Hobbit

Hello Vreeah! It's nice to meet another newbie! I think this story definitely has potential, but I'm not hooked yet. The setting and the magic system seem interesting. The main thing that kept me from getting into it was that I never felt like Riley was in danger. Like Eagle of the Forest Path, I also wondered if anyone would have spotted Riley as she was roof-hopping. Do the people around her act surprised when she vaults into the air, or is this kind of thing normal? You say the penthouse has more security than the rest of the floors combined, but then how did Riley get in so easily? My read on Riley as a character is that she is very capable, but for me that actually made her less interesting. She does get herself in over her head with this heist, but maybe you can work in hints of that earlier to raise the stakes. My other bit of feedback feedback would be to try to put us more in Riley's head during your descriptions. I'd like to know more about how Riley feels about the things she's seeing. For example, the paragraph on pg 3 that starts with, "The taller buildings and spires of Shattermound..." You tell us how Reginald feels about the place, but how does Riley feel? I think adding Riley's thoughts - is she scared? Satisfied? Impressed with the palace? - would also make the setup to the heist more engaging. One last small thing: I was confused as to what Riley's motivation was for going to the theater to watch her mom. I liked that scene - the way you dropped details in made the world seem richer - but I wasn't sure why we were there. I hope that helps! I'm excited to keep reading!

Hello spieles, Since I haven't read any of the previous chapters, I recognize I have a skewed perspective reading this one. But hopefully my comments will still be useful. I really enjoyed reading this. Most of my enjoyment came from finding your world very interesting, and being really curious about all the things I didn't know! Why doesn't Oz need a mask? What's up with the Rex - are they men that go "bad" or are they a different species, and why would they be disgusted by human smell? Are these women really competing to be someone's bride, or is that just a name? I'm sure lots of this was explained earlier in the story, but it was actually really fun to read and have all that be a mystery. Your prose and storytelling were solid and so I trusted you to give me interesting answers, if not in this chapter, then in the next. I thought the characters were believable and interesting. I liked the interactions between Oz and Pascal - they talk and act like good friends. I also thought you use the first person present voice really well. I've never read a story in first person present, but I didn't notice anything was different until I was a few paragraphs in. Only one in-line suggestion: on pg 5 ("You don’t know what the Rex did to their families.” “True.”) I couldn't tell who was saying what.

I would like to submit on the 22nd as well. Thanks! Woo first submission!

Very awesome! That's so cool that you get to name them!

Thanks @krystalynn03 and @kaisa! Woo biologyyyy! Whoa you study fungi? That's awesome! They're super gross though (just saying) but super awesome. I'd be happy to hear all your thoughts on forests - I know less than I'd like about that. What kind of DNA work do you do? And I can't say I have much experience with explosions (thank goodness) but I'd be excited to read about it! (Edited to fix tags...)

Hello all! Slik just let me through the magical gate, so here I am! I'm an aspiring writer currently working on an epic fantasy piece - normal dude gets involved in huge problems, goes on a journey, meets a mentor figure, all the good stuff. It's not the most original piece, but I'm giving it my best and I love it. I'm excited to see what you all think and get your feedback. Hopefully I can be helpful to you all as well. I love all of Brandon's works, as well as Mary Robinette Kowal's Glamourist Histories. I also love Tolkien and Harry Potter, and I've recently found Mercedes Lackey's Elemental Masters books to be lots of fun. I looked through some of the older posts in this thread and saw there are plenty of musicians around here - thought I'd mention that I play the violin and dabble in guitar. I love traditional Irish music and often write with it in the background. Finally, my background is in biology - I have an BS in biology and worked as a lab tech last year - so if anyone needs a reader for a book in which a lot of lab work is done (DNA extraction, RNA extraction, fly rearing, insect dissection, etc.) I can help with some of the technical aspects, as well as read with an eye for believable lab culture. Though full disclosure: I loved my lab, so I don't have first-hand accounts of the horror stories! Great to be here and nice to meet you all!

Episode 11.06 - The Element of Wonder. I can't listen to the beginning of that episode without laughing out loud. It only gets more funny each time I listen to it. You can just hear Brandon thinking, "Should I make this joke... should I make this joke...?" And then he does. And it's just downhill from there.

Hmm interesting. I am not a planner (much more of a pantser), but since I already had a work in progress when season 10 started, it was super helpful for me in looking at my own story and seeing where the problems were. Not sure if you have a work in progress, but if you don't, maybe try listening to season 10 when you do? It's interesting because I LOVED season 10 and I I just "like" season 11. That being said, I didn't make it that far on actually doing any of the writing prompts...

Thanks everyone! And thanks... for the cookies? Besides Way of Kings and Words of Radiance, I've read Elantris, Warbreaker, the Steelheart series, The Rythmatist (well, I listened to it rather than read it...), and all except the last Mistborn. I've been having too much fun with my own book to read Bands of Mourning yet. My book is a coming-of-age story in which the main character is not "the chosen one." And it has a magic system based on sacrifice, which has disturbing psychological implications. Also, my current life motto is "Journey before Destination"... which applies well to both writing and physical exercise.

Hello everyone! It's great to be here. I discovered Brandon Sanderson when I started listening to Writing Excuses back in 2010, which I heard about on the Hatrack River writer's forum. (Whoa, so long ago!) My favorite Brandon book so far is The Way of Kings. And I can't wait to read the rest of the Stormlight Archive. I'm an aspiring writer, and am currently working on a project that is having Brandon-style problems - so long! - but I love writing and I am very inspired by Brandon's work. See you all around!

Welcome, English one! I often read BBC news and I love British spelling. Oesophagus.