Introducing The Stormlight Archive to My Wife, or: A Hilarious Series of Names

[Frustration]

4 minutes ago, I Am A Fish said:

This may still be my favorite topic on the shard.

But the Kalinar ship is just so wrong...

Agree.

Want to hijack the thread again?

Edited August 9, 2020 by Frustration

[I Am A Fish he/him]

Blub...

I am a fish,

And we all know it,

I am a Hijakboi,

And now I'll show it.

Edited August 9, 2020 by I Am A Fish

[Spren of Kindness she/her]

8 minutes ago, I Am A Fish said:

This may still be my favorite topic on the shard.

But the Kalinar ship is just so wrong...

I agree with you.

[I Am A Fish he/him]

Just now, Spren of Kindness said:

I agree with you.

Who doesn't?

[Frustration]

47 minutes ago, I Am A Fish said:

Who doesn't?

Tay apparently.

[Halyo_Alex he/him]

16 minutes ago, Frustration said:

Tay apparently.

*incoherent grumbling* Storming Voidbringer...

[I Am A Fish he/him]

1 hour ago, Frustration said:

Tay apparently.

Apparently so...

[Frustration]

So @I Am A Fish what do you think about Skeletonbois?

I think they should be called skelerocklobsterbois but that's just me.

[I Am A Fish he/him]

Nah, 

I'm thinking BigskellyBois 

[Spren of Kindness she/her]

How about Exoskeletonbois?

[Frustration]

I'm liking @I Am A Fish 's suggestion 

BigskellyBios have my vote.

[I Am A Fish he/him]

They could also be:

GrumpyRockBois

AnnoyedBoulderBois

RockySkellyBois

ChonkRockBois

 

Edited August 10, 2020 by I Am A Fish

[Frustration]

Oh I know

StronkskellyBois.

[Iarwainiel I she/her]

I vote for either BigSkellyBois or RockySkellyBois, and I defs vote against Kalinar -- ewwwww; plus that would be sad because Kaladin especially in WoR really needs Dalinar to be a leader and father figure; remember that part before the army departs and

Spoiler

Dalinar says "An apology is in order" and Kaladin's emotions are just churning and Dalinar says "Not you, son" - - that's the relationship that Kal needs now, IMO.

But Tay's reactions are just so off-the-wall, and that's what makes this thread so fun!

I am still SO eager for her to meet Lift! but that Interlude is a long way off.

Total respect for Tay and all other schoolteachers in these challenging times! and parents and children as well! They all need superpowers!

[Eluvianii he/him]

SpookyScarySkeleboys

 

 

 

I'll see myself to the exit.

[Spren of Kindness she/her]

15 minutes ago, Eluvianii said:

SpookyScarySkeleboys

 

 

 

I'll see myself to the exit.

I like it!

[Halyo_Alex he/him]

1 hour ago, Eluvianii said:

SpookyScarySkeleboys

 

 

 

I'll see myself to the exit.

take my upvote good sir!

[Going_North_cal]

On 8/15/2020 at 4:59 PM, Eluvianii said:

SpookyScarySkeleboys

 

OK I VOTE THIS AND STRONKSKELLYBOIS

[Goatbringer he/him]

Hello everyone!

We’re back for another instalment of Guardboi – we’ve gotten up to the middle of Part 3: Deadly. The last chapter we listened to is Shallan getting ready to go on her “How do you poop?” date with Adolin.

Here are some new names we learned in the past couple chapters:

Eshonai – Captain Parshendi
Venli – Captain Parshendi’s Sister
Rysn – Crippled Khaleesi (this came after I told her that Larkins are referred to as “Dragon Bugs” by Isaac and Brandon)

Here are some fun reactions:

*Adolin’s first duel, he’s sitting there talking to his Shardblade (like a good Radiant should!)*
TAY: Ungh. Of course Adolin talks to his Shardblade. He’s like a guy who kisses his knuckles before a fight.

This was just the beginning of Tay’s full-on Adolin hate that’s been going on in the past few chapters. I think it’s cause she likes Kaladin so much and Adolin is bullying her homeboy throughout most of Part 2. Tay insists that it isn’t because she loves Kaladin (which I still think she does), but rather because “Adolin reminds me of every pretty boy, rich, jock idiot I went to high school with!”

