Elf

Is it the look of a fire that you remember? Or the burning it leaves on your skin?
Do you remember the orange flames reaching towards you, or the kisses left behind by the heat? 
The rain drizzles down onto the gray pavement and all I think of is your smile.
I think, I think, i think. 
That was always the problem, wasn't it? 
I thought too much and you never thought enough. 
You wove yourself into the very fabric of my being, into the humanity in this husk we call a body. 
And now I can't look at the stars without thinking of what might have been.
You had your demons, alright. 
But you always shied away from mine 
Did they scare you? Can you imagine how they scared me? 
Love was supposed to be the absolution, the salvation. 
Love was supposed to be a cup of tea on a winter day; a warm bed on a rainy day; wine on a moonlit night.
Love was supposed to be so much more than this. 
And yet.
Downy snow falls around me and it feels like your touch. 
I run my thumb through a lighter and your laughter echoes like a church bell.
Because you were a fire, strong and burning 
How I wished we could have burned together 
But now my soul scatters away like the ash of an unwanted thing.
Unwanted, undesirable 
Loved, craved,
With you, I was all of these.
I changed myself, bones cracking and heart shattering so you could form me as you wished. 
Weren't you supposed to accept me? Wasn't i supposed to be much more than clay? 
Did you love me for me, or for what you could make me? 
I don't think I'll ever know. 
I can only blame you as much as I can blame myself. 
Fire eats everything in the end, the buildings, the people, the life 
It will eat the earth itself and the birds will wander aimless on a barren wasteland. 
Because it takes its beauty from destroying 
And it's only lovely as long as you're not the one it's ruining 
We were never meant to be. 
We weren't "right person, wrong time" because for the right person there's never a wrong time. 
We were simply young and dumb, drunk on life and each other. 
I can't hate you, and I hope you don't hate me either. 
This chapter ends, now. 
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