybe ill give in tomrowo or somethng but yeha. and i know u said that comment abt 1 month absence = suicide. don't hold that belief still. im not gonna kill myself thx..
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i just wanna hide in a small closet and curl up and fall asleep
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honestly im not sure if i know or not. sorry for being like this though. also that... wasn't necesarily a joke... *thinks* ,,,;;///..... (imtyping in the dark. couldnt find the period_. idk tbh.. depends on ur definiton i gotta get to bed unles s i wanna make myself suffer (i do) by getting less sleep than i ever have thank u.. idk why so many people here ;crying
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being insAne
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heh uh.. ig i'll wait & see what life brings.... i'll have more isolation to sh and stuff why is it so sad
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You're welcome here! Wanna talk about what anything?
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@3$^!;+?8$7#5),
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shardkiller 9000 , idk
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fine sorry i won't joke about it ... (Implied SH and stuff) (also SH jokes) OOH OOOH OOH i should stay up all night
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ok then i won't listen to what u said now... damnit i don't have a knife with me!!!
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ooh squish me pls i wanna feel my bones break
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yeah ik ik........ sigh what do i do with my life plz tell me
