shortcake
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alright, so for those of you that don't know, I have social anxiety. And recently, it's gotten increasingly worse. Like, to the point where i hyperventilate quite excessively if i have an anxiety/panic attack. Or at least, that what i thought was causing me to have trouble breathing.
every time i go to my doctor that helps decide what kinds of meds i need (which is approximately 1-2 times every month), she says that my blood pressure is really high, and she's like, "have you noticed that you've had trouble breathing at all?" and let me tell you, BOY HAVE I BEEN STRUGGLING- there are multiple ocassions every day where it feels like i can't get a full breath of air. and i hate the feeling. it's really hard to describe, but it makes me want to rip out my lungs and punch them until they realize that they are needed in order for me to BREATHE. and i need them to get a FULL BREATH so they don't get RIPPED APART FROM THE REST OF MY ORGANS. i hate the feeling of it so FREAKING much and it's just- AGHHHH I HATE IT
AND ITS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW
my heartbeat is supposedly a lot faster than it should be, so my doctor gave me meds to help with it. well, guess what? it didn't help.
i've also been noticing that i've been very, very cold. like, all the time. on the other hand, there will be moments that i will be VERY warm, even though my friends say that my skin is very cold to the touch.
but you wanna know what else happens during these sudden temperature changes? my hand will visibly shake. and sometimes, it's not just my hands. there are times where it looks like my shoulders are having muscle spasms.
so, me, being the overthinker that i always am, looked these things up on google.
turns out (according to google), I have ✨heart problems and asthmaaaaa✨ ✨yayyyy✨ and my heart might be failinggggggg woohoooooo
but see here's the thing:
if i ask my grandmother to take me to the doctor about these things, she's going to think that i'm just being dramatic, and that im just cold because i'm skinny. so yeah. that's gonna be a fun conversation
