Kobold King

Vin 12 Wax 11 Kaladin 10 Shallan 10 Vasher 12 Nightblood 10 Galladon 10 Demoux 6 Leras 19 Tanavast 3 Cultivation 10 Skai 4 Aona 10 Endowment 8

Ooooh, I like that. Totally going into my next segment. It's either this this or Ka-ka-karow, which would be an uncomfortable nod to a certain fanfic.

Lightwards quietly raised the pair on the sidewalk, smiling as they clumsily stood up. He cast a glance towards the center of the street, where Nighthound was savagely attacking Funtimes' car. The feral Epic was slammed off of the car onto the street below, and the Catmobile morphed into a jet plane and flew over him. A low-flying jet in a suburb at night? Lightwards thought skeptically. Whose idea was that? But there was no time to think. Motioning for his new Warriors to follow, he hurried back to the hot pink combat vehicle. About two-thirds of the way there, the anti-aircraft gun started firing into the street, pink tracers showing exactly where heavy-caliber bullets tore through Nighthound's body and propelled him along the ground. Lightwards rapped on the side and demanded that the zombie let him in, scarcely heard over the sound of automatic gunfire. He gathered his Warriors of Light into the tank as he resumed control. He quickly asked for names and performed a headcount. There was the Regway family, of whom only Simon was currently available. The Ronson-Clarke family consisted of the elderly couple and their grandson, sitting placidly in the backseat. And the animal Warriors, Tartarus and the vulture Lightwards hadn't gotten around to naming. That made a total of six Warriors, not counting Alice Regway. Lightwards shined bright blue and orange spotlights over Nighthound's rapidly healing form. He took what seemed to be a microphone off the dashboard and began gloating through it. "Someone's not looking so well," his voice boomed over the street. "The great hound of the night, reduced to an unclothed form bleeding in the street. A shining example of what happens to those who oppose our new Empire. Care to give up now? Or shall we turn this street into a smoldering monument to your stupidity?"

I'm sure Funtimes could get you some hot pink prosthetic limbs, with built-in confetti launchers. Does anypony have an idea of what to name Lightwards' vulture?

Raoden 4 Vin 11 Wax 10 Kaladin 10 Shallan 10 Vasher 12 Nightblood 9 Galladon 10 Demoux 6 Leras 19 Tanavast 5 Cultivation 10 Skai 4 Aona 10 Endowment 8

Another question of curiosity set aside from the shipping and madness above: How long after Annexation Day does this take place? How many years prior to the events of Steelheart?

You fall into a Shardpool that just happened to be sitting at the bottom and become the most powerful being in the Cosmere (because of course, the Seventeenth Shard had just finished reassembling Adonalsium in that exact spot.)

Raoden 8 Vin 11 Wax 10 Kaladin 10 Shallan 10 Sarene 2 Vasher 12 Hoid 0 (Adieu, meddler) Nightblood 7 Galladon 10 Demoux 6 Leras 18 Tanavast 5 Cultivation 10 Skai 4 Aona 10 Endowment 8 And Hoid has been Hurt out in a shocking plot twist.

Calamity I love this game.

Raoden 8 Vin 11 Wax 10 Kaladin 10 Shallan 10 Sarene 2 Vasher 12 Hoid 4 Nightblood 7 Galladon 10 Demoux 7 Leras 16 Tanavast 5 Cultivation 10 Skai 4 Aona 10 Endowment 8 DESTROY EVIL

Lightwards' eyes grew wide at first as Funtimes rambled on about Q-type blood. Then he narrowed them, telling himself over and over that Funtimes couldn't possibly be as dumb as she made herself out to be. Maybe she acted stupid to put people off guard, or she was covering some kind of weakness. Those were the main reasons for all manner of strange Epic behavior. As the duo speeded off in their Catmobile, taking a Warrior with them, he solemnly performed the transfusion himself with Simon Regway standing dispassionately by the side of the tank. "I have no idea what's going on over there," he muttered angrily as the blood went into his veins. He yanked out the nail in his side, quickly glazing it in anti-septic and bandaging it with a piece of Simon's shirt. Suddenly, a green glowing piece of Funtimes' car came hurtling towards them, hitting Simon the zombie in the face and knocking him to the pavement with a splash of blood. Lightwards cursed before opening the side door and leaning out of the massive combat vehicle, touching the deceased Regway and restoring him to life. Nighthound's dogged persistence on destroying each of his Warriors had now left him with nobody but Simon and the vulture. Well, Mrs. Regway as well, but she was probably dressed as a clown and serving Funtimes pancakes in that deranged vehicle of theirs. Lightwards took a deep breath and stepped out of the tank. "You get in there, Simon," he commanded the newly risen Warrior. "Use the machine guns to eliminate Nighthound and his canines if you see them. I'll be back momentarily with more Warriors." Taking Simon's rifle, he moved through the darkness and touched Tartarus' dead carcass, bringing the dog back. Another quick touch restored the old man the Rottweiler had been dragging. "Get into that tank," he ordered quietly, sending them on their way. He himself moved to the other end of this sidewalk, where an elderly woman and a thirty year-old man lay still on the pavement, filled with their neighbor's bullet holes.

Their high fat content symbolizes Big Al's nagging worries and expression of self-doubt.

I believe it's obvious to everyone that Sausage McMuffins are a metaphor for unrequited love.

So I guess it's time for Lightwards' first blood transfusion. Also, TravelAl is totally a ship now.

The best part is that with the contraptions she's devised, she's both the Roadrunner and Acme.

Welcome! Also, a word of warning.

Raoden 8 Vin 11 Wax 10 Kaladin 11 Shallan 10 Sarene 8 Vasher 10 Hoid 4 Nightblood 12 Galladon 10 Demoux 7 Leras 14 Tanavast 5 Cultivation 10 Skai 8 Aona 10 Endowment 8 Rally to the defense of the awesome-est sword! Rally, I say!

Raoden 8 Vin 11 Wax 10 Kaladin 11 Shallan 10 Sarene 8 Vasher 10 Hoid 5 Nightblood 13 Galladon 10 Demoux 7 Leras 14 Tanavast 5 Cultivation 10 Skai 8 Aona 10 Endowment 8

But there's no point in worrying, I suppose. Best to simply move forwards with our plans--to spread devastation awesomeness across the city of Portland, Oregon and beyond.

It's not a good tiding. I'd like to believe I'd joined the game closer to its beginning than its end.

Raoden 8 Vin 11 Wax 10 Kaladin 11 Shallan 10 Sarene 8 Vasher 10 Hoid 5 Nightblood 15 Galladon 10 Demoux 7 Leras 13 Tanavast 7 Cultivation 10 Skai 8 Aona 10 Endowment 8 ---- Hurting Nightblood = evil. I will destroy evil.

My star charts say to trust bronies with names beginning with "Q" today, so I see no reason to doubt the validity of the above.

I'll admit, I carry little hostility towards the Herd (despite your abominable insistence on placing muffins before waffles on their menu.) Just... keep your members out of our kitchens, 'K?

Clearly it's time to appoint a new champion.

Bring it on. We have a waffle launcher.