It has been a very, very difficult year in terms of mental health for me. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ADHD about a year ago, and have been mostly unsuccessful in attempts at finding a medication that works for me. My mental health disorders had been ignored and downplayed for so long by my doctors that they had grown to unmanageable sizes. I recently brought up the idea of bipolar disorder to my psychiatrist, and it turns out that my symptoms fit exactly with it, so we are starting a new medication for that instead, as everything I’ve been trying doesn’t work for that sort of stuff. It is beyond frustrating that a year of my life was potentially wasted because of a misdiagnosis, especially because I had to do all of the research myself and how obviously my symptoms fit with a mood disorder. I can’t focus long enough to read anything longer than a few sentences (posts like this take me quite a while), it has been over a year since I was last able to read a book. Simple things like brushing my teeth or changing clothes in the morning have become so hard that I’m lucky to get even that done. It feels like my brain is sinking further and further into a fog, and thinking is getting harder and harder. I used to be a straight A student, but now I’m failing several classes and will be lucky to finish the year with all passing grades. Sometimes I can’t even manage to cry because I can’t remember how to or why. I’ll try and do something like playing a video game to distract myself, but those keep becoming harder and harder to the point where Solitare is one of the only things I can manage to do when I’m struggling. I am worried that I am losing parts of me and that they won’t come back. The worst part is that I know I can do better, that I accomplish what I want to, but my brain just can’t. I am really hoping that these new meds work, because I have exhausted every option at my disposal and really don’t know what to do if they don’t. Sorry for the really long post, I just needed to rant somewhere.