Snakenaps

Awesome!!! Congratulations! I am a massive fan of magenta tones, and that title pops gorgeously!

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/sell-out-part-one I read this short story yesterday and thought I would share it because it was so good. It's a four part story about a Polish immigrant who works at a pickle factory and is accidentally brined. He wakes up, only to find that Brooklyn has massively changed - a hundred years has gone by and he hasn't aged a day. The poor man meets his great-great-grandson and attempts to figure out this modern era. I found it hilarious, but also a rather interesting reflection on our society. If you don't subscribe to the New Yorker, you can still read all four parts before using up all of your free articles for the month! Hah ha! Apparently this short story is getting turned into a Seth Rogen movie ("An American Pickle"), which was how I found out about it.

This is probably the funniest thing I have read all day XD

Seriously??? Man, babies are metal. It's hilarious, because I'm great with elementary school students, but babies kinda terrify me. Like, I know that they are surprisingly durable, but that's a tiny little human being. I am not particularly tall (5'5") but babies make me feel so huge and terrifyingly strong And then they cry and I just kinda panic. Now I want to sniff a baby, though.

Hello! I haven't critiqued for you before! I hope you find my thoughts useful. I haven't read anyone else's comments. Thoughts as I go: Pg 1, "The very last thing L ever expected to do": This was the most unexpected first sentence I think I've ever had the joy of reading. Pg 1, "her shrieking child...in one arm against her boiled-leather chest-piece," Alright, having a hard time imagining a contracting pregnant woman going to battle then having a baby, but I'll withhold my judgement to see what the story does with this. Maybe it's a cultural thing, like to have a baby on the battlefield makes the baby magically strong or something. Pg 1, "trouser thighs were still sticky with afterbirth" Don't quote me on this because I've never had a child, but isn't there a lot of blood? Pg 1, "the smelly thing" I legitimately don't know this, but do newborn babies smell? What do they smell like? Pg 1, "Wait and pray to God that She might," Would it not be Goddess then? Pg 3, "in obsidian-black bark, wielding six-foot-long steel-headed spears" I feel like there is an overuse of words here that aren't necessary. I mean, I think most people know the approximate length of a spear - maybe not exactly - but still. The weight of the swords being mentioned also threw me off. Pg 4, "There was a surprised look on his face as the head..." I had to reread this sentence multiple times because I couldn't figure out what was happening. I ended up needing the next sentence to solve this conundrum. Pg 5, "batted all three pikes away" Pike, or spear? Those are two different weapons. Pg 6, "she snorted a spray of blood." I like your action scenes. Very visual, and I can easily follow what is occurring. Pg 7, "its blade buried in her up to the cross-guard." Ooooh, that's not gooooood... Pg 7, "The Bargain was upheld." Let me get this straight: by taking the life of the moss, she would have to die by sunset, yes? So it created a destiny where fate would make sure that she would die by sunset? If she really wasn't connected to the babe, why didn't she just ditch the child and not give her life up for moss? I dunno, I feel like there's some logic problems here...I mean, the moss could have been taken out and the same ending would have happened... Pg 8, "You have your old man’s nose,” This tugs on my heartstrings.

I'll have to try red and orange next time. I massively prefer them over green. I congratulate you on your ability to grow plants! I have a brown thumb. I am good with java moss, though, because you just keep it submerged in a jar and flip it when it gets too scraggly. As a massive procrastinator, you have my sympathies.

Boo...I see bacon everywhere. Probably because I haven't had it for so long. For the cost, there are better, healthier proteins out there. But nothing is as good as bacon. Onions on pizza is the bomb. I don't have a ton of experience putting peppers on pizza unless they are green peppers. Did you use orange?

Hm, I wonder if my recipe would work or not... I used to be the worst cook before I decide to make my protagonist a chef. Now I'm not necessarily amazing, but at least I'm now good. Bread is still something I'm eager to get better at. Once my roommate moves out, I'm bringing my KitchenAide back from my parents.

