SymphonianBookworm
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Lilac looked confused for a moment. "I... remember being told to watch them. And I remember... looking at the TV. But I don't recall the games. So I guess I didn't watch them?" She trails off for a second before shaking her head. "It doesn't matter. Tell me more about yourself!"
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Lilac blinked. "Well. I'm sixteen. I've never watched the games. And I grew up in District 11, with my mom." She smiled at the mention of her mother. "What about you?"
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Lilac smiled. "I'd like that." She ignored the squirrel. She also sat down. "Do you want to do one question, switching off?"
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Lilac watched as Assah stalked the creature. There was something... nice. About having someone you could trust, even if it was only for a little while. Knowing someone was there. No, she did not think that Assah would attack her. She was brutal and vicious, but also worthy of trust, though Lilac wouldn't call her trustworthy. Lilac---or at least, this Lilac---had never been betrayed.
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Lilac watches with a strange sort of curiosity as she is pushed aside. It’s easy, sometimes, to be detached. All you have to do is become someone else.
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Lilac's expression hardens. "Fine." She steps inside of the base and looks for the squirrel-thing, raising her quarterstaff.
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Lilac grimaces. “But… it has feelings too!”
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Lilac turns to Assah. “The squirrel thing is still in there. Do we… have to kill it?”
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@Kajsa :) Lilac and Assah arrive at the base. Lilac opens the door and holds the lantern out, checking if the squirrel-thing is still there.
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Lilac winces. "Well... We'll find out soon enough, won't we?"
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Lilac nods, smiling. She does not react to the spit whatsoever. "I have a base that we can go to, then. Though there is a..." She grins. "I would describe it as a demonic squirrel."
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@Kajsa :)
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Lilac comically slides to a stop. She turns around. She looks at Assah. She blinks. She tilts her head to the side. "Thank you." She takes in the dangerous glint, her own eyes calm and unassuming. She makes a decision. "And... yes." She holds out her right hand.
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"But you said people deserve everything that happens to them. So it would technically be their fault." Lilac shakes her head. "Look, I don't want to kill you. I don't want to kill anyone. Did I kill someone? I..." She trails off before refocusing. "Anyway. We're not gaining anything here. Can you... stop attacking me? Please? Can we just say you won this fight and move on?" Lilac sighs, and suddenly she looks much older than her age. "It has been a very long day, and I think that if I continue being around people, I..." Lilac looks at her quarterstaff. "I might just do something that I'd regret." She hesitates. "I respect your tenacity... and I think the world could use someone like you. So can we not do this? The people watching are probably bored, too."
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The mysterious heavy object hits Lilac at the back of her head. She rubs the area, a sharp pain flooding through her skull. She's angry, though not from the physical wounds. Her breaths are coming faster and faster as her emotions rise. "Let's just say, for example, someone were to-" She took a deep breath- "Let's just say someone were to assault you. For example. Would that... have been your fault?" Another breath, though this one sounded more like a sob. "Would you have just gotten what you deserved?" She grabs a heavy something from the ground and also lobs it at Assah.
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Something slips into Lilac's voice. Something not entirely... sane. "Some people were born to die?" She chuckled. "Let me guess, some people were just born smarter and better and more worthy. Some people were meant to be stepped on and starved and... and forced to-" She cuts herself off. "You are only able to think these things because you've always been the person born for great things. What if you weren't? Is that how you justify your actions? The other people deserved it? It's what they were meant for? They're nothing but objects that you can-" She stops talking.
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"...There's no way you believe that. I mean, you live. Isn't that enough to give you empathy?"
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Got it. Lilac continues on her way. "How do you not feel bad about killing?" Lilac asks, genuinely curious and ignoring Assah's jabs.
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Lilac is getting farther and farther away, retracing her steps so as to not fall into any traps. "But that's the problem, the problem is that I don't want to die, I should want to die, they all want me to do, but I don't want to die I want to live but that's wrong and I'm wrong and I'm bad and I shouldn't care but I care and I shouldn't care I shouldn't but I do I do I do I-"
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Lilac continues on her way back to her shelter, going as fast as she can. "Please, please stop, I don't, I can't, I'm sorry, you're hurt, you're hurt, I hurt you, I don't want to hurt you, I didn't want to hurt you, I'm sorry, you're hurt, I can't, I'm sorry, please stop, please stop, please just go away, I don't want this, I don't want to think, let me go, please, please, I can't care anymore, I have to let it happen, I can't stop it, I can't fight, I want to fight, I want to live, I want to die, I'm dead, I don't deserve to live, get away from me-" She's definitely crying now.
