Rogueshar

I know I already said thank you in advanced, but thank you once again. When I first started writing (as a kid) I got the critism that I didn't put enough detail in, now I think I over compensate so I will definitely try to scale down the level of unnecessary detail. As for the narrative, I would say this somewhat follows farm girl prophesied savior narrative, A- was definitely inspired by Luke Skywalker and the likes. As for the Prelude, this is my first draft with this in it and I can definitely see how it is unnecessary.

This is the prelude and first half of my first chapter of a book/story I have been working on for a while. Thank you in advance for all comments and edits you make/recommend. I look forward to them.

I would like to submit this next week.

Hi, I'm new to this too, so this won't be a very long critique. I really liked the use of voice in the first chapter and the prologue. Though I did feel that Ilse did sound a bit older than ten in her head. I think that is an easy fix though. Also there was one part that confused me in Pug's perspective, it was on pages 9-10, you tell the reader that he doesn't notice the little girl coming out of the shadows and then the next immeditate line is "Where did she come from" which tells the reader that he didn't notice her. A better word in the first sentence might be "hadn't noticed her" that way it lets the reader know that in the past he didn't notice her but now he does which would fit in with the next sentence. I really enjoyed it though, and I think you have some really great ideas.

I'm not sure it would flesh out his motivations, cause we aren't quite sure what his goal is yet, but it could definitely be a motivating factor. We know he was there at the Shattering, what if Jerick died during the Shattering trying to prevent it and if Hoid had intervened, or by Hoid's intervention he caused Jerick's death.... I think it would be more the first rather than the latter because the writer of Letter 2 (Frost?) is advocating for nonintervention, and what if one of the reasons he is intervening is because he didn't during the Shattering?

I'm hoping to buy it as an e-book and read it on the train going to school.

Cry because law school leaves me with little time to read and I desperately want to read this book immediately.

I like it. I wish there was a bit more evidence then just the letter in WoR, but there's not a lot of information out there so I won't fault you for that. If Hoid didn't directly help with the Shattering, I think it likely he helped provide information that could help or something.

I chose Surgebinding, I like the idea of spren, and having somebody listen when I talk. Also the powers are cool but I chose Surgebinding for the Nahel Bond with a spren. I would say I would want to be a Windrunner, but I hate heights. Maybe an Edgedancer, I like the idea of remembering those who have been forgotten.

I picked Hoid and Jasnah, but I'm hoping magically Shallan joins them so that Hoid and Shallan can be witty together and then you have Jasnah in the back seat of the car being her snarky self.

To be honest, I don't like Mr T, Amaram, Saedas, or Sazeth, though out of all of them I like Sezth the best, so full disclosure before I start. This whole discussion is about whether or not there are characters in the Stormlight Archive are truly evil. My answer to that is no. But I am also of the belief that the ends do not justify the means. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And words don't prove sincerity, actions do. I've heard enough empty words in my lifetime to watch people's actions and not their intents or words. Mr. T believing that the diagram is real and will stop the end of the world does not justify the bloodletting in his hospitals or him ordering the death of the world's leaders. Believing that you have to kill everyone who knows that you rightfully didn't earn a shardblade, despite the fact that they gave it to you willingly, and feeling sorry about it after the fact does not justify your actions. Leaving 8000 men out on a field of battle and removing all ways of escaping is unjustifiable in my books and out of all of them I would considered Saedas the most evil, loving your wife shouldn't make you redeemable. Hitler loved dogs, Stalin had children and a wife, doesn't make them any less horrible people. Sazeth uses religion as a means to protect himself, maybe being a bit religious myself I find that the least condemnable, but at the same time I think who use religion as a shield to discriminate against other people. In the end, maybe your intent will stop people from seeing you as an evil person, but that doesn't stop your actions from being morally reprehensible. I guess its as Obi-wan once said "What I told you was the truth, from a certain point of view." I view these characters (maybe minus Sazeth depending on what happens in Oathbringer) as evil not because of their intentions, but because of their actions.

I agree with your analysis on Charisma, I don't think it quite fits in with the Abrahamic God, but I'm not sure I like the Guidance as a Shard. It seems to passive and too much like wisdom or enlightenment which is already a proposed Shard. I think that just because Brandon based Andolsium on the Abrahamic God doesn't mean that they have all the same qualities. Charisma I think would just make for a better Shard name and perhaps for a better story element. Though personally I wouldn't think Endowment to be the best name for a Shard and that worked pretty well so what do I know. But I do agree with you on Chaos, I don't think that would be a good shard. I don't think that Forgiveness would be within Devotion's area, but I really like the idea of Hope being a Shard name. Kind of reminds me of Pandora's box, you spilled out all the awful things in the Cosmere like Odium and kept Hope hidden. Hope could be the Shard that is hiding from Odium as well, maybe because Hope is the best thing that could fight Odium.... I don't know.

Yeah I get that, and I'm glad that some of his original ideas are going to remain cannon, and I know that if he didn't redact them one of us here on this forum likely would have figured out all of the secrets of the Cosmere, it just threw off the groove I was in. I hadn't really been getting all that invested in Jerrick, but I was starting to like him, and he was about do this really cool thing I thought and then it was just [REDACTED] and I was like wait what- what the hell was that. And just really threw me off I had to re-read that whole section of redacts like three or four times before I could continue to read. True. Its nice to see some dragons. I love dragons, have since I was a kid so this was great. I want to see more of the dragons though.

I got really angry about the whole redacted thing too, in the first chapter when there was one redacted it didn't bother me because it didn't pull me out of the chapter. But this time it felt that it really pulled out of the groove I was in while reading the chapter and that took me a while to get back in.