I just smile because Adolin and Kaladin become such homies and their friendship is one of the most delightful parts of the books for me.

--

*After falling asleep through Ym’s interlude*
TAY: So some geezer made a kid some shoes?
ME: Yeah and then he gets shanked by a guy with a Shardblade.
TAY: Should I care about this?
ME: Only if you want to know that some guy is going around serial killing budding Surgebinders.
TAY: I hope he kills Shallan next.

--

*Tay noticed all the weird stuff that Kaladin was noticing about Zahel and started asking me who he was*
TAY: Is he a bad guy? He sounds like a bad guy.
ME: No! He’s a good guy. One of the best guys, I think.
TAY: Oh, is this the one everyone keeps wanting me to meet?
ME: Who?
TAY: Lift? Is Zahel Lift?
ME: *laughter*

--

Shallan is crying in one scene: I look over at Tay and there’s a big, over-the-top eye roll.

--

*Shallan and Adolin meet*
TAY: They’re perfect for each other. I hate it.

--

Speaking of Shallan: Tay LOVES PATTERN. She thinks he’s easily the best character and will avidly listen and laugh whenever Pattern has some dialogue. This is real, you guys. Pattern may be the thing that actually makes Tay commit to the whole ten-book series. She has started co-opting “LIES” into her everyday conversation, and appreciates when Pattern attempts to deconstruct metaphors, as she does it frequently with her students. For example, last night Tay learned a new slang word from her students: drip. Apparently, drip, means having a nice, expensive, impressive thing. To have a Ferrari is to have a drip… or be drip? Or be drippin? Not quite sure. However, this realisation happened around the time where Shallan is explaining to Pattern how Nohadon is a ‘symmetrical’ name…

TAY: What!? No! I agree with Pattern! You can’t just say that a name is symmetrical when it’s not! Just like you can’t just say that ‘drip’ is cool now! A drip is a lame person! I’m so frustrated with language!

Tay now believes that Pattern is too good for Shallan and wants him to find a cooler Radiant to bond with. She put forward Lopen or Rock as suitable candidates to bond with Pattern.

--

TAY: Why is Shallan trying to help her brothers at this fair?
ME: She’s a good person!
TAY: No she’s not.

--

*Wit showed up at Middlefest and is asking if spren speak to Shallan*
TAY: So, this guy has come up to Shallan and has basically said “Yer a wizard, Harry.” Is that about right?

--

Then, the other night we had some Horneater Lager and decided to watch Inception. At one point (you know the scene I’m talking about), Tay turns to me and very quietly whispers, “Surgebinding, Chris!”

--

At one point, Tay pauses the reading and has a big old realisation – she is very much like Kaladin. I think she was a little annoyed with her quiz results (see above) that placed her in the Order of the Windrunners, but I think she’s very aptly placed. It was a scene where Kaladin is realising that he’s set a bit apart from Bridge Four and is feeling the weight of responsibility for all of these men who follow him. Yes, he’s set them free from their bondage under Sadeas, but he wants so badly to protect them, even though he knows that he’s not going to be able to protect all of them.

Tay has this same thing, from time to time. She often makes a joke that she must have a tattoo on her forehead (that’s some big Bridge Four energy there) that says “TELL ME ALL YOUR PROBLEMS” since most of her students choose to confide in her and ask for her help with their various personal problems and issues. She wants so badly to keep them safe and make sure nothing in this horrible world is going to hurt them, even though she knows that they’re all going to have to go out there, make their mistakes, and be hurt by them on their own.

That’s why I love these books so much – they’re not just full of awesome cinematic moments of mind-blowing fantasy, but they also provide characters that we can relate to on a host of different levels. Anyways, even though these posts are mostly happy-go-lucky laughing at reactions to characters and events, this one has ended on a somewhat sentimental note. Kind of reminds me, once again, that the journey is the most important part, and I’m having the time of my life listening to these books again with someone I love.

Keep safe, Cosmerenauts! Only 85 days to go!