Instagram works very well for me since it portfolios my work a lot better than, say, Twitter. Not to mention, I love looking at other people's art. I don't post as often as I probably should, but at this point my goal isn't to gain followers on any of my social media accounts. I mean, what's the point in actually learning to market myself if I have nothing to sell (yet)? But it gets me in the habit of posting. I'm still learning Twitter. That platform is the most convoluted, jumbled, over-saturated mess ever. I never thought I would hate something more than Facebook.

You can see the ones I have done either on my book website or on my Instagram! There is a passage I rewrote at the end of the book that literally made me sick for a couple of days. I consider it a success since my sister (who, granted, has spent multiple years getting to know these characters) cried at the end. I specifically not touching it until June because 1) I've been writing so much that my art skills have grown rusty, 2) I want to be able to look at it with fresh eyes, and 3) I know I revise emotionally, instead of looking at the bigger picture. I do well with a plan, so I decided that June 1st I can open Scrivener again and begin cutting.

And Gol definitely would scoff at any paranoia she showed. He would probably remark that she is sounding like her sister Sue. I can already hear that conversation in my head. I can't wait to do Gol's painting. I'm doing a character portrait for everyone because 1) it pushes me to paint different personalities and creatures, 2) it forces me to practice background (belck), and 3) heeeeey, potential future marketing resource. What this chapter needs, in my opinion, is the sense that something is wrong but that you can't quit put your finger on. Instead of crashing action, this needs to be the chapter that is that ominous humming in the background. Last week was the last episode of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, and the best metaphor/example I can give right now is that I need those three minutes of nothing but ominous music before things go bad. I think, beyond trimming, Draft Three is also going to be a practice in learning to add tension, as I feel like that is a persistent problem stemming from 1) I originally wrote this as a mostly slice-of-life and 2) I passionately hate confrontation, fictional or otherwise. I struggle watching rom coms and the Office just for this reason. I feel like I write tension well when there is something crazy going on, but completely lose sight of it when a restaurant isn't burning down. It's becoming very hard to sit on my hands and not revise until June. I will be good.

YUM!!!! I DO have experience making baguettes...I've never thought to turn it into pizza dough. Would you mind asking your spouse what he/she did to the baguette recipe to make it work for pizza? I've used pastry dough to make Georgian cheese bread, which kinda ends up like sauceless pizza quiches. Also...is that bacon I see???

@Robinski and @Mandamon This chapter is entirely unnecessary, because what points I need to make can be made succinctly and moved into Chapter 3. But I completely miss making those points in this chapter, which erks me. This chapter just throws the breaks on everything and is dull. Slightly stronger is an understatement. Stronger, without being wordier. I feel like Draft Three is going to be a beautiful exercise in how to get the same content across with less words. Oooh, I'm only slightly familiar with the 7-point story structure. It was mentioned briefly a few times in...season five?...of Writing Excuses. Name of the King is in a three act story structure, but using mini-7-point structures within each act might keep the pacing issues at a minimum. That's definitely something I'm going to play around with, if not in Name of the King, then in the next book I'm currently researching for. I'm hoping to begin writing that one in August, finish in December, like I did for Name of the King.

Anya and the Dragon is now on my To Be Read list. I'm that callous person who will set down pretty much any book that becomes a chore to read. If I dread picking up a book because of how bad the story is...I just don't finish it, no matter how far I am into a book. I'll burden a few bad chapters, but if there is nothing attaching me to the book - be it the characters, the plot, or the setting - then why stick around? If an author has something strong in their book, I'm willing to put up with a lot for that one good thing. Rainbow Rowell's books are the epitome of plotless books I'll inhale because I love the characters so much. I used to read anything, no matter how bad, but as I grow older, I find that I'd rather spend my time reading high quality books and painting. I very rarely watch TV or play video games because there is usually something else I would rather do. And even then, if I'm watching TV, I'm usually sketching at the same time.