I like the idea of an Enlightenment as a Shard, I'm just not sure if that would be the Shard that is hiding from Odium. I would think that Enlightenment would want to share knowledge and "enlighten" others. While that could mean Silverlight, I am uncertain that hanging out in Silverlight is hiding from Odium. I am sure Odium is aware of the place, though maybe not depending on when the place was created in the overarching timeline. But I would agree that if there was a Shard in Silverlight, one based on wisdom and enlightenment would be the one. As for Purity, I am not of the mind that it is an invested planet. I am not saying that there could not be a Shard called Purity, I just don't believe that it would be on a planet called Purity. That is like putting up a huge neon sign saying where you are in the Cosmere. It could be a nice red herring that Ambition created, knowing that Odium would come after them (has a gender been given to Ambition), they found a group of people based off of Puritan ideals and ambition certainly wasn't one of them (its one of the great ironies I enjoyed about the Therondy system). Purhaps Ambition thought that Odium would think that Purity was there and therefore avoid it, or not go to it till later.

I am not sure how the Listener's ability to be aware of the Cognitive Realm would prevent the Spren from bonding with humans. And spren didn't form Nahel bonds with humans pre-shattering as there was no Oathpact (as far as I can remember) pre-shattering that didn't come about till Honor arrived. I find it hard to believe that if the spren could form Nahel bond with the Listeners that there was absolutely none they could bond too. Eshonai can't be the first who had an adventerous spirit, even as a communal society they still have individual personalities. As to the last paragraph, the "why now" is referring to why the Radiantspren would suddenly start bonding to Listeners (potentially) not why did they come back.

Yes. It makes perfect sense and I could definitely see that as being the case. I completely agree, I did say that this was coming from Syl's limited perspective. As far as I know Pattern hasn't said anything about Listeners and spren but I'll keep my eye out. But at the same time I have a hard time believing that the spren randomly never bonded with a Listener and then just determined it couldn't be done. I'm sure there are spren scientist or something who attempted to see if the Nalen bond could be formed with Listeners. But it is hard to go off what just one spren says, so I am not sure how accurate the information is.

Its possible that they never tried before and that the newer spren are willing to try. But the Listeners really seem to view this as a betrayal, and while the Listeners could have just expected the Spren to bond to them (just them or them and the humans I'm not sure) they seem really upset for it to have just been an expectation on their behalf. Also Syl is very adamant that a Pashendi would not be a Surgebinder: I have a hard time believing that none of the Spren have ever tried to bond with a Listener, it seems at least from this one quote (and albeit Syl's limited perspective) that perhaps it was attempted in the past and it couldn't be done. Maybe being too close to the Cognitive Realm makes it so they can't or maybe something is interfering. Not sure, but I believe that whatever the reason that prevents the spren from bonding to the Listeners, they view it as the spren's fault not their own and thus a betrayal. Or maybe the spren promised to bond with them also and then couldn't. I don't know I feel like I don't have enough details to fully flesh out an idea yet and am grasping at straws.

I hadn't thought about Taln being a Trojan Horse for Odium, I really like that idea. It opens up to a lot of new ideas as to why Taln is mad. Did his mind break because of the many years in Damnation or is it something to do with Odium's control over him. Hmmmm.

I noticed some of the same things during my latest reread of WoK. I don't think its one of the Heralds per-say speaking through the Death Rattles. But maybe something in the Cosmere is speaking through them, or maybe its a microphone for different things in the Rosharan system. I'm not sure.

The original spren that created the Nahel bonds didn't do so with the Parshendi because they are too close to the Cognitive Realms. If so why would they so so now? Desperation?

I just read through this entire thread, and I've got to say I'm thoroughly impressed. I'm hiring all of you if I ever have to create my own alphabet . I also wanted to note how much the Women's alphabet reminds me of sound waves and the way it appears when you sound something out. I think that's really cool. Sorry if it sounds like I'm gushing, I'm just a bit overwhelmed at the dedication you guys put into this.

I'm sure this has been discussed before, but I have been wondering why the Parshendi and the listeners in their songs are a bit upset about the Spren choosing to bond with humans instead of listeners. Which got me thinking as to why the spren wouldn't have bonded with both. Now I know the listeners have their own spren- or the listener's gods have their own spren... I'm not entirely sure. Could that have something to do with it. Also the epithet of chapter 32 (The One Who Hates) of WoR it says "Our minds are too close to their realm/ that gives us our forms, but more is then/ Demanded by the smartest spren." I am assuming then that the Listeners are more aware of the Cognitive Realm than humans, but I would think that would make them better suited to be bonded as it would make transportation surge a bit easier as the Listeners are already aware of the Cognitive Realm. Thoughts or links to previous discussions on this topic are welcome.

I really like this theory and I hope we don't have to wait too long to read and find out. I also hope that the fire spren don't curse all the bacon to be burned.

Before I read Stormlight Archive, I had only read Elantris by Sanderson, and I knew about the vague concept of the Cosmere, just by researching a little about Brandon Sanderson before reading him. That being said, I wholly enjoyed WoK and WoR without knowing anything really. I got that Hoid was important because of what I had read prior and that he appeared in all the books, but the three men chasing him in Interlude one, I just assumed they were from that same fantasy world, Vasher, I didn't even know he was from a different book series when I read WoR, I just thought he was a really cool, really odd swordsman. It wasn't until I was reading Warbreaker and looking in the Coppermind that I realized they were the same character, Nightblood was a little bit easier to recognize once I began reading Warbreaker. Now that I've read all of his other books and I'm invested in the Cosmere I love all the easter eggs, I really enjoy trying to find them, but I never felt they took away from my first reading experience when I knew almost nothing about the other books.