--

PS: This interaction just happened before posting:

TAY: Hey are we going to find out all of the bad stuff Elhokar did or are we just going to take Rayse at his word?
ME: Rayse?
TAY: Yeah… that Lighteyes with the Shardblade who Moash introduced to Kaladin?
ME: Oh… Graves! That’s weird because Rayse is actually the real name of Odium.
TAY: …
ME: …
TAY: Spooky-spook.

[Frustration]

10 minutes ago, Goatbringer said:

*After falling asleep through Ym’s interlude*

 

TAY: So some geezer made a kid some shoes?
ME: Yeah and then he gets shanked by a guy with a Shardblade.
TAY: Should I care about this?
ME: Only if you want to know that some guy is going around serial killing budding Surgebinders.
TAY: I hope he kills Shallan next.

PS: This interaction just happened before posting:

 

TAY: Hey are we going to find out all of the bad stuff Elhokar did or are we just going to take Rayse at his word?
ME: Rayse?
TAY: Yeah… that Lighteyes with the Shardblade who Moash introduced to Kaladin?
ME: Oh… Graves! That’s weird because Rayse is actually the real name of Odium.
TAY: …
ME: …
TAY: Spooky-spook.

me to Tay, me to.

I was so scared we missed something and Odium has been influencing Alethi Politics.

 

[Bearer of all agonies he/him]

Yes! Thank you for this update! This is great. Give thy upvotes. 

38 minutes ago, Goatbringer said:

TAY: Ungh. Of course Adolin talks to his Shardblade. He’s like a guy who kisses his knuckles before a fight.

He does that, too. 

 

Edited August 24, 2020 by Bearer of all agonies

[Karger he/him]

10 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

Eshonai – Captain Parshendi

Is that like Captain America?

10 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

TAY: Ungh. Of course Adolin talks to his Shardblade. He’s like a guy who kisses his knuckles before a fight.

Do you think she will change her mind when she learns that Maya is an actual person?

10 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

TAY: Is he a bad guy? He sounds like a bad guy.

A good way to explain Zahel without going into details is that he is a guy who finished his tragic version of the heroic cycle many years ago and now sits around with his regrets, accomplishments and grumpiness.

10 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

She thinks he’s easily the best character

TRUTH!

10 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

ME: She’s a good person!

She also feels a sense of personal obligation that I find quite interesting.  Shallan's nature is to seek beauty both for its own sake and because she has chosen it as one of her life goals.  To a person in her situation beauty is the time when pain, not just her own, decreases. 

[king of nowhere]

10 hours ago, Goatbringer said:

. Tay insists that it isn’t because she loves Kaladin (which I still think she does), but rather because “Adolin reminds me of every pretty boy, rich, jock idiot I went to high school with!”

strange. adolin is one of the nices guys ever

[Iarwainiel I she/her]

@Goatbringer -

TAY: Lift? Is Zahel Lift?
ME: *laughter*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Tay, thank you SO much! I needed a good deep laugh today & you came through for me

Also - - if she likes Pattern, what will she think of Wyndle?!?

Thanks so much for sharing these with us Goatbringer! !

[Goatbringer he/him]

Well everyone – we got there! Last night, Tay and I finished Words of Radiance together! This book was a much quicker read than the Way of Kings and I think that in spite of Tay’s insistence that she’s only reading these books for me, she really seems interested and committed to the series. It’s super cool to see! Since I haven’t posted since the end of part 3, this is going to be a longish post. However, I assume if you’ve been sticking around and reading these posts since I started this topic all the way back in March, you’re fine with a big dump of reactions.

Before I go into the reactions to everything, this general reaction happened yesterday:

TAY: Have there been other reactions to your thread on Mind Readers?
ME: No not for a while.
TAY: You’re not writing my reactions funnily enough.

Anyways, here goes!

--

*Lift interlude*
TAY: This is it? This is the character that everyone loves? Does she have any other scenes in this book?
ME: No, but she has a novella between this book and the next?
TAY: I’m not sure I get the hype.
ME: She’s just too awesome for you.
TAY: I’m also unsure that Brandon Sanderson has ever met a 13-year-old girl.
ME: Again – she’s too awesome to be a regular 13-year-old.

