The Aspiring Archivist

I have changed, I don't remember how.
A couple empty years lead into now.

The light of heart in deepest dark,
A panic in the starkest glow.
Trace red lines, your effort shines,
I do not know, I cannot know.

Should I fade away today,
Would you have wished that I would stay?

Perhaps there is no other way
To leave this all behind.
A deep reprieve in blowing ash,
A prisoner of the mind.

Incoherent pained reaction,
In coherent chain reaction.

Fool, fool, you knew, you knew.
That in the winds your voices flew.
Don't forget convinced regret
Of painless agony subdued.

Mindless, heartless,
Soulless, godless.

I hoped to question un-aloud
For if some special feeling found.
As though I know myself at all,
Shapes in clouds in torrid rainfall.

Meaning stolen, maybe lost.
Moments taken without cost.

I regret what I might miss,
Scattered light from point of mist,
I'm not imprisoned, shackled, bound.
Only broken, lost, and found.

Why a death row cell and bed
For someone who's already dead?