Zennix

OreSoeur

We are very grateful to everyone on this thread who's been advertising their Cosmere powers. This will go a long way in helping the Dark Alley find new victims - sorry, research assistants - for our experiments. From the Dark Alley R&D Labs

So, you guys want people from different guilds to stick together.

86. In the event that an ancient object of power or weapon resurfaces, don't try to acquire or steal it if you are not the protagonist. You won't succeed and will probably lose your life in the process. Remember that only the hero gets to keep the Macguffins.

83. In the event that you have summoned a demon, evil god/spirit, or some other dark creature, and you have to form a pact with them, please make sure that you read the fine prints of the contract documents carefully before you agree to the terms because these evil guys all seem to have Law degrees.

That won't save you if your death will cause some character development for the protagonists. 78. If you are the villain and there is a hero coming after you, then you should proscribe the death penalty. Do this and you will always be around to torment them since most heroes won't be able to defeat you without killing you.

storm this! rust! I thought this was storming real! storm!

I'm aware that it's generally believed that hemalurgical injuries to the soul can be cured. Even so, there are some hardcore DA agents for whom this option may not be possible. They are so far gone in the Hemalurgic Arts that when you search for their souls in the Cognitive Realm, you will see spikes instead of soul flames. I'm sure some of you can guess who they are. The Dark Alley R&D Labs

The memories of people who leave the DA are also modified. The modifications are very subtle so that they aren't even aware of the changes. This is why the DA has been able to survive infiltrations and attacks from our numerous jealous foes. From the Dark Alley R&D Laboratories

Lol! I guess my subconscious likes the number 50.

50. If you are the villain and there is a prophecy that a young hero will be your doom, don't try to find out and/or attack his/her village. You will fail to eliminate him and only start him on the path to fulfilling the prophecy.

That's an abusive relationship.

Always try to be friendly to mysterious old men in your village. There is a high possibility that they were great heroes in the past and may teach you some awesome magic and sword fighting skills. This is very important. Buy a horse! You are going to be doing a great deal of traveling.

The beauty of the the Dark Alley is that you can get the powers and still have your soul. OK, maybe not your actual soul, but you will have an unlimited number your victims' (sorry, research assistants') souls to choose from to replace your lost soul. Oh, I have some Soul Spikes available for DA agents who have lost their souls. I'm saying this especially for the novices who attempting their first few experiments, because losing your soul is a common side effect. If you've lost yours, don't worry. We've all had the same experience. On the other hand, you may need to intentionally remove your soul before attempting some of the more hardcore experiments in order to save yourself from some moral problems. For example, if you are attempting an experiment that may result in the extinction of a whole planet of sapient penguins. Trust me, you really don't want to have nightmares about vengeful, screaming, bazooka-weilding penguins. I'm telling you from my personal experience. Thanks Yours spikefully, Zennix The Dark Alley R&D Laboratories

Granted. You remain a baby for all eternity. I wish to use everybody that has posted in this thread for my latest Dark Alley project.

Boon: The Nightwatcher grants you a free session with a Psychiatrist. Bane: The Nightwatcher decides that your current state of your mental health is punishment enough for you. So, she takes pity on you and personally accompany so that you won't hurt yourself. I wish to become an immortal worldhopper.

Here's another one...

I guess it's pretty obvious that I'm a Jasnah fan. Honestly, Jasnah could have made Transformers (and pretty much any story ever told) much better. Oh! Here's another.

It is. But I have heard a story about something similar that happened to someone during an interview. Due to extreme anxiety/social phobia. Not a Sanderfan.

You know you are a Sanderfan when you fail your college admission interview because you were searching for another secret meaning of the question, "What is your name?".

The last time we saw him was through his last video journal transmission of his experiments. While working late nights on the project, he stumbled on something and knocked down some of his failed/strange/abnormal spikes. A spike, with the wrong end facing toward him, fell on his head and pierced it. He was drooling badly when he stood up. We tried to find his lab and perform further experiments on him and the spike (sorry, help him) because it was a very fortunate (sorry, unfortunate, painful, sad) accident. Unfortunately, his lab was in an undisclosed alley. So, new Dark Alley agents who don't want to start experimenting immediately have the option of going on quests to find the missing lab. Beware of the catquisitors!

When you refuse to make a birthday wish because you fear that you will also get a bane when your wish is fulfilled. When you almost drowned because you were searching for a Perpendicularity at the bottom of your town's lake.

I don't think I'd choose to take a Shard. I don't like the idea of me hanging out in the spiritual realm and watching the world. Not fun enough. I would rather follow Hoid and Kelsier's path and be in the thick of world affairs. While collecting Investiture of course. Being a living, breathing human is the best option for me (preferably immortal).

The reason we built the lab in a black was to limit interference from Shards that don't support the hemalurgic arts (I see you Harmony). Though, there were other reasons.

Did you trap the bird yourself? This is so cool! I want a bird minion too!