--

*Lhan interlude*
TAY: I don’t like interludes.
ME: We can skip this one if you like. Not much happens.
TAY: What happens?
ME: A priest angers the queen of Alethkar, gets executed, and starts city-wide riots.
TAY: *sighs* Yeah that sounds pretty metal. Let’s do it.

--

There was a stretch of time where Tay and I just literally sat there, zoned out, and listened to the book for like four hours. When I quizzed her the next day, she had two new nicknames:

SHADOWFIENDS – Formerly Rock Lobsters, this is what Tay called Chasmfiends. I kind of like Shadowfiends as a name for, like, chasmfiends that have been inhabited by Voidspren like Thunderclasts. How frickin badass does that sound?

SHADOWBLOODS – This is the Ghostbloods. I think that Tay’s inherent love for Wheel of Time was seeping through in her retelling here, as there is a pretty prevalent use of “shadow” as a prefix for anything that is bad in Randland.

--

I just wanted to comment on her lack of reaction to a particular scene. I, like many of you I’m sure also, cringe horribly when Kaladin says “AND FOR MY BOON…”. Tay, weirdly, didn’t react at all. When I asked her about it, she literally just said “It’s what I would have done. Screw Amaram.” Further evidence that Tay is Kaladin.

--

*various reactions to Pattern*
“Heh. What a guy.”
“I could listen to Pattern explaining sex jokes all day.”
“This dude is the real MVP.”

--

*Shalladin happening in the chasms*
TAY: They’re perfect for each other. They’re both colossal pains in the butt.
ME: Yes! Finally someone agrees with me with Shalladin!

--

*Kaladin is in the mouth of the Rock Lobster and says “I’m eternally grateful”*
TAY: *laughs uproariously*

--

*Shallan is strangling her father while singing him to sleep with the lullaby*
TAY: Okay, I like how badass she is – but the singing is a little melodramatic for me.

--

*Context: we both have asthma*
TAY: Whenever I need to use my inhaler I’m referring to it as sucking in Stormlight.
ME: I’m absolutely here for this.

--

*Dalinar confronting Amaram*
TAY: Yes! Go Dadinar! Protect your adopted son!

--

In full disclosure, I have had to try to explain where the honorblades fit into the magic system like three times to Tay. By her own admission, she fully doesn’t understand it. However, she definitely understands the Orders of KR and gets that with each Ideal they speak, they kind of power up. At this point in the book, she was kind of getting that Kaladin had to say his next Ideal, but was confused when I referred to it as the Third Ideal.

TAY: Third Ideal? Hasn’t he just said one?
ME: No, he’s said two – remember “I will protect those who cannot protect themselves” is the second Ideal for the Windrunners. The First Ideal is the same for all Radiants – “Life before death. Strength before weakness-
TAY: “Crem before cremlings.” Yep. Got it.

--

*Szeth lashes Dalinar into the air*
TAY: “I’m Kaladin! Come to save you on my chariot of winds! *air horn noises*

--

*Dalinar is floating down thanks to Radiant Kaladin*
TAY: I can show you the wooooorld!

--

*Kaladin says “The winds are mine!”*
TAY: I hate that. So cringey.
ME: Cringey!? Okay let’s imagine you’re Kaladin – you’ve been depressed, torn up by your conflicting emotions, beat up, and finally got your powers back. You’ve been thinking about some badass line all the way to Narak to fight Szeth – what would you come up with?
TAY: Well I cover up my depression with being funny. Maybe I’d let Dalinar float down and say “did you drop this?”
ME: I think you’d just show up and do a dab, say "YEET" and then fight Szeth.
TAY: That’s probably exactly what I’d do.

--

We then discussed the nature of cringeyness in books like this – we realized that I really appreciate over-the-top badass lines, but Tay loves cutting tension with sarcastic comments. She said that if she had Radiant powers, she’d probably be more like Deadpool in her interactions than Batman.

