SymphonianBookworm
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@Kajsa :) Lilac and Assah arrive at the base. Lilac opens the door and holds the lantern out, checking if the squirrel-thing is still there.
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Lilac winces. "Well... We'll find out soon enough, won't we?"
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Lilac nods, smiling. She does not react to the spit whatsoever. "I have a base that we can go to, then. Though there is a..." She grins. "I would describe it as a demonic squirrel."
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@Kajsa :)
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Lilac comically slides to a stop. She turns around. She looks at Assah. She blinks. She tilts her head to the side. "Thank you." She takes in the dangerous glint, her own eyes calm and unassuming. She makes a decision. "And... yes." She holds out her right hand.
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"But you said people deserve everything that happens to them. So it would technically be their fault." Lilac shakes her head. "Look, I don't want to kill you. I don't want to kill anyone. Did I kill someone? I..." She trails off before refocusing. "Anyway. We're not gaining anything here. Can you... stop attacking me? Please? Can we just say you won this fight and move on?" Lilac sighs, and suddenly she looks much older than her age. "It has been a very long day, and I think that if I continue being around people, I..." Lilac looks at her quarterstaff. "I might just do something that I'd regret." She hesitates. "I respect your tenacity... and I think the world could use someone like you. So can we not do this? The people watching are probably bored, too."
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The mysterious heavy object hits Lilac at the back of her head. She rubs the area, a sharp pain flooding through her skull. She's angry, though not from the physical wounds. Her breaths are coming faster and faster as her emotions rise. "Let's just say, for example, someone were to-" She took a deep breath- "Let's just say someone were to assault you. For example. Would that... have been your fault?" Another breath, though this one sounded more like a sob. "Would you have just gotten what you deserved?" She grabs a heavy something from the ground and also lobs it at Assah.
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Something slips into Lilac's voice. Something not entirely... sane. "Some people were born to die?" She chuckled. "Let me guess, some people were just born smarter and better and more worthy. Some people were meant to be stepped on and starved and... and forced to-" She cuts herself off. "You are only able to think these things because you've always been the person born for great things. What if you weren't? Is that how you justify your actions? The other people deserved it? It's what they were meant for? They're nothing but objects that you can-" She stops talking.
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"...There's no way you believe that. I mean, you live. Isn't that enough to give you empathy?"
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Got it. Lilac continues on her way. "How do you not feel bad about killing?" Lilac asks, genuinely curious and ignoring Assah's jabs.
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Lilac is getting farther and farther away, retracing her steps so as to not fall into any traps. "But that's the problem, the problem is that I don't want to die, I should want to die, they all want me to do, but I don't want to die I want to live but that's wrong and I'm wrong and I'm bad and I shouldn't care but I care and I shouldn't care I shouldn't but I do I do I do I-"
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Lilac continues on her way back to her shelter, going as fast as she can. "Please, please stop, I don't, I can't, I'm sorry, you're hurt, you're hurt, I hurt you, I don't want to hurt you, I didn't want to hurt you, I'm sorry, you're hurt, I can't, I'm sorry, please stop, please stop, please just go away, I don't want this, I don't want to think, let me go, please, please, I can't care anymore, I have to let it happen, I can't stop it, I can't fight, I want to fight, I want to live, I want to die, I'm dead, I don't deserve to live, get away from me-" She's definitely crying now.
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Lilac doesn’t scream, but she’s clearly racked with pain. Gritting her teeth, she uses her right shoulder to shove Assah to the ground before trying to make her retreat. She doesn’t want to fight. She just needs quiet.
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Lilac growls before ripping a mushroom from the ground (with her left hand) and shoving the flaming mass into Assah’s face. “Get away from me. I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU. STOP.” (Just to be clear, she aims for the eyes.)
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“Yes,” Lilac says numbly. “I am going to walk away from a fight. Because I don’t want to kill you. Because… I killed someone…” Lilac also walks faster in the direction of their base. “Please. Please don’t follow me. Please. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done anything. I shouldn’t have reacted. I shouldn’t have cared. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.“ It did not appear that she was taking to Assah anymore.
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Lilac looks at the scene. She looks at Bob. She looks at Assah. She can't think. She can't do anything. "I-" Her hands start to tremble. "I-" She swallows. She's not sure if she's crying or not. "I-" She looks down at her hands. They do not have blood on them. They should. "I killed someone?" She swallows once more. "I killed someone." And then the screams are back, but they are hers, but she isn't talking, it is just in her head, from before, from earlier, from back at her village, from the feeling of being shoved against a wall and helpless and watching yourself and- "I killed someone." And she turns to walk away.
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Lilac watches with horror. Frozen. Again. No, no, no, no, no. She watches Ayck fall to the ground. No, no, no, no, no. She watches Ayck struggle to breathe. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And still, she couldn't move. No, no, no, no, no, no, STOP. STOP. STOP. And then she doesn't know what was happening. He is dying. She is dying. No, she isn't. She is watching. Watching? She is watching him die? She is letting it happen? She is letting him die. He is dying. He is dying and dying and dying and- and dead. And then she snaps. She can't just watch any more . And so, Lilac grabs her quarterstaff. She watches Laurellen struggle as Ayck finally died. She does not react. She steps forward. Aims for the neck. And brings down the weapon. @The Wandering Wizard
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Lilac looks at Bob. "I want to stop them from fighting but also I don't know how to..." She watches them square off, concerned. @TheRavenHasLanded @Ravenclawjedi42 @The Wandering Wizard
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"And you're willing to kill for it?"