For me, I'll generally give a book 50 pages. I'm a fast reader, so that isn't much for me. But I've definitely set books down at the 3/4 mark because I just didn't care enough to finish. I waited for two months to get my library's copy of The Priory of the Orange Tree because I heard it was incredible. I returned it after finishing about a quarter of it because I realized I had one week left before it was due and I just didn't care to finish it. The book I'm glad I stuck around for? The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden. The beginning was slow, but I inhaled that series. I don't often read about historical Russia with a ton of brutal, deadly magic. I'm currently reading The Way of Kings for the first time and am LOVING it. I've got my eye on Spin the Dawn (described as Mulan meets Project Runway) for the next YA book on my list.

Previously: Ir was unable to tell her former mentor/boss that it was her fault that the restaurant both of them loved burnt down. All to save some random unicorn walking down the street. Okay, I don't really need a traditional critique on this chapter for one simple reason: It's garbage. And I don't mean that in a self-pitying way. I mean that this chapter has a scene in it that is one of the two major scenes on my hit list. The interview. It's bad. It's boring, it's shoe-horned, it is out of character. It is awkward and doesn't fit. However, the information that I need to get across in this chapter is very important, and isn't happening here. I'm turning to you all to figure out 1) what does work in this chapter and 2) what ideas you might all have that I might not have thought of. I might not take any of the given solutions, but they might inspire me to reach towards something I wouldn't have thought of. Here was what I was aiming for: What I fail to hint at in this chapter is that Ir can't get a job - because there are people preventing it. That horrible interview scene? That bobcat therio is supposed to be a spy getting information on Ir. The fire? Is getting covered up, the authorities are ignoring it (something I am going to hint at in the last chapter, after Kais and Robinski both mentioned conflict between the employees). Potentially I could jump into the main spy's head, but I am wary of POV shifts so early in, beyond the single one with Az. I could make it as simple as a small paragraph or sentence, but I still feel it might be jarring. At the same time, I don't want it to be so obvious that Ir begins picking up signals. I don't want to treat her as a stupid character when the plot demands it (which, I mean, is totally the interview. What interview is so loose and personal???) I'm in for any and all ideas, even bad ones. Who knows what might spark inspiration?

I read that book last year because I was curious how it handled anthropomorphic creatures. Obviously it only did it decently because I completely forgot I read that book until you mentioned it. I never read the sequel.