--

*Szeth constantly repeats his name*
TAY: “I am Szeth-son-son-son-Dadanndo!” Ungh. I hate Szeth. He’s my least favourite character now.
*Tay then spends the next few hours referring to one of our cats as “Flam-son-son-son-Dadanndo”*

--

*Szeth and Kaladin fight each other in the air*
TAY: Pew pew pew pew!

--

*Syl changes from a Blade to a Shardspear*
TAY: OOOOOH! So cool! SYL YOU THE REAL MVP!

--

*Shallan tells the scholars to bind and gag Renarin to shut him up as she’s trying to work the Oathgate*
TAY: Mood. *pauses* Alright… I think I’m starting to like Shallan more now.

--

Just a little poetic synchronicity happening at this point – because we live in South Africa, our seasons are inverted from the northern hemisphere. We have summer in December and January and winter in July and August, etc. In Johannesburg, we’re a landlocked city at altitude and thus we have incredibly dry winters in comparison to summer where we have big storms every few days. Point is – since it’s the end of summer we haven’t had a proper rainstorm since, like, May. The day that we finished Words of Radiance we had the first proper thunderstorm in Johannesburg for months.

It was so cool and fitting.

--

*Shallan says she hates Pattern since she used him to kill her mother*
TAY: You take that back!

--

Not really a fun reaction, but Tay loved that Lopen could suck in Stormlight. I found it weird because I really didn't like Lopen all that much, but I immediately liked Lift. Tay seems to have the inverse reaction to mine. 

--

Tay’s reaction to Sadeas’ murder at the hands of Adolin deserves its own paragraph. When it happened, Tay audibly gasped, then clapped like the opening theme song from Friends, then proceeded to get me to pause the audiobook. She then became Adolin’s hype-man for like twenty minutes as she digested the scene. She absolutely loved that Adolin did it – she was sure that when he was saying “Unfortunately for you, I’m not as good a man as my father”, he was going to slide the knife away and say something like “Stay away from my family” and had an eye-roll primed and ready. When Adolin actually killed him, she was so surprised and happy.

She then asked me to rewind the scene and play it again so that she could savour the death scene again. Sometimes I worry that my wife enjoys these murder scenes so much, but then again, I listen compulsively to podcasts about serial killers and unsolved murders, so I guess we’re evenly macabre.

Long story short – she likes Adolin now, or at least has a hell of a lot more respect for him.

--

As the last scene involved Dalinar, Shallan, Kaladin, and Renarin talking about which Order they belonged to, Tay decided to take a shot at naming them all. I’m going to try to recreate her thought process completely:

TAY: Yeah, I can name them. I’ve been listening to two of these books now. I’m sure I can do it.
WINDBREAKERS
SKYDANCERS
DUSTSLINGERS
Wait. Wait… Oath…. Is there something with oaths?

ME: Nope.

TAY: I thought Oathbreakers was one.
WATERWEAVERS. I don’t know, what other things are there? Oh oh oh! Farmers! They can grow things! Let’s call them… SOIL ENCOURAGERS! You’re not helping me by telling me what the other elements are.

ME: None of these are correct.

TAY: Um. FIRE? I’m thinking about Earth Wind and Fire. You know? Like September? *sings September by Earth Wind and Fire.* Okay so FIREMAKERS. Oooh ohh! LIGHTSPINNERS. Then the DARKDOERS. STORM…. Ssssssssssssss *making a hissing noise*. I’m thinking of another word! Something that arbitrarily seems to do with motion. STORMSNAPPERS.  

ME: That’s nine. What’s number ten?

TAY: JAZZ HANDS.

*Laughter ensues*

ME: “I’m Dalinar Kholin! Order of the Jazz Hands! Give Odium the ol’ Razzle Dazzle!”

--

There you have it, Radiants. Your ten orders of knights: Windbreakers, Skydancers, Dustslingers, Waterweavers, Soilencouragers, Firemakers, Lightspinners, Darkdoers, Stormsnappers, and Jazz Hands.

Not sure when we’ll pick back up and do Edgedancer or Oathbringer, but we’ll give you an update when that happens!

Until then –

Crem before cremlings.

Edited September 3, 2020 by Goatbringer