Maybe every 2 or 3 days I think about how I never see or talk to my friends at all and when I have a chance I just don't.
Like yesterday I was at a private pool party for my sister's softball team (the water had sulfur in it and there was fake grass at the bottom so blegh I didn't go in) for about 4 hours, and my friend was there, but I overthought everything and decided she wasn't interested in talking so I barely spoke with her at all. Like, I came up with something to say and I kept walking over like I meant to say something but then turned around and walked away because she was looking at her phone and I didn't want to intrude. AND THIS IS SOMEONE I CONSIDER ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS!!!
I know you try, but I just don't, and I think about that all the time.