Late late late late late Didn't read the previous comments! Here we go! Thoughts as I go: Pg 2, "The shadows of the box closed in around him," Man, all these kids are going to need therapy for PTSD after this. Pg 3, "Few separations were as severe": Hm, does this mean that more you are around your other instance, less psychological (biological?) damage you'll take on when the other passes? Pg 5, " Was this made specifically for an Ari?" Maybe only Ari can use it because they are the only ones who can shape their skulls around the spines? Pg 5, "Xy would figure out what happened soon enough." I mean, WW probably wouldn't worry or anything. I can imagine xy pulling out some form of a notebook and scribbling furiously about whatever happens. Pg 6, "He, closed his eyes" Extra comma. Pg 6, "Spines of crystal pressed through his skull." Okay, you wouldn't know this, but I have a fear of needles because I don't like the idea of sharp, pointy objects puncturing my body. This did not help. *shudders* Pg 8, " wore a patterned shirt with a sequence of flowers picked out in silky orange thread" I've been listening to too much Hawaiian music. For a brief, unhelpful moment, I imagined B.P. wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Pg 8, " Had another worn the diadem?" Has it been continually passed down? Pg 9, "This Ari seemed to be of good standing." Pg 11, "discovering every particle of his body and learning exactly how it functioned" OOOOOH NOOOOO!!! Oh man, had to step away while giving a surprised chuckle punctuated with many "Oh no's." Oh man, I did not see that coming at all. Pg 12, "the vision speared through him" Pg 17, "Something he needed to remember." If it is something I am supposed to remember, I'm not connecting the pieces at the moment. I'm okay with that, though. That just means the same realization will hit me and I at the same time in the future. Pg 18, "the rapids' memory" Rapids are possessive. Pg 18, "Eight days!” I find myself echoing this exclamation. Pg 20, "That form which is natural to me?" He did it! Unintentionally, but he did it! Pg 22, "What was it warning of now?" Death. The fact that it is being eaten (kinda alive)? I mean, there is so many things going wrong, I'd be setting off alarms too! Pg 22, " Things are building" Or being destroyed... Pg 23, "Some other factor disrupts the flow so much I cannot see." Master Memory Wipe? Pg 24, " a complex shape burst into being" E! Pg 25, " skimming across buildings" Pg 25, "smaller in some way" Getting parts of you dissolved is apparently a great weight loss strategy. Pg 28, "back up at the others' questions to fill in a gap" Others is possessive. Pg 29, "She was slightly shorter than she had been before." My first thought was now she'll have more legroom on airplanes. Pg 32, "WW, in a rare display of empathy, clacked to the door." Whoa. Who knew xy was capable. Pg 32, "was different that than his usual laugh" Pg 33, "Then xy had to leave the room again" Oh, those darn breeders Pg 33, "hands trailed down his spine" Pg 34, " a ring of silver and gold surrounding his head at temple height" Of course S has a halo. He's too pure for this world. Boy needs hugs. They all do. Overall: I'm glad tomorrow is Monday so all of the storylines can converge (maybe)! I personally thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. It answered so many questions I have been sitting on for ages. This chapter felt really solid for me, which is probably obvious because I only asked questions that were 1) rhetorical, 2) reactionary to my place in the chapter, or 3) I expect will be answered later on. I have no concerns, beyond grammatical errors. Give yourself a pat on the back!

Storytime: I have cried in front of one particular fourth grade class twice because I had to read to them the end of Charlotte's Web and the scene where a particular dog dies in Island of the Blue Dolphins. Both times the teacher - a dear friend of mine and mentor - specifically timed the reading of the chapters so that they would land on the days I subbed, because she was always the one to cry when reading those parts.

Dude, Italian style pizza is so delicious. The crust is thin and crunchy, there's just the right amount of sauce and cheese, and then you put arugula/rocket on it with prosciutto??? It's to die for. Now, my homemade pizza? That's pretty much just weird garlicy dough covered in way too much cheese and whatever toppings I have on hand. I love love love cheese.

I'd love to do that! My grandparents moved up to Oregon just before all this hit, so now I have three reasons to visit! Them, you, and books!

Deeply jealous. There was so much I didn't see while I was in Rome. My parents have been multiple times, and they always come back with new stories. I miss Italian pizza with arugula/rocket on it. I haven't been able to find the same taste here, and my homemade pizza has the consistency of chewy garlic sticks. What was your favorite part of Rome? Have you traveled anywhere else? One day I'll return to Europe...not right now, but in the future. Still too many places I have never been. Too much that I still want to see. I've traveled more than many, but that just makes me ready to hop into the next adventure. Maybe I'll finally start seeing more of my own country with all of this insanity...I mean, I live in California but have never been to Powell's bookstore in Portland, Pike's Marketplace in Seattle, or the Grand Canyon in Arizona. Maybe next summer I'll change some of that.

Of more importance, it was fun! I haven't manipulated photos since...last summer?

I just drew a fin and pasted a background. Thanks for the 30 minutes procrastination!

I'm out on my morning walk and plan to tackle Chapter 14 when I get home. However, so thought I would let you @Mandamon know that you have ruined caterpillars for me. The local park is covered in pipevine swallowtail caterpillars and all I can think of is the Elg. Is this the fate for all orange and black bug friends now? Correlation with the Elg?