DrakeMarshall

I'll take it. I now get to live on the moon with a bunch of sentient raccoons. Not an opportunity everybody gets

Granted... You can see in the dark. In fact, your eyes are instantly adapted to have impeccable night vision. You did ask the nightwatcher after all... Unfortunately, your fitting bane is that you can't see too well in full light anymore. Cave dwelling creatures have excellent perception in low lighting, but the tradeoff is that regular lighting seems way too bright. I wish for all the normal raccoons around the world to become sentient.

Granted. You can turn invisible with these conditions met. But you forgot to mention not blind. Because you know, the light is passing right through you... So how could your eyes interact with the light and let it pass through you? You are blind while invisible. That isn't your bane though, that's just a consequence of your wish being granted. Your bane is that you are also now a sentient raccoon. Welcome to the zoo, brother. I wish for a friendly and perfectly domesticated whitespine.

But I didn't even make a full bane... No matter, I am now a sentient koloss raccoon with a cold. Fear me.

They both belong in gardens. Both of them tend to be immovable unless struck with an axe. And awakening a horde of either of them would give kalad a pretty decent army. Paper elephants are like a vending machine that steals your quarter.

If I might, I think I will append to that bane... A 17th sharder's hemalurgy tests on a sentient raccoon go horribly wrong, and one of the sentient raccoons following you is now a koloss-raccoon.

Both of them involve lots of colorful lights, the occasional loud sound, and hidden presents. A soldering iron is like a Portuguese man of war (you can choose if I mean the boat or the jellyfish).

I mean, that is basically what the bands were...

Strange. I considered wishing for a pet sentient raccoon as well. But I thought maybe not. Anyway, we are now all sentient raccoons, you included, so the nightwatcher will have an interesting time of this one.

The Nightwatcher curses you as a fool, for seeking her out but having no wish. She turns you into a sentient raccoon. I wish for a finished copy of oathbringer.

Granted. In fact, the night watcher will even be so nice as to overlook your spelling mistake (which could result in some interesting wishes). You have a hemalurgic spike imbued with steelrunning powers stuck through your throat. It makes everyone around you uncomfortable, but it gets the job done; you have access to full steelrunning powers. Your bane is that while you tap physical speed, your judgement is inhibited in proportion to how much speed you tap. I wish for 1000 biochromatic breaths.

Also surgebinding (one gets stormlight from a highstorm but before using it, the investiture is physically stored in the user) But anyway, the analogy is viable, seeing that investiture isn't too unlike other forms of energy. In the case of something like stormlight, people are acting more like capacitors, soaking up investiture from a source and discharging it. In the case of allomancy, they are more like resistors (or maybe inductors?), channeling a current from somewhere else through themselves, the only limit to their output being their own internal resistance.

So we know Taravangian is acting pretty evilly (although he believes he is saving the world). He is sending assassins after everyone (including Dalinar), and a lot of what he is doing is a direct threat to honor and the radiants. Initially, I thought he was probably somehow under the corruption of odium... But maybe not. You see, everything he does is shaped by his gift from the nightwatcher. And the nightwatcher is a splinter of cultivation. I don't think we know for sure that cultivation's and honor's intents are in perfect accord. Maybe both are trying to save things but they still work against each other to an extent. Odium might well still be involved... But I think we should not assume that cultivation is basically aligned perfectly with honor. Cultivation is a distinct third shard acting on this planet.

Given what a momentary surge of connection was able to do to someone in SH... I think simply becoming an elantrian should be possible with enough connection/identity. The right feruchemical abilities should be able to trigger it. Not sure if it would be permanent though. You might need to use compounding to stay an elantrian. Unless spending time as an elantiran on sel gave you enough genuine connection to the place, in which case you probably wouldn't need to maintain it anymore.

I think the general outline of how hoid/cephandrus was involved and what happened might be right. Hoid doesn't seem to see eye to eye with many of the shards (with the exception of Tanavast who apparently bought him a drink) and he was probably involved in killing adolnasium. But I am dubious of whether hemalurgy was in fact the agent of the power transfer. I mean, why would that magic system in particular have existed before the shards? And also note that hemalurgy is metal based like other scadrial-specific forms of magic.

While making a lifeless, have a coughing fit as you try to deliver your command. This imprints upon the lifeless and they constantly follow you around making coughing sounds.

Of coarse not. We are far too committed to delivering high quality spikes cookies.

Granted. You now have access to a special key on your keyboard that somehow fits in cramped writing "double-u" and automatically types out these letters when you press the key. It's what you asked for right? Oh, and your bane. Nearly forgot. The little toe on your left foot is replaced by a hemalurgic spike. It is spiked with a sense of balance so you can still walk perfectly normally with a metal spike instead of a toe, but its just weird and people get freaked out when you take off your shoes. Anyway, I wish to be a gold compounder and be able to use the ability uninhibited. And I will include a nugget of gold in my stomach in the wish. Then I can regenerate my soul as gold compounding is capable of doing, and then make even more hemalurgic rats. Then I can send the rats to go pester lightsong's lifeless squirrel.

"Is there some kind of subtext to this conversation? Because you know I don't like subtexts. They give me a headache." "Your a god. You don't get headaches." "Well I don't get subtexts either."

You know... I don't think this is what people generally mean when they say that food is "spiked"

Oh also, just the other day I received an awakened leaf blower from the night watcher with the command "Be completely useless" It excels at following that command. I would introduce you to it, but it it refuses to leave the garage to meet y'alls.

Granted. Your renown is... well... legendary. Anyway, as your bane, there is now a "sand witch" in the world who is tormenting you. Whenever you go outside, you are plagued by a large sand storm. I suppose it would be interesting to go to Antarctica and fill it with sand dunes... But its already a desert anyway so the satisfaction is limited. I wish for a rat with hemalurgic spikes.

Hm... It just occurred to me. Has anybody said elsecaller+hemalurgy yet? Because with those you could basically become a cosmere aware worldhopper with hemalurgy. So technically you would have access to all the cosmere powers with hemalurgy and worldhopping.

Well, I can at least have fun asking somebody to please go fetch me my leaf blower in the garage... Anyway, I recommend you make a wish before somebody assigns you an arbitrary bane.

But it never dies... So if I don't feed it, it won't starve... Anyway, granted. You always pull out the exact right sum of money from your pocket when you need to pay for something. Your bane is in the form of two slight caveats to this. First of all, this doesn't give you unlimited money, you are still drawing on available funds to yourself. If your bank is empty and you have no other liquid funds lying around, the ability stops working. Second of all... The money you pull out is always in dimes, nickels, and pennies. I wouldn't use this to buy a car. I suppose you could get a kick out of trolling some poor waiter though, if that's your thing. I wish for an awakened type IV leaf blower.